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The Lord Mayor is visiting the local 'Old Folks Home' and is introduced to the eldest resident, a 90-year-old lady.
"You look marvellous" he says to her "have you ever been bedridden"
"oh yes, many times" she replies " and I've been ridden on the setee too"
hmmm, guess you had to be there
Joe and John were identical twins.
Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.
One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-towners who ended up sinking it.
He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening. Unknown to him, his brother John's wife had died suddenly in his absence.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery store. A kind old woman there mistook him for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said,
"Hell no! Fact is, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her.
She was a rotten old thing from the beginning.
Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish.
She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too.
Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy."
"I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time.
I warned them that she wasn't very good and that she smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway.
The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle."
The old woman fainted.
yeah liked them (now i have to try and remember them don't think i will some how)
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