Hi there.
First time caller.
I would love to see my wife with another man, fantasise about it lots.
My wife shares those fantasies and she instigates many of them too, we talk about it all the time whilst having sex and it is a real turn on for both of us but she says that she feels that she is too shy to try it. Seems like a big step and a bit scary but i would love to try it.
How can i persuade her to give it a go? Any ideas anyone?
Husb 36 yrs, wife 31 and v pretty.
jna
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First time caller
Hiya! 
Welcome! Me and my good lady are in a similar position- HOWEVER- you should not have to persuade her! We have discussed it often, before, during and after sex, ( so Im not led by desire!!) and it was only when she expressed a wish to maybe 'try it' that we've looked and found this site- as for the future-- who knows?? I think it should be a true joint decision. Just my 2 pennorth- wot do other ppl think???
Welcome! Me and my good lady are in a similar position- HOWEVER- you should not have to persuade her! We have discussed it often, before, during and after sex, ( so Im not led by desire!!) and it was only when she expressed a wish to maybe 'try it' that we've looked and found this site- as for the future-- who knows?? I think it should be a true joint decision. Just my 2 pennorth- wot do other ppl think??? I'm sure one of the wonderful mods will find several links to other threads just like this.
In the meantime, here's my tuppence-worth;
Please, please, please don't try to persuade your partner to do something she's not 100% sure about, whether it's swinging, dogging or blooming hang-gliding.
You have to have a super-strong and secure relationship to successfully allow another person into your life this way. If she gives in to your persuasion and it all goes tits up - there's no going back from there.Quite often fantasy should be left just as that - fantasy.
The reality of seeing another man doing to your wife something so intimate that the two of you till now had only shared with each other (and what if she seems to like it more than with you?!?) might not be the great turn-on you imagine.
Please be careful xxx
In the meantime, here's my tuppence-worth;
Please, please, please don't try to persuade your partner to do something she's not 100% sure about, whether it's swinging, dogging or blooming hang-gliding.
You have to have a super-strong and secure relationship to successfully allow another person into your life this way. If she gives in to your persuasion and it all goes tits up - there's no going back from there.Quite often fantasy should be left just as that - fantasy.
The reality of seeing another man doing to your wife something so intimate that the two of you till now had only shared with each other (and what if she seems to like it more than with you?!?) might not be the great turn-on you imagine.
Please be careful xxx
Welcome jna the best way is to try and arrange to meet a single guy somewhere very discreet where you won't be disturbed for example a remote car park or perhaps you or the person you arrange to meet can accomodate. I am sure if your wife feels relaxed in a surrounding that she is comfortable with then she will enjoy it a lot more. As for getting the right man that is down to you through e-mailing or sending PMs so that you get to know the person and to make sure he knows all the rules , how far to go and he is made aware that your wife is very shy. Good luck with your search and hope your first experience leads you on to many more and not put you off completely. If there is any questions that you would like to ask please feel free to PM me and I will try my best to help and once again welcome to SH.
Orgasminator
Myra, thats absolutly spot on, ive been in a similar situation, and damn good advice, he got cold feet and she didnt,
Not a good situation
Not a good situation
Quote by Wilki
Myra, thats absolutly spot on, ive been in a similar situation, and damn good advice, he got cold feet and she didnt,
Not a good situation
Thankyou very much! :smile2: I'm glad I got something right for once!
Some years ago, I was in a situation where I more or less got chatted up by a girl who wanted me to join her and her boyfriend. I don't know who's idea it was originally but when we got back to their hotel, had a drink, relaxed, etc, it was the girlfirend that stopped it. She was hugely jealous and insecure (despite the fact that she was getting all the attention!).
In another scenario, I was in a room with a guy while his wife was in the room nextdoor with someone else, and everyone was totally cool about it.
It really can go either way.
I've not been on the scene that long but from day one, I've always maintained "If in doubt, don't!"
Sex God
Quote by Alan
Welcome jna the best way is to try and arrange to meet a single guy somewhere very discreet where you won't be disturbed for example a remote car park or perhaps you or the person you arrange to meet can accomodate. I am sure if your wife feels relaxed in a surrounding that she is comfortable with then she will enjoy it a lot more. As for getting the right man that is down to you through e-mailing or sending PMs so that you get to know the person and to make sure he knows all the rules , how far to go and he is made aware that your wife is very shy. Good luck with your search and hope your first experience leads you on to many more and not put you off completely. If there is any questions that you would like to ask please feel free to PM me and I will try my best to help and once again welcome to SH.
I wish I hadn't read this thread now. I really don't want to be confrontational but I cannot believe you are serious Alan. If jna's wife needs persuading, is it the best thing to take her to a remote carpark to be shagged by another man?
I hope also when you say that getting the right man is 'down to you...' that you mean both of you and not just jna - otherwise I think that is heading for disaster.
There's another thread (Keith's) on here at the moment about the exact same situation where the husband presumed to arrange something for his wife and had a very nasty surprise when she told him where to get off.
Just my opinion, but Marya has it spot on.
Yes, i see your point and i find it most encouraging to hear such a mature approach to the subject on this site.
Being new to this thing i was not sure what to expect.
Perhaps my use of the word "persuade" was a little misleading though.
My wife and i have been together over 11 years now and we are very close and we share a very loving and caring relationship. I would certainly always respect her wishes and i would not consider ever undertaking anything that might upset her in any way.
More accurately, i was wondering if there was a gentle way of dipping our toes in the water.
My wife has often said that she would want to try this, she is v. horny and sexy but then she also feels that actually giving it a go might be too scary.
Thank you for your advice, it is so exciting to be speaking to like minded people about this subject finally.
Being new to this thing i was not sure what to expect.
Perhaps my use of the word "persuade" was a little misleading though.
My wife and i have been together over 11 years now and we are very close and we share a very loving and caring relationship. I would certainly always respect her wishes and i would not consider ever undertaking anything that might upset her in any way.
More accurately, i was wondering if there was a gentle way of dipping our toes in the water.
My wife has often said that she would want to try this, she is v. horny and sexy but then she also feels that actually giving it a go might be too scary.
Thank you for your advice, it is so exciting to be speaking to like minded people about this subject finally.
Sex God
I agree totally with what Marya, Tune, and Wilki say on this matter.
Persuade, persuade, such a selfish word, what he's really saying is how can he make her do what he wants her to do.
Mike.
How can i persuade her to give it a go?
Persuade, persuade, such a selfish word, what he's really saying is how can he make her do what he wants her to do.
Mike.
Sex God
Well in that case (and I'm not an expert) you should both speak to the third person on the phone, maybe more than once before agreeing to meet. I would make the first meet in a public place like a pub for a drink just to see whether you both feel up to it with that person. You'll have to warn them on the phone that your nervous and it may not happen, which might be a turn off for them but if they are half decent and genuine they won't necessarily buzz off.
I'll shut up now. Oh and by the way :welcome: jna. Sorry I forgot first time.
I'll shut up now. Oh and by the way :welcome: jna. Sorry I forgot first time.
Dear Mike, please don't make assumptions as to what you feel that i am 'really' saying.
My wife and i have a very strong and equal relationship and i would most certainly not make her do anything that she did not want to do.
I would not have taken the time and trouble to register and post this message lightly.
Such an insult to my intentions and motivations does tend to discourage me to participate any further.
My wife and i are certainly keen to experiment and live life to the full, we do really only live once but i do feel a little embarrased that i may have sounded as though this thing is all my idea.
Registering seemed like a good way of researching what we might expect from the 'scene' should we decide to take the plunge.
Thanks for all your messages everyone.
jna
My wife and i have a very strong and equal relationship and i would most certainly not make her do anything that she did not want to do.
I would not have taken the time and trouble to register and post this message lightly.
Such an insult to my intentions and motivations does tend to discourage me to participate any further.
My wife and i are certainly keen to experiment and live life to the full, we do really only live once but i do feel a little embarrased that i may have sounded as though this thing is all my idea.
Registering seemed like a good way of researching what we might expect from the 'scene' should we decide to take the plunge.
Thanks for all your messages everyone.
jna
westerross I think you are being slightly over critical what I meant was that the last thing would be to take his wife to a popular well known dogging site for their first time and for there car be swamped by males. That can be off putting to experienced couples never mind couples having there first experience and as regards to the remote car park if they intend to meet somebody outdoors then if it is just the three of them a remote car park with no other males or boy racers would be more relaxing and beneficial to both of them. Not everyone wants to swing in there own house because they want total discretion and might not want the person they meet to know where they live. Of course it goes without saying, or so I thought, that whatever they do they have both got to decide together and both be happy with the situation.
Hiya jna 
Just a little suggestion here. If you and your wife have talked about it a lot and are keen to try swinging then why don't you maybe go to a club together?
I was, and still can be extremely shy about myself so, putting myself in her shoes for a second, the thought of an arranged 3some would horrify me. At the stage I am now with things, I would feel too much pressure on me, even if that was not the case.
If you go to a club together, set some ground rules and stick to them no matter what. Just go along and see what it's like, just stick with each other so then there is no pressure to perform at all - especially on your first visit! You can then meet face to face other like minded people, chat to people and see how you both get on with the whole atmosphere.
Once you have been, then you can talk about it, find out how each other feels etc, then if you both enjoyed it, you can go back. Just take things at the slowest persons pace, there's no rush, just enjoy the whole experience.
Just keep any pressure off your wife, let her decide her boundaries and stick with them.
As a single girl, this is the pace I set myself, I have been on this site for a few months now. Spent a lot of time talking to people, attending social events and basically just letting my curiosity lead the way. It is only fairly recently that I have felt comfortable enough to experience things ..... the first one being a club, purely social day out with a couple of girls on here in the same boat. Not much to many people, but an ideal toe dipper for me - it was excellent and can't wait to go back
So my advice in a nutshell? Slow down, enjoy the journey and stop once boundaries have been reached.
Good luck and I hope you both have a great time :D
Just a little suggestion here. If you and your wife have talked about it a lot and are keen to try swinging then why don't you maybe go to a club together?
I was, and still can be extremely shy about myself so, putting myself in her shoes for a second, the thought of an arranged 3some would horrify me. At the stage I am now with things, I would feel too much pressure on me, even if that was not the case.
If you go to a club together, set some ground rules and stick to them no matter what. Just go along and see what it's like, just stick with each other so then there is no pressure to perform at all - especially on your first visit! You can then meet face to face other like minded people, chat to people and see how you both get on with the whole atmosphere.
Once you have been, then you can talk about it, find out how each other feels etc, then if you both enjoyed it, you can go back. Just take things at the slowest persons pace, there's no rush, just enjoy the whole experience.
Just keep any pressure off your wife, let her decide her boundaries and stick with them.
As a single girl, this is the pace I set myself, I have been on this site for a few months now. Spent a lot of time talking to people, attending social events and basically just letting my curiosity lead the way. It is only fairly recently that I have felt comfortable enough to experience things ..... the first one being a club, purely social day out with a couple of girls on here in the same boat. Not much to many people, but an ideal toe dipper for me - it was excellent and can't wait to go back
So my advice in a nutshell? Slow down, enjoy the journey and stop once boundaries have been reached.
Good luck and I hope you both have a great time :D
We entertain single guys from time to time and our first time was ALL arranged by the wife(with my knowledge and consent of course)...
She did the ad and received all the emails and when she found a guy she liked she let me see his pics to see if i was also happy with him...
When he arrived we went at the wifes pace and she made all the plays..
It was a fantasy for both of us and not just mine or my wifes so I guess thats one of the reasons it worked so well .....Apart from the above...
A club would be a cool idea as allready stated because you can both be together in the company of like minded others but have no pressure to perform if either of you doesnt feel right....
And lastly......................
HAVE FUN.........
She did the ad and received all the emails and when she found a guy she liked she let me see his pics to see if i was also happy with him...
When he arrived we went at the wifes pace and she made all the plays..
It was a fantasy for both of us and not just mine or my wifes so I guess thats one of the reasons it worked so well .....Apart from the above...
A club would be a cool idea as allready stated because you can both be together in the company of like minded others but have no pressure to perform if either of you doesnt feel right....
And lastly......................
HAVE FUN.........
Hi jna,
You've already received a lot of good advice, but it's not going to stop me adding mine! I'm ignoring the whole 'persuasion' element, and going on the fact that you've said you both want to try this.
First of all, it's not a race, and you're not in competition with anyone; for heavens sake, don't put yourselves under pressure to do something in a particular space of time. Enjoy the fact that you've decided to do this, and savour the whole thing together. You don't have to leap in at the deep end and advertise for a guy to join you in a 3-some, or with your wife while you watch.
We both started off by fantasising about what it would be like, and sad to say this was in the days before the Internet, so we put an advert in Forum magazine for a guy to watch us. No touching at all, just watch. We went through the replies together, and we both made a rule that either of us could veto anyone who had responded for any reason at all, and we stuck to that. We found a guy we both liked, made it clear to him that it was watching only, found ourselves a hotel room and had a great time.
We then spent a lot of time afterwards talking about it - what we liked about the session, what we didn't and so on, and that way we were both more confident and secure in each other, and knew that yes, we both liked and enjoyed it and wanted to do it again. So we did.
Over the course of time (and here I mean several years), we progressed from watching to touching to the other guy being fully involved. And every time we did something, we talked about it afterwards in a 'cool, calm and collected' state. I can honestly say that not only have we enjoyed all these encounters, but the 'journey' itself has been great fun. If we'd just jumped in at the deep end I think we'd both have a) missed out and b)perhaps not enjoyed our ultimate of J with another guy while P watched.
So, take things at a slow pace and remember that you're not in a race, you're not competing with anyone else and communicate, communicate and communicate all the time. Decide what works and do some more of it, and if you didn't both enjoy something, don't do that one again. I think it's vitally important that you're both happy and confident with each step you take, before moving onto the next one.
Hope that helps.
J&P
You've already received a lot of good advice, but it's not going to stop me adding mine! I'm ignoring the whole 'persuasion' element, and going on the fact that you've said you both want to try this.
First of all, it's not a race, and you're not in competition with anyone; for heavens sake, don't put yourselves under pressure to do something in a particular space of time. Enjoy the fact that you've decided to do this, and savour the whole thing together. You don't have to leap in at the deep end and advertise for a guy to join you in a 3-some, or with your wife while you watch.
We both started off by fantasising about what it would be like, and sad to say this was in the days before the Internet, so we put an advert in Forum magazine for a guy to watch us. No touching at all, just watch. We went through the replies together, and we both made a rule that either of us could veto anyone who had responded for any reason at all, and we stuck to that. We found a guy we both liked, made it clear to him that it was watching only, found ourselves a hotel room and had a great time.
We then spent a lot of time afterwards talking about it - what we liked about the session, what we didn't and so on, and that way we were both more confident and secure in each other, and knew that yes, we both liked and enjoyed it and wanted to do it again. So we did.
Over the course of time (and here I mean several years), we progressed from watching to touching to the other guy being fully involved. And every time we did something, we talked about it afterwards in a 'cool, calm and collected' state. I can honestly say that not only have we enjoyed all these encounters, but the 'journey' itself has been great fun. If we'd just jumped in at the deep end I think we'd both have a) missed out and b)perhaps not enjoyed our ultimate of J with another guy while P watched.
So, take things at a slow pace and remember that you're not in a race, you're not competing with anyone else and communicate, communicate and communicate all the time. Decide what works and do some more of it, and if you didn't both enjoy something, don't do that one again. I think it's vitally important that you're both happy and confident with each step you take, before moving onto the next one.
Hope that helps.
J&P
