Cooper: Werewolves spend most of their time in human form, right? And the only people for miles around live right here.
Spoon: So these things aren't about to give up the fight and go home...
Cooper: They ARE home.
Sgt. Harry Wells: Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I mean, think about it. We bust into their house, we eat all their porridge, we sleep in their fucking beds. No wonder they're pissed.
...and...
Wells: Fetch!
...and finally...
As he's about to be eaten by a werewolf
Spoon: I hope I give you the shits, you fucking wimp.
All from Dog Soldiers, a f**king cracking black comedy horror film.
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Fave Film Quotes/Lines
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Sex God
The Deadpool- Clint Eastwood
'Opinions are like arseholes, everybody's got one' (very apt for the forum at times
)
The Last Detail- Jack Nicholson
Jack- 'You're shitting me?'
Commanding officer ' I wouldn't shit you, you're my favourite turd!'
'Opinions are like arseholes, everybody's got one' (very apt for the forum at times
)The Last Detail- Jack Nicholson
Jack- 'You're shitting me?'
Commanding officer ' I wouldn't shit you, you're my favourite turd!'
Quote by Peanut
Cooper: Werewolves spend most of their time in human form, right? And the only people for miles around live right here.
Spoon: So these things aren't about to give up the fight and go home...
Cooper: They ARE home.
Sgt. Harry Wells: Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I mean, think about it. We bust into their house, we eat all their porridge, we sleep in their fucking beds. No wonder they're pissed.
...and...
Wells: Ryan has just turned into a werewolf and Wells grabs a stick and throws it] Fetch!
...and finally...
As he's about to be eaten by a werewolf
Spoon: I hope I give you the shits, you fucking wimp.
All from Dog Soldiers, a f**king cracking black comedy horror film.
:thumbup:
Clerks:
Dante Hicks: You said you only had sex with three different guys; you never mentioned him!
Veronica Loughran: Because I never HAD sex with him.
Dante Hicks: You sucked his dick!
Veronica Loughran: We went out a few times. We never had sex but we fooled around.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, WHY did you tell me you only had sex with three different guys?
Veronica Loughran: Because I DID only have sex with three different guys; that doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous!
Veronica Loughran: I'm sorry, Dante, I thought you understood!
Dante Hicks: I did understand! I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that's all you said!
Veronica Loughran: Please calm down.
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: Dante...
Dante Hicks: How many dicks have you sucked?
Veronica Loughran: Let it go!
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!
Dante Hicks: This is different, this is important. How many?
long pause as customer buys something]
Dante Hicks: Well?
Veronica Loughran: Something like... 36.
Dante Hicks: What? Something like 36?
Veronica Loughran: Lower your voice.
Dante Hicks: Wait, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me?
Veronica Loughran: Ummm... 37.
Dante Hicks: I'm 37?
...then a bit later...
Dante Hicks: 37! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!
Customer with Diapers: In a row?
Dante Hicks: You said you only had sex with three different guys; you never mentioned him!
Veronica Loughran: Because I never HAD sex with him.
Dante Hicks: You sucked his dick!
Veronica Loughran: We went out a few times. We never had sex but we fooled around.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, WHY did you tell me you only had sex with three different guys?
Veronica Loughran: Because I DID only have sex with three different guys; that doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous!
Veronica Loughran: I'm sorry, Dante, I thought you understood!
Dante Hicks: I did understand! I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that's all you said!
Veronica Loughran: Please calm down.
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: Dante...
Dante Hicks: How many dicks have you sucked?
Veronica Loughran: Let it go!
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!
Dante Hicks: This is different, this is important. How many?
long pause as customer buys something]
Dante Hicks: Well?
Veronica Loughran: Something like... 36.
Dante Hicks: What? Something like 36?
Veronica Loughran: Lower your voice.
Dante Hicks: Wait, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me?
Veronica Loughran: Ummm... 37.
Dante Hicks: I'm 37?
...then a bit later...
Dante Hicks: 37! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!
Customer with Diapers: In a row?
Kevin Smith is a genius...
Dogma: (one of many superb exchanges)
Bethany: What's he like?
Metatron: God? Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humour. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
Bethany: Sex is a joke in heaven?
Metatron: The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.
Incidentally, as I know he has fans here who may not be aware of this cult film, Metatron is played by Alan Rickman and is supremely hilarious in this film.
Dogma: (one of many superb exchanges)
Bethany: What's he like?
Metatron: God? Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humour. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
Bethany: Sex is a joke in heaven?
Metatron: The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.
Incidentally, as I know he has fans here who may not be aware of this cult film, Metatron is played by Alan Rickman and is supremely hilarious in this film.
Sex God
Quote by Peanut
Mind you pretty much every line is a cracker, it's a shame I can't quote most of them as the PC brigade would be on my ass so quick
Piss on you, i'm working for Mel Brookes :mrgreen:
Quote by Peanut:thumbup: (Again!)
Kevin Smith is a genius...
Dogma: (one of many superb exchanges)
Bethany: What's he like?
Metatron: God? Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humour. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
Bethany: Sex is a joke in heaven?
Metatron: The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.
Incidentally, as I know he has fans here who may not be aware of this cult film, Metatron is played by Alan Rickman and is supremely hilarious in this film.
There are a few of us who are only even vaguely aware Alan Rickman exists....
Sex God
He has no willy in the film though
that aint no bleeding good is it?EDIT: out of the flipping entire film i remember that bit
ops:Metratron: Any documented occasion where some claims God has spoken to them, they're speaking of me. Or they're talking to themselves.
And my favourite quote from love actually -
Karen: Tell me, what would you do in my position?
Harry: What position is that?
Karen: Imagine your husband bought a gold necklace and come Christmas gave it to somebody else...
Harry: Oh, Karen...
Karen: Would you wait around to find out if it's just a necklace, or if it's sex and a necklace, or if worst of all it's a necklace and love? Would you stay, knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Or would you cut and run?
Harry: Oh, God. I am so in the wrong. The classic fool.
Karen: Yes, but you've also made a fool out of me, and you've made the life I lead foolish too.
Sex God
Quote by winchwench:thumbup: (Again!)
Kevin Smith is a genius...
Dogma: (one of many superb exchanges)
Bethany: What's he like?
Metatron: God? Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humour. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
Bethany: Sex is a joke in heaven?
Metatron: The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.
Incidentally, as I know he has fans here who may not be aware of this cult film, Metatron is played by Alan Rickman and is supremely hilarious in this film.
There are a few of us who are only even vaguely aware Alan Rickman exists....
Ahhh, Hans Gruber....might have to have a 'Die Hard Box Set & Beer' evening some time this week :bounce:
Sex God
Quote by meat2pleaseu
Ahhh, Hans Gruber....might have to have a 'Die Hard Box Set & Beer' evening some time this week :bounce:
Can i join you
Sex God
Quote by TanKinky
Ahhh, Hans Gruber....might have to have a 'Die Hard Box Set & Beer' evening some time this week :bounce:
Can i join you
D'you really think we'd end up watching much of the films? :rascal:
Sex God
Quote by meat2pleaseu
Ahhh, Hans Gruber....might have to have a 'Die Hard Box Set & Beer' evening some time this week :bounce:
Can i join you
D'you really think we'd end up watching much of the films? :rascal:
Erm YES hello - alan rickman
0 - horny in 1 hour 30 minutes
then we can shag :rascal:
say hello to my little friend!
scarface -al pacino.
Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT!! Or I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!!
If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How tall are you, private?
Private Cowboy: Sir, five-foot-nine, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high.
Were you born a fat, slimy, scumbag puke piece o' shit, Private Pyle, or did you have to work on it?
-Gunnery Sergeant hartman from full metal jacket.
scarface -al pacino.
Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT!! Or I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!!
If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: How tall are you, private?
Private Cowboy: Sir, five-foot-nine, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high.
Were you born a fat, slimy, scumbag puke piece o' shit, Private Pyle, or did you have to work on it?
-Gunnery Sergeant hartman from full metal jacket.
Oh that's right, Private Pyle, don't make any fucking effort to get to the top of the fucking obstacle. If God would have wanted you up there he would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't he?
I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you.
Private Pyle I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you! ONE! TWO! THREE!
That's enough; get on your feet. Private Pyle you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up!
What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?
Gunner sergeant hartman-full metal jacket :thumbup:
I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you.
Private Pyle I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you! ONE! TWO! THREE!
That's enough; get on your feet. Private Pyle you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up!
What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?
Gunner sergeant hartman-full metal jacket :thumbup:
As a change from all the profanity in quotes...
Eddie Izzard (as Nigel the Koala) in "The Wild"
Samson: Appears to be a human bathing area.
Nigel: You mean humans don't lick themselves clean? Disgusting!
--
Nigel: I've got popcorn up my bum. Do I look trashy in this?
--
Nigel: Terribly sorry to bother you, but, um, do you speak koala? Sprechen Sie koala?
--
Nigel: As that famous koala once said, "We will fight them... with... peaches."
--
Cracks me up every time I see that film, Izzard stole the show!
Eddie Izzard (as Nigel the Koala) in "The Wild"
Samson: Appears to be a human bathing area.
Nigel: You mean humans don't lick themselves clean? Disgusting!
--
Nigel: I've got popcorn up my bum. Do I look trashy in this?
--
Nigel: Terribly sorry to bother you, but, um, do you speak koala? Sprechen Sie koala?
--
Nigel: As that famous koala once said, "We will fight them... with... peaches."
--
Cracks me up every time I see that film, Izzard stole the show!
Sex God
Quote by TanKinky
Ahhh, Hans Gruber....might have to have a 'Die Hard Box Set & Beer' evening some time this week :bounce:
Can i join you
D'you really think we'd end up watching much of the films? :rascal:
Erm YES hello - alan rickman
0 - horny in 1 hour 30 minutes
then we can shag :rascal:
I could always tie you to a chair, facing the screen and see how long it takes me to :lickface: 'distract' you
Sex God
Quote by Peanut
As a change from all the profanity in quotes...
Eddie Izzard (as Nigel the Koala) in "The Wild"
Nigel: wearing a popcorn dispenser] I've got popcorn up my bum. Do I look trashy in this?
We saw this when we were on holiday. I was in stitches at that line you've quoted - as was my son. Kept repeating it and laughing all over again
Sex God
Quote by meat2pleaseu
Ahhh, Hans Gruber....might have to have a 'Die Hard Box Set & Beer' evening some time this week :bounce:
Can i join you
D'you really think we'd end up watching much of the films? :rascal:
Erm YES hello - alan rickman
0 - horny in 1 hour 30 minutes
then we can shag :rascal:
I could always tie you to a chair, facing the screen and see how long it takes me to :lickface: 'distract' you
:lickface: for the entire length of the film :bounce:
wont ya get jaw ache though
Quote by Freckledbird
As a change from all the profanity in quotes...
Eddie Izzard (as Nigel the Koala) in "The Wild"
Nigel: wearing a popcorn dispenser] I've got popcorn up my bum. Do I look trashy in this?
We saw this when we were on holiday. I was in stitches at that line you've quoted - as was my son. Kept repeating it and laughing all over again
It was the "I'm gonna vomit" that had me in stitches but it didn't translate well to this thread
Sex God
Quote by Peanut
Kevin Smith is a genius...
Dogma: (one of many superb exchanges)
Bethany: What's he like?
Metatron: God? Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humour. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
Bethany: Sex is a joke in heaven?
Metatron: The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.
Incidentally, as I know he has fans here who may not be aware of this cult film, Metatron is played by Alan Rickman and is supremely hilarious in this film.
omg i love that film but thought it was called dogmata
had it out on loan from tesco then they shut thier video rental bit n i got to keep it then like a fool lent it n can't remember who i lent the bugger too
:x :x :x
Sex God
Julia Roberts in Erin Brockovich:
' that's all you got lady, two left feet and fucking ugly shoes'.
' that's all you got lady, two left feet and fucking ugly shoes'.
Quote by bouncy332
Kevin Smith is a genius...
Dogma: (one of many superb exchanges)
Bethany: What's he like?
Metatron: God? Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humour. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
Bethany: Sex is a joke in heaven?
Metatron: The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.
Incidentally, as I know he has fans here who may not be aware of this cult film, Metatron is played by Alan Rickman and is supremely hilarious in this film.
omg i love that film but thought it was called dogmata
had it out on loan from tesco then they shut thier video rental bit n i got to keep it then like a fool lent it n can't remember who i lent the bugger too
:x :x :xSee that's why you didn't get it back... you were asking for the wrong film :P
Sex God
doh :doh:
Yet another Smithism, this time from Clerks II
Randal Graves: Why haven't you fucked Myra yet?
Elias: Well, we can't because of Pillow Pants.
Randal Graves: What the fuck's Pillow Pants?
Elias: Pillow Pants is a little troll who lives in her pussy.
Elias: Pillow Pants is her pussy troll?
Elias: Duh. You know how every girl's parents put a pussy troll in them when the girls are young, to keep them from having premarital sex?
Randal Graves: ...Sure.
Elias: Well Myra's is named Pillow Pants. And so even though she totally wants to have sex with me, Myra says if I put my... thing in her, Pillow Pants will bite it off. So, I gotta wait until Pillow Pants gets peed out of her body on her 21st birthday before we can have sex.
Randal Graves: And Myra told you this?
Elias: Boyfriends and girlfriends talk to each other about sex stuff Randal. You'd know this if you ever had a girlfriend.
Randal Graves: Have you and Myra even kissed yet?
Elias: We would have already if it wasn't for Listerfiend.
Randal Graves: Listerfiend is her mouth troll, isn't it?
Elias: Women.
Randal Graves: Why haven't you fucked Myra yet?
Elias: Well, we can't because of Pillow Pants.
Randal Graves: What the fuck's Pillow Pants?
Elias: Pillow Pants is a little troll who lives in her pussy.
Elias: Pillow Pants is her pussy troll?
Elias: Duh. You know how every girl's parents put a pussy troll in them when the girls are young, to keep them from having premarital sex?
Randal Graves: ...Sure.
Elias: Well Myra's is named Pillow Pants. And so even though she totally wants to have sex with me, Myra says if I put my... thing in her, Pillow Pants will bite it off. So, I gotta wait until Pillow Pants gets peed out of her body on her 21st birthday before we can have sex.
Randal Graves: And Myra told you this?
Elias: Boyfriends and girlfriends talk to each other about sex stuff Randal. You'd know this if you ever had a girlfriend.
Randal Graves: Have you and Myra even kissed yet?
Elias: We would have already if it wasn't for Listerfiend.
Randal Graves: Listerfiend is her mouth troll, isn't it?
Elias: Women.
Sex God
Quote by Hibernian
More a scene than a quote, but I like it:
Ah, fuckin' hell!
V
V
V
All the other stuff
V
V
V
All of you fuckin' Mr Postmen,
fuck off, go on!
Fuck off!
I like that scene too - Quadrophenia - fantastic!
My quote is from 'My Fair lady' and it goes ......
Professor Henry Higgins: She's so deliciously low. So horribly dirty.
