I am not retracting anything I said in the first post because it was exactly how I feel.
However, I will apologise to those who seem to think it was about them. The chances are, the people that it may be relevant to won't even consider that it might be them 'cos they're that far up their own arses!
Anyway, I've said enough. Sorry if I've upset anyone but I know I'm not alone in what I believe.
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Fair weather friends
better?
Quote by Marya
I am not retracting anything I said in the first post because it was exactly how I feel.
However, I will apologise to those who seem to think it was about them. The chances are, the people that it may be relevant to won't even consider that it might be them 'cos they're that far up their own arses!
Anyway, I've said enough. Sorry if I've upset anyone but I know I'm not alone in what I believe.
Dont retract it - it is only natural to be suspicious of peoples intentions
Sexpert
Ice, I would agree with many of the comments along the lines of Johnneuk1 "fairweather friends come out in the sun, but not in the rain" though all that does is give you a snapshot of your friendship status.
True friendships evolve. I have 3 who I would class as "best mates" who are there whatever the weather. I also have about 10 who are on the outer circle who have not yet,and may never penetrate my inner ring...ahem. Of the 3, 1 of them I would never have dreamt of as being a true friend just 5 years other 2 are there almost via "grandfather rights" but luvs `em all the same.
To me, this means that you can`t predict who will and who wont end up being a true you wont know if you`re being used until the proverbial storm sadly.
If your question was in reference to SH then I couldn`t advice as I/we haven`t made any true friends here and I guess our cynicism regarding any hidden agenda is an obstruction. Then again friendships aren`t really planned affairs and Im certain they can grow from any situation.
True friendships evolve. I have 3 who I would class as "best mates" who are there whatever the weather. I also have about 10 who are on the outer circle who have not yet,and may never penetrate my inner ring...ahem. Of the 3, 1 of them I would never have dreamt of as being a true friend just 5 years other 2 are there almost via "grandfather rights" but luvs `em all the same.
To me, this means that you can`t predict who will and who wont end up being a true you wont know if you`re being used until the proverbial storm sadly.
If your question was in reference to SH then I couldn`t advice as I/we haven`t made any true friends here and I guess our cynicism regarding any hidden agenda is an obstruction. Then again friendships aren`t really planned affairs and Im certain they can grow from any situation.
Good topic Ice.
Can you have some precognisance (spelling?) about who will or will not be a friend? Absolutely not. You can have no idea. You meet someone and get on well but you cannot tell what will come down the line later.
My philosphy is that I will trust someone , because I have no reason not to , and then if they turn out to be shits then they are permanently off my list.
There is an old adage that if you can count your true friends on the fingers of one hand then you are lying. I certainly believe that this holds true. I probably have three really true and close friends - these are the people that you can trust with anything, A rare breed indeed.
I have been seriously burnt by 'friends' in the past.. Those that I have helped out in times of crisis , usually financial.. Oh well you live and learn.
Sorry if I made no sense but am drugged up with painkillers as I managed to pop a rib ligament (well I think I did) today and am in absolute agony..
Paul
Can you have some precognisance (spelling?) about who will or will not be a friend? Absolutely not. You can have no idea. You meet someone and get on well but you cannot tell what will come down the line later.
My philosphy is that I will trust someone , because I have no reason not to , and then if they turn out to be shits then they are permanently off my list.
There is an old adage that if you can count your true friends on the fingers of one hand then you are lying. I certainly believe that this holds true. I probably have three really true and close friends - these are the people that you can trust with anything, A rare breed indeed.
I have been seriously burnt by 'friends' in the past.. Those that I have helped out in times of crisis , usually financial.. Oh well you live and learn.
Sorry if I made no sense but am drugged up with painkillers as I managed to pop a rib ligament (well I think I did) today and am in absolute agony..
Paul
I agree that sadly it is impossible to predict who will ultimately become a true friend. My trust has been betrayed on a number of occassions and it would be easy to just not trust anyone at all. But I have found true friendship in the most unlikely places and so I prefer to stay optimistic and at least give people a chance.
I think you have to be open minded and asume that sadly a lot of people are in life purely for themselves. Trust and friendship has to be earned and once it has I think you find those people tend to be the ones you class as friends. Thats not to say you can have a great time with people that don;t ultimately earn the tag of friendship. I think you just have to accept people for what they are untill the trust is earn't.
I think you have to be open minded and asume that sadly a lot of people are in life purely for themselves. Trust and friendship has to be earned and once it has I think you find those people tend to be the ones you class as friends. Thats not to say you can have a great time with people that don;t ultimately earn the tag of friendship. I think you just have to accept people for what they are untill the trust is earn't.
Sex God
i have had a lot of people stab me in the back in the past.. after i have done all i can for them.. but i guess thats life and happens to us all. 
i refuse to let them make me suspicious of new people i meet, and i wont allow them to have a negative effect on any future friendships i may have.
like most people have said.. i know a lot of people.. but there are very few who i would open myself up to fully.
some of my closest mates have been through very rough times in life and i have always been there for them, i have expected and accepted them being selfish in the way that they can only think about themselves - AT THE TIME OF THE PROBLEM (as they have with me during my crisis times).
when this "me me me" attitude carries on throughout the whole of the friendship then it is a different story and to be honest it is the reason that some people are now refered to as my former friends!
i refuse to let them make me suspicious of new people i meet, and i wont allow them to have a negative effect on any future friendships i may have.
like most people have said.. i know a lot of people.. but there are very few who i would open myself up to fully.
some of my closest mates have been through very rough times in life and i have always been there for them, i have expected and accepted them being selfish in the way that they can only think about themselves - AT THE TIME OF THE PROBLEM (as they have with me during my crisis times).
when this "me me me" attitude carries on throughout the whole of the friendship then it is a different story and to be honest it is the reason that some people are now refered to as my former friends!
Quote by Marya
I am not retracting anything I said in the first post because it was exactly how I feel.
However, I will apologise to those who seem to think it was about them. The chances are, the people that it may be relevant to won't even consider that it might be them 'cos they're that far up their own arses!
Anyway, I've said enough. Sorry if I've upset anyone but I know I'm not alone in what I believe.
I thought it was a good, honest post... on a very interesting thread, so credit to Ice Pie as well.
My Mum has always said that I am very loyal to my friends. I am still in touch with people that I have shared accomodation with, or been close pals with, from years ago. There is one lad with whom I have not spoken for some years, but I know that if we met it would be like we last saw each other the day before.
I really value my friends, sometimes too much in the past which means I get a bit too intense about it
. I have lots of friends in different spheres of life, such as swinging, one or two hobbies, or that I know through my family. However I don't have any friends at the moment with whom I can... pop down to my local for a beer with on a regular basis... if you know what I mean.If I chat to a woman at a munch or online through SH, & I get along with that person, I tend to view them as a friend, & don't expect to have sex with them (although if it happens of course...
). I would consider them in the same way that I do the blokes that I've talked to. It is then sometimes frustrating when I realise someone thinks that I'm trying to get off with them, when really I am not :roll: .Bloody hell, what a long boring ramble :shock: .
why so glum and depressing everyone? Surely if you have friends you should be rejoicing in that fact, wether it be RL or SH.
Of course some people you think are friends are going to let you down thats life, but personally i never expect anything from my friends wether they be long term friends or
those that are friends for a short while, I'm there for my friends because i want to be
not because of what they can do for friends carnt be there for you sometimes
due to a crisis of their own doesnt make them any less a friend.
Can you tell if someone is going to be a friend before they are one ? of course not lol
Can you tell if someone wants to be your friend because they want to get in your knickers? of course you can
Can you tell if someone is going to be your friend always and forever? nope, people change, people move on
but the main thing to remember is, good friends, wether they be past or present short or long term add to you life.
One last thing, for those lucky enough to have an extra special friend they will leave a footprint on your heart forever.
love candyfloss xxxxxxxxxxxx
ps I know i dont post very often (understatement) lol but glad I did.
Of course some people you think are friends are going to let you down thats life, but personally i never expect anything from my friends wether they be long term friends or
those that are friends for a short while, I'm there for my friends because i want to be
not because of what they can do for friends carnt be there for you sometimes
due to a crisis of their own doesnt make them any less a friend.
Can you tell if someone is going to be a friend before they are one ? of course not lol
Can you tell if someone wants to be your friend because they want to get in your knickers? of course you can
Can you tell if someone is going to be your friend always and forever? nope, people change, people move on
but the main thing to remember is, good friends, wether they be past or present short or long term add to you life.
One last thing, for those lucky enough to have an extra special friend they will leave a footprint on your heart forever.
love candyfloss xxxxxxxxxxxx
ps I know i dont post very often (understatement) lol but glad I did.
Sex God
I'm stunned by the number of calls, PMs, emails I've had from people asking "Is it me?"
God bless you my friends, I didn't mean to make any of you feel I don't appreciate you, and to all those who have expressed concern I say this: I've never done anything for you that you wouldn't do for me, so please stop fretting. Love to all.
Ice xxx
God bless you my friends, I didn't mean to make any of you feel I don't appreciate you, and to all those who have expressed concern I say this: I've never done anything for you that you wouldn't do for me, so please stop fretting. Love to all.
Ice xxx
Sex God
Wow, what a lovely and thought provokiing thread!
Ive been having a crisis of identity lately, having had a rough 10yrs or so with bereavements, post natal depression, and just lifes ups and downs, some of the most painful moments have been when childhood friends have just dumped on us from a great height. I gave them my all, my home, my money, my heart and yet they treated us like shit, leaving us with their debts and a shattered family life.
This has left me battered and i now find myself suspicious, questioning and sometimes jealous of new friends. I refuse to be beaten and let them carve my future path, and have made one truely precious friend through swinging.
Friend....thats a word thats used too easily i think, as my precious friend says, he says he has transient friends, ppl that are friends now but not ppl that will remain in his life for ever, and good friends such as myself and counts me as one of his top 5 friends, despite my low self esteem. But thats true friendship, seeing through any problems to see the person undeneath, whatever the weather. He tells me he is going to bitch slap me for being so bloody soft :shock:
Anyway, a sayiing in a book said something like, be slow in choosing good friends, and even slower in removing them. Something like that anyway
Ive been having a crisis of identity lately, having had a rough 10yrs or so with bereavements, post natal depression, and just lifes ups and downs, some of the most painful moments have been when childhood friends have just dumped on us from a great height. I gave them my all, my home, my money, my heart and yet they treated us like shit, leaving us with their debts and a shattered family life.
This has left me battered and i now find myself suspicious, questioning and sometimes jealous of new friends. I refuse to be beaten and let them carve my future path, and have made one truely precious friend through swinging.
Friend....thats a word thats used too easily i think, as my precious friend says, he says he has transient friends, ppl that are friends now but not ppl that will remain in his life for ever, and good friends such as myself and counts me as one of his top 5 friends, despite my low self esteem. But thats true friendship, seeing through any problems to see the person undeneath, whatever the weather. He tells me he is going to bitch slap me for being so bloody soft :shock:
Anyway, a sayiing in a book said something like, be slow in choosing good friends, and even slower in removing them. Something like that anyway
Thanks Ice Pie for starting this thread.
It's made me realise that yes, my true friends are few and far between. And yes, I have mates and aquantances, but my real friends I could truly count on one hand, if that. So to those few friends I'd like to say, to me you are true.
Friendship can grow deeper than any family bond. And I've been more than blesses with friendship deeper than that.
But I'm not surrounded by close family or friends nor do I have the support network you hear so much about. Yet the few friends I do have I could wager my life on. And that's what makes them irreplaceble, unsacrificable true best friends. And for them few I am blesses.
It's made me realise that yes, my true friends are few and far between. And yes, I have mates and aquantances, but my real friends I could truly count on one hand, if that. So to those few friends I'd like to say, to me you are true.
Friendship can grow deeper than any family bond. And I've been more than blesses with friendship deeper than that.
But I'm not surrounded by close family or friends nor do I have the support network you hear so much about. Yet the few friends I do have I could wager my life on. And that's what makes them irreplaceble, unsacrificable true best friends. And for them few I am blesses.
Real friends are:-
those who are always there for you no matter what
:lol: those who respect you and your choices in life
:lol: those who are there for you when your laughing & even more so when your crying
:lol: those who give you friendship and expect nothing back in return
:lol: those who give you friendship and dont have hidden agendas
:lol: those who stick by you even when your making the biggest mistake of your life
It is hard to extricate those who are posing as a friend and those who are genuine. My only advice to you is tread carefully and dont reveal alot about yourself in the early stages of friendship. True friends will stand the test of time.
Take care hun
those who are always there for you no matter what:lol: those who respect you and your choices in life
:lol: those who are there for you when your laughing & even more so when your crying
:lol: those who give you friendship and expect nothing back in return
:lol: those who give you friendship and dont have hidden agendas
:lol: those who stick by you even when your making the biggest mistake of your life
It is hard to extricate those who are posing as a friend and those who are genuine. My only advice to you is tread carefully and dont reveal alot about yourself in the early stages of friendship. True friends will stand the test of time.
Take care hun
Warming the Bed
I used to have a good friend who turned into a bit of a user. I dont know why this happened, it just got to the stage where he only rang when he wanted a favour.
All people are different. Theres the people who you know you can rely on, and the people who you'd never ask if you needed help because you know they'd lt you down.
It's one of the worst feelings, when you're in a fix and you need help and a 'friend' isnt there for you.
I used to always give people the benefit of the doubt, although I'm a little less tolerant lately. I know who my true friends are - but I have been 'unpleasantly surprised' in the past by friends who have changed to be just out for themselves.
All people are different. Theres the people who you know you can rely on, and the people who you'd never ask if you needed help because you know they'd lt you down.
It's one of the worst feelings, when you're in a fix and you need help and a 'friend' isnt there for you.
I used to always give people the benefit of the doubt, although I'm a little less tolerant lately. I know who my true friends are - but I have been 'unpleasantly surprised' in the past by friends who have changed to be just out for themselves.
I suppose it depends very much upon a personal character. Some people find indepth relationships with friends more rewarding than others. I have friends who are content to have more genuine relationships with thier partners only, and they are the people who are less likely to be stung when a friend turns out to be `fair weather`. There are those, like me, who tend to prefer indepth friendships outside of a partnership. It opens us up to burnt fingers, but it`s a risk I`m prepared to take if I`m to have the rewarding social life I deserve. Unfortunately there is now way to know until proof comes to the pudding, unless a person is naturally perceptive.
Venusxxx
Venusxxx
Yeah hindsight is a wonderful thing!
It goes hand in hand with the saying that only the good and die young and only the good get screwed over.
But going in line with this thread i have only a couple of real friends i generally tend to tell people what i think that they should know about me and see what happens from there. If they are real enough then i will trust them with even more stuff.
It goes hand in hand with the saying that only the good and die young and only the good get screwed over.
But going in line with this thread i have only a couple of real friends i generally tend to tell people what i think that they should know about me and see what happens from there. If they are real enough then i will trust them with even more stuff.
Sex God
I have just found this thread and feel all sentimental about the people I knwo I can call my friend. They know just who they are. 
Thanks for helping me though tough times, stars the little lot of you!
Aquaintances come and go........ I tend to see swining more in this kind of domain. I have a long standing set of fair weather friends whom I know will bolt at the slightest sniff of any boat rocking.............. another set of friends whom went away to uni and I dont see that often, but we know we are in each others thoughts and would trust the other with our lives.
As for spotting a fake friend or a user........... very difficult to know, especially over the internet.
Thanks for helping me though tough times, stars the little lot of you!
Aquaintances come and go........ I tend to see swining more in this kind of domain. I have a long standing set of fair weather friends whom I know will bolt at the slightest sniff of any boat rocking.............. another set of friends whom went away to uni and I dont see that often, but we know we are in each others thoughts and would trust the other with our lives.
As for spotting a fake friend or a user........... very difficult to know, especially over the internet.
Sexpert
Diverting this thread a little, I wonder how people view the number and quality of friends they consider they have when related to their general happiness and overall outlook on life.
Me, I'm as cynical and untrusting (but hopefully not bitter) as they come - years of seeing how family etc were shafted because they were too trusting has made me very wary of people and motives and so I would say I have perhaps only 3 friends that I could trust with absolutely anything. As a plus point, it means I'm very independent though!
As an aside, it's a miracle that I ever got married and relied on someone else (but my cynical side now kicks in and reminds me it ended in a messy divorce
).
Since childhood I've always started from the safe, dull premise that people are after something and it has indeed caused me to miss out on occasion, but I can rationalise that as being better than a possible disappointment. Being let down really p****s me off - probably because I would do everything in my power to help those people who I view as true friends.
Does all this make sense?
Ant.
Me, I'm as cynical and untrusting (but hopefully not bitter) as they come - years of seeing how family etc were shafted because they were too trusting has made me very wary of people and motives and so I would say I have perhaps only 3 friends that I could trust with absolutely anything. As a plus point, it means I'm very independent though!
As an aside, it's a miracle that I ever got married and relied on someone else (but my cynical side now kicks in and reminds me it ended in a messy divorce
).Since childhood I've always started from the safe, dull premise that people are after something and it has indeed caused me to miss out on occasion, but I can rationalise that as being better than a possible disappointment. Being let down really p****s me off
- probably because I would do everything in my power to help those people who I view as true friends.Does all this make sense?
Ant.
Warming the Bed
They'll hurt you and desert you
They'll take your soul if you let them ......Ah but don't you let thm!
They'll take your soul if you let them ......Ah but don't you let thm!
I have 5 of the most excellent friends ever! They were the ones who offered to run my kids everywhere when I couldn't drive because of chemo, they are the ones who cancelled going out to stay in with me while I was being violently sick, They were the ones who helped me plan my funeral with laughs and tears and they are the true friends who stuck by me in my darkest hours.
I feel incredibility lucky not only to know these people but to be able to call them my friends.
I feel incredibility lucky not only to know these people but to be able to call them my friends.
