The planning can be a pain in the arse especially for the woman, if she can't be fussed with it. You may be up for arranging something.. She may just want to chill.
If she has doubts, then you should sit down and discuss those doubts properly, without any frustration, and with no intention of arranging another meet, until you are BOTH comfortable with what you are doing.
It coud be that she doesn't have a problem with that you are doing, more with the way you are doing it. She might enjoy meeting people at a munch or a social, with no intention of anything happening...
Whatever you do, don't push the issue, because it could lead to resentment and cause real problems in your relationship. And frankly swinging ain't worth that kind of problem. If she doesn't want to play anymore then so be it.
I think I can relate to the way your wife is feeling. When it goes wrong, it's hell emotionally.
As for her worrying about her body, been there and still doing that!
A few things:
1. You are your wife's safety. She needs to feel that you will keep her safe if anything ever went wrong again.
2. If she doesn't share the same fantasies anymore, maybe discuss and find something else she might like. If she wants to do nothing, respect it. By pushing her (I am not saying that you are), you would only make her more insecure and less likeky to play.
3. She would be put off by the planning - it can be really daunting - I find it a bit like 'mail-order'. Instead of placing an advert or actively trawling through profiles, maybe let her into the chat rooms. She might find people there that she can get on with and the whole thing less clinical.
4. If she doesn't like her body, then no matter what you tell her about how gorgeous she is, she's still going to feel insecure. I found that the chat rooms on here and comments I got from people there and on this forum, made me feel comfy. I only joined here to prove to my hubby that I was too ugly / fat for anyone to play with us. It takes time and it hurts like hell to feel that you are unnattractive.
5. Talk through exactly what the issues were that went wrong last time. Respect her views and provide assurance that you will never push her. Emotions after a bad experience are truly awful and possibly moreso for her if she's not had the chance to talk them through with anyone. That's where cyberfriends come in handy as you can be brutally honest and not have to face them in the pub...
6. Maybe attend a munch (it's just a social gathering - not a shagfest). No planning and she'd meet people that would understand her concerns and be gentle.
OK. Will shut up now heehee. If she ever wants to natter away, I am usually around somewhere in the chat rooms early evenings. She is welcome to PM me and I can meet her there! Don't expect miracles, she may never want a repeat performance of the MMF scenario.
xx
hi thinkingnaugty
it only comes up in conversation when we are in the bedroom and when my wife is warmed up she would do most things but then its too late, as far as my fetish goes im not really into the couple thing and for me to have sex with another woman i dont know if i could do it, is that strange?.
we have a good sex drive together and maybe we should try clubs or something but would that be planning it and put my wife off.
i would like to think we could start small and work up to it but how would you go about it. sj1759x
You are not strange at all! I don't believe in normality heehee
A munch might be a great idea for her, it's a social event often held in a pub and very non-threatening. Or a club might be a great idea too - you are completely in control. Look at the top of this page, just along the dark blue bar is a section entitled Clubs & Parties. Have a look at the websites linked there if they are near you. Maybe show your wife and see what she thinks.
Planning it could be fun if you do it together - going with the intention of being you two together - anything else that happens may be just a bonus. That's what we did first. We went to a club and whilst we were too fraidy to play with anyone, we had a fab time by ourselves.
I completely sympathyse on the babysitting side. With a 6 yr old and 8 month old - same issue. I'd got all dressed up and raring to go to a munch on Friday night, only to realise with horror that my son had chicken pox. Had to call the whole thing off.
If you do go to a club or party, it would be worth calling or emailing a few days before and explaining that you are newbies. If it's a good place, they'll send an email response saying that you are welcome and in my experience, they ensure you are looked after. It might make her feel less nervous.
And finally... (lmao here as I sound like an older sister here), your fetish is fine. She may have some of her own. Perhaps you could talk any ideas she may have through.
I know that I find it hard as Mr TN was into MFF (which I don't mind but was all he was interested in at one point). I found the whole threesome idea with another female daunting and hoped he would entertain the idea of MMF instead. As a result, we found common ground elsewhere and now go with that. We never rule anything out in future as we keep changing our minds as we relax and learn. Be prepared and not afraid of change - it only happens if you can be brutally honest with each other.
We're still very much newbies so this is not coming from anyone with lots of experience.
are you still awake after all that??
xxxx
yes the club scene or munch sounds very exciting but in a way to our jobs we dont get out much but it sounds great , what would you talk about, what if you ended up in a corner and no one talking to you , :shock: ,
as were new to this how overwhelming is it at a club or munch,
would you be ignored or outcasted if you are new as i guess people would stay clear of you untill they got to know you.
weve been to normal partys and been ignored all night.
any examples or positive expeiriences would be gratefull. sj1759 xx
OMG - i think you just might have got my longest posting so far :happy:
compliment the hell out of her make her feel soo very wanted and sexy clever and everything else you can think of,, and drop it in to convo when she feels more comfortable within herself and secure and can consider it properly without worrying about it find out what she would like, dip your toes into a few suggestions to see if you both like before going diving into the pool prob just what has been said above talk talk and talk even more then talk all over again until she gets to the point she can discuss it openly
so a munch is more suited for new comers,
how do you go to a munch,
were are they,
are you committed to anything if you go to one.
i just wish my wife could see the real world and not all swingers are supermodels, she feels she would be the largest one in the world,
i tell her she's that good looking i want other people to admire her and enjoy her body but she still needs convincing.
i will keep talking to her. sj1759 x
hi frecklebird.
i think the frustration comes from that my wife says she wont do it and then when she's turned on she doe's.
its the planning of it that puts her off.
the ideal situation for us is that we go somewere that puts us in that envioment so when she is turned on there is someone there to oblige.
but to go somewere is to plan it and i dont know how to go about it.
sj1759 x
im sorry if you feel offended by my openess in this forum and ive been talking to a few people today for advice for some reason i feel that your comments are not helpfull, its took alot of courage to come on here today and to get a negative response from someone in this way totally puts me off attending something like a munch becouse if you represent the community it does not look good to new comers.
Hi 1759, I've just arrived and read the whole thread here. Presumably you came here with your problem to be heard, and you want people here to be honest. Someone here pointing out that you might be wrong on your tactics with your partner is not a "negative" answer necessarily, just someone trying to make an honest point to you. I'm sure you wouldn't want everyone in here to be agreeing with you because they were scared to disagree! I think you should read these responses carefully and think about them - there have been several people in this forum through the years with a similar problem to yours, so the regulars here know what they are talking about...well, most of them anyway!
Good luck,
Mike.
i uderstand what you are saying that its a persons opinion, but that person giving the opinion should be aware that there opinion could offend,
i feel offended in my opinion and as a new comer i might not be as hardened to opinions like that yet, im here as a new comer and i have a lot to learn and i respect the opinions i have received.
ok point taken some people like to be heard more than others, im here for advice not an argument.
sj1759
hi every one. im new on the forum and i just wanted some one to talk to.
hi thanks for replys, it took a lot of courage for me to come on the forum as im not up on things work but it realy nice to know that i can talk to people,wife wont talk to me about it at moment and ive no freinds i can talk to about it,bit of a sticky subject. its nice to know there are like minded people out there who just like to talk. sj1759
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still cant get the hang of posting to people here. please be patiant with me. 
