First Meet, resulting doubts/ever had doubts

22 Jul 2006

Hi all,
For my first swinging experience I met with someone on here the last night, our plan had been meet just for drinks and if we liked each other meet again another day. Other half wasn't into the particular pleasure we were looking for
So this guy was a real gentleman, fab eyes, super smile, funny the works but we didn't spark.
I asked about his experience etc and it was great to hear it - but he gave the impression to me that it didn't matter who he met - just getting a shag. Felt like a piece of meat to be honest. So we parted ways
I began to doubt that I had the right idea about swinging - maybe it is purely about sex and the fun, flirtation and general build up of hornyness isn't part of that confused

So ....my reason for posting was I happened to look at Darkfire's profile for the first time today and her comments on her profile restored my faith in swinging - so thank you Darkfire biggrin

By the way I chatted with the gentleman in question later on that night for hours and it would appear we had our wires crossed - so who knows what will happen next!! wink

Roll on next chapter lol
Aud

22 Jul 2006

Quote by bbwcouple69
So ....my reason for posting was I happened to look at Darkfire's profile for the first time today and her comments on her profile restored my faith in swinging - so thank you Darkfire

:shock: blimey kiss

but dont thank me just yet luv, that profile and the way i 'go about things' here is the primary reason I cant get a meet !! lol

:lol:

22 Jul 2006

lol -

Well regarless I'm with you on this one
Happy hunting though
kiss

Aud

22 Jul 2006

Quote by bbwcouple69
I began to doubt that I had the right idea about swinging - maybe it is purely about sex and the fun, flirtation and general build up of hornyness isn't part of that
. . . . .
By the way I chatted with the gentleman in question later on that night for hours and it would appear we had our wires crossed - so who knows what will happen next!!

I'm thinking both "Oh dear :therethere: " and " :thumbup: Well done. All of you"
It sounds as tho the meeting went well, and ended amicably. You talked later, and maybe left the door open for further meets dunno

IMHO . .
Swinging is many, many different things, to many, many different people.
You (all of us) will meet with people and find, despite all the online flirting, there isn't the (perhaps) expected spark, or "click" But even those meets can lead to great friendships, and possibly even lead to you "growing on each other" that may, in time lead to playing. I've actually found that sometimes, the long approach can lead to much more fulfilling sexual activity. A question of quality over quantity :dunno:
Of course, sometimes you meet with someone and there is an immediate, passionate desire to rip the clothes off each other with minutes of meeting for the first time.
I think we are all very lucky to be able to find most things and somethings in-between the two, within this chosen lifestyle.
And I for one welcome, embrace, and thank my lucky stars for each and every sexually liberated and well balanced person I've met (on whatever level) through Swinging Heaven.
redface

This was going to be a much longer, in depth, heartfelt post; but I got sidetracked by an impromptu, unexpected, out of place and somewhat hurried blow job, wank and splash - case in point maybe :dunno:

22 Jul 2006

Hi Dambuster
I think you are so right - I definately wanted to leave it well and as you say - who knows what will happen lol part of the excitment eh I've got a really good feeling though biggrin

By the way - my apologies for posting in the wrong forum - can I claim newbie mistake just this once redface

Take care
Aud

23 Jul 2006

Best never to burn your bridges. I'm a firm believer that if an arranged meet does materialize then fun, friendship and mutual respect should prevail throughout. The sex side being a bonus. Always make a connection and or spark through friendship and personality first. A person should never feel obliged to do something they perhaps don't want to do there and then for any number of valid reasons. We should always feel good about ourselves and what we want to do. The words "felt used" or " a piece of meat" redface

should be bygone phrases in todays recreational climate for adult lifestyles biggrin

23 Jul 2006

I also have doubts from time to time but like Dambuster says friendships are important too. I sometimes think am i in the right place but allways i see something or someone says something that changes my mind.
There are times i think i'll not renew when my extras membership runs out and cancel my subscription or, more so early on, hover over the cancel link . But i dont think i will. I'm hoping to meet a few people socialy soon and maybe that will clear things up though i'm a little apprehensive.
If you don't try you will never know.
Best of luck to you

23 Jul 2006

Quote by bbwcouple69
Hi all,
For my first swinging experience I met with someone on here the last night, our plan had been meet just for drinks and if we liked each other meet again another day. Other half wasn't into the particular pleasure we were looking for
So this guy was a real gentleman, fab eyes, super smile, funny the works but we didn't spark.
I asked about his experience etc and it was great to hear it - but he gave the impression to me that it didn't matter who he met - just getting a shag. Felt like a piece of meat to be honest. So we parted ways
Aud

yes you done right hun,we been there done that and still good freinds socially with people but could of spoilt that freindship but we still say never say never lol

23 Jul 2006

I've replied to a post in LMU about someone expressing doubt's in swinging after a meet. They are all fine about it now but doubts were raised.
I just wondered if any ones else had these feelings or still do. I know some wouldn't want to give details and thats not a problem. It's just sparked my curiosity.
Here was my reply (slightly edited) to start the ball rolling

I also have doubts from time to time but like xxxx says friendships are important too. I sometimes think am i in the right place but i allways see something or someone says something in a conversation that changes my mind.
There are times i think i'll not renew when my extras membership runs out and cancel my subscription or, more so early on, hover over the cancel link . But i dont think i will. I'm hoping to meet a few people socialy soon and maybe that will clear things up though i'm a little apprehensive.
If you don't try you will never know.
Best of luck to you

It's just that things allways change and i wondered if i was alone in this thought.

23 Jul 2006

it could be a good thread actually, maybe a mod might shift it to over here? dunno

23 Jul 2006

Quote by Darkfire
it could be a good thread actually, maybe a mod might shift it to over here?

Thanks Darkfire.
Yes thats why i though i'd put one here just incase that gets missed. Also i didn't want to draw too much attention by adding a link to it incase they were satisfied and their issue was closed.

23 Jul 2006

I don't think you are human if you don't question yourself once in a while. Sure from time to time I have what could be seen as 'doubts' about what I do and why I do the things I do under the broad banner of swinging - I ask myself why am I doing this (usually in hindsight). But it is only once in a while and I think it is healthy to check with yourself that you do know what you are doing and you are happy to continue.
The question for me really is how often the 'doubts' or self questioning occur and how strong they are- too often or too strong is not a good sign.

23 Jul 2006

Ohh if a Mod does move the post i mentioned over please lock this one or merge it
Cheers wink

23 Jul 2006

I don't think you are human if you don't question yourself once in a while. Sure from time to time I have what could be seen as 'doubts' about what I do and why I do the things I do under the broad banner of swinging - I ask myself why am I doing this (usually in hindsight). But it is only once in a while and I think it is healthy to check with yourself that you do know what you are doing and you are happy to continue.
The question for me really is how often the 'doubts' or self questioning occur and how strong they are- too often or too strong is not a good sign.

Isn't that the case throughout life ?
In all walks ?
Whatever it is that we're doing ?
Isn't it the ability to question ourselves, the main thing that keeps us "balanced" ?
Me ?
I'm perfectly balanced.
I have chip on each shoulder
wink

23 Jul 2006

I think we all have doubts from time to time, whether it's to do with swinging or life in general. Wouldn't be healthy if we didn't.

23 Jul 2006

Over the last year my confidence has let me down more times than I care to admit redface

so those doubts creep in all the time, however mine are always down to pre-meet nerves rather than after a meet. I've been very careful upto now though and the meets I've had have been very carefully selected (I'm talking as a single fem here rather than the meets we have together).
Those "doubts" hold me back so much, and whilst I've still had some fantastic meets, I've held off approaching a lot of people for fear of being labelled a time waster. It's not easy to come across as very confident online and then admit "you'll need to take control as I'm likely to bottle out" (I should add that once the initial nerves are overcome I've no problems).
I'd never be able to withdraw from the scene totally as I've too many friends here now.
Cx

23 Jul 2006

Quote by PoloLady
I don't think you are human if you don't question yourself once in a while. Sure from time to time I have what could be seen as 'doubts' about what I do and why I do the things I do under the broad banner of swinging - I ask myself why am I doing this (usually in hindsight). But it is only once in a while and I think it is healthy to check with yourself that you do know what you are doing and you are happy to continue.
The question for me really is how often the 'doubts' or self questioning occur and how strong they are- too often or too strong is not a good sign.

I suppose it depends upon how often you question yourself about other aspects of your life too, if swinging is the only thing you are unsure of, and have doubts about it and your place in the swinging world, then maybe you should give it serious thought. But if that doubt covers most aspects of your life then, maybe that's just how you are?
A while ago I underwent a major and traumatic event which made me question every aspect of who I was and what I did, which, now I've descovered the swinging world, has made me more sure that it's for me, not less. I think it's healthy once in a while to take a step back and consider what you do. Sometimes it takes more effort to turn round and say to yourself, 'actually, no, that's not for me', than to go along with the flow.
For me, the swinging environment is a more accepting and open minded one than most others, it doesn't matter if you're here just for the social aspect or if you only attend clubs or (and I don't like this phrase but you know what I mean) are a hardened swinger. You take from it what suits you and what you feel comfortable with - with no pressure to do otherwise.
I had to write a statement for my degree show, which I think kinda fits here.
We all do things we don't want to do, we don't do things we do want to do, we need to know we have the power to say no, with it comes the power to say yes, our choice is whether to use it.
H.x

23 Jul 2006

Thak you for your reply's. This is my biggest post sofar and you've make me glad i hit the post button. All are a brilliant read and thank you all.

Quote by Polo lady
The question for me really is how often the 'doubts' or self questioning occur and how strong they are- too often or too
strong is not a good sign.

Was often for me initially. But like i said things change to make my mind wonder.

Quote by Dambuster
Isn't that the case throughout life ?
In all walks ?
Whatever it is that we're doing ?
Isn't it the ability to question ourselves, the main thing that keeps us "balanced" ?

Quote by Freckledbird
I think we all have doubts from time to time, whether it's to do with swinging or life in general.
Wouldn't be healthy if we didn't.

Quote by H-x
if swinging is the only thing you are unsure of, and have doubts about it and your place in the swinging world, then maybe
you should give it serious thought. But if that doubt covers most aspects of your life then, maybe that's just how you
are?

I'm often doubtful about various situations not just swinging. And when doubts hit me i have a habbit of over analysing or reacting.

Quote by Calista
I'd never be able to withdraw from the scene totally as I've too many friends here now.

Not made friends yet in the flesh so to speak more through my doing or choice than other reasons but i know what you mean.
And would miss the forum and those who use it most off all.

Quote by H-x
A while ago I underwent a major and traumatic event which made me question every aspect of who I was and what I did,
which, now I've descovered the swinging world, has made me more sure that it's for me, not less. I think it's healthy once
in a while to take a step back and consider what you do. Sometimes it takes more effort to turn round and say to yourself,
'actually, no, that's not for me', than to go along with the flow.

A big health event drove my decision to join.

Quote by H-x
For me, the swinging environment is a more accepting and open minded one than most others, it doesn't matter if you're
here just for the social aspect or if you only attend clubs or (and I don't like this phrase but you know what I mean) are
a hardened swinger. You take from it what suits you and what you feel comfortable with - with no pressure to do otherwise.

I think thats been my problem. Having doubts about which aspect to pirsue.
Knowing i'm not the only one to have been through them puts me at ease.

23 Jul 2006

Hi All
I personally think this is one of the best post's, i was introduced the scene by a female friend after i got divorced, and joined the website to meet like minded people however and it's a big however :idea: i have found that i have had just as much fun chatting to people in the chatrooms and found that this interaction is better for "single male" than anything else.
Ta
Reacher

23 Jul 2006

As Pololady said we all have doubts, they are there to make us double check the actions we are about to undertake. I feel the main problem occurs when we have regrets.
Regrets on what we have or haven't done. BikerST (hubby) and I talk about our fantasies and maybe one of us will have more doubts than the other but so far neither one has any regrets, except we should have tried it earlier lol

23 Jul 2006

there's a 'spin-off' thread running over in the cafe if you're interested wink

23 Jul 2006

I have more doubts about my vanilla situation right now than my swinging but I agree, having doubts about anything in life is what proves we have a heart as well as a mind and naughty bits.
Apologies if that doesn't make sense to you. It sounded good in my head, which is suffering from lack of sleep despite a forthcoming night shift tonight sad

23 Jul 2006

Quote by WendySteve
As Pololady said we all have doubts, they are there to make us double check the actions we are about to undertake. I feel the main problem occurs when we have regrets.

Thats a good point

Quote by Sassy-Seren
I have more doubts about my vanilla situation right now than my swinging but I agree, having doubts about anything in life is what proves we have a heart as well as a mind and naughty bits.
Apologies if that doesn't make sense to you. It sounded good in my head, which is suffering from lack of sleep despite a forthcoming night shift tonight

Made sense hun and hope you have a relativly easy night :therethere:

23 Jul 2006

Quote by Darkfire
there's a 'spin-off' thread running over in the cafe if you're interested

Merged into one, :wink:

23 Jul 2006

well done NWC :thumbup:

23 Jul 2006

Thanks NWC n DF :thumbup:

23 Jul 2006

Thanks again all. I hovered over the post button on my part off this merged thread but glad i did. It's given me some good insight to know i'm not the only one.

23 Jul 2006

you're definately not the only one Goose, i'm right on up there in the 'having a major wobble' stakes at the mo , but, i think to some folk its just one of those things you're not suposed to admit publicly wink

23 Jul 2006

Quote by Darkfire
you're definately not the only one Goose, i'm right on up there in the 'having a major wobble' stakes at the mo , but, i think to some folk its just one of those things you're not suposed to admit publicly

Hi DF
Thats why i dithered about posting.

23 Jul 2006

post it and be damned my friend lol