"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgemental, where, of course, men are just grateful"
Robert de Niro
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's gentials through his wallet"
Robin Williams
"You know'that look' women get when they want sex ?
Me neither"
Steve Martin
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand"
Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night"
Rodney Dangerfield
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope"
George Burns
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading"
Steve Jobs (Apple Computers)
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch"
Jack Nicholson
"Women need a reason to have sex, Men just need a place"
Billy Crystal
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time"
Robin Williams
Any other good ones out there ?
"You can lead a horse to water, but it doesn't make it a duck"
Bruce Willis, Moonlighting
"Stop doing that before you have someones eye out!" - My mum.
Ive posted these on SH before but they are great so worth a second airing.
From Lee Travino (golfer) He has some great quotes
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
My wife doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I don't have a good time.
People say I am a lucky golfer but the more I practice the luckier I get.
You can lead a ahorse to water but a pencil must be lead- Stan Laurel
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana- Groucho Markz
I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way. -- Jessica Rabit (Who framed Roger Rabbit)
How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?
- - -Zsa Zsa Gabor
It's better to burn out, than to fade away.
- - Neil Young, My My, Hey Hey
"Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten."
— G.K. Chesterton
"I love mankind, it's people I can't stand."
— Charles M. Schulz
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
— Thomas A. Edison
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
— Anaïs Nin
"If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself."
— Albert Einstein
"There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate."
— Charles Dickens
"An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind."
— Mahatma Gandhi
"I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
— Jerome K. Jerome
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand."
— Kurt Vonnegut
"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
— Mahatma Gandhi
"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."
— Groucho Marx
"Happiness is a warm puppy."
— Charles M. Schulz
A selection of the many to be found here........
That stumble button is psychic.....you read a post on here press stumbleupon and hey presto 2000 pages of quotes
