John Snagg was commentating on the University Boat race, which was held on a very misty day,
"In the mist, I can't make out who is in the lead, its either Oxford or Cambridge!"
thechairman18
sally gunnell once said "the girls are all very tired, they have had 6 big events between their legs already"
i'm sure there's one about someone being fingered by an official as well, but i can't remember the details......
What's yellow and runs off a 13amp plug?
George Best!
God and ST peter are standing at the gates of heaven and god says to st peter "we're getting a bit busy in here so starting from tomorrow we only let people in who've had a sh1tty day when they died"
Next day a guy comes up to the gates of heaven and st peter says "sorry we're a bit busy so i can only let you in if you've had a sh1tty day" "sh1tty day" the boy says "shitty day i'll tell you. i got let home from my work early and thought i'd surprise the wife and take home some flowers and a box of chocolates. i went into the livingroom and couldn't see her. i went into the kitchen and couldn't see her. i went into the bedroom and shes lying there naked panting and covered in sweat. Shes obviuosly been sh@gging someone else. I ran back through to the livingroom to look for him but he wasn't there so i ran through to the kitchen and he wasn't there. i ran back through to the bedroom and looked out the window and there was a guy hanging on the window Sill. i ran back through to the kitchen and got my hammer then ran back through to the bedroom and hit his hands. he fell 5 storeys and landed in a bush and hes still alive! i ran back through to the kitchen and picked up the fridge and ran back through to the bedroom. i lifted up the fridge to drop it on his head and as i was leaning out i fell out of the window, landed on the pavement and broke my neck"
St peters says "thats a sh1tty day. in you go"
Next guy comes up and st peter says "we're a bit busy in here so i can only let you in if you've had a really sh1tty day" "sh1tty day" the boy says "sh1tty day i'll tell you.
"i was in my flat 7 storeys up cleaning the windows and i stretched too far and fell out. i fell 2 storeys and managed to twist round and grab a window Sill. i was thinking thank feck for that!! and looked up and there was a nutter standing there with a hammer. he started hitting my hands and i fell another 5 storeys and landed in a bush and was still alive. i looked up and this nutters standing there with a fridge and he threw it out. it landed on my head and broke my neck and here i am!"
St peter says "thats a sh1tty day!... in you go.
The next boy comes up to the gates and st peter says "we're a bit busy in here so i can only let you in if you've had a really sh1tty day"
"sh1tty day" *sigh* ..the boy says. "sh1tty day i'll tell you!.. i was hiding in this fridge...
The 1st mate on a ship goes to see the captain............................knocks on the door................
Captain....................come in!
captain................ah, 1st mate, what can i do for you, please, sit down.
1st mate..............well sir, its a little bit delicate, but i though i should informyou, that i believe the steward is gay.
Captain................really! and what gives you that impression?
1st mate...............well sir, when i went to his cabin last night, to suck him off, he had a distinct taste of shit on his dick!
young city slicker is driving through the countryside of gloucestershire
when he see a sigh saying.......
fete this saturday for local Hospise.
leaning over a hedge is a yokel with a piece of grass dangling from his mouth
city slicker says "scuse me mate whats a hospice"
"bout 3 gallons" replys the yokel.
Well as we was not allowed to have any fun last night i looked deep down in page 5 i think it was and found this
thought it may add something back on page one
I'm getting bad headaches Doc, what should I do?
Sid, If I want to get rid of headaches I have sex with my wife.
Later that week Sid and the doc are chatting in the pub
How are you feeling Sid, headaches gone?
Sid smiles and replies, you were right! I feel great and by the way you have a great home.