Off we set for the Yorkshire munch. Nothing could possibly go wrong this time. We had been invited by friends to stay at theirs so we could all travel together. Without me driving we couldn’t possibly get lost.
So we set off from Nottingham all chirpy because we had organised everything in advance. First port of petrol from the petrol station. I jumped out and started to fill up. Alex got out and said she would pay and get money from the cash machine. I told her what a good idea, as I talked to her across the roof of the car. I blinked and she was…………..well I looked to the shop area……..no sign……I looked around the forecourt……still no sign. Then I heard “Help meâ€. I let go of the nozzle and walked around the back of the car. She was hanging onto the door and the pump dispenser for dear life. As we had talked, she stepped back and fell over the raised pavement bit of the pump island. So after helping her out of her predicament……..ok, and a few giggles thrown in……….I carried on filling up. I went into the shop after filling up and met her by the counter where she was grabbing some drinks and nibbles. We had it all scanned in and she left me with the card to pay for it. She set off back to the car. I paid and started walking back to the in time to find Alex being pulled by the Store Security for walking out the shop with no receipt!!!!! As I walked up she said “That’s my has the To which I replied “Sorry. Do I know you?†As I faced the security I said “I don’t know who she At which point………she belted me. I showed the receipt and off we were again.
So, there we were belting up the M1. I decided I would have a fag. Five minutes later I finish it and throw it out the window. I watch it leave the for Alex to open her window and the bloody thing got sucked back in. Quick as a flash I catch it. At this point I realise that skin is waterproof………………..but not fireproof. “Fecking hell†I scream…………as I throw the fag up in the air……..to see it land on my t-shirt. So what do I do……….I blow on it works for candles, they go out!!!! Unfortunately, if you blow on a fag……..it glows extra extra red means extra hot!!!! I am now trying to set fire to myself……..A thought flashes threw my car is insured for about the driver???? Ah well……after a few jerking motions……I manage to grab the fag and this time throw it out of the it stays out. Sympathy of my burnt fingers and t-shirt by Alex is just pee’d herself laughing for the next twenty minutes. Cow!
So we near Freckled_Birds and give her a call to guide us in. The two women talk and relay the information to me. Everything was going great……..then we reached a roundabout. Alex looked at the sign and told Freckled_Bird that we are at “Beckford Errrr Boutâ€â€¦â€¦â€¦I looked at her with some confusion. I heard the reply from the telephone “Where?†She repeated ““Beckford Errrr Boutâ€. I now looked at the sign she was looking at. The sign read “Beckford R’boutâ€. I started to wet myself. Alex glowered at me and said “What is so bloody funny?†I replied that the “R’bout†is short for roundabout. Once again……..her right arm shot out and made contact with my left arm………..ah well, another few bruises to match the others. So we eventually made it to Freckled_Birds place. We got ready quick and then set off to the munch venue.
The two ladies sat in the back and me and Mr-FB were in the front. FB had written the instructions down from the AA. So as me as navigator we set off. All went we got near the venue. The instructions were written down as points 1-20. The first 15 were spot on………but after matched. I am sure that FB wrote them down in the wrong order. When it said turn left………we ended up back at the previous instruction. drove straight past the venue by accident……so we arrived.
At the end of the night, we set off back to FB’s. This time FB was driving as Mr-FB had had a couple of pints by then………well volunteered FB he he he he. So me and Alex in the back and the FB’s in the front. Alex managed 2.2 secs before she was flat out with her head well back. After 5 speed had dropped to 20mph in a 40mph area. “What’s up?†I ask. She replied “There is this terrible noise coming from the car………I think the exhaust has fallen off the car Mr_FB looked over at me……then we both look at Alex. “FB!†I said “It is Alex snoring………and nothing to do with the Not long after……Mr_FB joined Alex in the land of nod. So we had Alex doing an impression of an industrial earthmover with a broken silencer………and Mr-FB looking remarkably like the Churchill nodding dog. A few minutes later we join a roundabout……..FB thinks you can stay in the left-hand lane to go all the way around a roundabout………this wouldn’t have been a problem……..except that a fecking big white limo was trying to turn left on our right hand side. I gave FB a word of warning that the limo was there. I think my exact words were “OH YOU FECKERâ€â€¦â€¦..where she swiftly wrenched the wheel to the left and we missed the limo by inches. Well……you can’t blame her……..it is easy to miss a white 25 foot car with bloody big lights running down the side of it.
So we arrive safely at FB’s later on in the morning. We decide on a quick cuppa and have it in the garden. As it is keep the noise down abit. You know the drunken two decibels lower than a jack-hammer digging through concrete. Well the windows from the neighbours slammed shut with a bang………..sorry FB……..we have just upset your neighbours. Alex was sat on the rear step holding onto Mr_FB’s leg for support in case she fell over. The poor man couldn’t move. FB sat down in the conservatory and told Alex to come here and sit on her knee so Mr_FB can get some circulation back into his leg. So she sat on her knee and we waffled for a bit……..then FB’s face changed!!!!!! Her nose wrinkled and her face What’s up FB?†I asked…………Alex said “I have a poorly tummyâ€. Alex had only farted on our hostess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alex has been put to bed as she can hardly stay awake………but two minutes later……she is back in the kitchen getting a glass of water. This happens 4 times……each time getting a fresh glass. The curiosity gets the better of me and I look in the front room. Along the side is 4 full glasses of water. She is so pissed that she has got the water………fallen asleep……woke up again…..forgot that she has water……..gone for another one and gone back to bed……then repeated the process again. Talk about memory of a goldfish, enough water available if she was a goldfish though!!!!! Well we went to bed after an enjoyable evening.
In the morning we woke were sleeping in the front room and Mr-FB had kindly shut the dividing doors for privacy for us. Unfortunately……..he had forgotten about Alex………up she rises…..goes to the rips the bloody door handle off. So we are now locked in the front room with her needing the toilet quick. She was dancing around on one leg that much I thought about entering her into the auditions of River-Dance. She was banging on the door yelling for someone to let her out. Mr_FB let her out and was promptly run over in her dash for the toilet.
Mr_FB made a wonderful full English breakfast……..which was heartily welcomed and devoured faster than a pack of hyenas gorging on a wildebeest. apologise to Mr_FB of having run him over said she would clear up. So she scrapped all the leftovers into the bin……………..Just as FB walked into the kitchen. FB asked Alex “Why are you scrapping the plates into my laundry basket?†Alex looked into the bin and was FB’s dirty washing, all covered in the remains of the breakfast. We all peered inside to witness FB’s knickers covered in bean juice and bacon. You never know………..it probably has been covered in worse (runs like hell and dives for cover).
Alex can only apologise and says can she do anything else to make Mr-FB and FB said in unison………………. “NOâ€.
So we start to pack up to get going back home………Alex gets her bag and throws it onto her shoulder………..this throw was just at the right height to swat the telephone straight off the wall and come crashing down.
We said our goodbyes and was the first time we have been at anybodies house where they have not said “Come back again†………..I am just mystified why they never said those words……………………….
………………So we are now looking for anybody to put us up for the night at the next munch we takers?????????
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Holiday Joy part 8-How to get to a munch
Sex God
:shock: He said he'd written a lot - that's a novel!
You forgot to mention that when you drove off, you hooted the bloody car horn about six times and woke all the neighbours who were having a Sunday afternoon nod because they'd been woken up in the early hours
They're passing a petition round the close now :shock:
You forgot to mention that when you drove off, you hooted the bloody car horn about six times and woke all the neighbours who were having a Sunday afternoon nod because they'd been woken up in the early hours
They're passing a petition round the close now :shock: Quote by Shireen_Mids:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
*Wipes the tears from her eyes*
Pass me a tissue Shireen
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Sex God
My jaw aches from laughing, last night then this afternoon.
Sex God
makes mental note not to invite Dave and Alex to house
Mod
Quote by Dawn_Mids
*Wipes the tears from her eyes*
Pass me a tissue Shireen
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
After you ladies!!
That was just soooooooooo funny!!!
Mal
Sex God
Quote by Dawn_Mids
*Wipes the tears from her eyes*
Pass me a tissue Shireen
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
any tissues left?
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Sex God
Quote by hisandhers
*Wipes the tears from her eyes*
Pass me a tissue Shireen
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
any tissues left?
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Me next :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Sex God
Your adventures really should be made into a book
weekly serialisation in the sunday's, maybe a film with tom hanks :giggle:
weekly serialisation in the sunday's, maybe a film with tom hanks :giggle:
Sex God
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:sounds like u r perfect house guests.............................
u`d be safe here......anything breakable.........the kids have already broken it...lol
Sex God
:shock: :shock:
erm, just off to check the list in me LMU thread
What with you two and Missy's handbag :shock: and all those tents OMG
erm, just off to check the list in me LMU thread
What with you two and Missy's handbag :shock: and all those tents OMG
Orgasminator
That was the most hillarious report I have read in a long time. Glad that you lot had fun.
Warming the Bed
Dave and Alex
Thank you so much for cheering my Sunday evening up
:giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
I was sitting here feeling quite sorry for myself, missing having a house full of people, and now I have tears of laughter running down my face, I can't stop giggling and god knows how many spelling mistakes are in here cos I am typing through tears, so apologies
:giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
You two are brill and like someone else said, don't ever change, please don't, we all love you just as you are.
:inlove:
Thank you so much for cheering my Sunday evening up
:giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
I was sitting here feeling quite sorry for myself, missing having a house full of people, and now I have tears of laughter running down my face, I can't stop giggling and god knows how many spelling mistakes are in here cos I am typing through tears, so apologies
:giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
You two are brill and like someone else said, don't ever change, please don't, we all love you just as you are.
:inlove:
Sex God
OMFG . . . .
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
dave, you NEVER learn do you? surely by now you'd realise the solution is just not to take alex? easy peasy! :P
bacon and eggs in FB's laundry.:rotflmao: how many of these
:? :? :? were written all over their faces? the only bit i shouldn't laff at really cos i know damn well it's exactly the kind of thing i'd so? 
neil x x x ;)
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: dave, you NEVER learn do you? surely by now you'd realise the solution is just not to take alex? easy peasy! :P
bacon and eggs in FB's laundry.:rotflmao: how many of these
:? :? :? were written all over their faces? the only bit i shouldn't laff at really cos i know damn well it's exactly the kind of thing i'd so? neil x x x ;)
Sex God
OMG :shock:
Dave and Alex, you never fail to make me laugh :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
After the stories you have told us Dave, i can picture this episode sooooo clearly
Thanx for the laugh
G x
Dave and Alex, you never fail to make me laugh
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: After the stories you have told us Dave, i can picture this episode sooooo clearly
Thanx for the laugh
G x
Sex God
Thanks Dave...one more hilarious saga.
Funny, you and alex-email seem so normal and sensible....psychologically speaking.
Funny, you and alex-email seem so normal and sensible....psychologically speaking.
