Getting back that spark?

30 May 2006

I was just looking for some advise as to how to get your sex drive/spark back into a long term relationship.
Can anyone suggest any ways to do this? Things have been sizzling down between me and my fiancee, and was hoping to get the spark back between and get our sex drives up again.
Help

30 May 2006

err... have a shag .. LOL. wink

30 May 2006

well obviously, but how can we spice things up - my fiancee isnt into group sex or anything too risque

30 May 2006

Quote by HotToyBoy
well obviously, but how can we spice things up - my fiancee isnt into group sex or anything too risque

Try step one --- shag with the lights ON :P

30 May 2006

I know this will sound terribly straight laced of me and possibly even conventional :shock: .
How about spending some time with her outside of the bedroom in a romantic or fun situation ? Such as a theme park for the excitement factor, a new sexy outfit chosen together after talking about spicing things up or a romantic candle light dinner with a nice hot bath, mutual grooming and washing of each other with a sensual massage could do wonders to perk up the sex aspect of a waning relationship. It might be the familiarity thing or being busy and tired... so have a warm friendly chat over some chocolate! ;)
Little things like holding hands, cuddles, kisses and non-sexual contact can make a female partner more receptive to sexual activity.
If it's swinging you're trying to get her into, I wouldn't advise it (although I'm sure it does happen) because sex with someone else, as attractive as it might seem, will put many more holes into a drooping relationship in my opinion. If it is something you want to try to spice things up, I'd make sure that you were both on good terms with each other before gently mentioning it to her as a spice up the sex life suggestion.
Only you will know how your fiance will take this and which way would be the best to approach things.
kiss

Gem. x

30 May 2006

Quote by little gem
I know this will sound terribly straight laced of me and possibly even conventional :shock: .
How about spending some time with her outside of the bedroom in a romantic or fun situation ? Such as a theme park for the excitement factor, a new sexy outfit chosen together after talking about spicing things up or a romantic candle light dinner with a nice hot bath, mutual grooming and washing of each other with a sensual massage could do wonders to perk up the sex aspect of a waning relationship. It might be the familiarity thing or being busy and tired... so have a warm friendly chat over some chocolate! ;)
Little things like holding hands, cuddles, kisses and non-sexual contact can make a female partner more receptive to sexual activity.
If it's swinging you're trying to get her into, I wouldn't advise it (although I'm sure it does happen) because sex with someone else, as attractive as it might seem, will put many more holes into a drooping relationship in my opinion. If it is something you want to try to spice things up, I'd make sure that you were both on good terms with each other before gently mentioning it to her as a spice up the sex life suggestion.
Only you will know how your fiance will take this and which way would be the best to approach things.
Gem. x

Agreed :thumbup:
Spend more time with each other smile

Shaz x

30 May 2006

try making the effort to making her feel sexy, buy some toys, underwear etc... make sure she knows you still fancy her.
Hold hands, squeez her bum now and again....... someone has to break the chain
Sorry for getting a bit deep.....
Tracy- Good luck

30 May 2006

Quote by davidandtracy
try making the effort to making her feel sexy, buy some toys, underwear etc... make sure she knows you still fancy her.
Hold hands, squeez her bum now and again....... someone has to break the chain
Sorry for getting a bit deep.....
Tracy- Good luck

For a relatively new poster, thats an excellent reply :thumbup:

30 May 2006

why thank you redface

30 May 2006

Excelllant advice of course, however, I've got to say that I think the effect on one half of a couple in such a situation can be underestimated and lead to great unhappiness. To have recognised this flagging of interest in sex and having then tried to regain interest by for instance introducing something new only to have every single attempt knocked back can get very tiring, off-putting and frankly get to the point where the person doesn't even care to make the effort anymore. I can see a) why people go off and have affairs and b) married men settle for a shag once a month with an unmoving person and think themselves lucky. Of course, there may be other factors in play on both sides.
To digress a little, no one should do what they don't want to do, but it's kind of a double standard when a man has to do all these things he doesn't want to do in order to get a woman to show interest but can't have a woman do something she doesn't want to do. Reminds me of the "not in tune with my financial needs" joke.

30 May 2006

Quote by laybysex
Excelllant advice of course, however, I've got to say that I think the effect on one half of a couple in such a situation can be underestimated and lead to great unhappiness. To have recognised this flagging of interest in sex and having then tried to regain interest by for instance introducing something new only to have every single attempt knocked back can get very tiring, off-putting and frankly get to the point where the person doesn't even care to make the effort anymore. I can see a) why people go off and have affairs and b) married men settle for a shag once a month with an unmoving person and think themselves lucky. Of course, there may be other factors in play on both sides.
To digress a little, no one should do what they don't want to do, but it's kind of a double standard when a man has to do all these things he doesn't want to do in order to get a woman to show interest but can't have a woman do something she doesn't want to do. Reminds me of the "not in tune with my financial needs" joke.

Well if the poor guy doesn't give it a try how will he know if it will work.....think positive...remember the glass is half full!

30 May 2006

Quote by HotToyBoy
I was just looking for some advise as to how to get your sex drive/spark back into a long term relationship.
Can anyone suggest any ways to do this? Things have been sizzling down between me and my fiancee, and was hoping to get the spark back between and get our sex drives up again.
Help

Can't really comment on your personal situation because quite frankly I don't know anyhting abouit it. But I used to be a sod for working away all week and quite frankly coming home and doing sod all relationship wise. Solution, a very good friend offerd to have to nipper(s) for one weekend every month leaving us to do as we pleased, may it be weekend away a meal out or throwing each other (and others :rascal: ) round the bedroom for the weekend. Basically anything that was a break from the norm so to speak seemed to work wonders biggrin

:D
Well that was untill she fooked of with her boss but thats a differant story lol

:lol: :lol: :lol:

30 May 2006

On that score, weekends away are a good break.

31 May 2006

thanks for the replies guys, laybysex - you made an interesting point about one person put more effort than the other, and this has been something that seems to have been happening in my situation.
Sometimes I feel that I shouldn't be putting as much effort as I do, because it seems to be 1 sided (I say it seems it, because I am not sure - I might be blind sided - if it is completely one sided).
I wouldnt want to get my partner into swinging, I really don't think she would do it anyway.
One thing that always gets me though is rejection if I have been trying to 'romance' my fiancee. There is only so much rejection a man can take

31 May 2006

thanks for the replies guys, laybysex - you made an interesting point about one person put more effort than the other, and this has been something that seems to have been happening in my situation.
Sometimes I feel that I shouldn't be putting as much effort as I do, because it seems to be 1 sided (I say it seems it, because I am not sure - I might be blind sided - if it is completely one sided).
I wouldnt want to get my partner into swinging, I really don't think she would do it anyway.
One thing that always gets me though is rejection if I have been trying to 'romance' my fiancee. There is only so much rejection a man can take

1 Jun 2006

Just wanted to add that stress can be a real passion killer, so if there is anything else going on in your partner's liife then consider that the lack of interest might not be anything to do with you. In which case all I can suggest is be patient; and weekends away, if possible, are definitely good since they do give a change of scenery and so provide at least a little break from whatever the problem is.

1 Jun 2006

Quote by laybysex
Just wanted to add that stress can be a real passion killer, so if there is anything else going on in your partner's liife then consider that the lack of interest might not be anything to do with you.

That can happen to me a little redface

Exam times when I am constantly revising I just couldn't think about having sex. I don't put the books down long enough :lol2:
It happened when my Dad was ill last year and sex became something that I wasn't interested in. Cuddles are always a good option at this point with no pressure to have sex.

Quote by laybysex
In which case all I can suggest is be patient; and weekends away, if possible, are definitely good since they do give a change of scenery and so provide at least a little break from whatever the problem is.

Weekends away are excellent. Its time you can spend on each other without worring about the grass that needs cutting or the hall way that needs decorating.
You are in a different situation and usually more relaxed. Hotels or weekends away are a good thing :rascal:

1 Jun 2006

Why not both make a list of fantasies? List all the things you'd like to try and swap papers. She can tick off all the ones she's deffo against and see what's left. She may even surprise you with some of her answers! That was the only way I could tell me ex I wanted to try other women. redface

Get back to nature. Now the summer's here ( I think confused

) go for a nice long drive with a picnic, find somewhere quiet and just be together. Nothing like the fresh air and sunshine to get the juices flowing.
Play games or try some role play. One of my faves was going out separately but to the same place, meet up as if we were strangers then go to a hotel room and shag each other senseless. :twisted:

1 Jun 2006

how about a taser gun............
on a serious note..... its very tough to get the spark back when it goes........
for once i have no sensible suggestion....... or one that you would like to hear anyway...