Something I thought about, as a follow-on to the ‘lifestyle or stop gap’ thought, was…. well before we actually get to that bit, let’s start with the background to the ‘what if’ part of this.
What if you (being single) met a vanilla and began to develop feelings for them. A number of people said they would be open and honest about their swinging past - so let’s say it has reached that point where you feel it is time to ease the bomb-shell out of the torpedo-racking.
Who do you think would have the most difficult conversation….
Would it be the female telling a vanilla male?
Would it be the male telling the vanilla female?
Remember now, you have to think in the vanilla mind-set to answer this one (which for some will be easier than others). :grin:
Has society moved on sufficiently for Joe Bloggs (man in the street) to accept that a woman’s past means nothing and it is a positive thing that she has explored her sexual desires outside of ’traditional’ relationships …
Or is it still likely that she will be viewed as someway tainted , yet the guy who has done/tried to do similar recreational activities is merely thought of as a male sowing his oats and being a bit of the lad named ‘Jack’?
Also…would the age group you fit into make a difference?
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Harder for men/women (what if)
Sex God
Polo, I can answer this with quite a vanilla mindset obviously still being one! So here's my two penneth worth...
Now I would say from experience among my group of friends that the woman would definitely have the easier time. For a vanilla man meeting a female with a swinging past would most possibly delight many of them (especially if they have been married a number of years and say are divorced and newly available). Whether this would be for a LTR or a fun relationship I am not sure as men differ on having women to "experiment" with and actually settling down with them.
The man revealing a swinging past I am sure would probably be looked upon with more concern by a vanilla female, TBH until we looked into the scene we had no idea it was such a community with rules and etiquette (that I sooo love!). I think the females primary concerns would be STI's, being "compared" to perhaps many other women and their natural protectiveness for their kids.
As an aside: really sadly in the vanilla world there are so many couples that sex drops off the agenda as years go by. Personally we get hornier as we get older and we have been together a long long time!
Good topic Polo, I do like your posts.
pink x
Now I would say from experience among my group of friends that the woman would definitely have the easier time. For a vanilla man meeting a female with a swinging past would most possibly delight many of them (especially if they have been married a number of years and say are divorced and newly available). Whether this would be for a LTR or a fun relationship I am not sure as men differ on having women to "experiment" with and actually settling down with them.
The man revealing a swinging past I am sure would probably be looked upon with more concern by a vanilla female, TBH until we looked into the scene we had no idea it was such a community with rules and etiquette (that I sooo love!). I think the females primary concerns would be STI's, being "compared" to perhaps many other women and their natural protectiveness for their kids.
As an aside: really sadly in the vanilla world there are so many couples that sex drops off the agenda as years go by. Personally we get hornier as we get older and we have been together a long long time!
Good topic Polo, I do like your posts.
pink x
I've only told a couple of very close friends about my sexuality and swinging. One friend is male and and the other is female but I had the same positive response from both. The female friend is bi curious so that's why I think her response was a good one. My male friend then told me his biggest fantasy was to have a 3some ( surprise surprise 
)
I do think men accept this news better than women, some may see it as a path to fulfilling their own fantasies as in the case of my friend, some may have harboured thoughts about trying it but never knew how to broach the subject whereas others may just be very understanding about their new pertner's past.
Whether or not it's a person's upbringing or just the mars/venus effect I don't know but men do seem to be more open and accepting of sexual behaviour than women.
That all made sense in my head
)I do think men accept this news better than women, some may see it as a path to fulfilling their own fantasies as in the case of my friend, some may have harboured thoughts about trying it but never knew how to broach the subject whereas others may just be very understanding about their new pertner's past.
Whether or not it's a person's upbringing or just the mars/venus effect I don't know but men do seem to be more open and accepting of sexual behaviour than women.
That all made sense in my head
what about telling women as a woman or men as men are their differences ?
I know that I swing with swingers and also with vanilla women... who uptil they met me had not had consciously "no strings" sex. when I say consciously they had done the one night stand sex then not called the woman again.
When meeting people I have been very upfront about my interest (this is on a lesbian dating website) my profile says that I am single (I am not strictly single but I won't go into Polyamory again)
When someone contacts me I am met with various reactions when I explain what I am interested in. Intially some of the women have been prudish.. some disprespectful and interested. (like I want to have sex with someone who thinks that I am less than them wtf ? )
Generally the reaction has been good. I am upfront and honest about what I want and what they will get in return.
My colleagues (small team of 4) are all cool... and are even interested in swinging as a result... and have become much more open about their sex lives.
My friends are all supportive (one of them is a strictly monogomous and christian based person)
I think that when people see that you are open and honest about who you are and why you swing and the pleasure that it gives you. That you haven't been deceptive with anyone that you are having sex with then their arguments against it are null and void.
this is my experience.
splendid x
I know that I swing with swingers and also with vanilla women... who uptil they met me had not had consciously "no strings" sex. when I say consciously they had done the one night stand sex then not called the woman again.
When meeting people I have been very upfront about my interest (this is on a lesbian dating website) my profile says that I am single (I am not strictly single but I won't go into Polyamory again)
When someone contacts me I am met with various reactions when I explain what I am interested in. Intially some of the women have been prudish.. some disprespectful and interested. (like I want to have sex with someone who thinks that I am less than them wtf ?
) Generally the reaction has been good. I am upfront and honest about what I want and what they will get in return.
My colleagues (small team of 4) are all cool... and are even interested in swinging as a result... and have become much more open about their sex lives.
My friends are all supportive (one of them is a strictly monogomous and christian based person)
I think that when people see that you are open and honest about who you are and why you swing and the pleasure that it gives you. That you haven't been deceptive with anyone that you are having sex with then their arguments against it are null and void.
this is my experience.
splendid x
When my girlfriend (who is now my wife) told me about a series of fantasies she'd had about swinging as though they were real events from her past my initial reaction was jealousy. This was followed by fear about STIs then avid interest. Unfortunately I had reacted badly to an MMF threesome we'd had before so we didn't take it further at that time. Since then the subject has come up a few times and I am (thanks to her) far more sexually open now but she still has reservations about it, she worries that I would get emotionally attached to other women or get jealous. I would really like to witch her with another man and take part in various group scenarios with her but right now I feel that I need to test the water on my own to see what it's like and if her fears are justified.
I actually get the feeling it would be the other way around.... (of course it depends on the person).
It is still more widely accepted for men to go out on the pull (specifically looking for casual sex) rather than women - though who the fluck the men are pulling if this is the case is beyond me
Many vanilla opinions of swinging are still based on NotW stories and slanted telly-box thingys - they don't know what most of us know.
Why do so many men come to SH thinking it will be an easy shag (does that not reflect in some way the mentality of many non-swingers)?
Does the average man on the street like to think of the lady on his arm as his 'special' lady(to be protected) - and not the lady who has 'had' half the street?
Years ago I suggested to a vanilla boyfriend the idea of a 3some - he was up for it.... but said he couldn't carry on seeing me if it was with someone he knew :?
More recently I told a vanilla friend about my favourite club - he fucking freaked! :shock:
I still hear much more negative things about women who enjoy sex (listening in on guys chatting in pubs) than I do men.
I feel there is still a strong split in society and generally speaking if a guy admitted to having 3 women in a bed one night, he would be called a 'lucky bastard' - where as a woman who admitted to having 3 guys in her bed would be a 'dirty bitch'.
I know a number of vanilla guys through work who would love to try anal, have group sex, be with two women pleasing eachother - but these fantasies tend to involve 'other' women and not their wives.
It is still more widely accepted for men to go out on the pull (specifically looking for casual sex) rather than women - though who the fluck the men are pulling if this is the case is beyond me
Many vanilla opinions of swinging are still based on NotW stories and slanted telly-box thingys - they don't know what most of us know.
Why do so many men come to SH thinking it will be an easy shag (does that not reflect in some way the mentality of many non-swingers)?
Does the average man on the street like to think of the lady on his arm as his 'special' lady(to be protected) - and not the lady who has 'had' half the street?
Years ago I suggested to a vanilla boyfriend the idea of a 3some - he was up for it.... but said he couldn't carry on seeing me if it was with someone he knew :?
More recently I told a vanilla friend about my favourite club - he fucking freaked! :shock:
I still hear much more negative things about women who enjoy sex (listening in on guys chatting in pubs) than I do men.
I feel there is still a strong split in society and generally speaking if a guy admitted to having 3 women in a bed one night, he would be called a 'lucky bastard' - where as a woman who admitted to having 3 guys in her bed would be a 'dirty bitch'.
I know a number of vanilla guys through work who would love to try anal, have group sex, be with two women pleasing eachother - but these fantasies tend to involve 'other' women and not their wives.
Quote by PoloLady
I actually get the feeling it would be the other way around.... (of course it depends on the person).
It is still more widely accepted for men to go out on the pull (specifically looking for casual sex) rather than women - though who the fluck the men are pulling if this is the case is beyond me
yes I know what you mean..... and when talking to my colleagues I think the fact that we know each other quite well.. has allowed the women that I work with to be more open about their intent when they go out. I think that women are less vocal about their intention and also more reserved about it retrospectively... because of society presumably
Quote by PoloLady
Many vanilla opinions of swinging are still based on NotW stories and slanted telly-box thingys - they don't know what most of us know.
Why do so many men come to SH thinking it will be an easy shag (does that not reflect in some way the mentality of many non-swingers)?.
ummmm the two must be linked.. and the TV stuff doesn't seem to go into the reasons why the woman swings they do seem to be male centric.
Quote by PoloLady
Does the average man on the street like to think of the lady on his arm as his 'special' lady(to be protected) - and not the lady who has 'had' half the street?
This IMO comes down to us being part of a monogomous christian society that has a huge influence on how we view sex and therefore those that see it is an enjoyable past time.
Quote by PoloLady
I feel there is still a strong split in society and generally speaking if a guy admitted to having 3 women in a bed one night, he would be called a 'lucky bastard' - where as a woman who admitted to having 3 guys in her bed would be a 'dirty bitch'.
I know a number of vanilla guys through work who would love to try anal, have group sex, be with two women pleasing eachother - but these fantasies tend to involve 'other' women and not their wives.
couldn't agree more... again back to the christian influenced society that we have... that is heavily policed by the moral christian right. (I use the term christian as a way of explaining the way our society has been shaped and laws have been made. In no way a as a derogatory term for those who consider themselves to be christian and are in fact open minded and free thinking)
That last post Polo!I have to agree and say that in my experience it's more acceptable for men to have multiple partners than women.
I even find myself holding back on here. I don't see SH as a 'quick shag site' far from it actually. Apart from the social aspect, I do see it as a medium for meeting like-minded people who are maybe more sexually liberated and less likely to judge.
I don't know what causes me to hold back, I think I was a lot more open sexually when I first joined strangely enough. When I first started posting adverts I wouldn't think twice about thinking to myself "Mmmm what shall it be this week? I know, I want to watch a man wank whilst I'm on my lunch hour, then go back to work!" And I arranged it and I enjoyed it very much.
I have no idea where this was supposed to be going. :doh:
I guess what I am trying to say is that it only takes a few sly remarks or for one or two people to turn their noses up at the way you choose to live your life, to make you wary of being so open. (And funnily it's usually been women and not men!)
God I'm doing my own head in!!!!
I will leave it as is and probably edit it later!
SORRY FOR WANDERING OFF TOPIC! :rose:
IN EDIT: I think what I was trying to get at (again!) is on SH sometimes there seems to be a dislike for inconsistency. People wouldn't bat an eyelid if I sh*gged 10 men a night, but they may make a comment (and have done) if I move the goal posts on what it is I'm looking for.
Sexually I love experimenting so if I want to try one thing one week and next month I wish to live out another fantasy that's up to me.
<<< Smacks self in the face in the hopes I will get to the point!
Wherever you go, whatever culture you live in, there will be practises that are the 'norm' and activites that are outside the norm. We just happen to live in a society where some think a woman should be a "lady in the street but a whore in the bed" But only with you, and never before meeting you, God you didn't even have sexy thoughts before you met your boyfriend did you?
IMHO I think it's tougher for women.
Sex God
NotW stories
What's this?
Why do so many men come to SH thinking it will be an easy shag (does that not reflect in some way the mentality of many non-swingers)?
To many vanilla people (talking from experience and some assumption) they assume swinging to mean you are not likely to be discerning about your choice of sexual partners at all, hence the shag a lot brigade come out in full force. Also the "keys in the middle" scenario still is often mentioned in such talks as is the term "wife swapping". I honestly don't think you can appreciate the community until you delve deeper and let's face it we're only chipping the ice off the top so far and we've learned loads.
pink x
A Very interesting and thought provoking topic Polo!
I would have been of a similar opinion to yourself --- that The Guy is thought of as a stud, and the Girl as a right slapper!
And to a degree I still think this would be the prevelant view......
HOWEVER - I would tend to think that if we seperated the opinions into 'age demographics' ---- that we'd find the older the age group of those asked the more this view would still hold.... however --- the younger age group I believe tend to get more and more liberated in their thinking as each generation goes by.
There will always be 'stuck in the mud' minds that will down talk anyone who doesn't conform to their view of the 'norm' ..... just as there are campaigners that go 'over the top'
Naturally my views and opinions are based on my experiences..... and as such could be biased by the 'circle of friends' that I have ....as could each and everyone of us.
So possibly someone in a 'traditional chritian based' relationship may only have friends of a similar nature with an odd exception - whereas a more liberated and open minded individual might possibly have more open minded friends with a few 'taditional' types as the exception??
And then there's always those to take into account that may give off a particular view in public...... but secretly think something completely different???
Fascinating post that could lead to an interesting debate!
So could any survey actually give an accurate indication.
I would have been of a similar opinion to yourself --- that The Guy is thought of as a stud, and the Girl as a right slapper!
And to a degree I still think this would be the prevelant view......
HOWEVER - I would tend to think that if we seperated the opinions into 'age demographics' ---- that we'd find the older the age group of those asked the more this view would still hold.... however --- the younger age group I believe tend to get more and more liberated in their thinking as each generation goes by.
There will always be 'stuck in the mud' minds that will down talk anyone who doesn't conform to their view of the 'norm' ..... just as there are campaigners that go 'over the top'
Naturally my views and opinions are based on my experiences..... and as such could be biased by the 'circle of friends' that I have ....as could each and everyone of us.
So possibly someone in a 'traditional chritian based' relationship may only have friends of a similar nature with an odd exception - whereas a more liberated and open minded individual might possibly have more open minded friends with a few 'taditional' types as the exception??
And then there's always those to take into account that may give off a particular view in public...... but secretly think something completely different???
Fascinating post that could lead to an interesting debate!
So could any survey actually give an accurate indication.
Quote by Kiss
IN EDIT: I think what I was trying to get at (again!) is on SH sometimes there seems to be a dislike for inconsistency. People wouldn't bat an eyelid if I sh*gged 10 men a night, but they may make a comment (and have done) if I move the goal posts on what it is I'm looking for.
Sexually I love experimenting so if I want to try one thing one week and next month I wish to live out another fantasy that's up to me.
.
Strangely shagging 9 guys, once, in one night does raise eyebrows and gets eyelids batting (for longer than most innings when England are involved) - even here!
Sometimes 'open minded' is nothing more than two words typed on a forum message.
People have their own ideas about what swingers should and shouldn't do and what is or isn't their cup of tea - that is fine. Unfortunately, people can become so comfortable in their own ways that a few seem to have difficulty in opening their minds far enough to accept there is more than their way of enjoying sex and that the open mindedness applies to people judging them and not them judging other people. Whilst I believe this only applies to a very small minority - it usually becomes evident when:
a) your way is different to theirs
b) your way does not involve them
c) both of the above combined
d) you appear to be enjoying yourself more than they are
e) all of the above
They are your goal posts - you move them as you see fit, not just because someone complains that it is too hard to score from where they are standing.
Not wishing to digress too much – but Scandal mentioned something … the more bisexual women thing….
Some of you may recall a number of years back (probably late 80’s) when the trendy thing for students to do was hang around gay bars/clubs – it certainly was in Leicester.
Well something I have heard mentioned (by our youth of today) on more than one occasion is how trendy/fashionable it is to be bisexual (though it seems only if you are a female). Apparently Britney has a lot to answer for when she slipped Madonna a quick snog that time.
Some of you may recall a number of years back (probably late 80’s) when the trendy thing for students to do was hang around gay bars/clubs – it certainly was in Leicester.
Well something I have heard mentioned (by our youth of today) on more than one occasion is how trendy/fashionable it is to be bisexual (though it seems only if you are a female). Apparently Britney has a lot to answer for when she slipped Madonna a quick snog that time.
I've had a think about this and to be honest I think it depends on the attitude of the person in question.
My best friend (female) knows about the meets I had with a particular couple before joining this site and she thought it sounded really horny.
nother of my female friends finds the idea of thresomes or a female kissing another female "disgusting" - hence I never told her.
Thinking of previous male partners, I had a fb who I think would've found it quite a turn on, but when I think about 2 previous long term partners, I don't think they would've been happy about it, but I think that's because they were the jealous/possesive type.
My best friend (female) knows about the meets I had with a particular couple before joining this site and she thought it sounded really horny.
nother of my female friends finds the idea of thresomes or a female kissing another female "disgusting" - hence I never told her.
Thinking of previous male partners, I had a fb who I think would've found it quite a turn on, but when I think about 2 previous long term partners, I don't think they would've been happy about it, but I think that's because they were the jealous/possesive type.
Warming the Bed
I can only speak from personal (vanilla) experience when a previous girlfriend told me at the time about her swinging activities. I remember being excited but oddly jealous. Bizarrely enough, when we talked about whether we would swing together or not, she refused point blank because 'She wanted to keep me all to herself'!!
Which I though was exceptionally sweet...
Anwyay, even though I was (and still am - :cry: )l a swinging virgin, I did not judge her in the slightest. But then again, maybe it's that liberal attitude that leads me to post here in the first place...?
Which I though was exceptionally sweet...
Anwyay, even though I was (and still am - :cry: )l a swinging virgin, I did not judge her in the slightest. But then again, maybe it's that liberal attitude that leads me to post here in the first place...?
i think its going to be hard anyway if your embarking on a relationship with someone who has any issues over your past.
one of the worst things you can do is discuss your sexual past with a new/potential partner.. even if they ask... maybe they are asking because they are insecure. The best thing to do would not be to reveal what went on in the past. It would be the future that you are meant to be concentrating on.
if i knew that the person had some issues over my past, theres no way id tell them the details...
im not bothered whether potential partners have had loads of sex..... as long as they arent still .infected by it (sorry to be blunt) .
surely sexual experience is a plus..... its made me a good shag .... or so i heard .......
one of the worst things you can do is discuss your sexual past with a new/potential partner.. even if they ask... maybe they are asking because they are insecure. The best thing to do would not be to reveal what went on in the past. It would be the future that you are meant to be concentrating on.
if i knew that the person had some issues over my past, theres no way id tell them the details...
im not bothered whether potential partners have had loads of sex..... as long as they arent still .infected by it (sorry to be blunt) .
surely sexual experience is a plus..... its made me a good shag .... or so i heard .......
Quote by DeeCee
i think its going to be hard anyway if your embarking on a relationship with someone who has any issues over your past.
one of the worst things you can do is discuss your sexual past with a new/potential partner.. even if they ask... maybe they are asking because they are insecure. The best thing to do would not be to reveal what went on in the past. It would be the future that you are meant to be concentrating on.
if i knew that the person had some issues over my past, theres no way id tell them the details...
im not bothered whether potential partners have had loads of sex..... as long as they arent still .infected by it (sorry to be blunt) .
surely sexual experience is a plus..... its made me a good shag .... or so i heard .......
So are you saying it is better to lie?
Are you saying that it is better to deny your attitude towards swinging?
If you would lie about that... what makes you think someone hasn't lied to you about being a good shag?
Quote by PoloLady
i think its going to be hard anyway if your embarking on a relationship with someone who has any issues over your past.
one of the worst things you can do is discuss your sexual past with a new/potential partner.. even if they ask... maybe they are asking because they are insecure. The best thing to do would not be to reveal what went on in the past. It would be the future that you are meant to be concentrating on.
if i knew that the person had some issues over my past, theres no way id tell them the details...
im not bothered whether potential partners have had loads of sex..... as long as they arent still .infected by it (sorry to be blunt) .
surely sexual experience is a plus..... its made me a good shag .... or so i heard .......
So are you saying it is better to lie?
Are you saying that it is better to deny your attitude towards swinging?
If you would lie about that... what makes you think someone hasn't lied to you about being a good shag?
:small-print: :small-print: :small-print: :small-print: :small-print: :small-print: :small-print:
i think i was clear. obviously not..... i said its better not to reveal it.. the word "reveal" was meant as in "not go into any detail". The word detail was clearly mentioned......
its same as when ure asked how many people youve had sex with........ if someone has issues over numbers of partners.. either beacause your figure is too high... or too low...... youre damned if you answer it wrongly with some people.
so i believe you should never reveal the actual answer .
so of course it not better to lie........but diplomacy must rule...... surely your post was because people are embarrased/judgemental ........ when dealing with affairs of the heart surely in opening your soul there can be problems.
of course im not saying "it is better to deny your attitude towards swinging".... it may be necessary......... especially if the person has issues over these things...... but ofcourse its the best option to be open. its called being tactful.........
as for your last bit........ i wouldnt lie about it...... as ive said you havent understood what i was saying..............so im not going to expand.
also this is a little off post in any event.....
but its helped me get my number of posts over a thousand......
Just short answers then i'm off no explanations it's just what i think
The one in red
Yup i'm on the date site too looking for fun and or friends.
The one in red
Yes
Quote by PoloLady
Who do you think would have the most difficult conversation….
Would it be the female telling a vanilla male?
Would it be the male telling the vanilla female?
The one in red
Quote by PoloLady
Remember now, you have to think in the vanilla mind-set to answer this one (which for some will be easier than others). :grin:
Yup i'm on the date site too looking for fun and or friends.
Quote by PoloLady
Has society moved on sufficiently for Joe Bloggs (man in the street) to accept that a woman’s past means nothing and it is a positive thing that she has explored her sexual desires outside of ’traditional’ relationships …
Or is it still likely that she will be viewed as someway tainted , yet the guy who has done/tried to do similar recreational activities is merely thought of as a male sowing his oats and being a bit of the lad named ‘Jack’?
The one in red
Quote by PoloLady
Also…would the age group you fit into make a difference?
Yes
Ah DeeCee - I understand now...
it is the subtle difference between lying and avoidance which confused me.
Rather than being open (or some may say – honest about your former activities) you are suggesting taping them up in a box marked ‘do not open’ and pretend it never happened?
I guess a great deal depends on whether you view this ol’ swinging malarkey as a lifestyle or not…. or even to what extent you have been involved.
As recreational sex (both swinging and non-swinging activities) have been such a huge part of my life for the last 2-3 years, I find the thought of being able to pack it away into a closet a little difficult to imagine.
it is the subtle difference between lying and avoidance which confused me.
Rather than being open (or some may say – honest about your former activities) you are suggesting taping them up in a box marked ‘do not open’ and pretend it never happened?
I guess a great deal depends on whether you view this ol’ swinging malarkey as a lifestyle or not…. or even to what extent you have been involved.
As recreational sex (both swinging and non-swinging activities) have been such a huge part of my life for the last 2-3 years, I find the thought of being able to pack it away into a closet a little difficult to imagine.
Quote by PoloLady
IN EDIT: I think what I was trying to get at (again!) is on SH sometimes there seems to be a dislike for inconsistency. People wouldn't bat an eyelid if I sh*gged 10 men a night, but they may make a comment (and have done) if I move the goal posts on what it is I'm looking for.
Sexually I love experimenting so if I want to try one thing one week and next month I wish to live out another fantasy that's up to me.
.
Strangely shagging 9 guys, once, in one night does raise eyebrows and gets eyelids batting (for longer than most innings when England are involved) - even here!
Really? I suppose it come back to the whole 'tolerance' issue again.
Sometimes 'open minded' is nothing more than two words typed on a forum message.
People have their own ideas about what swingers should and shouldn't do and what is or isn't their cup of tea - that is fine. Unfortunately, people can become so comfortable in their own ways that a few seem to have difficulty in opening their minds far enough to accept there is more than their way of enjoying sex and that the open mindedness applies to people judging them and not them judging other people. Whilst I believe this only applies to a very small minority - it usually becomes evident when:
a) your way is different to theirs - The usual reason in my experience.
b) your way does not involve them - Been there, suffered that!
c) both of the above combined - Undoubtedly true!
d) you appear to be enjoying yourself more than they are - Sad to say, but yes!
e) all of the above
They are your goal posts - you move them as you see fit, not just because someone complains that it is too hard to score from where they are standing.
Thanks Polo, it's easier said than done at times but I just try to ignore the petty remarks of others.
Somebody has already made a remark on this thread that perfectly highlights the difficulties, if you don't do it their way then you aren't good enough/real/a fantasist etc. It's like the time I decided to change my profile to say that I was only here socially and I wasn't actively looking because I wanted to be in control of who I received PM's from and so I could choosewho I contacted about what and when, only to receive snide comments about not being a real swinger blah blah. Strangely it's usually the same people who are always banging on about diversity and acceptance! :lol:
It's my bloody profile and my sex life!
I have had a sleep on this and I feel the reason the idea of just not mentioning anything about swinging seems devious and dishonest to me is…
It feels to me to be the equivalent of meeting someone who is a vegetarian and pretending I have never consumed meat. There is the possibility I may choose to become a vegetarian - but could I deny or avoid mentioning I had never indulged in consuming steak, never cooked a beef joint on a Sunday, never ordered a lamb shank, never barbequed pork chops, chicken, burgers… etc,etc….
Is that a sound foundation to build a relationship on?
In swinging terms - where does that leave the friends you have made. The people who you have become close to because of your shared attitude? People you spend time with socially and in some cases even going on holiday with - do they get packed away into the box marked ‘past’ and stuffed into the closet just in case they let slip something which reveals the deception?
The thought of people thinking they would find that the ‘easy’ option does not sit well with me.
Besides - the question was about who would be more likely to have the most difficult conversation when the time came to be open and honest.
It feels to me to be the equivalent of meeting someone who is a vegetarian and pretending I have never consumed meat. There is the possibility I may choose to become a vegetarian - but could I deny or avoid mentioning I had never indulged in consuming steak, never cooked a beef joint on a Sunday, never ordered a lamb shank, never barbequed pork chops, chicken, burgers… etc,etc….
Is that a sound foundation to build a relationship on?
In swinging terms - where does that leave the friends you have made. The people who you have become close to because of your shared attitude? People you spend time with socially and in some cases even going on holiday with - do they get packed away into the box marked ‘past’ and stuffed into the closet just in case they let slip something which reveals the deception?
The thought of people thinking they would find that the ‘easy’ option does not sit well with me.
Besides - the question was about who would be more likely to have the most difficult conversation when the time came to be open and honest.
Quote by Kiss
It's my bloody profile and my sex life!
That's the reason I put bi fems only in my profile. Yes, I DO have a male partner at the moment so I'm not actively looking for another. Saying that I wouldn't rule out a one off with someone I met that I really liked and my partner is ok with this.
By stating no single guys in my profile, it has reduced the number of pms from them to almost nothing, apart from the odd illiterate muppet
bi fems, on the other hand, can still apply by clicking the pm button at the bottom of this message
Quote by PoloLady
Besides - the question was about who would be more likely to have the most difficult conversation when the time came to be open and honest.
Conveniently ignoring my current situation, personally I have never shied away from telling potential partners (male of female) about my previous sexual history. I have no shame!
Quote by PoloLady
Besides - the question was about who would be more likely to have the most difficult conversation when the time came to be open and honest.
Sorry hunni, I went a little off track with my last post
Tough question PL and I doubt you'd ever get an overall idea. It would have to be based on individual circumstances.
How many sexual partners he/she has had
Are they still involved?
How regularly have they been checked at the docs/GUM clinis
Did they insist on protection
plus of course, how open minded and accepting of this lifestyle are the new partners
Quote by PoloLady
I have had a sleep on this and I feel the reason the idea of just not mentioning anything about swinging seems devious and dishonest to me is…
It feels to me to be the equivalent of meeting someone who is a vegetarian and pretending I have never consumed meat. There is the possibility I may choose to become a vegetarian - but could I deny or avoid mentioning I had never indulged in consuming steak, never cooked a beef joint on a Sunday, never ordered a lamb shank, never barbequed pork chops, chicken, burgers… etc,etc….
Is that a sound foundation to build a relationship on?
In swinging terms - where does that leave the friends you have made. The people who you have become close to because of your shared attitude? People you spend time with socially and in some cases even going on holiday with - do they get packed away into the box marked ‘past’ and stuffed into the closet just in case they let slip something which reveals the deception?
The thought of people thinking they would find that the ‘easy’ option does not sit well with me.
Besides - the question was about who would be more likely to have the most difficult conversation when the time came to be open and honest.
well sticking with the orig question ... i have to say that i dont think theres an absolute answer to who would have the most difficult conversation........ some will find it hard .. some easier, notwithstanding whether theyre male or female.
its going to be subjective... you are trying to hypothesise in any event... and we all know things dont always turn out how you plan them and sometimes we worry things are going to be tough when infact they turn out to have been surprisingy manageable.
do you want me to have a bash at discussing your analogy of the vegetarian?
would you like me to comment upon your other comments?
would you like me to have a go at answeeing your other hypertheticals?
im happy to do so........
Quote by DeeCee
do you want me to have a bash at discussing your analogy of the vegetarian?
would you like me to comment upon your other comments?
would you like me to have a go at answeeing your other hypertheticals?
im happy to do so........
It is a free world (so to speak) and a forum after all.... so please do.
Just to help you though…
If you read the original question it asks for opinions on whether people feel it would be easier for a man or a woman to tell a new (non-swinging) partner about their involvement in the swinging scene. It asks for peoples views on whether they feel society has moved on from the ‘he’s a stud and she’s a slapper’ mentality. Whilst I am aware there will be no definitive answer – its aim is to discuss perceptions of the world around us and that world’s general attitude towards swinging based upon our instincts and observations. It does not ask an individual what they think they would do or what would happen to them, just to generally discuss if we feel there would be a difference in the vanilla perception of male and female swingers.
If you read the original question it asks for opinions on whether people feel it would be easier for a man or a woman to tell a new (non-swinging) partner about their involvement in the swinging scene. It asks for peoples views on whether they feel society has moved on from the ‘he’s a stud and she’s a slapper’ mentality. Whilst I am aware there will be no definitive answer – its aim is to discuss perceptions of the world around us and that world’s general attitude towards swinging based upon our instincts and observations. It does not ask an individual what they think they would do or what would happen to them, just to generally discuss if we feel there would be a difference in the vanilla perception of male and female swingers.
Quote by PoloLady
Just to help you though…
If you read the original question it asks for opinions on whether people feel it would be easier for a man or a woman to tell a new (non-swinging) partner about their involvement in the swinging scene. It asks for peoples views on whether they feel society has moved on from the ‘he’s a stud and she’s a slapper’ mentality. Whilst I am aware there will be no definitive answer – its aim is to discuss perceptions of the world around us and that world’s general attitude towards swinging based upon our instincts and observations. It does not ask an individual what they think they would do or what would happen to them, just to generally discuss if we feel there would be a difference in the vanilla perception of male and female swingers.
well ill deal wiith this one first...............as its the main post...
Quote by PoloLady
whether people feel it would be easier for a man or a woman to tell a new (non-swinging) partner about their involvement in the swinging scene.
i think its equal (in terms of gender)and wholly dependant on the mentality of the person to whom your explaining..... its subjective.......... some people have issues with sexual history/
some dont.
Quote by PoloLady
It asks for peoples views on whether they feel society has moved on from the ‘he’s a stud and she’s a slapper’ mentality.
probably, and unfortunately not !!!! although attitudes do change......... the world is so large in terms of different types of community and levels of acceptance... that in some circles it will be have changed and others not. generalisation is very difficult to assess. as you have put, very well indeed.
Quote by PoloLady
generally discuss if we feel there would be a difference in the vanilla perception of male and female swingers.
again.. perceptions differ and theres no hard definitive answer to that.... some will accept and understand... others will damn you for your actions.
Quote by PoloLady
It does not ask an individual what they think they would do or what would happen to them
ooops...... i can see that is exactly what i did... and there was me thinkin that in order to illustrate my point of how tough the issue was to deal with in practice because of the variations in perception ... id provide my own take and solution ( from experience )
