fathers rights

13 Jun 2005

Quote by micky moose
i wonder how many people out there have struggled to see there kids after a relationship just fathers but mothers to.
have you gone through the screwed up family court system only to pay thousands of pounds to get very limited time with children you love the residential parent can introduce a new partner to them no questions asked.
have you any thoughts or experiences!are you going through it right now?
i wish icould give you the answers but face it your in big trouble,you cant win.
so if your afraid then be very afraid,and before you take your hurt out on your ex read fnf s for the sake of the children it may just stop you from making a big mistake.
always remember they are yours and one day they will be old enough to know that.
i wish all of you in that situation all the luck in the world u deserve it.

My baby girl aged three was taken away from me many years ago and I was denied access by the ex, when I knocked on the door where she was living I was told to f*** off, the court wasn't interested, the probation officer was hostile, so consequentlly, I lost touch with my child and have never been able to see her or communicate.
It is too late for me, but I wish every success to the Fathers for access campaign, as it is long overdue to change the law, to allow Fathers equal rights with Mothers to be able to see and have a relationship with their child.
My girl is a Mother herself now and she has believed all the poison she has been told about me, so now, I still can't see her or my grandson, what an evil woman I married and the law has allowed her to perpetuate her evil agains't my son, against my daughter and most of all against my grandson. ( what a shambles .)

13 Jun 2005

OK your so right it is evil, and if fathers for justice can force a change in the law then they have my support.

13 Jun 2005

My ex and I have never been to court for access for my daughter. He can see her when ever he wants but he chooses not to see her. Her nan sees her every weekend and stayes there on Friday and comes home on Sundays but she very realy sees her dad. That upsets her but there is little I can do to help her. I dont feel it is his right to see her I feel it is her right to see him. We are due to move to France and he knows all about it and has never spoke to me about it or tryed to stop us from going. I feel for those parents who want to see their kids but are unable to due to the parents selfishness. My daughters dad does not know how luck he is and I hope that when we leave he will realize what he is now missing. He has been told he can come over when ever he wants but I dont think he will. Its people like him that give parents who want to see there kids a bad name.

13 Jun 2005

Quote by Wishmaster
My daughter was born 24 years ago, we were not married and split up (her decision) while she was pregnant.
I was happy to support the baby, at the time of registering the birth she did not want my name on the birth certificate. I payed money to them each week, she was in a relationship with another man. I wanted to see my daughter for her to know her father, she refused access but still wanted support, eventualy I took her to court in order to gain access and formalise support.
Here is the Killer she then decided to marry her partner and he to adopt my daughter, I had no say in the matter, in one foul swoop I lost my access and my daughter. I gather it could still happen to unmarried fathers today.
I still miss her and have toys and photos from the last time I saw her at age 3.
Not all men desert there children, as a solicitor said at the time you have 10% of the law only, it does not seem to have changed much in over 20 years

This is the most outragious aspect of the law when it comes to fathers rights. If you are married when your child is born then you both have equal parental responsibility and access can easily be achieved. But when a deceitful, spiteful ex refuses to even name her child's father on the birth certificate and then subsequently does NOT marry him before the birth the poor guy has a zeros chance in hell of getting anything close to a suitable arrangement for access.......... except when the 'Mother' wants financial support from him.
It's time the law regarding this matter was looked at under a fine microscope and repealed/amended to ensure that a father has as much rights as the mother when it comes to seeing his children regardless of financial circumstances.
Marrage after the birth to the bio father automatically legitimises the child to the father.
A father with PR adopts the same rights as a married father to the child and has to be consulted with reguard to adoption, removal from the country, etc... however PR can be revoked as it is only granted...
I really cant be arsed to go into the shit with my ex and the thousands I spent but in the end it was worthless due to parential ailination syndrome... the sadest thing is, when our kids have relational problems shes going to be saying "oh my poor kids, how could she/he do that" not realising she did the same to me and our kids... hopefully with time and age they will try to get back in contact... but i#'m not holding my breath.

13 Jun 2005

Quote by nealfiona
After seeing the fight she put up so stop us having him he can't wait till he can leave home.F

What a lot of bitter ex-partners seem to forget is that children are 'apprentice adults' and when they reach an age of understanding they will also come to their own conclusions about how, where, why - and BY WHOM - they were lied to. Sometimes, unfortunately, the brain washing goes so deep that it can't be undone and I feel heartfully sorry for parents who have been victims of this as well as the children themselves.
I could never slander my ex-wife in my daughter's presence as she is her Mother and I know that her Mother would never attack me in front of our daughter for the very same reason. (That doesn't mean I haven't had a whinge about her Mother on occasion to friends n relatives )
Alas, some people feel compelled to use their children as a pawn in a battle against their ex-partner. Some even feel that they have the sole 'right' to the child and that the child is 'theirs' - this is not the case.. we do not own our children ....we are simply entrusted with the task of raising them until they are equipped with the facts of life and can venture out in the world as adults. Is this not borne out by so many children who say that their best friend is also one of their parents if not both!

13 Jun 2005

Dont even get me started on this one!!

13 Jun 2005

I've been in the same boat, but luckily I now get access to my daughter.. After too many years fighting for the right..

13 Jun 2005

Quote by naughtynymphos1
This is the most outragious aspect of the law when it comes to fathers rights. If you are married when your child is born then you both have equal parental responsibility and access can easily be achieved. But when a deceitful, spiteful ex refuses to even name her child's father on the birth certificate and then subsequently does NOT marry him before the birth the poor guy has a zeros chance in hell of getting anything close to a suitable arrangement for access.......... except when the 'Mother' wants financial support from him.

Blimey there deffo some passion in ur writing lol
i do agree with what u say but if u read down this thread i'll think u'll find more have commented on how the fathers don't even want to see the kids than from men saying they can't and want to, and i think u'll find this is commen i know lots of cplz who have broken up and the dads seen to forget they have kids, or just leave like its taken for granted its the womans job to have the kids after a break up, i think in a break up the job of the kids is a 50/50 and any woman who refused the kids dad access is daft as far as i can see i mean free babysitter ffs lol
I think u also have to take into account of what happens behind closed door sometimes its not as easy as hes the dad he has rights, sometimes u have 2 think about why they have split in the first place, things aren't always as clear as they may seem smile

Arrr but due to the fact the CSA is designed to transfer money from the non-resident to the resident parent its in a womans finantial interest to give less access or allow day time access while retaining the night/bed time... even with 50/50 split the money goes to the one with the child benifit book... so you could have a resident parent on, or having, millions and the non resident on a low wage still transfering money to the resident... the CSA is not about support, its about moving money from one to the other not about sharing time or distributing money so both parents can support and care for the child.
I know a couple of dads who actuially have more time with the children than the mum, but as the kids are dropped of in the evening and then bedded at the mums the csa gives her the money... stupid huh!
The law should enshrine 50/50 shared care as the default, then work out the best way of shifting money between both parents to equalise the situation and then allow the parents to negotiate more or less time so if one wanted to work or save on child care then in effect they could ask the other to have the child more of the time in exchange for paying more money over.... cant play games that way, and also the shit that lord justice wolf, i believe, said about "a child needs one major parent and one they visit ither wise they do not know the rules" is a total load of absolute fucking moronic crap... children live with differing rule sets every day, from the parents (even living together) from school, from social situations with peers, and so on... she aint a fucking god damn clue! Obviously if one parent lives in scotland and one in london its not practical, bust should both live withing a reasonable distance of the shcool and/or peers then both parents could share 50/50 either on a weekly basis or another that suits both parents.

13 Jun 2005

Quote by piercedJon
Arrr but due to the fact the CSA is designed to transfer money from the non-resident to the resident parent its in a womans finantial interest to give less access or allow day time access while retaining the night/bed time... even with 50/50 split the money goes to the one with the child benifit book... so you could have a resident parent on, or having, millions and the non resident on a low wage still transfering money to the resident... the CSA is not about support, its about moving money from one to the other not about sharing time or distributing money so both parents can support and care for the child.
know a couple of dads who actuially have more time with the children than the mum, but as the kids are dropped of in the evening and then bedded at the mums the csa gives her the money... stupid huh!
!

The only thing the CSA is interested in is saving themselves money, let be honest in most marrage break ups (and yes i know this don't aply to all) the woman has the kids and is on benifits while staying at home 2 look after them, while the father goes out to work, there for by taking as much money of him as possable its saving the CSA money as they use the fathers money to replace theirs, its nothing 2 do with who had more rights its all about saving them money, u try going out to work if ur the mother and see if they still want 2 fight to get child support off the dad!!!...no u have 2 fight for it then

13 Jun 2005

mine and my partners prob was slightly different when we split a few months back wasnt for long only 2-3 months and we're back together now , our situation was terrible we both wanted access and for ********** to see each of us equally and that would have been fine .. then we had her perents added into the equation , we didnt ask for them to but in but they are like that they even tried to take her from mummy to stop me seeing the poor lass and nearlly acomplished it by saying ck was an unfit mum sad

in the end we got back together just to save oor wee girl from being taken by the social work ect and after a few weeks realised that we we're happier together than appart and all our problems stemed from her pearents but if they had , had thier way and we haddnt come to our senses we would have both been stuck without our daughter coz it was only me moving back in that stoped the social they have even said they had started the paperwork to remove anne-marie that week
EDITED due to my own stupidity ..please anyone who saw my kids name forget now :Pi didnt realise id typed it untill someone told me %((((

13 Jun 2005

whilst I have never had any dealings with the csa, if all parents took financial responsibility for their children there would be no need for the csa.

14 Jun 2005

It's been good to read all these replies, I know I'm in a lucky situation, me and my partner split in january and I have my daughter living with me 4 days a week from saturday to wednesday, and my daughter still gets to spend some quality time with both of us. Although things aren't totally smooth between me and my ex, we have managed to sort and arrange everything without going to court and involve money grabbing solicitors. I feel sorry for all those that haven't got access or limited access. whats the point in making it hard for each other because in the end it just hurts the kids and they are the ones that are important....!!!

14 Jun 2005

i know only too well the situation you are in as my fellas in the makes me laugh how some single mothers can take a different bloke home everynight tell the kids "this is you uncle mark" and then the next day its uncle pete lol

yet a father carnt see the kids. at the end of the day wht ive told colin is his son isnt going to be little forever and when he's old enough then its his decision...............
louxxxx

14 Jun 2005

Can I just add that not all Mothers are problematic when it comes to child's rights?
I split with my ex when my daughter was 7 months old, we had an agreement that he would buy me out of the mortgage and when that was paid up he would carry on paying the same amounts for his daughter. Once he'd paid the mortgage up he stopped paying me. He got himself a girlfriend and my daughter is now 8 and I've not had a penny towards her upbringing.
I married and approached the CSA about setting up payments and the minute I did, my ex quit his job and hasn't worked since. However, I fought long and hard to remain friends with him and encouraged access visits to my daughter, which eventually he saw as positive and now looks after her regularly.
He has no Parental Rights agreement, despite me offering a thousand times to go with him and get it all sorted.
Morbius relationship with his ex has been strained but again he's tried hard and their relationship is getting better and despite not paying maintenance, he will spend money as and when needed for his daughter.
Whilst I do sympathise with every absent parent who wants access/pays money, there are those absent parents who despite being offered it don't take it or don't pay. And there are Mothers with children who wish so much that the absent parent took more interest or care.
Cx

14 Jun 2005

thanx to everyone who have placed a thread on this sensitive subject.
regardless of all the different views people have expressed the answer is the same...the law surrounding this matter is a shambles and needs to be changed.
parents need to focus on the important issue of ther childrens needs and work together to insure ther children grow up with the love and respect they deserve.
children dont understand problems thats an adult thing and should remain so.
thanx again your beautiful x cool

14 Jun 2005

Quote by micky moose
thanx to everyone who have placed a thread on this sensitive subject.
regardless of all the different views people have expressed the answer is the same...the law surrounding this matter is a shambles and needs to be changed.
parents need to focus on the important issue of ther childrens needs and work together to insure ther children grow up with the love and respect they deserve.
children dont understand problems thats an adult thing and should remain so.
thanx again your beautiful x

Agree, agree, and agree... the problem is the law (childrens act) was written very badly and does not as promised "put the rights of the child first" and also is in conflict with HR law.
The above excluded... lets face it, people dont break up for no reason and as such people will "walk away" or "block access" to either break all ties with the ex, or to get back at the ex... of thoes that fight back against this, within 4 years nearly 80% loose contact with the children another problem with the courts (under the CA) is they refuse to make an order where no order is preferable... ie, change of residency or time alotment is based on the current status-quo, so if the resident parent has 100% time and is totaly nutts then they wont change that if they really dont have to... ocasionally the resident is proven nutts by the CWO but they do have to be bonkers beyond the extreem... also the presumption/bias is that mothers are naturally best with the kids, and men are crap parents, 's, and wife batterers... strange when you concider that parential infanticide is carried out predominantly by women, infanticide by men however is predominantly carried out by a non-biological "parent," such as a new partner.
The other thing wrong with the CA and "family matters" is that they are held in closed court away from public opion and scrutiny and only on apeal do they end up in open court, so all the conflict is hidden aways from the public eye; again against HR law so the courts just rubber stamp things and never impose penalties against parents breaking court orders, or making judgments in general, as they can get away with it with impunity and no one saying... hang on a min, that is wrong... and by siding with "defaults" if anything does go wrong with the resident parent they have no comeback, making a change of residency leaves them open to a wong judgment issue down the line.
Bitter.. me... na... my ex if a junkie but hey... the courts felt that she was best to look after my other two kids even tho I had looked after laddo for 2 years before I met her, and I was a tipical man that could never look after kids as I didnt have a womb, didnt carry the kids for 9 months and had probably beaten seven bells of shit out of her just for the fun of it as she was a defencless woman. CBS!