TimmyBoy says, "My elbow hurts like hell. I better see a doctor. "
"Listen, don't waste time," said Forza "There's a diagnostic computer
down at Asda. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you
what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs
five pounds. . . a lot quicker and better than a doctor. "
So TimmyBoy deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Asda.
He deposits five pounds, and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis
elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will
improve in two weeks"
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was,
TimmyBoy began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some
tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. He then
hurries
back to Asda, eager to check the results. He deposits five pounds, pours
in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the
following:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better. and thank you for shopping at Asda.
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Fab New Machine At Asda
Sexpert
oh my god so funny! ive heard it before but it cracks me up everytime :P
Its a cracker!!!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: Quote by JudyTV
Listen I dont mean to sound bitchy and I dont run this site but why dont you try putting all your jokes in the one thread instead of cluttering up the forum by putting a new thread in for every joke.
Just a suggestion
Miz_naughty.........2005 post in 4 weeks gives you the answer, it says it all really honey :P
. You just ain't going to stop him, its half term 
. Just kidding.Judy
I think you'll find that 2005 is the year and 58 is the number of posts!!
:roll: :roll: :wink: 
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote by lil_miz_naughty_0204
Listen I dont mean to sound bitchy and I dont run this site but why dont you try putting all your jokes in the one thread instead of cluttering up the forum by putting a new thread in for every joke.
Just a suggestion
just like the poem thread!!!!
also not being bitchy. but this jokes as been featured a few times on here
Jiggle
Quote by JudyTV
Listen I dont mean to sound bitchy and I dont run this site but why dont you try putting all your jokes in the one thread instead of cluttering up the forum by putting a new thread in for every joke.
Just a suggestion
Miz_naughty.........2005 post in 4 weeks gives you the answer, it says it all really honey :P
. You just ain't going to stop him, its half term . Just kidding.Judy
I think you'll find that 2005 is the year and 58 is the number of posts!!
:roll: :roll: :wink: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:I was being facetious Sarge ..........my humour like my underwear is wasted on you. I will sort you out on the 26th Feb :P :wink: . Anyway you owe me a shag and by the way that cheque you gave me last time bounced and the rent is due on the love nest........... :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: ......... :P .......but I still love you. Now go and get the wine and oysters.
Judy
:shock: :shock: :shock: I told you not to mention the Love Nest!!
:smackbottom: :smackbottom: :smackbottom: :wink: Quote by jiggle
Listen I dont mean to sound bitchy and I dont run this site but why dont you try putting all your jokes in the one thread instead of cluttering up the forum by putting a new thread in for every joke.
Just a suggestion
just like the poem thread!!!!
also not being bitchy. but this jokes as been featured a few times on here
Jiggle
I PM'd him to ask him to stop spamming the site with copied and pasted internet jokes and received the following reply:
Ok keep your nickers on,no need to be so bloody obnoxious,.
He won't be cluttering the place any more!! :shock:
:roll: :roll: 
Sex God
Nice one Sarge
Quote by Sgt Bilko
Listen I dont mean to sound bitchy and I dont run this site but why dont you try putting all your jokes in the one thread instead of cluttering up the forum by putting a new thread in for every joke.
Just a suggestion
just like the poem thread!!!!
also not being bitchy. but this jokes as been featured a few times on here
Jiggle
I PM'd him to ask him to stop spamming the site with copied and pasted internet jokes and received the following reply:
Ok keep your nickers on,no need to be so bloody obnoxious,.
He won't be cluttering the place any more!! :shock:
:roll: :roll: i think everyone should remember this when they question Stg. autortity!
the Stg is boss... well unless Dawn , Blue or jags oh & missy is a round!!! lol
Jiggle
Quote by JudyTV
Listen I dont mean to sound bitchy and I dont run this site but why dont you try putting all your jokes in the one thread instead of cluttering up the forum by putting a new thread in for every joke.
Just a suggestion
just like the poem thread!!!!
also not being bitchy. but this jokes as been featured a few times on here
Jiggle
I PM'd him to ask him to stop spamming the site with copied and pasted internet jokes and received the following reply:
Ok keep your nickers on,no need to be so bloody obnoxious,.
He won't be cluttering the place any more!! :shock:
:roll: :roll: He obviuosly knows what you and me get up to then :roll: . :P
Judy................I can ruin anyones reputaion in no time at all
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: 