Quote by Heather
Have you any use for a fat bastard of a cat at all? :shock:
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So any suggestions on potential uses for a 'fat bastard of a cat'?
And please - try and avoid any pussy innuendoes, I mananged to!
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Heather needs help....
Sex God
Heather, are you offering your pussy to anyone who wants it, or do applicants have to demonstrate that they are worthy recipients first?
Sex God
That's cheating... changing your post after I'd made mine.
Someone had to say it.
Someone had to say it.
This is not a word of a lie... I swear! All the following took place last summer.
It's a beautiful day... the sun in shining... birds are singing...suburbia is alive with the sound of a thousands strimmers.
It was one of those blissful moments... a chance to reflect of the wonder of the passing seasons. Suddenly, there's a distant rumbling... like thunder only with a higher pitch. Instantly I know what it means.... Tigger has caught some 'prey'.
So far... he's mugged five catnip toys from along our street, umpteen copies of the local gazzette from people's letterboxes and a Marks & Spencer's bra from god knows where.
I look round and there he is... sitting smack bang in the middle of the lawn with a fresh Mackeral in his mouth!!
I mean, where the fuck did he get it! We're 50 odd miles from the sea!!
And they wonder why I drink....
It's a beautiful day... the sun in shining... birds are singing...suburbia is alive with the sound of a thousands strimmers.
It was one of those blissful moments... a chance to reflect of the wonder of the passing seasons. Suddenly, there's a distant rumbling... like thunder only with a higher pitch. Instantly I know what it means.... Tigger has caught some 'prey'.
So far... he's mugged five catnip toys from along our street, umpteen copies of the local gazzette from people's letterboxes and a Marks & Spencer's bra from god knows where.
I look round and there he is... sitting smack bang in the middle of the lawn with a fresh Mackeral in his mouth!!
I mean, where the fuck did he get it! We're 50 odd miles from the sea!!
And they wonder why I drink....
Casanova
Heather wrote :
The other day one of my cats turned up in the garden with a white mouse
Now I thought that wild mice were all brownish in colour !! Maybe I am wrong.
Dan
I look round and there he is... sitting smack bang in the middle of the lawn with a fresh Mackeral in his mouth!!
The other day one of my cats turned up in the garden with a white mouse
Now I thought that wild mice were all brownish in colour !! Maybe I am wrong.
Dan
Casanova
Quote by Heather
Could have been an Albino mouse, Dan.... or could your feline friend has been reading Jamie Oliver's recipe for Rodent a la Bread Sauce?
I think he has been donning his regulation issue SAS black cat suit and infiltrating my neighbours domiciles!! Whereupon he has stealthily broken into their rodent accommodation and procurred said luncheon !!
However no complaints have been filed as yet, so I am keeping my head down !! 
Fortunately the only thing to resemble Jamie Oliver close to my house is a rather badly maintained bramble bush in the corner of the garden !! :shock:
Dan
The best uses for fat bastard cats are:
Drawer keeper opener
Tin/sachet emptier
Heart attack giver
Chief tripper upper
Serial Killer
Thin Cat squasher
Dirty look giver
Doorstop
Cuddle monster.
I think you'll find that most fat bastard cats are more than able to undertake the above duties with ease. :P
Drawer keeper opener
Tin/sachet emptier
Heart attack giver
Chief tripper upper
Serial Killer
Thin Cat squasher
Dirty look giver
Doorstop
Cuddle monster.
I think you'll find that most fat bastard cats are more than able to undertake the above duties with ease. :P
Three cats, two humans, four seats....it never works in our house.
The scene in our living room tonight is this:
Ally stretched out right across the sofa, Pumpkin in one armchair, Tallulah on the other armchair, Mr BE lying on the floor watching TV and me sitting in the smallest space in the corner on the PC complete with 4 textbooks and 2 folders trying to type an essay.
Guess who rules this house???
:lol: :lol:
The scene in our living room tonight is this:
Ally stretched out right across the sofa, Pumpkin in one armchair, Tallulah on the other armchair, Mr BE lying on the floor watching TV and me sitting in the smallest space in the corner on the PC complete with 4 textbooks and 2 folders trying to type an essay.
Guess who rules this house???
:lol: :lol: 