i wonder how many people out there have struggled to see there kids after a relationship just fathers but mothers to.
have you gone through the screwed up family court system only to pay thousands of pounds to get very limited time with children you love the residential parent can introduce a new partner to them no questions asked.
have you any thoughts or experiences!are you going through it right now?
i wish icould give you the answers but face it your in big trouble,you cant win.
so if your afraid then be very afraid,and before you take your hurt out on your ex read fnf s for the sake of the children it may just stop you from making a big mistake.
always remember they are yours and one day they will be old enough to know that.
i wish all of you in that situation all the luck in the world u deserve it.
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fathers rights
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i told my x husband he could see them every 2 weeks they were 1 and 3 years old
at the time.
and you know what he said?
thats ok i only want to see them 2 or 3 times a year.
so my kids have grown up not realy knowing him much.
he was given the oppertunity to see them often, so its his loss.
i agree farthers and mothers should see there kids often, no matter what has gone wrong in there parents marrage.
oh look at me, i havent written so much in a post since joining sh
at the time.
and you know what he said?
thats ok i only want to see them 2 or 3 times a year.
so my kids have grown up not realy knowing him much.
he was given the oppertunity to see them often, so its his loss.
i agree farthers and mothers should see there kids often, no matter what has gone wrong in there parents marrage.
oh look at me, i havent written so much in a post since joining sh
In my own opinion people know what they are getting into when they have kids so they must expect to have to share them equally. At the end of the day the kids deserve to make their own minds up about which parents they would like to see, so i dont give a fuck there is no judge in all the land and all the world that could truly make the best decision on the information he is given. Also I do think alot of the time it is unfair that the father gets punished because he is male.
my ex was given the opportunity to see the kids whenever he wanted, morning, noon and night. The same with visiting.
You guessed he wasn't interested and hasn't seen them in nearly 2 years.
Whilst my husband now has to fight tooth and nail to see his kids but she could just move another man in within weeks.
It seems that the men that want to see their kids have an ex who won't let them,
and those that have an ex who is reasonable arn't interested.
I assume this is probably the same the other way round but I don't really know any male that has parental residence and the women visiting rights.
Unfortunately this is a really controversial subject and very close to a lot of peoples hearts.
I can only sympathise with those dads (and mums) who don't get to have much more than a small place in their childrens everyday lives.
Kazxx
You guessed he wasn't interested and hasn't seen them in nearly 2 years.
Whilst my husband now has to fight tooth and nail to see his kids but she could just move another man in within weeks.
It seems that the men that want to see their kids have an ex who won't let them,
and those that have an ex who is reasonable arn't interested.
I assume this is probably the same the other way round but I don't really know any male that has parental residence and the women visiting rights.
Unfortunately this is a really controversial subject and very close to a lot of peoples hearts.
I can only sympathise with those dads (and mums) who don't get to have much more than a small place in their childrens everyday lives.
Kazxx
Orgasminator
Well coming from a "broken home" all I can say is that in my experience my father didn't want anything to do with my sister or me.
My mum had to bring us up single handedly with no monetary support from him... the CSA was a waste of space... when we were finally 18 the CSA magically found him but it was too late - they don't do 12 years worth of back payments. My mum wrote him letters asking him to see us as we were so upset and confused all to no avail.
I now have a step father who has treated me and my sister as his own, though he has to fight to see his kids from a previous relationship - i guess it comes down to the fact that some fathers want to see their kids and some just don't give a toss.
I often wonder what it'd be like to meet my biological father but then I feel guilty as he hasn't done anything for me....... though I would like to meet him and tell him what I think of him
Anyway I've probably gone off the subject a bit on this one.... but thought I'd add my angle.
My mum had to bring us up single handedly with no monetary support from him... the CSA was a waste of space... when we were finally 18 the CSA magically found him but it was too late - they don't do 12 years worth of back payments. My mum wrote him letters asking him to see us as we were so upset and confused all to no avail.
I now have a step father who has treated me and my sister as his own, though he has to fight to see his kids from a previous relationship - i guess it comes down to the fact that some fathers want to see their kids and some just don't give a toss.
I often wonder what it'd be like to meet my biological father but then I feel guilty as he hasn't done anything for me....... though I would like to meet him and tell him what I think of him
Anyway I've probably gone off the subject a bit on this one.... but thought I'd add my angle.
still being with my husband i havn't really had this problem, however my sister went thro a hard time a few years ago when her xe decided to throw her and the kids out onto the street cause she was suffering from depression and he couldn't cope with her anymore, taking her and the kids into my home as you do for your family, he wouldn't even have the kids while she was in hospital it was left to us and she took him to court to try and get him to have the kids a cpl times a week to give her a break but he fought all the way not saying he didn't want 2 see them but to say he wanted 2 see them when it suited him and didn't want to be held to a times incase he wanted 2 go out 
so while it was going thro court he'd just come round 4 a cup of tea for 10 mins a cpl times a month and to him that counted as spending time with his kid, while he was doing this he met another woman and took her and her kids into his home :? and my sister just gave u on him, so not everyone wants 2 see their kids after a break up
so while it was going thro court he'd just come round 4 a cup of tea for 10 mins a cpl times a month and to him that counted as spending time with his kid, while he was doing this he met another woman and took her and her kids into his home :? and my sister just gave u on him, so not everyone wants 2 see their kids after a break up 
Sexlightened
I know that when my parents split, my mother had to fight my father to get him to have access.. in the end, the courts ordered him to spend time with us..
he didn't like it.. but oh well..
he didn't like it.. but oh well..
My daughter hasn't seen her father for over a year, have now found out that he is known as one of the local drunks, in the area where he lives that is. As far as I am concerned he can stay away, but for my daughters sake I really don't know what to tell her if she asks.
One thing is for sure that if she wants to go looking for him when she gets older, I won't stop her, but will be there for her whenhe lets her down again.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
One thing is for sure that if she wants to go looking for him when she gets older, I won't stop her, but will be there for her whenhe lets her down again.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Orgasminator
Quote by onlyme1981
when we were finally 18 the CSA magically found him but it was too late - they don't do 12 years worth of back payments.
beleive it or not, they do. It may take forever but somewhere on a computer will be a total of everything owed, and you will receive it one day. I too am in pretty much this situation, but my mum has found out that even if my dad doesn't pay up while alive, us nippers will get our share upon his death irrelevant of the will or remarriage etc. it's clearly not going to help by then but at least it's something. They also have the power to repossess any property if you chase properly, although you'd need lawyers, and it'd probably cause more pain that it would be worth.
Orgasminator
Been there had the arguments over seeing the kids 
But got smart & rang her mother
Who only has the best intrests of the children at heart
RESULT:- 1 pissed off ex wife :cry:
2 very happy children & 1 over the moon father :D
But got smart & rang her mother
Who only has the best intrests of the children at heart
RESULT:- 1 pissed off ex wife :cry:
2 very happy children & 1 over the moon father :D
My daughter was born 24 years ago, we were not married and split up (her decision) while she was pregnant.
I was happy to support the baby, at the time of registering the birth she did not want my name on the birth certificate. I payed money to them each week, she was in a relationship with another man. I wanted to see my daughter for her to know her father, she refused access but still wanted support, eventualy I took her to court in order to gain access and formalise support.
Here is the Killer she then decided to marry her partner and he to adopt my daughter, I had no say in the matter, in one foul swoop I lost my access and my daughter. I gather it could still happen to unmarried fathers today.
I still miss her and have toys and photos from the last time I saw her at age 3.
Not all men desert there children, as a solicitor said at the time you have 10% of the law only, it does not seem to have changed much in over 20 years
I was happy to support the baby, at the time of registering the birth she did not want my name on the birth certificate. I payed money to them each week, she was in a relationship with another man. I wanted to see my daughter for her to know her father, she refused access but still wanted support, eventualy I took her to court in order to gain access and formalise support.
Here is the Killer she then decided to marry her partner and he to adopt my daughter, I had no say in the matter, in one foul swoop I lost my access and my daughter. I gather it could still happen to unmarried fathers today.
I still miss her and have toys and photos from the last time I saw her at age 3.
Not all men desert there children, as a solicitor said at the time you have 10% of the law only, it does not seem to have changed much in over 20 years
Quote by stevio
Here is the Killer she then decided to marry her partner and he to adopt my daughter, I had no say in the matter, in one foul swoop I lost my access and my daughter. I gather it could still happen to unmarried fathers today.
That law has changed now, i know cause my husbands sister re married last year and her new husband wanted 2 adopt the kids so they all had the same sir name but they couldn't becasue the childrens dad would not give permission
Orgasminator
Quote by lucyuktv2
when we were finally 18 the CSA magically found him but it was too late - they don't do 12 years worth of back payments.
beleive it or not, they do. It may take forever but somewhere on a computer will be a total of everything owed, and you will receive it one day. I too am in pretty much this situation, but my mum has found out that even if my dad doesn't pay up while alive, us nippers will get our share upon his death irrelevant of the will or remarriage etc. it's clearly not going to help by then but at least it's something. They also have the power to repossess any property if you chase properly, although you'd need lawyers, and it'd probably cause more pain that it would be worth.
Thanks for that info.... it wasn't all about the money of course but my mum worked damn hard to support herself and two young children and she did the best job anyone could have done in her situation. She would have given up the money (if he'd offered to pay it) if he'd wanted to see us - all she wanted was for us to be happy and have a daddy.
Anyway, I have realised that she's done a great job of bringing me up alone and I thank her for it often.
Orgasminator
Quote by onlyme1981
when we were finally 18 the CSA magically found him but it was too late - they don't do 12 years worth of back payments.
beleive it or not, they do. It may take forever but somewhere on a computer will be a total of everything owed, and you will receive it one day. I too am in pretty much this situation, but my mum has found out that even if my dad doesn't pay up while alive, us nippers will get our share upon his death irrelevant of the will or remarriage etc. it's clearly not going to help by then but at least it's something. They also have the power to repossess any property if you chase properly, although you'd need lawyers, and it'd probably cause more pain that it would be worth.
Thanks for that info.... it wasn't all about the money of course but my mum worked damn hard to support herself and two young children and she did the best job anyone could have done in her situation. She would have given up the money (if he'd offered to pay it) if he'd wanted to see us - all she wanted was for us to be happy and have a daddy.
Anyway, I have realised that she's done a great job of bringing me up alone and I thank her for it often.
either way I hope you are happy anyway :D I know I am most of the time!
and if you ever fancy a late night swim in southsea....
Sex God
I'm another one who has to actually 'convonce' my ex to spend time with his daughter. He now will see her, as long as I take her to him and pick her up again a few hrs later. If he's on good form it will be once a week, but he can go a couple of months without having contact with her, which really upsets me. Running out of excuses nowto give to ar a 3 yr old who wants to see her daddy 
He cartainly won't pay anything towards her upbringing.. he doesn't have enough left after paying for booze and weed every week. If he wasn't so good with her when they are actually together I'd have fucked him off a long time ago!!
He cartainly won't pay anything towards her upbringing.. he doesn't have enough left after paying for booze and weed every week. If he wasn't so good with her when they are actually together I'd have fucked him off a long time ago!! I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. I see my daughter every other weekend (Friday after school through till Monday morning when I drop her off back at school) but I also get her every Wednesday till Thursday morning .. and that has recently been expanded to include every Tuesday also.
My ex feels it's important for me to be in our daughter's life as much as possible and I wholeheartedly agree with that .. we still go together to her open evenings etc.. and share the JOINT responsibility of raising our daughter. We speak on the phone all the time.
Even our parents have been 'factored in' as grandparents have their own rights under the law and both sets of grandparents have our daughter for 3 weekends per regardless of whose official access weekend it actually is... this is all done with consultation with our daughter and the final decision on whether she wants to go on any given weekend to either of her grandparents rests with her. Then of course there are the one-off baby-sitting days when either I or my ex wife needs to go out on an evening and one of the grandparents will look after our daughter overnight.
My ex wife has a new partner and she is very much in love with him and that is a situation that I am happy with also........ so long as she is happy and in love it keeps her off my back. By having our daughter as much as I do it is a win/win situation for all concerned as her mother gets time alone to be with her new fella, I see my daughter whenever I want and my daughter sees both of us regularly......
....it's a shame that many other people cannot work out their differences between themselves instead of open warfare and resorting to court action but like I said at the beginning..... I'm one of the lucky ones.
It sounds like a perfect set up for a broken family but believe me it was hard work in the beginning but we seemed to have settled into a very good relationship now that puts our daughter first above all other things.
My ex feels it's important for me to be in our daughter's life as much as possible and I wholeheartedly agree with that .. we still go together to her open evenings etc.. and share the JOINT responsibility of raising our daughter. We speak on the phone all the time.
Even our parents have been 'factored in' as grandparents have their own rights under the law and both sets of grandparents have our daughter for 3 weekends per regardless of whose official access weekend it actually is... this is all done with consultation with our daughter and the final decision on whether she wants to go on any given weekend to either of her grandparents rests with her. Then of course there are the one-off baby-sitting days when either I or my ex wife needs to go out on an evening and one of the grandparents will look after our daughter overnight.
My ex wife has a new partner and she is very much in love with him and that is a situation that I am happy with also........ so long as she is happy and in love it keeps her off my back. By having our daughter as much as I do it is a win/win situation for all concerned as her mother gets time alone to be with her new fella, I see my daughter whenever I want and my daughter sees both of us regularly......
....it's a shame that many other people cannot work out their differences between themselves instead of open warfare and resorting to court action but like I said at the beginning..... I'm one of the lucky ones.
It sounds like a perfect set up for a broken family but believe me it was hard work in the beginning but we seemed to have settled into a very good relationship now that puts our daughter first above all other things.
Quote by stevio
My daughter was born 24 years ago, we were not married and split up (her decision) while she was pregnant.
I was happy to support the baby, at the time of registering the birth she did not want my name on the birth certificate. I payed money to them each week, she was in a relationship with another man. I wanted to see my daughter for her to know her father, she refused access but still wanted support, eventualy I took her to court in order to gain access and formalise support.
Here is the Killer she then decided to marry her partner and he to adopt my daughter, I had no say in the matter, in one foul swoop I lost my access and my daughter. I gather it could still happen to unmarried fathers today.
I still miss her and have toys and photos from the last time I saw her at age 3.
Not all men desert there children, as a solicitor said at the time you have 10% of the law only, it does not seem to have changed much in over 20 years
This is the most outragious aspect of the law when it comes to fathers rights. If you are married when your child is born then you both have equal parental responsibility and access can easily be achieved. But when a deceitful, spiteful ex refuses to even name her child's father on the birth certificate and then subsequently does NOT marry him before the birth the poor guy has a zeros chance in hell of getting anything close to a suitable arrangement for access.......... except when the 'Mother' wants financial support from him.
It's time the law regarding this matter was looked at under a fine microscope and repealed/amended to ensure that a father has as much rights as the mother when it comes to seeing his children regardless of financial circumstances.
Sex God
Quote by Libra+Love
All I can add to this is....
Doesn't it worry the mommies who withhold visitation rights that one day your kid just may love you that little bit less because of it?
I know it does me.
This is the exact reason I keep putting in all the effort.. if it was left up to him he'd never see her. Before I could drive I'd be doing the half hour train journey 4 times a day on a saturday to drop her off and pick her up. More often than not, I'd be half way there and he'd ring to cancel, leaving me to deal with the tears when we had to come straight back home.
But if I didn't do all this then there's every chance my daughter will one day turn round and blame me. I want to be able to say to her that I did everything within my power to support the relationship between her and her father. This is the reason why I'll never give up and just 'leave it up to him' as everyone keeps telling me to do.
Sex God
Wishmaster, I couldn't agree more. Its not fair to comment on any one else's situation, but its so important to try and meet on common ground. My ex and I have struggled in the beginning, but we have found that 'that place' that's comfortable for us.
I think deep down inside, Big G and I, my ex and his wife realise that we are setting examples for our children and even though divorce so hard on a child, at least we can give them good examples of what love and being a parent means.
S xxx
I think deep down inside, Big G and I, my ex and his wife realise that we are setting examples for our children and even though divorce so hard on a child, at least we can give them good examples of what love and being a parent means.
S xxx
Quote by Wishmaster
This is the most outragious aspect of the law when it comes to fathers rights. If you are married when your child is born then you both have equal parental responsibility and access can easily be achieved. But when a deceitful, spiteful ex refuses to even name her child's father on the birth certificate and then subsequently does NOT marry him before the birth the poor guy has a zeros chance in hell of getting anything close to a suitable arrangement for access.......... except when the 'Mother' wants financial support from him.
Blimey there deffo some passion in ur writing lol
i do agree with what u say but if u read down this thread i'll think u'll find more have commented on how the fathers don't even want to see the kids than from men saying they can't and want to, and i think u'll find this is commen i know lots of cplz who have broken up and the dads seen to forget they have kids, or just leave like its taken for granted its the womans job to have the kids after a break up, i think in a break up the job of the kids is a 50/50 and any woman who refused the kids dad access is daft as far as i can see i mean free babysitter ffs lol
I think u also have to take into account of what happens behind closed door sometimes its not as easy as hes the dad he has rights, sometimes u have 2 think about why they have split in the first place, things aren't always as clear as they may seem
Orgasminator
we know exactly how mickey feels , we,re going through the court process at present my son has a little boy to a girl he was seeing at school , i know they were young but once the baby arrived we all helped out , so much so that they wanted for nothing , last year when they started college she takes off with another guy, but we had the baby every weekend. But then she started going steady withanother guy , my son got a new girlfriend , but then the shit hit the fan as she won,t let any of us see the baby who is now 3 yrs old, we went to the courts been interviewed by cafcass who said there is no reason why my son should,nt have access, everytime we get a court date she does,nt turn up and it gets put back , now she,s trying to convince the courts that she,s got a mental problem and to be parted with the little one would be damaging for her ! :x what is wrong with these people our son only wants to have contact with his little boy on a regular basis, he could have easily run off and left her in the lurch, but he stuck by her and did his best . we,re presently waiting for the next hearing which is this week ...fingers crossed
and it gets put back , now she,s trying to convince the courts that she,s got a mental problem and to be parted with the little one would be damaging for her ! :x what is wrong with these people our son only wants to have contact with his little boy on a regular basis, he could have easily run off and left her in the lurch, but he stuck by her and did his best . we,re presently waiting for the next hearing which is this week ...fingers crossed Neal has a son from his first marriage and he was only a baby when i came on the scene. Untill i came along he could see him, but she changed her mind and we ended up taking her to court and we had him most weekends.
Although the atmosphere is strained between neal and his ex we make the effort for the sake of his son, now he is old enough to speak for himself he comes as and when he wants.
After seeing the fight she put up so stop us having him he can't wait till he can leave home.
F
Although the atmosphere is strained between neal and his ex we make the effort for the sake of his son, now he is old enough to speak for himself he comes as and when he wants.
After seeing the fight she put up so stop us having him he can't wait till he can leave home.
F
Orgasminator
That,s what we want to do Fiona we,ve kept all the court and solicitors letters so hopefully one day we can show him how we fought to keep in touch and how hard she tried to keep him away from us , i just believe that patience will bring it,s own rewards even though we feel frustrated,
Orgasminator
ok when me and my ex parted company she was given the oppertunity to have the house the kids the lot so i could see the kids as much as possible but she refused this offer and has seen the kids for about 30 minutes in the last 5 months shedoesnt ring them if they want to talk y to her they have to ring her but they are old enough to make there own minds up she only lives 20 minutes away with her new partner and says they never have the petrol to come and see them but they can drive for 3 hours evey two weeks to worcester to see friends and the kids have ewrote to a solicitor to say they want to see her but not wjhen she is with herpartnere because they feel threatend by his temper so she told them thats it i gues this is good bye im afraid thats life today i gewt angry and upsset for the kids
Thanks for the positive responces to my thread reply, it does concern me that it is still happening after 20years.
It is obvious that in all walks of life there are some feckless fathers and it appears mothers, but my point is that the law should be equal regardless of marital status.
The fact that the women hold the power to deny the right of a man to his own children is not just cruel on him but on the children.
I have not seen my daughter in 20 years, although I know she is well as I commision a report on an annual basis from an investigator.
To try and introduce myself into her life now after she has only known her addopted father would I feel be cruel to both her and my wife and family now.
It still does not stop the pain and wanting that I feel.
It is obvious that in all walks of life there are some feckless fathers and it appears mothers, but my point is that the law should be equal regardless of marital status.
The fact that the women hold the power to deny the right of a man to his own children is not just cruel on him but on the children.
I have not seen my daughter in 20 years, although I know she is well as I commision a report on an annual basis from an investigator.
To try and introduce myself into her life now after she has only known her addopted father would I feel be cruel to both her and my wife and family now.
It still does not stop the pain and wanting that I feel.
