Hi all,
My name is Mark and I live with my beautiful wife Jayne in a little village just outside Swansea in South Wales. We are both in our second marriages and have children from our previous marriages. We have been married for almost 18 years and, now that our children are all grown up, we live a reasonably comfortable life and don’t really want for anything. I should perhaps at this point tell you a little about my wife. Jayne is, in my opinion, a very beautiful, sexy, intelligent woman who has, over the last few years been suffering with a mental illness, which is now under control, she has put on a little bit of weight, due to the medication, but she’s not fat or frumpy you understand, she’s still as sexy as ever, it just seems to make her feel unsexy and less likely to show off her body, which is something she used to do on a regular basis, wearing short skirts and revealing tops when we went out and she would get a thrill from watching men drool over her. There were times when we would go clubbing and she would attract a lot of attention, even when I was with her, so imagine what attention she got when I wasn’t. Very often she would go clubbing with one of her friends and would come home around 3 or 4 in the morning, usually pissed and looking a little dishevelled. If I were to ask how the night went, and what she’d been up to, she would normally babble some incomprehensible garbage and then end up crashing out on the bed, falling fast asleep. The following morning she would say she had no recollection of what went on the night before, which I always knew was not strictly true, but it meant she didn’t have to answer any awkward questions.
There was a period in our marriage when Jayne had a serious affair, which came as a total shock to me and culminated in us living apart for several months, her choice not mine. I think she felt at the time that he was the man she wanted to be with. Everyone else could see that he was only playing the field and she was just another notch on his bedpost. Unfortunately, at the time, I was having problems with my business and we were suffering severe financial difficulties, so maybe she also saw it as a way out of the misery. Obviously, after she had come to her senses, and after some lengthy discussions, we did get back together and are still happily married several years later.
It was during our lengthy discussions that she said she wanted to be honest with me and didn’t want any secrets, so she told me that during our time together she had been unfaithful to me with 5 other men, 3 of which were men that we both knew and the other 2 were complete strangers, to both me and her. The trouble is, if I ever try to bring up the subject she refuses to discuss it and when I tell her that it turns me on to think of her having sex with other men she looks disappointed and says things like “what do you think I am” or “you’re a sick pervert”. What I don’t fully understand is why she won’t discuss these things with me and consider the possibility of indulging my fantasies when she quite clearly has no problem herself in having sex with other men. It’s not that I’m a cuckold or that I feel the need to be dominated or humiliated in any way, it’s simply that I would find it a huge turn on to see her being pleasured by another man or even men.
In all the time we’ve been together my wife and I have had an equal partnership, supporting each other when needed and discussing all aspects of our past lives, i.e. partners, children, parents, etc… and, over the years, we’ve come to realise that we have a lot in common in the way we look at life, It’s only when the subject of sex is brought up that we have a problem, she refuses to discuss the subject and I start to feel like the pervert she sometimes calls me, which then has an effect on the way I feel about myself and about our relationship in general.
Does anyone have any suggestions or advice on what, if anything, I can do to get her to talk to me? I want her to see that it’s quite common for men to fantasise about their wives or partners with other men and that, if she did indulge my fantasies, it would not make me love her or respect her any less than I do. In fact, I believe that to experience a varied and exciting sex life together, occasionally involving other men; will actually bring us closer together and create an even deeper love and understanding.
I should also point out that, although I have an open attitude towards sex, it doesn’t mean that I want to have sex with other women necessarily, even if that would be exciting and enjoyable, that’s not what I desire most, I genuinely want to see my wife enjoy and be enjoyed by others.
Any help or advice would be very much appreciated.
Regards,
Mark.
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Help and advice needed
Orgasminator
I have no experience of this from your perspective, but I have been the 3rd party quite a few times ;)
In my experience women who enjoy this kind of activity have an inner desire for it, I think I would sense it if a woman was only doing it to please a partner and not for her own satistfaction too. If I did think this was the case I would be out of the door like a flash.
If your wife is making these kind of signs and statements I dont think you can change the way she feels.
I think some of the married ladies here might be able to give you better constructive advice than I can
In my experience women who enjoy this kind of activity have an inner desire for it, I think I would sense it if a woman was only doing it to please a partner and not for her own satistfaction too. If I did think this was the case I would be out of the door like a flash.
Quote by mar2syl
when I tell her that it turns me on to think of her having sex with other men she looks disappointed and says things like “what do you think I am” or “you’re a sick pervert”.
If your wife is making these kind of signs and statements I dont think you can change the way she feels.
I think some of the married ladies here might be able to give you better constructive advice than I can
Sex God
Any advice I offered would be questionable....it could well be that she has left the playful promiscuous fantasies behind, worked through them, tried them out and moved on. You weren't able to share these adventures at the time, and that's unfortunate, but it's history, and if she doesn't feel like going down the same road again then you have to respect that.
If she won't join you on the site, in chat or forums, then you might well be taking a risk by being here yourself. You and your dear wife have much to talk about. I wish you well and hope you work things out.
If she won't join you on the site, in chat or forums, then you might well be taking a risk by being here yourself. You and your dear wife have much to talk about. I wish you well and hope you work things out.
Sex God
Quote by skinny
Any advice I offered would be questionable....it could well be that she has left the playful promiscuous fantasies behind, worked through them, tried them out and moved on. You weren't able to share these adventures at the time, and that's unfortunate, but it's history, and if she doesn't feel like going down the same road again then you have to respect that.
If she won't join you on the site, in chat or forums, then you might well be taking a risk by being here yourself. You and your dear wife have much to talk about. I wish you well and hope you work things out.
:thumbup:
Orgasminator
Quote by Big_Fraser
I think some of the married ladies here might be able to give you better constructive advice than I can
Quote by Jules
Move on, wank hard and find an experience that suits you best.
Wasnt quite what I expected :haha:
- but sound advice nevertheless!!
Quote by Andy_Jules
he doesn't get invited to play alone as much as what I do.....
Bioke!!!
Maybe it’s me that has the problem, perhaps in my desire to satisfy my own sexual fantasies I have ignored her feelings. Maybe I need to accept that it’s never going to happen and just forget about it.
Thanks for your comments; I think I’m seeing things a little clearer now.
Regards,
Mark.
Thanks for your comments; I think I’m seeing things a little clearer now.
Regards,
Mark.
Quote by mar2syl
Maybe it’s me that has the problem, perhaps in my desire to satisfy my own sexual fantasies I have ignored her feelings. Maybe I need to accept that it’s never going to happen and just forget about it.
Thanks for your comments; I think I’m seeing things a little clearer now.
Regards,
Mark.
Dont be too hard on yourself, sounds like you've been through a tough time regardless, hope things work out OK for you both x
Sex God
Sorry but I would have one word for you that startsm with S and ends in uitcase. Pack yours or her's take your pick but its not often I see relationships that have gone this way make a fantastic return to happy times and even when they do it normally derails much the same way later on.
Bit vauge I wont go into details but I couldent live with some of that shit and if you can then good luck to you, think you will need it.
Bit vauge I wont go into details but I couldent live with some of that shit and if you can then good luck to you, think you will need it.
It’s such a pity; my wife and I are compatible in so many ways. We are generally very happy together, the only area that we have a problem is sex, she’s not interested in sex with anyone anymore, me included, but I have a very high sex drive. I have many fantasies that I would love to experience, mainly involving her. And, because these fantasies are unlikely to ever be realised, I get very frustrated and have to masturbate, sometimes daily, just to keep from getting too frustrated and making it a bigger problem by pestering her for sex. I think I need to find a hobby to occupy my thoughts and forget about sex altogether, although I can’t see that happening.
I would love to hear from anyone who’s experienced a similar situation and has overcome it somehow. I don’t really want to consider looking elsewhere for sex, even if it would at least give me some satisfaction, I would prefer my wife to be involved. If she doesn’t want a sex life, what the hell do I do?
Regards,
Mark.
I would love to hear from anyone who’s experienced a similar situation and has overcome it somehow. I don’t really want to consider looking elsewhere for sex, even if it would at least give me some satisfaction, I would prefer my wife to be involved. If she doesn’t want a sex life, what the hell do I do?
Regards,
Mark.
Having just looked at your profile, what you say on there seems to be somewhat at odds with what you are saying on here. You have been a member of the site since July 2004 with a single man's profile and in your profile you say "I'm a Happily married man and would love to watch my wife have fun with other men, so far she has refused but I'll keep pushing and maybe one day she will. If anyone has any advice, or idea's, to get her to participate please get in touch"
You were obviously trying to make your wife do something she clearly didn't want to do and in that respect I cannot be sympathetic to your situation.
Later in your profile, you say "of course a man has his needs so, with that in mind, i'm keen to explore the erotic as a single man for now."and state that you are looking for a couple or a single female. which contradicts what you say in your post, "I don’t really want to consider looking elsewhere for sex, even if it would at least give me some satisfaction"
You were obviously trying to make your wife do something she clearly didn't want to do and in that respect I cannot be sympathetic to your situation.
Later in your profile, you say "of course a man has his needs so, with that in mind, i'm keen to explore the erotic as a single man for now."and state that you are looking for a couple or a single female. which contradicts what you say in your post, "I don’t really want to consider looking elsewhere for sex, even if it would at least give me some satisfaction"
Thank you for taking the time to view my profile, and your observations are spot on. The thing is, when I became a member in 2004 it was just after my wife’s affair and I was a little confused. A lot of the things I wrote back then were based more on fantasy than reality. I had discussed my fantasies with my wife many years before her affair and, at the time, she seamed to have no problem with my fantasies, in fact she actively encouraged them, although she would often say she couldn’t really see herself participating. It may very well have been my attitude towards her having sex with other men that encouraged her to have the affair in the first place.
Whatever I have written and whatever my attitude towards sex is, I have never had any sexual relations with any other women during my marriage, and never intend to without my wife’s consent.
Your comments, and the comments of others, has made me realise that I should not be on this site at all and will be deleting my profile shortly.
Thank you all and goodbye.
Mark
Whatever I have written and whatever my attitude towards sex is, I have never had any sexual relations with any other women during my marriage, and never intend to without my wife’s consent.
Your comments, and the comments of others, has made me realise that I should not be on this site at all and will be deleting my profile shortly.
Thank you all and goodbye.
Mark
Sex God
Quote by mar2syl
It’s such a pity; my wife and I are compatible in so many ways. We are generally very happy together, the only area that we have a problem is sex, she’s not interested in sex with anyone anymore, me included, but I have a very high sex drive. I have many fantasies that I would love to experience, mainly involving her. And, because these fantasies are unlikely to ever be realised, I get very frustrated and have to masturbate, sometimes daily, just to keep from getting too frustrated and making it a bigger problem by pestering her for sex. I think I need to find a hobby to occupy my thoughts and forget about sex altogether, although I can’t see that happening.
I would love to hear from anyone who’s experienced a similar situation and has overcome it somehow. I don’t really want to consider looking elsewhere for sex, even if it would at least give me some satisfaction, I would prefer my wife to be involved. If she doesn’t want a sex life, what the hell do I do?
Regards,
Mark.
Sounds like the place to start would be relationship counciling of some kind. Best of luck.
Sexpert
Just a suggestion; why not print out what you have posted and show her that on paper? You are writing honestly and clearly from my point of view.
If you are honest then it is real...sometimes it's easier to read something and that might lead to a discussion.
If you are honest then it is real...sometimes it's easier to read something and that might lead to a discussion.
She cheats on you, you cheat on her, the best advice I can give you is carry on as you are, you cannot force her to discuss such things with you, (even though I personally believe that people in relationships should discuss everything)
Right now your both getting the extra marital sex you seek and your together happy in all other aspects of your life together, do you really want to rock the boat ?
Right now your both getting the extra marital sex you seek and your together happy in all other aspects of your life together, do you really want to rock the boat ?
Quote by Derek_kelp
Just a suggestion; why not print out what you have posted and show her that on paper? You are writing honestly and clearly from my point of view.
If you are honest then it is real...sometimes it's easier to read something and that might lead to a discussion.
On the other hand and despite the fact that she admits to cheating on him, she may just blow a fuse when she finds out that he is cheating on her
Quote by MidsCouple24
She cheats on you, you cheat on her, the best advice I can give you is carry on as you are, you cannot force her to discuss such things with you, (even though I personally believe that people in relationships should discuss everything)
Right now your both getting the extra marital sex you seek and your together happy in all other aspects of your life together, do you really want to rock the boat ?
Have you read the above at all, you don't seem to understand what's been going on. We are not having sex with each other or anyone else at the moment, and I have not had sex with any other woman since my wife and I have been married.
Mark
Quote by Derek_kelp
Just a suggestion; why not print out what you have posted and show her that on paper? You are writing honestly and clearly from my point of view.
If you are honest then it is real...sometimes it's easier to read something and that might lead to a discussion.
I think this is a pretty good idea :thumbup:
Quote by mar2syl
She cheats on you, you cheat on her, the best advice I can give you is carry on as you are, you cannot force her to discuss such things with you, (even though I personally believe that people in relationships should discuss everything)
Right now your both getting the extra marital sex you seek and your together happy in all other aspects of your life together, do you really want to rock the boat ?
Have you read the above at all, you don't seem to understand what's been going on. We are not having sex with each other or anyone else at the moment, and I have not had sex with any other woman since my wife and I have been married.
Mark
Yes I read "the above" and not being stupid I understood it, I also read your profile where you are actively seeking to meet couples and single females on you own because, and I quote
"of course a man has his needs so, with that in mind, i'm keen to explore the erotic as a single man for now."
Wether you have been successfull in seeking those couples or single females you are trying to or not is imaterial, to me it is the same thing, the only difference is that perhaps you haven't been successfull yet, I didn't say that in my opinion you were wrong to seek to cheat on her, I didn't say you were right, I simply said what I said based on what YOU wrote in your profile.
Sex God
Quote by MidsCouple24
She cheats on you, you cheat on her, the best advice I can give you is carry on as you are, you cannot force her to discuss such things with you, (even though I personally believe that people in relationships should discuss everything)
Right now your both getting the extra marital sex you seek and your together happy in all other aspects of your life together, do you really want to rock the boat ?
Have you read the above at all, you don't seem to understand what's been going on. We are not having sex with each other or anyone else at the moment, and I have not had sex with any other woman since my wife and I have been married.
Mark
Yes I read "the above" and not being stupid I understood it, I also read your profile where you are actively seeking to meet couples and single females on you own because, and I quote
"of course a man has his needs so, with that in mind, i'm keen to explore the erotic as a single man for now."
Wether you have been successfull in seeking those couples or single females you are trying to or not is imaterial, to me it is the same thing, the only difference is that perhaps you haven't been successfull yet, I didn't say that in my opinion you were wrong to seek to cheat on her, I didn't say you were right, I simply said what I said based on what YOU wrote in your profile.
He explains his profile in this answer:
Thank you for taking the time to view my profile, and your observations are spot on. The thing is, when I became a member in 2004 it was just after my wife’s affair and I was a little confused. A lot of the things I wrote back then were based more on fantasy than reality. I had discussed my fantasies with my wife many years before her affair and, at the time, she seamed to have no problem with my fantasies, in fact she actively encouraged them, although she would often say she couldn’t really see herself participating. It may very well have been my attitude towards her having sex with other men that encouraged her to have the affair in the first place.
Whatever I have written and whatever my attitude towards sex is, I have never had any sexual relations with any other women during my marriage, and never intend to without my wife’s consent.
But you have a go at me for reading the situation wrongly but openly admit that your profile is at least in part a lie, you are not a swinger, not looking to meet people, and therefore quite possibly wasting peoples time, I have no further comment if you cannot amend your profile in 7 years I doubt anything anyone here says will make any difference to what you do.
Quote by MidsCouple24
But you have a go at me for reading the situation wrongly but openly admit that your profile is at least in part a lie, you are not a swinger, not looking to meet people, and therefore quite possibly wasting peoples time, I have no further comment if you cannot amend your profile in 7 years I doubt anything anyone here says will make any difference to what you do.
I apologise if I appeared to be having a go at you, It's just that you were implying that my wife and I are both enjoying sex with other partners, which is not the case. And with regard to my profile being "at least in part a lie" I agree with you but, like I have already said, a lot of what I have written is based on fantasy, wishful thinking I suppose.
The truth is if my wife were willing, I couldn't imagine anything more exciting than watching her enjoying and be enjoyed by other men, and yes! If she were willing, I would like to enjoy other women myself, but I wouldn’t want to have sex with anyone else without her consent. So even I am not actually a practicing swinger I certainly embrace the lifestyle.
Again I apologise if I appeared to be having a go, it was not my intention. I’m not in a happy place at the moment and I just want to find a way to a more satisfying life. Perhaps this forum is not the place to be discussing personal problems; maybe I should be seeking the help of a counsellor.
Thank you all for your comments, you have made a difference - hopefully a positive one, only time will tell.
Mark.
Quote by mar2syl
Have their been any kids? I ask this because if not, its possible the wife might have been trying to conceive?
its easy to overlook the basics........
We both have children from previous marriages so it's nothing to do with that.
Mark
Mark
Take a , and seriously consider doing Jan's Living Tantra series of workshops - saved my life, never mind my marriage. PM me if you want to know more.
