How do you feel about married men looking for discreet sex?

7 May 2005

Quote by willxx69
firstly i canct be bothered with punctuation marks i do believe this post was about cheating men and posted by a woman or was i mistaken ???????

Yes the post was about cheating men and was indeed posted by a woman. However, you referred to 'guys' and 'women' in your answer; this leads people to think that your reference was in the plural. Obviously your lack of literacy skills would explain the Bev!! worship

:worship:
Will
An inability to read a text without punctuation often reflects as much on the reader as on the writer. Punction is helpful, but not always neccessary. Possibly the fault lies with the education system rather than the the people who are unable or possibly unwilling to punctuate their text. Blame it on the teachers???
Personally speaking, I find the constant harrassment of poor writers by their intellectual 'superiors' far more distasteful than a few missing full stops.
Getting back on topic, we were at a greedy girls night at a club last night. Did we ask the guys if they were married? No. Were we bothered if they were married? No. It is none of our business. We swing for sex, not for a new relationship, we have a perfectly good one of those already.
Possibly people who profess to have an 'open' lifestyle should be a little more understanding of other people's situations when they know little of that person's circumstances. Each to their own and live and let live seem a good way to lead your life.

7 May 2005

Quote by northwest-cpl
firstly i canct be bothered with punctuation marks i do believe this post was about cheating men and posted by a woman or was i mistaken ???????

Yes the post was about cheating men and was indeed posted by a woman. However, you referred to 'guys' and 'women' in your answer; this leads people to think that your reference was in the plural. Obviously your lack of literacy skills would explain the Bev!! worship

:worship:
Will
An inability to read a text without punctuation often reflects as much on the reader as on the writer. Punction is helpful, but not always neccessary. Possibly the fault lies with the education system rather than the the people who are unable or possibly unwilling to punctuate their text. Blame it on the teachers???
Personally speaking, I find the constant harrassment of poor writers by their intellectual 'superiors' far more distasteful than a few missing full stops.
.
Wondered how long you'd be rolleyes

7 May 2005

Hi Folks,
Itâ€™s always interesting to see peopleâ€™s views on important topics. I guess there are many reasons that people swing. Regarding married "cheaters", whether male or female, I suggest the following may be true:
There will always be a small number of people who just do not care about anyone else but themselves - I am not referring to them here as these folk will never care about hurting others; fortunately they are a minority in the population.
In the main, if a person is looking for "discrete" sex then there is probably already a problem in their relationship. There is more to a marriage than sex, but an imbalance in sexual desire creates a huge problem for some. If people on this site are not generally interested in long-term relationships then whether they swing with married people should not really matter- it's simply a case of personal preference.
Going with a married man/woman does not transfer any guilt to you - if there is any guilt it remains with the married person. You are unlikely to be instrumental in breaking up a relationship - if it is going to break, it will; if not then it won't.
I can think of very few "black-and-white" decisions in life - the majority are based on varying shades of grey. The view that rather than a partner seeking a "discrete" session a couple should break up a relationship ignores the manifold other factors, such as the breaking up of common wealth (house, etc) and the effect on any children. Far better, I think, to maintain stability for the greater good than to destroy something that is, essentially, working even if not properly. Maybe this boils down to choosing the lesser of two negative situations for the person left at home - that's just life! If each partner is fulfilling their needs outside of the relationship, the lack of fulfilment within is less of, or no longer a, problem.
If a woman is not interested, or cannot perform, sex then I suspect that three are a great number of "no questions-asked" instances - the woman "knows" but does not want it confirmed and is prepared to tolerate it. Maybe this works the other way round, too. My guess is that the "cheater" probably feels guilty, at least to start with.
If people are, of course, looking for a long term relationship then the freedom of the married partner to "move-over" becomes more important. It is the establishment of a new long-term relationship that is likely to mean the end of an existing one.
So, live and let live - you might, after all, be saving a marriage - we should not judge others purely by our own individual philosophies of life.(fun though, isn't it.....)
PS - were there enough .,'?!"" s in this post?

7 May 2005

i've been watching the forum posts for sometime now & i have to admit i'm not suprised by the remark by nwestcple, for you to just assume that you are more intilectually advanced because of a few fullstops and coma's how very sad.,'; confused

7 May 2005

Quote by hornywelshlad
i've been watching the forum posts for sometime now & i have to admit i'm not suprised by the remark by nwestcple, for you to just assume that you are more intilectually advanced because of a few fullstops and coma's how very sad.,';

I wasn't surprised at all by NWC's remarks either but that's an entirely different matter.
I don't assume that I am intellectually superior to anyone because I use the appropriate punctuation. I do, however, think that punctuation (whilst not absolutely necessary) makes a post easier to read and, if correct, the meaning is less likely to be misunderstood.
I think you meant to type comma, by the way - quite different from a coma, as any doctor would be able to tell you.

7 May 2005

Ooh what a Minefield,
i understand all the points but its true that when someone has a medical condition which makes lovemaking painful, then phsycologically that person already is saddenned that they cant enjoy love session with their partner.
but the open knowledge of them making love with someone else is far more devestating
If that makes sense, i know what im trying to say but just cant put it into words rolleyes

7 May 2005

Quote by dream_loveruk
Ooh what a Minefield,
i understand all the points but its true that when someone has a medical condition which makes lovemaking painful, then phsycologically that person already is saddenned that they cant enjoy love session with their partner.
but the open knowledge of them making love with someone else is far more devestating
If that makes sense, i know what im trying to say but just cant put it into words

So, if someone told your wife that you'd shagged them, she'd be devastated - why risk it if you love her so much?

7 May 2005

i suppose im just selfish in the fact that i enjoy making love , and (feel i ) could do on a daily basis, i love the misses but dont get the sexlife i crave, and for me (and im selfish here)sex is as much a part of marriage as loving someone, we have been married for 8 years and have two young kids, a house that`s worth enough, i have everything (except sex), rather than divorce my wife and leave her to bring up the kids on her own i seek to fulfill the sex side and continue stability until hopefully my craving subsides.
Hey im only 33, with a lot more to learn in life, i may be heading for a divorce by acting this way but guidance or suggestions are what i need redface

7 May 2005

Quote by Mac69
Hi Folks,
Itâ€™s always interesting to see peopleâ€™s views on important topics. I guess there are many reasons that people swing. Regarding married "cheaters", whether male or female, I suggest the following may be true:
Going with a married man/woman does not transfer any guilt to you - if there is any guilt it remains with the married person. You are unlikely to be instrumental in breaking up a relationship - if it is going to break, it will; if not then it won't.
So, live and let live - you might, after all, be saving a marriage - we should not judge others purely by our own individual philosophies of life.(fun though, isn't it.....)
PS - were there enough .,'?!"" s in this post?

It is interesting to see people's views and that's what people are doing. That doesn't mean we're being judgmental - it means we're giving what was requested - our opinions.
I agree that no guilt would be transferred, but if the 'other half' were to discover their partner's deceit, they might go to the trouble of finding out who they deceived them for/with and set out to get revenge of some form.
I really do agree with the people who say that, at least the cheaters are telling us that they are cheating (or intend to) and therefore we can decide whether or not to swing with them; at least we are in a position to make such an informed decision. However, it's when the cheaters stand up complaining that nobody will meet them and then proceed to defend their actions that I, and probably others, get a little annoyed. Why should we have to justify to someone why we don't want to make or maintain contact with them? I might also add that I think this applies to prospective playmates who swing with their partners, as much as it does to cheaters.

7 May 2005

Quote by hornywelshlad
firstly i canct be bothered with punctuation marks i do believe this post was about cheating men and posted by a woman or was i mistaken ???????

That is the point isnt it?
You cant be bothered to make your post easily read - you might or might not have a good point but you cant be bothered to help yourself and puncuate it.

7 May 2005

Quote by freckledbird

I agree that no guilt would be transferred, but if the 'other half' were to discover their partner's deceit, they might go to the trouble of finding out who they deceived them for/with and set out to get revenge of some form.

I guess fear of revenge is a valid point and probably the unwanted publicity that could arise. Personally. I think that honesty - or openness, more correctly - is the best policy. (Its why I don't have a fast car or million pound house!).
On the parallel subject of punctuation, if I see that someone has not bothered to use it, I generally don't bother to read whatever it is. Just me being me, I guess.
M69

7 May 2005

Quote by Mac69

I agree that no guilt would be transferred, but if the 'other half' were to discover their partner's deceit, they might go to the trouble of finding out who they deceived them for/with and set out to get revenge of some form.

I guess fear of revenge is a valid point and probably the unwanted publicity that could arise. Personally. I think that honesty - or openness, more correctly - is the best policy. (Its why I don't have a fast car or million pound house!).
On the parallel subject of punctuation, if I see that someone has not bothered to use it, I generally don't bother to read whatever it is. Just me being me, I guess.
M69
Good for you. That's exactly what the grammar/spelling/punctuation pedants amongst us (me included!) are trying to say; that people won't bother with posts that aren't punctuated properly. I do find them difficult to ignore though redface

7 May 2005

This thread is pointing the finger at married men. So its a narrow minded idea, and designed to victimise without due consideration. There are married women who also seek sex outside their marriage.
The generally perceived definition of 'genuine swingers' is married people who arrange to have consensual shared partners. Despite the cosy agreements and arrangements they are seen as offending against the many other committed and conventional married couples, who see swingers as undermining the values of society. Swingers are therefore considered by conventionalists to be dishonest and cheating on the rules of marriage, society and themselves.
Practised Swingers are aware of the values of society but accept to live with the consequences of their lifestyle. In some cases it is very successul and has no adverse effects. Sometimes it can lead to catastrophic damage with the inexperienced.
But to answer the question. Married men use the site because it is free and easy to use. They believe it could provide an opportunity for no strings encounters. The main reason for this is that they believe that swingers should be the ideal people to fool about with. This is a mistaken belief, but there are thousands of guys out there finding this out for the first time. So you are just dealing with endless bulk.
Accusing married men and women of cheating is stating the obvious. They all know that.

7 May 2005

I agree with you Libra_Love, I have had my fair share of married men pretending to be single, (jesus, I have some hair raising stories about them), but the married men with wifes who dont swing (in my experience) are only after a one night stand and on their terms. Me no like one night stands, soul destroying.

7 May 2005

Just to clarify the points that I believe one or two people are making. It is not a question of being judgemental. Sure, some people on here judge others. I try not to. Everyone is here for their own reason and that is a matter for them. It is none of my business. Hoewever, I do have a right to decide who I am going to meet (if anyone).
I have already made it clear that, if I was going to play then Sappho would be the first to know about it. What do I think of married men on here without the knowledge of their partners? Again, it's none of my business. I know nothing of their situation or what has driven them here, so how can I judge? I think that what they are doing is dangerous and potentially explosive, but I have no idea what misery they are balancing that against.
I have personal experience of a relationship that had become entirely sexless but I was warned by my then partner not to even contemplate having sex outisde the relationship or there would be hell to pay. It was a horrible situation to be put in and made me desperately unhappy for many years. I don't think anyone has a right to impose that sort of insensitive and callous restriction on anyone - even a spouse. It is not taking the other person's needs and feelings into account. That does not, of course, mean that all cheating is right. I only quote it as a means of demonstrating that, sometimes, things are not quite as clearcut as they may seem. Sometimes.
Married men ( and women too) are free to join this site. Equally, they must accept that many people on here may not want to get involved in such a situation and that they have a perfect right to make that decision.
Married people (men or women) who are on here and pretending to be single I DO have a problem with. Not only are they cheating on their partners but they are not even being honest with the people on this site. Are these people to be trusted? Again, they have a perfect right to join the site but by not being honest with people they intend to meet they risk dragging those members into situations that they would have liked to steer clear of, if only they had known about it and been able to make their own decision.
Will

8 May 2005

Call me old fashioned.............. but I dont care !!!
Cheating on your wife or husband is cheating !!!! In a swinging world or not !!!
Real swingers are not cheats............. infact........... In my humble little opinion......... real swingers are more honest than the "Normal" people....
And having sex behind a partners back....... is not SWiINGING !!

8 May 2005

Interesting topic - and some 'intersting' points of view being aired!
We have been approached by married men who wanted sex behind their partner's back and initially we were reluctant to get involved but after talking through the issue we realise it is not a cut-and-dried situation.
As a man in a deeply committed, happy relationship (with GREAT sex!) I absolutely do not want to jeapordise what I have got already but there is also a part of me that realises that I want more than my partner can offer, simply because I feel that one person cannot be everything to another one, no matter how hard they try. Now my feelings (pre-swinging) could be contained and have been for 10 years because I don't want to cheat on my partner (BTW, we are not married - does this make 'cheating' any more or less an issue? And we can never committ adultery either...) but could I guarantee that woudl always be the case? Would I still feel the same way in another 10 years time? Would she? I have male friends who are essentially in the situation I could see arising in my future and I didn't want to have to make the choices they have had to make. Some would say that a man (or woman) who gives into the urge to have sex with someone other than their partner is being weak-willed and that there is no excuse but that would apply equally to all of us who swing too. In the eyes of many people swinging IS cheating and adultery...
Fortunately for the two of us we talked about how we felt and decided that swinging as a couple was a far better idea than maintaining monogamy and risking infidelity and it has been a good decision to take on all sorts of grounds - primarily making some good friends and having some great sex!
So, back to the cheating husbands: We have decided that we treat each individual on their own merits. If we find someone who talks about the fact they love their wife, don't want to break up the marriage, don't want to hurt her. etc. feels the need to have sex outside their relationship - and we believe them to be telling the truth - then, all things being equal, we will be prepared to have sex with them. If, on the other hand, we get the feeling they are simply being selfish and are only interested in their own satisfaction then we are not interested, period! But that would be the same for any singles we met too...
From my point of view cheating and lying are not the worst thing for a relationship - hypocracy is. One thing I cannot stand is the man (or woman - though I haven't met any so far) who says it is ok for him to sleep around but not for his wife. That makes my bood boil! Cheat, lie, sleep around, do whatever you feel you have to but you must acccept that your partner is equally free to do the same to you, and if you can't I want nothing whatsoever to do with you.
On the subject of punctuation: I fall into the camp of thinking it is necessary if you want to be taken seriously. If you have a brilliant message that you think I must hear then you have to communicate with me in a way that I can understand. There is no point in demanding that I learn your language if you want to speak to me but if I want to speak to you then I should learn yours. Anyone who gets too wound up over the odd spelling or punctuation error (of which there are likely to be a few in my post) needs to get a life but anyone who makes no effort to spell, punctuate and write clearly and gramatically can't expect to be taken seriously. And if that makes me an intellectual snob then I am quite happy with that fact! lol

And, one other point; it is 'discreet' rather than 'discrete'....

8 May 2005

oh well, thanks for your replies :shock: