How detached are you?

14 Aug 2012

Quote by M1ssVery
My question is not whether detaching yourself is in concept with the swinging world or not-I know it is. I'm asking whether sometimes you just can't help yourself and you do feel a bit funny/weird/uncomfortable..I was wondering if that came with experience and time or whether even the most "hardened swingers" can slip into feeling that way on occasion..

I just feel the need to point out that the term "hardened swingers" as used in these forums, especially by people in their ads denying that the term applies to them lol

, is generally taken to mean something a bit different from the way your are using it here: it means people to whom swinging has become a habit, a routine, where they no longer feel the thrill either in the anticipation or the activity itself.
If you mean people who have become inured to the uncomfortable feelings you describe in your original post, that's a bit different. I'm afraid most of my swinging contacts in here have been people who don't know each other, rather than from the pool of regulars from the forum/socials/clubs/munches of old, so I cannot help you more than that.

14 Aug 2012

Quote by tweeky

My question is not whether detaching yourself is in concept with the swinging world or not-I know it is. I'm asking whether sometimes you just can't help yourself and you do feel a bit funny/weird/uncomfortable..I was wondering if that came with experience and time or whether even the most "hardened swingers" can slip into feeling that way on occasion..

If you are single that's fine. You like someone Else's partner a bit but not that much? I guess most singles no not to go there. Though if your in a couple then its a problem. If you understand swinging as a couple fully then you shouldn't be getting those types of feelings about other people. If you do then you should be mentally and emotionally mature enough to know that you switch it off.
Sadly that does not always happen and as we have seen over the years some people find the other person or the other persons partner as a preferable option. We all play with fire here to a degree. That's actually another part of the reason for my stance in previous posts. I think its sensible to keep contact with the scene and the people within it to specific nights and not as a way of life.
That's in general btw M1ssvery not directed at you specifically
It's a good general answer wink

And I appreciate what you say about being in a couple. I've thought about that too and about how much involved would I want to be if I had a partner-I certainly know I don't want to give up all aspects of the scene!
A married friend of mine said she wouldn't consider swinging because she is too scared hubby will enjoy sex more with the other person.. So hats off to all you swinging couples- it takes a lot of trust and honesty and communication to do what you do- something often lacking in vanilla relationships whether it be about sex or other stuff (5 failed marriages in my family)

14 Aug 2012

As a single within this 'scene' there are plenty who argue you/I/we are not 'swinging' at all. We are simply having recreational sex. Therefore, is it any different to seeing an ex-shag/fling out and about flirting with someone new? There may be a fleeting pang of regret if he/she was a particularly great shag, but you deal with it and move on. The 'ex' bit being there for a reason wink

What is different being a single on a site like this? Well, you have to accept that those you engage in play with are likely to do so with others. If you chose to then frequent clubs, socials, parties etc where this person will be in the company of other 'swingers' then it is likely that within that group he/she will have ex/current/future playmates. If however you meet people who don't actively engage in the 'scene' or 'community' aspects then surely there is nothing to worry about? You will be unlikely to be in such a situation.
Sure, as tweeky has said, I think it is possible to feel uncomfortable if you start to have feelings above and beyond the I-enjoy-a-mutually-beneficial-sexual-arrangement-with-him/her type of feelings. But that's where you have to know to step away.
And the hardest is when you meet that 'if only the situation was different' person. That's when you have to be really bloody hard-faced and walk right away. But hey, that ain't going to happen more than once....
x

14 Aug 2012

My question is not whether detaching yourself is in concept with the swinging world or not-I know it is. I'm asking whether sometimes you just can't help yourself and you do feel a bit funny/weird/uncomfortable..I was wondering if that came with experience and time or whether even the most "hardened swingers" can slip into feeling that way on occasion..

On this part of the Q, to answer honestly, I have found it hard too sometimes to decifer where the straight fun stops and the care and feelings start if you contact and see someone you like regularly; isn't that just swingers dating??
I guess I have no problems having feelings for a regular partner if they have feelings too, it doesn't make me jealous of their bodily actions but I would be offended if they were romancing someone else too or prioritising them over me!
Maybe thats why I hit and run alot.... I dont want to get attached to anyone with no intention of getting attached to me lol
God I think I need a Psychologist to figure out my brain............ wait no had one of those and he was more messed up in the head than me :twisted:
Pam xx

14 Aug 2012

Quote by MikeNorth

My question is not whether detaching yourself is in concept with the swinging world or not-I know it is. I'm asking whether sometimes you just can't help yourself and you do feel a bit funny/weird/uncomfortable..I was wondering if that came with experience and time or whether even the most "hardened swingers" can slip into feeling that way on occasion..

I just feel the need to point out that the term "hardened swingers" as used in these forums, especially by people in their ads denying that the term applies to them lol

, is generally taken to mean something a bit different from the way your are using it here: it means people to whom swinging has become a habit, a routine, where they no longer feel the thrill either in the anticipation or the activity itself.
If you mean people who have become inured to the uncomfortable feelings you describe in your original post, that's a bit different. I'm afraid most of my swinging contacts in here have been people who don't know each other, rather than from the pool of regulars from the forum/socials/clubs/munches of old, so I cannot help you more than that.
I see..
Can I ask if avoiding(sorry, wrong term I'm sure) the pool of regulars was intentional or just how it's turned out?..

Quote by noladreams
As a single within this 'scene' there are plenty who argue you/I/we are not 'swinging' at all. We are simply having recreational sex. Therefore, is it any different to seeing an ex-shag/fling out and about flirting with someone new? There may be a fleeting pang of regret if he/she was a particularly great shag, but you deal with it and move on. The 'ex' bit being there for a reason
What is different being a single on a site like this? Well, you have to accept that those you engage in play with are likely to do so with others. If you chose to then frequent clubs, socials, parties etc where this person will be in the company of other 'swingers' then it is likely that within that group he/she will have ex/current/future playmates. If however you meet people who don't actively engage in the 'scene' or 'community' aspects then surely there is nothing to worry about? You will be unlikely to be in such a situation.

Interesting point. Although I consider people I play with to be swingers, I hesitate sometimes to call myself that. Like you said, is it recreational for me because I am single? It's crossed my mind a lot. But then I see myself getting involved in more ways than just finding a playmate and having a meet, like for example even THIS forum post in itself makes me feel like I'm part of a "scene".
Like I mentioned in an earlier reply, I'm new. And i'm finding my feet and getting my heard round it. I've stumbled here and there and I'm sure I will again. But I'm glad I can talk about it here smile

Quote by noladreams
And the hardest is when you meet that 'if only the situation was different' person. That's when you have to be really bloody hard-faced and walk right away. But hey, that ain't going to happen more than once....

..I feel a heartfelt anecdote coming on.. :violin:
;)

Quote by PamelaD
God I think I need a Psychologist to figure out my brain............ wait no had one of those and he was more messed up in the head than me :twisted:

men with hairy balls ai :silly:

14 Aug 2012

Quote by M1ssVery
I'm afraid most of my swinging contacts in here have been people who don't know each other, rather than from the pool of regulars from the forum/socials/clubs/munches of old, so I cannot help you more than that.

I see..
Can I ask if avoiding(sorry, wrong term I'm sure) the pool of regulars was intentional or just how it's turned out?..

Good question. Partly it's because I'm generally better at making approaches via online chat and messages than at face-to-face contacts (with exceptions). Partly just my preference - who knows, maybe subconsciously to avoid possible complications of the sort you describe in your original post. Although I'm talking mainly of when this site was much smaller than it is now.

15 Aug 2012

Semi; 3 up 2 down, nice areas, gch and own teeth ......lol
xx

15 Aug 2012

Quote by M1ssVery
And the hardest is when you meet that 'if only the situation was different' person. That's when you have to be really bloody hard-faced and walk right away. But hey, that ain't going to happen more than once....

..I feel a heartfelt anecdote coming on.. :violin:
No. I'll be taking that one with me... That's all part of the hard-faced act wink

15 Aug 2012

Quote by M1ssVery
God I think I need a Psychologist to figure out my brain............ wait no had one of those and he was more messed up in the head than me :twisted:

men with hairy balls ai :silly:
pmsl Hmmm now you mention it!!!!! :eeek:

29 Aug 2012

oh god yes, always in the mood. Surely so is every living breathing male. This side of 95 anyway.

30 Aug 2012

The first rule of swing club is:
Don't talk about swing club.
Or something like that.

31 Aug 2012

Nearest neighbour is half a mile away.......pretty detached.....