Guess its back to just me.

Quote by well_busty_babe
Some of you will remember that the other week I posted a message about how tongue and I had given up swinging, how we were going to concentrate on just each other,, well that was not the whole story.
The reason we were not going to swing any more was due to the fact that though he had never cheated on me, he had been tempted to, and had almost done so(encouraged by some people who knew me and our relationship, and a woman who was well aware he had a girlfriend) . This resulted in me not being able to trust him, something that without you can not be swingers.
After many tears ( on my part) and promises (on his part) as well as him telling me he loved me more than life itself, etc etc and promising the world to me if I forgave him, I agreed to give him another chance., to work on our relationship and let him earn my trust again.
That was 2 weeks ago.
Soooo.. for the past two weeks we have not been swingers, or so I thought.
Less than two weeks after swearing life long commitment to me, and wanting me to live with him etc I found out yesterday that he had once again gone behind my back, actually meeting someone this time.
I have spent two days crying till my eyes are more swollen than if I had been punched.
I feel dizzy and sick and cant even think.
As he had been found out he had no choice but to admit what he had done( though not the full story) and was yet again apologising, begging me to forgive him and swearing he loves me.
I just cant believe that someone who says he loves me so much could do this to me, how he could do the same thing to me – two weeks after seeing how it tore me apart the first time. I really wonder if it must be me, if there is something so wrong with me that I am driving him to it.
You are all probably wondering why I am sharing this with you?
We met through here 13 months ago, and just fell for each other straight away. We got in deep pretty quick I guess, he even asked me to marry him after only 6 months.
I just feel that as our relationship developed it has always been partly through here. We made loads of friends as a couple and it was like SH was part of us.
I just thought as all the good stuff had been shared the end might as well be too.
I guess I also wanted some help, I am totally in despair at the moment and I cant share it with anyone. How can I explain to my family and friends why/how my bf was meeting woman off a swingers site without having to “drop myself in it” so to speak.
I feel like the worst thing in my life has happened and I have no one I can share it with but you guys, so I am sorry to depress you all.
Despite all this I still think I love hum, regardless of how much he has hurt me…. Why cant I hate him?