Help Me Cum

Warming the Bed

15 Jul 2004

Hi folks
Ill welcome myself to swinging heaven. lol

To start, some help/advice from anyone experianced/ing the same problem as me!
The Background:
Im 22, highly sexually charged (masturbate most nights/mornings/ aftrenoons etc wink

) and think about sex a lot. I find many different things attractive but in majority am turned on by standard stuff and conventional styles/ people etc (i dont need anyhting extreme to get me going).
I regularly go out and often succesfully find someone to sleep with. If im lucky enough to actually have somewhere to spend time with them (some girls wont let you take them home and prefer outdoors rolleyes

:wink: ); like to make it as worthwhile as possible with foreplay and exploration.
Now ive no problem getting an erection, but dont seem to get much else out of the sensation. Normally I end up hard, but totally de-sensatised and after time completely bored/pissed off. Usual encounters leave a partner going like a train on me and I literally cant feel a thing, dont even know wether Im still hard (in most cases i am) redface

And I never get to a point where im going to cum :cry:
Points to think about:
Now I can manage it fine myself, or is that the problem (to used to my own feel/ technique?).
Im circumcised, maybe this has something to do with it?
I am of good size and find that I can accomadate the partner well!-so will rule that out
I think maybe the condom isnt doing me any favours either.
Its not alchohol related
is it that the person isnt turning me on enough?
As you can imagine, this isnt good to me or the person im with, and it leaves them feeling like they've done something wrong, which I feel isnt fair as its me with the problem.
To summarise, when I fuck a woman 9/10 I dont cum.
Ok, so if any of you experts have any advice or tips, please please let me know.
Thanks a lot in advance
Ross

VenusnMars

Sex God

15 Jul 2004

If you can cum ok when you masturbate, I would suggest two things;
Maybe you are trying too hard.
Cut down on the masturbation!
If not then maybe you should have a word with your doc. cool

Venusxxx

Bluethunder

Warming the Bed

15 Jul 2004

Think ill leave the third option out, and not wanking doesnt make much difference but thanks anyway confused

Missy

Sex God

15 Jul 2004

Hi Ross

Now there could be several reasons why you have a problem ...... might not be any of em, after all I'm a girl :lol2: so not the best one to offer advice.
First one - you said you pick up girls when you're out. I presume this is at a club or something, therefore alcohol involved? This will do you no favours in the sensation department. So if you intend on having sex with someone, lay off the drink ok wink

Second one - although you do use foreplay, maybe you're not using it enough? If it's after you've been out and you're outside then it's not easy to spend time on the foreplay. Try meeting someone, not sleeping with em, taking them out another night and booking a hotel room if you can't go back to either house. Then spend a whole afternoon/evening just on foreplay - not going at it like trains :lol2: just take it slow and explore each other. Gentle touches and caresses is a lot more erotic than banging away at each other. Doesn't have to be just intimate touches either, a cuddle and a giggle in between is fun too!
A combination of both of the above points would surely work? You said alcohol is not the problem and you do use foreplay ....... but when you masturbate, you don't have a problem with cumming. Is that when you're at home, not been out, completely relaxed and able to spend the time?
Never do 'token' foreplay, and don't let your partner do it either ........ there is nothing more offputting than knowing someone is only touching you to make you cum asap rolleyes

Hence the going at you like a train - you must feel a certain pressure to 'perform' when someone starts on you like that?
There, massive post ........ please don't say it's all crap :lol2:
Oh and Welcome to the forums by the way biggrin

redstilletto

Sex God

15 Jul 2004

i cant understand why you can cum when you wank and when your erm shagging you cant
must something to do with your getting to used to the pressure that you hold yourself
i think id have to agree with the do less wanking statement and if you cant hold it more gentle ....so it gets used to a softer touch
ive never known a woman with a grip on her pelvic muscles that can match a clenched fist wink

Bluethunder

Warming the Bed

15 Jul 2004

Quote by MISSCHIEF
:
First one - you said you pick up girls when you're out. I presume this is at a club or something, therefore alcohol involved? :
Second one - Try meeting someone, not sleeping with em, taking them out another night . Then spend a whole afternoon/evening just on foreplay - not going at it like trains :lol2: just take it slow and explore each other. Gentle touches and caresses is a lot more erotic than banging away at each other. Doesn't have to be just intimate touches either, a cuddle and a giggle in between is fun too!
Never do 'token' foreplay, - you must feel a certain pressure to 'perform' when someone starts on you like that?
Oh and Welcome to the forums by the way

Thanks-and no thats not crap, ive taken it all in-honest wink

You know your right,however; mostly; first booze is not involved, i try to stay aware of what im doing :roll:
Secondly, ive never slept with anyone I cared about ( i mean emotionally) that I think makes me feel guilty and doesnt help. So i guess token foreplay would be accuarate sad

However, most chaps i know (certainly may age) will cum in anything (pardon that redface

). Most guys, well once they got going, even if they dont fancy the girl and she's got bad breath and its there mothers sister or whatever, end up shooting there load quickly. In reality most guys have the opposite problem, show them a woman, let them spend a few moments with her and "pop" mad

all over. Some of these girls have been cracking looking, real nice figures, smelt lovely etc etc. And theres me acting like a total bore. I end up carrying on (token-as you put it) for there sake, and they dont seem to mind :roll:
Think its time i got a girlfriend perhaps huh,lol confused

:
thanks for all the advice. (and you stilleto, yeah i do squeeze :wink: )
THANKYOU LADIES

Lovecommando

Sex God

15 Jul 2004

That's a good point Redstilletto.
I'd say your wanking has caused you to become desensitized. It is a known condition. You may need some medical advice but generally they will probably say just use a softer wanking technique. The thing is the more desensitized you are the harder you have to wank and it just gets worse. Only person who can really help you is yourself.

Bluethunder

Warming the Bed

15 Jul 2004

Damn- that doesnt sound like what i wanted to hear doc, cant you just give me a shot and clear me for duties?
Makes sense actually, as i said, im circumcised, and require a lot of lube! And and stroke to the beat, if you catch my drift.
One thing that does seem to work fine though is BJs!
Ah, to have an understanding woman.
Ive also another problem, ill post a new topic for that one (if you dont mind)

gary30

Warming the Bed

16 Jul 2004

Bluethunder your not alone.......i had the same problem as you and yes im circumsised as well....nearly three years ago now.(im 31).
First if you wank HARD then that could be part of the problem as no woman will grip you as tight as your hand....try wanking gently it really made a huge difference to me.
Secondly depending where your meeting the ladies...pub/club or maybe working girls...the latter will be hard work as your under pressure to come and go so to to find a relationship and see if that makes a difference.
Lastly....comdoms...100% needed.....100% certain i wont come while wearing one. sad

Calista

Sex God

16 Jul 2004

no advice here ....
just
Hi & :welcome:

easy

Sex God

16 Jul 2004

I'm in agreement with the above wanking statements. Cut down and loose the hydrolic grip.
There is another possibility here that someone mentioned and that's relaxing. It may be that you're getting caught up in a cycle of worrying about cuming, so that puts stress on yourself, which can stop you cuming, so you get even more stressed, so you go at it like a train and still can't do it, so get really stressed.
I think the answer may be a steady girlfriend in/or a more relaxed environment.
Lets face it, a quick knee-trembler, round the back of a club isn't the best place for stress-free sex.

Thomas

Sexlightened

16 Jul 2004

Definitely cut down on the wanking, soft or hard. There's only so much hormones your body can produce in a few days, if you're lucky enough to be successful with ladies, no need to throw it away with your hand smile

You might try to come not more than twice or 3 times a week. If the very prospect makes you squeal, try it first.
Love,
Thomas xxx
==========

Missy

Sex God

16 Jul 2004

Quote by Thomas
You might try to come not more than twice or 3 times a week. If the very prospect makes you squeal, try it first.

I tried it ..... found myself suddenly going out for very long drives, looking for cattle grids while wearing my 'funny feeling' trousers confused

Bluethunder

Warming the Bed

16 Jul 2004

Again, thanks all cool

A few points.
First maybe i over emphasised the wanking, i included it in the original post to demonstrate that everything works fine confused

In reality my wanking pattern is like the weather. At times ill have one a day (normally in the evening) and at other times can go a week. I feel that after a week, I shuold have one as a matter of course, like an oil change. Dont know wether that makes sense, something for you to think about wink

Im defo gonna try a different wanking claw lol

ie softer.
Interesting that a fellow baldy has the same problem, sorry had the same problem and that a condom means no chance of cumming. That also refelects true of me, ive only ever come without a condom (something there me thinks)! This makes life difficult tho, as im perhaps oversafe not that such a thing is ever a problem.
Thanks to all you lovely folk who have said hiya and velkom! CHEERS biggrin

VenusnMars

Sex God

16 Jul 2004

Saying that I heard the using a vibrator ebvery day can cause women to become desensitised.......I hope it`s not permanant :shock:
Venusxxx

yellowfrog

Sexlightened

16 Jul 2004

Just want to add my 2p's worth, as I had a similar problem when I were a lad.
Either cut down on the self pleasure, or do more shagging (in better surroundings than an alley behind a pub/nightclub) as it takes a bit of getting used to cumming in a woman due to the fact that different nerves are being stimulated and different ammount of pressure is being applied to your willy. I seem to recall not being able to cum with Mrs Yellowfrog for a few weeks when we first started shagging all those years ago, as I was much more used to wanking than shagging (probably at least twice a day). Once you do manage to splurt the little tadpoles out the first time though, there's no stopping them after that!!
One final tip... try going in through the tradesman's entrance, it's much tighter wink

:lol:

ChairmanMiaow

Sexpert

16 Jul 2004

Are you on any medication at all ?
SSRIs like Seroxat can have that effect on your ability to orgasm, and I'm sure there are many other drugs that do too.
CM

Bluethunder

Warming the Bed

16 Jul 2004

Ok folks, im on a diet as of now. No wanking for a month :cry: . And try and shag more, yeah right, at the moment im never out much to find anyone (which is why im on here mad

) all work and no play.
As for the tradesmans entrance, chance would be a fine afraid im a virgin when it comes to that redface

, never pushed for it, if you pardon the pun.
Thanks again for all your advice on this matter its much valued.
Ill try sorting it myself before seeing the doc, i have a medical coming up in December though and may mention it then to the ladies of the CAA if nothing changes, most of them are russian and rather horny. cool

Cheers folks smile

tallnhairy

Sex God

16 Jul 2004

My two penny's worth...
Condoms, a pain to start with, but find the right girl and they can make you forget you wearing them, just has to be even better to work...
Same goes for cumming during sex. I'm married, my other half knows all the tricks and positions I like, and it still wont always happen inside. I would suggest you try advanti condoms, I found them a lot more sensitive than latex ones.
So tips for cumming inside, love the girl (it helps to build up knowledge of each other). Get a girl who knows what she is doing and really goes for you (unlikely in semi drunk nightclub)