Should be at work now (night shift) how could i go to work and leave my baby home alone on valentines day. j's gone to bed now up with kids at 7 this morning she let me sleep till 12 so i'm wide awake anyway point of this thread. wanted to spend all of valentines day with my wife wont get me any brownie points at work so i need your excuses for skiving off work. these excuses have got to be believable but unusual at the same time cos chances are ive already used them. exotic 24 hour ilnesses are fine, car problems are not ive used it so many times that anybody else would have a new car by now cheers Gxx
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Excuses Excuses
'My cat unplugged my alarm clock'
'I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial'
'My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser'
'A hitman was looking for me'
'I was spit on by a venomous snake'
'I forgot to come back to work after lunch'
'I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious'
'My bus broke down and was held up by robbers'
'I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity'
But the winner goes to - 'I was sprayed by a skunk'.
We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.
The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with! a "fight or flight" syndrome.
Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.... .and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!
'I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial'
'My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser'
'A hitman was looking for me'
'I was spit on by a venomous snake'
'I forgot to come back to work after lunch'
'I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious'
'My bus broke down and was held up by robbers'
'I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity'
But the winner goes to - 'I was sprayed by a skunk'.
We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.
The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with! a "fight or flight" syndrome.
Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.... .and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!
Throwing a Sickie
ISBN:
By: Jones, Tim
Publisher: Boxtree
Our Price:
Ever woken up in the morning and wished you didn't have to go to work, but your head is just empty of good excuses that your boss will actually believe, or better yet, let you take the week off? Well fear not, as Throwing a Sickie is here to help. From the sincere, to the sobbing, the outlandish to the extreme, this tomb of wisdom on the art of deceiving the boss will help you find an excuse for getting the day off. So if you've had a heavy night and fancy a lie-in, want to put off that deadline or skip that meeting, Throwing a Sickie will become an indispensable tool. A must have purchase for the work jaded and the work shy.
For Pricing and Availability Click Here
Static Book Details Page - Click Here to go to BookFellas Book Store Home Page
I'm so buying this book!
ISBN:
By: Jones, Tim
Publisher: Boxtree
Our Price:
Ever woken up in the morning and wished you didn't have to go to work, but your head is just empty of good excuses that your boss will actually believe, or better yet, let you take the week off? Well fear not, as Throwing a Sickie is here to help. From the sincere, to the sobbing, the outlandish to the extreme, this tomb of wisdom on the art of deceiving the boss will help you find an excuse for getting the day off. So if you've had a heavy night and fancy a lie-in, want to put off that deadline or skip that meeting, Throwing a Sickie will become an indispensable tool. A must have purchase for the work jaded and the work shy.
For Pricing and Availability Click Here
Static Book Details Page - Click Here to go to BookFellas Book Store Home Page
I'm so buying this book!
Quote by Milk & Water
Brilliant not your cock getting shreaded by the cat the whole story had me in stiches not laughed as hard as that for ages:D :D :D :D :D :D
I did copy & paste that story :shock: & I don't have a "cock" even though Vix reckons i do :shock: :shock: :shock:
It's my arm honest :shock:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: 
Quote by lilacgem
Brilliant not your cock getting shreaded by the cat the whole story had me in stiches not laughed as hard as that for ages
I did copy & paste that story :shock: & I don't have a "cock" even though Vix reckons i do :shock: :shock: :shock:
It's my arm honest :shock: It does look a bit like a cock arse is too nice a shape to be a bloke though :D
but thanx
Master of Sex
i believe you but just in case it is a cock it still looks lovely to me
