Fings ain''t what they used to be

17 Oct 2008

The cafe is a bit like a long running soap opera. Sometimes its good sometimes not. It's all down to the writers.
Personally I can't be bothered about people who complain about the threads. All they have to do is post something they want to read.
Mind you, there is posting fatigue.
When you first come here its exciting. There is a real thrill of starting a thread that thrives. A buzz when you get a name check from someone 'famous'
You then become comfortable and you enjoy posting, the debates and banter.
Then it feels like the same old same old. You're bored missing the thrill of the early days.
well, that's my experience anyway cool

17 Oct 2008

Quote by keeno
The cafe is a bit like a long running soap opera. Sometimes its good sometimes not. It's all down to the writers.
Personally I can't be bothered about people who complain about the threads. All they have to do is post something they want to read.
Mind you, there is posting fatigue.
When you first come here its exciting. There is a real thrill of starting a thread that thrives. A buzz when you get a name check from someone 'famous'
You then become comfortable and you enjoy posting, the debates and banter.
Then it feels like the same old same old. You're bored missing the thrill of the early days.
well, that's my experience anyway

I think also people feel comfortable around people they feel they know and trust.
I feel like a fish out of water in here, I only feel I know 3 people, but I don't care I just blend in, some people need to feel comfortable around people we are all different.

17 Oct 2008

Quote by westerross
I'm posting this because I've just read on another 'controversial' thread that all the old posters no longer want to come on here because this place is so awful.
Well I'm and old poster (in every sense of the word!) and I've been meaning to say this for a few days now.
I can honestly say that the last couple of weeks or so have been as good as any I’ve known on this forum.
There’s been a good mix of threads – a lot of fun and some really constructive talk.
I wouldn’t analyse things in this way normally and I don’t intend to go into reasons but I do think it is worth mentioning.
There are plenty of people who will moan when things get depressing that things ain’t like what they used to be – well this at the moment is in my view pretty good. So let’s remember it - it may get worse again :scared: .
This is unlikely to generate much quality debate so I’ll be happy for it to be locked.
.

I agree with you - I've been enjoying the forums the last two or three weeks more than I have a while. But then, I know me as well - I do go through stages of being quiet and thoughtful :dry: and that has nothing to do with the forums at all. Just the type of person I am - where I like to sit back an people watch :smile:
I have loved seeing new posters join in recently - I hope they stay around and enjoy the forum for it is - a general discussion forum. Where all manner of subjects come up - some fall at the first post - some seem to go on forever.
I rarely take part in the sex subjects as I'm an extremely private person in life. That's what's great about a forum though - its your choice what you choose to disclose and its not compulsory that you have to share or justify yourself.

17 Oct 2008

Quote by Up_for_fun_2008
if anything lately i spend more time in these forums reading and learning about other peoples experiences.
Its all very interesting and rewarding when you see a post that you can discuss or relate too.

Have to agree tyracer - but after having posted replies to two threads this last week - threads that interested me btw - and having seen some ppl turning it into an attack on the original poster i dont think i'll bother with the forum for much longer. I may add to the odd one or two but will keep my opinions to myself in future least i become the object of someones aim.
For those that harp on about the old days - good luck reliving them, i as a new(ish) poster have been put off by that sort of attitude.
That I am afraid is one part of why people get fed up with the forums.
This newish forum poster was interested in a post or two, and look what happened when she put her reply.
She found my posts interesting enough to want to reply, she did not " sit on the fence " like a lot do. I post because I think people want to read and reply to what I have written. Be it in a positive or sometimes a negative way. Because my posts " upset " a lot of the older members of the forum, when they can remember when it was all fluffy...apparently.
As long as there is a member out there who wants to read and reply to my posts, then I will continue no matter what anyones thoughts are on my political stand.
Unless I break the AUP which on this occasion I do not think I have, I will just ignore the people who think I am right wing and post for the people that want to read and reply. If I was looking to be a popular member of this forum, I would talk about the trees and the wind.
My posts are life and what happens out there in the big bad world BUT a lot of my posts are not like that. Funny how people dont pick up on thoses threads.
BTW up4......carry on posting as I feel as a new member in the forums your comments are constructive and I like to read them.

17 Oct 2008

Quote by kentswingers777
snip
Because my posts " upset " a lot of the older members of the forum, when they can remember when it was all fluffy...apparently. snip

Its not often (in fact I dont think ever dunno

) that I take an exert from your post purely in order to disagree with it but I feel I must....
I am one of the "Older members" ......Been here since December 2003 despite what the join date says under my profile name and even back in the early days there were plenty of threads/posts that stirred emotions and got the debate well and truly started....
I have never yearned for a "fluffy" forum and if it was all fluffy then I certainly wouldn't be here.....
In fact I'm not sure there are many,if any, who wish the forum was all nicey nicey and everyone agreeing with each other...
So I dont think the lack of fluffyness is what upsets people with regards to your posts/threads :-)

17 Oct 2008

Quote by Steve
snip
Because my posts " upset " a lot of the older members of the forum, when they can remember when it was all fluffy...apparently. snip

Its not often (in fact I dont think ever dunno

) that I take an exert from your post purely in order to disagree with it but I feel I must....
I am one of the "Older members" ......Been here since December 2003 despite what the join date says under my profile name and even back in the early days there were plenty of threads/posts that stirred emotions and got the debate well and truly started....
I have never yearned for a "fluffy" forum and if it was all fluffy then I certainly wouldn't be here.....
In fact I'm not sure there are many,if any, who wish the forum was all nicey nicey and everyone agreeing with each other...
So I dont think the lack of fluffyness is what upsets people with regards to your posts/threads :-)
Fair comment Steve.
I used to look in the forums but never posted, as to be honest I found it all a tad boring. The hijacking thing then was a joke, and the original topic was lost after about 5 posters.
I dont know what made me go into the forums to post to be fair, as I only used to use the chat rooms. But post I did and even mrs777 has started a few.
But whilst there are people leaving the forums because of the way it has gone, people like up4 dont want to post again for the opposite reasons...ya get slated.
So forum members come and go for a variety of reasons, and newbie members should be welcomed with open arms by us all, for maybe they are the future of this forum, and not just some of us " oldies ". lol

17 Oct 2008

Quote by kentswingers777
snip
Because my posts " upset " a lot of the older members of the forum, when they can remember when it was all fluffy...apparently. snip

Its not often (in fact I dont think ever dunno

) that I take an exert from your post purely in order to disagree with it but I feel I must....
I am one of the "Older members" ......Been here since December 2003 despite what the join date says under my profile name and even back in the early days there were plenty of threads/posts that stirred emotions and got the debate well and truly started....
I have never yearned for a "fluffy" forum and if it was all fluffy then I certainly wouldn't be here.....
In fact I'm not sure there are many,if any, who wish the forum was all nicey nicey and everyone agreeing with each other...
So I dont think the lack of fluffyness is what upsets people with regards to your posts/threads :-)
Fair comment Steve.
I used to look in the forums but never posted, as to be honest I found it all a tad boring. The hijacking thing then was a joke, and the original topic was lost after about 5 posters.
I dont know what made me go into the forums to post to be fair, as I only used to use the chat rooms. But post I did and even mrs777 has started a few.
But whilst there are people leaving the forums because of the way it has gone, people like up4 dont want to post again for the opposite reasons...ya get slated.
So forum members come and go for a variety of reasons, and newbie members should be welcomed with open arms by us all, for maybe they are the future of this forum, and not just some of us " oldies". lol

Are you past your sell by date yet? :lol:

17 Oct 2008

i have spent a lot of time on here lately. i have been a member for over 4 years, used to share my hubbies account, till i was sick of fighting over who's turn it was :giggle: i seem to pick at a few subjects and just read some. i get what i want out of the forum and i suppose if i wanted more i would do more if that makes sense biggrin

. i read some of the more contraversial threads and i sometimes go to answer then i stop and think do i want to get dragged into a row for voicing my gobby opinion maybe one day i will and let everyone find out what an opinionated argumentative git i really am :D but for now i am happy as i call it just surfing the forums and i also love the diverse topics on here its certainly not for the fainthearted with some topics. it is what it is to all who use it, some get sick of it and some thrive on it. i hope its here for many a more year and who knows one day i might just be able to get my foot in my gob and give my honest opinion on some of the posts :giggle:

17 Oct 2008

Quote by Mrs-wadefun
i have spent a lot of time on here lately. i have been a member for over 4 years, used to share my hubbies account, till i was sick of fighting over who's turn it was :giggle: i seem to pick at a few subjects and just read some. i get what i want out of the forum and i suppose if i wanted more i would do more if that makes sense . i read some of the more contraversial threads and i sometimes go to answer then i stop and think do i want to get dragged into a row for voicing my gobby opinion maybe one day i will and let everyone find out what an opinionated argumentative git i really am :D but for now i am happy as i call it just surfing the forums and i also love the diverse topics on here its certainly not for the fainthearted with some topics. it is what it is to all who use it, some get sick of it and some thrive on it. i hope its here for many a more year and who knows one day i might just be able to get my foot in my gob and give my honest opinion on some of the posts :giggle:

I say don't stand dipping your toes in the water, dive straight in and get used to the temperature :twisted: lol

17 Oct 2008

Its all so easy to be misread in the Forum when you first start posting because no-one has yet become accustomed to your "style".
I guess a new poster is also super-sensitive to criticism or rejection which doesn't help either.
I fell foul of the so called "old guard" when I first started posting - not being an experienced Forum user I made up for some inadequacies by over use of emoticons. rolleyes

However, I persevered and now enjoy the banter in here just as much as I used to in Chat - indeed, I probably spend more time in here now than I do in Chat - but it could have been soo different. I recall being told once, early on, that your first few forages into the Café are akin to jumping into a bear pit screaming "Geronimo!" with nothing more than your dick in your hand! :scared:
Some people don't like the political threads but I think they are good fun and can be quite thought provoking. If we all had the same view and posted nothing else but sex threads, we'd soon get bored! Besides, post coital chat sometimes involves plans about redecorating the ceiling wink

This may be a swinging site but it is populated with a rich mix of some very intelligent and witty people with a wide range of experience to share.
Long may the Café continue to thrive!

17 Oct 2008

its simple most prominent forumist have been banned couple of weeks ago and has made the place tasteless,i for one have no warnings left so must be careful how i express myself...but forum banters ending in locking,threads taken off and people banned for having strong opinions will always be against free speech...all i read here is protest,but do i say!

17 Oct 2008

Quote by Sassy-Seren

Lately though some have become very bitchy, testy and it seems to have overshadowed the friendly nature of the majority of members here.
Some seem to just openly provoke a negative reaction. Winchy's 'goodbye' thread did just that. While most are sad to see her go, one or two replies seemed a little hostile ( I'm not going to debate whether those posters were right or wrong to voice their opinions at all ) It was just like throwing the darts and leaving the pub before seeing where they landed ergo opening up maybe yet another can of worms for someone else to sweep up.
People come, people go. SH is built on it's members yes but on members as a group not individuals.
on that note, excuse me I have to catch my last bus back to Coventry

I think you've forgotton you went through something similar not so long ago though Sass.. I'm not being nasty or having a go, but sometimes as you are well aware things in our personal lives or on here cause us to think it's time to go. You had a lot of backing to stay, Winchy didn't want that, she truly wanted to go but said her farewell on the way out.
Each to their own. The Forum's defo not the same as it used to be.
I certainly did think about leaving recently you're right though if you can find the thread I posted, please feel free to reread it. I asked the question of fellow forumites if they had ever paused over the delete button and what had changed their minds. I also went on to ask people not to put personal messages in the thread but of course, it was perceived by all to be a 'beg me to stay' thread which was most certainly not my intention.
My post above was just outlining how different threads are, some good some not so good and some put there to spark a reaction. It wasn't an personal attack on Winchy so please don't read it as such
Um I didn't say you were personally attacking Winchy or anyone for that matter confused

. I also said I wasn't having a go at you either just commenting that people are all different.

17 Oct 2008

Going back to the original topic of the post, and hopefully highlighting the changes in the forums, I do think the forums are a bit better at the moment. Lots of new threads being started, lots of new topics, and lots of new posters, but as others have said, it does go through phases, and perhaps the dark nights, people being back from their holidays and the horrible weather is making a few of us stay in and post wink

17 Oct 2008

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
Going back to the original topic of the post, and hopefully highlighting the changes in the forums, I do think the forums are a bit better at the moment. Lots of new threads being started, lots of new topics, and lots of new posters, but as others have said, it does go through phases, and perhaps the dark nights, people being back from their holidays and the horrible weather is making a few of us stay in and post

The weather here has been beautiful NWC.. perhaps you might consider a life making change?

17 Oct 2008

Quote by GnV
The weather here has been beautiful NWC.. perhaps you might consider a life making change?

That is something we have discussed, and given half the chance we would be there, but at least the UK's horrible weather is contributing to brightening up the forums lol

17 Oct 2008

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple

The weather here has been beautiful NWC.. perhaps you might consider a life making change?

That is something we have discussed, and given half the chance we would be there, but at least the UK's horrible weather is contributing to brightening up the forums lol

And the sight of yer cleavage! silly

hwoar:
.

17 Oct 2008

Quote by westerross
And the sight of yer cleavage! hwoar:
.

Shssshhh, its not real, its two balloons which I stuck down my top redface

17 Oct 2008

I am going to be honest here.....
has my finger been waivering over the cancel account button in the last few weeks... yes it has....
rightly or wrongly, for me it use to be a place where when I was at work, the first thing I would do when I got home is rush online and see what I had missed.....
now.... if feels different, like i said in other thread it feels like the mood has changed, i was never one for the fluffy threads.... still not!, but where you use to be able to have a decent conversation with regards to serious thread, now, they seem to end in backbiting, in belittling, in personal attacks and threads being locked,
the stronger personalities it feels like have taken over.....it is exactly the same in chatrooms, where you have 3 or 4 really loud people, and they seem to dominate.....
it is suppose to be fun, and for me a lot of the time it just isn't at the moment..., there are a few people who i consider to be really close that keep me here...just sad that it feels as if people feel like they are being pushed/squeezed out.....

17 Oct 2008

Quote by fabio
just sad that it feels as if people feel like they are being pushed/squeezed out.....

Well don't let it happen Sean, the strength of the place is the good'uns that stay.
.

17 Oct 2008

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
Going back to the original topic of the post, and hopefully highlighting the changes in the forums, I do think the forums are a bit better at the moment. Lots of new threads being started, lots of new topics, and lots of new posters, but as others have said, it does go through phases, and perhaps the dark nights, people being back from their holidays and the horrible weather is making a few of us stay in and post

NWC

You always find a way of pouring oil on stormy waters.
Long may you continue to do so.
medic_1

17 Oct 2008

Quote by medic_1
Going back to the original topic of the post, and hopefully highlighting the changes in the forums, I do think the forums are a bit better at the moment. Lots of new threads being started, lots of new topics, and lots of new posters, but as others have said, it does go through phases, and perhaps the dark nights, people being back from their holidays and the horrible weather is making a few of us stay in and post

NWC

You always find a way of pouring oil on stormy waters.
Long may you continue to do so.
medic_1
Phredd,
You are right in what you say but you should read the original post as well my friend.
Hope yer keeping well.
.

17 Oct 2008

''fings can only get better''
chin up folks, biggrin

17 Oct 2008

Quote by Phuckers
its simple most prominent forumist have been banned couple of weeks ago and has made the place tasteless,i for one have no warnings left so must be careful how i express myself...but forum banters ending in locking,threads taken off and people banned for having strong opinions will always be against free speech...all i read here is protest,but do i say!

With regards to the highlighted part......I dont think its become tasteless because of a cpl of bans being administered dunno

Less agressive/confrontational perhaps but tasteless no....
Not in my opinion anyway......
Those that have been banned for a spell will be back and we can only wait and see what happens when they do....
They may change......They may not......
Thats the beauty of being an individual I suppose :-)

17 Oct 2008

Quote by Phuckers
...but forum banters ending in locking,threads taken off and people banned for having strong opinions will always be against free speech

Nobody has ever been banned for having strong opinions!! :shock: :shock: :shock:
It may also suprise you to learn that there is no such thing as Free Speech in this, or any other forum that has an AUP!! confused

:? :? :?

18 Oct 2008

Quote by Sgt Bilko
..... no such thing as Free Speech....

Ne'er a truer word spoken. It's a bit like a free lunch isn't it - there's no such thing.
If you open your mouth to say something - you have an obligation to be responsible for what comes out i.e. it has a price.
It should also, preferably, have value as well. wink

Oh and there's the AUP but we wouldn't need an AUP if we treated eachother with respect. I happen to feel that there's been a little more respect around lately. We can still have vigorous debates with sharply contrasting views provided they are conducted with respect.
Whoever thinks that sounds boring is in the wrong place.
.

18 Oct 2008

Quote by Steve
its simple most prominent forumist have been banned couple of weeks ago and has made the place tasteless,i for one have no warnings left so must be careful how i express myself...but forum banters ending in locking,threads taken off and people banned for having strong opinions will always be against free speech...all i read here is protest,but do i say!

With regards to the highlighted part......I dont think its become tasteless because of a cpl of bans being administered dunno

Less agressive/confrontationalperhaps but tasteless no....
Not in my opinion anyway......
Those that have been banned for a spell will be back and we can only wait and see what happens when they do....
They may change......They may not......
Thats the beauty of being an individual I suppose :-)that the description of tastless to me but the place is getting better again

18 Oct 2008

Quote by westerross
just sad that it feels as if people feel like they are being pushed/squeezed out.....

Well don't let it happen Sean, the strength of the place is the good'uns that stay.
.
Tune I find this post really contradictory :undecided: .... At the beginning I felt that you were saying the oldies should move with the times and let the newbies take over ..... now you're telling Fabio that it's the oldies that give the place strength! dunno

I love this place, lots of friends here both old and some new, but it appears that there are a small amount of posters that dominate the forums, that's good indeed, I won't argue that, but I will argue that anyone who disagrees with them gets sharp shrift, making it uncomfortable for both oldies and newbies to continue posting!
Yes there have been some amazing posts, I just feel it's a massive shame that anyone feels the need to belittle others, the "walk on by" chants appear to have replaced the "search button" and "been done before" and I remember the same complaints back then ;)
The debating on the forum hasn't changed, there have been some great debates in the past, what I find appalling is the lack of tolerance that is apparent now.
You gave the advice to Sean to stay and fight (in effect) well I've tried that over the last few days and now feel that I'm wasting my breath, and yet there are comments littered all over the place from various posters that feel pushed out, or that they as older serving members aren't welcome, even Mods have stated that! Why should they feel that way? There is room for everyone, to be apprehensive at posting on a forum is ridiculous and yet it's being allowed to happen!
There's a comment somewhere about "it might get worse" why??? If a few more people stood up and stopped it from happening then all the better. It'll only get worse because people shut up and put up!

18 Oct 2008

Quote by Phuckers
its simple most prominent forumist have been banned couple of weeks ago and has made the place tasteless,i for one have no warnings left so must be careful how i express myself...but forum banters ending in locking,threads taken off and people banned for having strong opinions will always be against free speech...all i read here is protest,but do i say!

With regards to the highlighted part......I dont think its become tasteless because of a cpl of bans being administered dunno

Less agressive/confrontationalperhaps but tasteless no....
Not in my opinion anyway......
Those that have been banned for a spell will be back and we can only wait and see what happens when they do....
They may change......They may not......
Thats the beauty of being an individual I suppose :-)that the description of tastless to me but the place is getting better again
So you enjoy all the agression,arguing and backbiting rolleyes

18 Oct 2008

Quote by Calista
but it appears that there are a small amount of posters that dominate the forums, that's good indeed, I won't argue that, but I will argue that anyone who disagrees with them gets sharp shrift, making it uncomfortable for both oldies and newbies to continue posting!
...
I just feel it's a massive shame that anyone feels the need to belittle others, the "walk on by" chants appear to have replaced the "search button" and "been done before" and I remember the same complaints back then ;)
...
what I find appalling is the lack of tolerance that is apparent now.

I've just picked a couple of bits from Calista's post that talk about the general attitude of a vocal minority here. I've never really got too involved in posting here, but I have read a lot, going back well before my join date.
In my opinion this forum has changed very little from the time that the first big influx of members took a tiny website towards what it is now. The tone of the place remains the same.
The level of intolerance remains the same. I can remember the pack turning on newbies or people with differing views from a very long time ago, so it isn't a new phenomenon. Some threads are allowed to run longer than they used to in the past before locking or deleting - maybe that is a financial consideration because posters are now fee paying customers. Possibly that is what makes the place seem more aggressive.
The biggest difference is the change in membership though. Unknown names shouting are usually more distasteful than known quantities. It is important to remember that at any time the forum is driven by a handful of posters. That handful inevitably changes and so does a perception of what the forum is because it's not 'your' handful.

18 Oct 2008

how long is this gona go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on dunno