Hello everybody, 1st post here so please be gentle!
My Wife and I have been part of SH for a number of years now, although of late Mrs Bloo has drifted away from the scene.... Which leads me to my question
We used to enjoy an active and varied sex life, but of late, say the last year to 18months this has dwindled off to almost none existant. I love Mrs Bloo deeply as I have always done and vice versa her with me. Would anyone have any advice for me on how to deal with our problem?
I know to some this may sound trivial but to me this was a big part of our marriage, We both enjoyed the scene and it played a part in our fantasies and real life. Not just the scene has gone from our marriage, but the whole sex life too, I still have quite a high sex drive but unfortunatley Mrs bloos has gone by the wayside! Obviously I have tried talking to her but get nowhere, as it seems she doesn't want to acknowlede that this is a problem for us.
How do i approach the subject without offending her?
How do we put the spark back into things?
Even as a starting point how do we get our private sex life back on track?
I suppose i could waffle on forever with questions to you all but this is a hard subject for me to approach.
all advice greatly appreciated
Bloo
Can't help but think that if this is not a bullshit post, you are at best being a bit insensitive to the emotions and feelings that a married couple should cherish privately and not air on a site like this.
IMHO - If you can't talk about it yourselves you haven't a hope.
i think this is a good question, open and honest and if a few more ex couples were honest they may still be together had they asked these questions. I think keeping it to yourself is a way of burrying your head in the sand open up and deal with it ffs well done bloobloo for seeking out help.
however women go off sex and swinging for many reasons and probably dont know why themselves.
Maybe a bad experience not necessarily a serious one just someone who didnt do it for her or turned her off, maybe a psychological reason dont wanna be thought of in a certain way or doesnt want tho think of herself in a certain way, scared of catching a disease, menopause the list goes on and on.
Listen to Mrs bloobloo not directly about this but listen to her general conversaion find out whats on her mind work friends relatives no holiday christmas it could be anything but listen to her and more than anything love her cuddle her hug her and make sure she is number 1 in your life.
Find somewhere relaxed and comfortable and just start talking. Best not to wait for the right moment as they seldom arrive.
Don't discuss things while drunk as this could cloud your judgment.
Be ready to listen and to compromise.
Best of British. ;)
I cant add much to the good advice up there but I would like to wish you luck.
Thank you to all that have replied so far, your words of advice are appreciated, even the first reply!
I can assure you TooHot, it is NOT a bullshit post, but thank you for taking the time and effort to post a reply.
We had a little conversation this morning, mrs Bloo isn't quite sure why things have gone off the boil AND does want to remedy this just as much as I do she assures me.
Hopefully we have our starting point to go forward now and get thing back on track, Mrs Bloo has even gone as far as booking a doctors appointment (her suggestion) to try and figure out what is going on. Even jokingly said she was going to ask for some viagra for herself!
I agree with all of the advice so far .... communication is the best remedy for most things.
Mr Fun and I had always had a very healthy sex drive but we went through something similar. It was a very long time ago now and lasted about 18 months .... I could probably have counted the number of times we had sex during this time on my fingers.
It was me at first and I dont know why, I just went off it ... then I couldnt be bothered ..... then he stopped making a move because he was was fed up of being rejected...... then I felt like he didnt fancy me anymore .....and it went on and on.
Then one day, he had asked me to put his suit in the cleaners and before doing so, of course I needed to check his pockets .... well I found a phone number so what is a girl supposed to do? I called it!!! A girl answered!!!
I confronted him about it and he told me it was his friends number. I didnt believe him but then I thought that if he was having an affair then who would blame him as he wasnt getting any at home!!!
I wouldnt suggest planting a phone number in your pocket, but it got us talking and we have never looked back since. We just needed to talk and now we talk openly with each other and discuss any everything. I can hosnestly say that our relationship has never been so healthy.
It is good to talk.
Good luck xx
Oh and in case anyone is interested .... he still swears blind that it was his mates phone number!!!!
Not sure how I crapped over people Bloke.....
This is an intensely personal situation between a couple. As part of a loving couple I cant imagine that either one of us would turn to the Swinging Heaven forum for relationship guidance over something so personal. If you guys think it is OK then so be it, we will have to agree to disagree.
It should be a private matter and resolved intimately and privately with each other. Talking and listening is the only answer - talking to each other, not airing it in public like this.
Anyway, looks like they are talking to each other again despite having previously tried - so going in the right direction.
I think that sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures and if there's no-one you feel you can turn to (friends etc) then perhaps the anonymity of a forum can be a glimmer of hope.
BlooBloo, an MOT and check-up is probably a good idea, even if it doesn't bring an immediate solution. :thumbup:
Boo, A very good post, and one I could see would be hard for some to address, as I believe we can all, in different ways be affected by swinging.
But some I believe would bury their heads in the sand and not address the problems.
We have been swingers for around two years and have met a couple of men. We have no regrets in doing this, but I did go through a stage last year of feeling it had changed our relationship and worried that my hubby didn’t see me how he used to do prior to swinging. So I decided to give up meeting last November and to try and address the feelings I felt. Because to me our relationship was far more important than having a bit of fun occasionally.
What I felt was, I was no longer a special person to him, as he was the only man I had, had sex with prior to meeting, but now I was no longer that person, but still wanted him to see me that way. I needed to find out how he felt about me, what he thought I had now become, as to me I was still his special person, as he was the one I loved.
We spoke about how we both felt, and I was right in a way it had affected the way he saw me, the dynamics had changed but the love, bond, and trust had grown stronger.
We have spend the last year just being us, reflecting, talking, and reassuring each other, that just because we have changed our love for each other hasn’t.
We are now entering back into the scene because it ignites a different part of us, that we both understand and enjoy.
To finalise take a step back, talk, reassure, and show each other the love you have for each other away from the scene, maybe she is feeling a little insecure about it all.
Mr Bloo.
An MOT at the docs has been suggested. I think that's a good plan. But it can seem a bit 'off' to suggest your lady is in need of it alone. How about suggesting a joint session? Go and get the full monty: bloods, BP, eyes, heart, lungs etc etc etc. Even if you have been with the doc for a long time I reckon they will be up for it.
Also, maybe it's life generally that has settled into being a bit samey? What about adding a spark to general life without reference to the sex-side at first. How about a weekend away (of funds permit) doing something you've never done before? I don't mean anything dangerous necessarily - what about a cookery weekend, or slasa dancing? That may be enough to raise the spark a bit?
Whatever you decide, I know it will be worth it as sex may not be the be-all and end-all of a relationship, but it is the opportunity for intimacy that we don't get in the normal hustle and bustle of life.
Thinking about it - what about the intimacy side? Candles, cuddles, a glass of something, no TV, just music & conversation? Just a thought.
Hello foxy, and thank you once again for everybody's suggestions and advice so far.
Some parts I think I need to clarify, I'll start with the doc's. WE will both be going and both of our fears and concerns will be aired together, as for the check up side of things, well i have no choice in that unfortunatley since having my pacemaker fitted 5yrs ago regular checkups are somewhat mandatory!
As for what Foxy has suggeted, here lies the problem. The normal day to day side of our relationship is absolutley wonderful, we talk, chat, have a bit of banter and regularly sit in the dining room just talking about anything and everything.
I work as a DJ most weekends sometimes Mrs bloo comes with me if she can be bothered, othertimes she sits at home watching the X-Factor etc, we have all our time most weekday evenings and during the day when im not fiddling with things in my workshop.
She still does not understand herself why she feels the way she does, hopefully that is something the doc can point out to us, AND if i need to change something then i will and vice versa, but this is what we both dont understand. We are not doing anthing different apart from not having sex anymore, the rest of our relationship seems A1. Or could that be us not being able to see the wood for the trees?
Alcohol does not play a big part in our lives, only every now and again say when its a family party or maybe one sunday when we say to each other do you fancy a drink etc.
Over the years we have built up a very strong marriage and trust is paramount for the both of us, we both know what we have between us as a couple will never be matched by anyone else, and I certainly would not risk that on a fling or a one nighter behind her back.
For us that was part of the allure of swinging, knowing that it is us two going home with each other at the end of the night, knowing we have had a great night or day in each others company, but also with 1 or 2 other people who we have not got attached to apart from as friends, sometimes turned out to be very good friends, knowing that we could go home and talk about it openly between us and thats where it stayed.
Anyhoo I'm waffling on now!
Thanks again for all your responses so far, it is very much appreciated
BLOO
seeking advice and encouraging words can never be a bad thing.
the advice need not be taken litterally... it can inspire confidence in a position already held... the faith in one's selves to try again what has been attempted previously with open eyes.
lp
Personaly i think its great you posted, better to talk about stuff than bury your head is the best option.
my ex went through a stage of not wanting it, but then with a young baby and having put on god knows how much weight(she wont tell me lol), she went of the old hanky panky. but i was`nt surprised, i did help here as much as i could, but having to look after a 16 year old who is work shy (and still is at 22)did`nt help either lmao.
but talking is always the option, the way i talked to mine ws asking here about here day /week month. what she was worried about, telling me here troubles gives you an great idea of whats going on in her/ his head. stress effects everyone at any time (not saying that was the problem but an example), and it stops us functioning normaly. and you just cant place your finger on what it is.
anyways hope things get better for you mate.
Next time you're feeling a little down and wanting help and somebody pisses on you, maybe you should remember how it feels and think twice before you do it again 
Sorry, this was the first thread I read this morning, from somebody asking for advice on a site where they are likely to get it but you chose to crap all over them and personally I think that stinks! I hope you have a good week too :cry: 
