How do you say no?

13 Mar 2007

hello all!
As a relative newbie i hope this will be helpful to all the other newbies out there!
apologies if its been asked before!
We have been approached by people that are just not our type. Its something that cant always be said at first glance, sometimes we will have been chatting to someone for a while before knowing theyre wrong for us, others will be because we have finally seen face pictures and they just dont float our boat for whatever reason. Saying no is something we find very difficult to do redface

and naturally we dont want to be rude and we equally dont want to mislead people so please HELP!
so - how do we nicely without hurting feelings badly say were not interested? what do you do or say?
sal xx

13 Mar 2007

Sometimes am str8 to the point with no if i don't think the persons are listening
Then there's the nice way "sorry your not my cup of tea" or "thanks but no thanks" or "sorry not what we are looking for ".

13 Mar 2007

Dont be afraid to say NO.
Always be polite about saying NO
Whilst NO means NO, it doesnt always mean - and never talk to us again - many of the friends we have developed from SH have been NO's who despite the fact that we dont swing together are still our friends and are people we really do like chatting to and enjoy socialising with.
Genuine swingers will not be offended at a refusal. It's only the dickheads and no-hopers that get really offended and we're sure you wouldn't wanna be mixing with them anyway.
Remember two important facts -
you two are here to enjoy yourselves so never settle for second best or feel under pressure to say yes when you're not sure.
and
sometimes to find a prince you have to kiss a lotta frogs

13 Mar 2007

Quote by Laff_n_Chilli
Dont be afraid to say NO.
Always be polite about saying NO
Whilst NO means NO, it doesnt always mean - and never talk to us again - many of the friends we have developed from SH have been NO's who despite the fact that we dont swing together are still our friends and are people we really do like chatting to and enjoy socialising with.
Genuine swingers will not be offended at a refusal. It's only the dickheads and no-hopers that get really offended and we're sure you wouldn't wanna be mixing with them anyway.
Remember two important facts -
you two are here to enjoy yourselves so never settle for second best or feel under pressure to say yes when you're not sure.
and
sometimes to find a prince you have to kiss a lotta frogs

Spot on :thumbup:

13 Mar 2007

Quote by Swindonnewbies
hello all!
As a relative newbie i hope this will be helpful to all the other newbies out there!
apologies if its been asked before!
We have been approached by people that are just not our type. Its something that cant always be said at first glance, sometimes we will have been chatting to someone for a while before knowing theyre wrong for us, others will be because we have finally seen face pictures and they just dont float our boat for whatever reason. Saying no is something we find very difficult to do and naturally we dont want to be rude and we equally dont want to mislead people so please HELP!
so - how do we nicely without hurting feelings badly say were not interested? what do you do or say?
sal xx

Ive always hated saying no too. I feel so bad saying it even thought the other person probably doesnt give a s**t. I did find at first that it stopped me from getting to know people because i was thinking if i dont start a conversation then i wont have to say no, or vice versa. Now i'll happily chat/pm to anyone and if I want to say no ( but still have a hard time saying)i usually reply with a very polite, we really appreciate your interest in us but your not exactly what we are looking for. Then finish the pm/chatroom conversation with something positive. Ie, was nice talking to you, speak again soon etc. I hope that helps.
Louise xx

13 Mar 2007

I've found that giving specific information on why a person is not for me can usually bring back a response to challenge it and tell me why they really are for me! For example if I say they are too far, some people will insist on how far I SHOULD be prepared to travel to meet them, and it's strange how so many people have stopped smoking but not updated their profile - or they promise they won't smoke on the night they see me!
No means no but some people don't take it well or maybe they think I'm just playing hard to get pmsl! NO!
Seriously, something non-offensive but not enough detail should suffice. I now say 'sorry you're not what I'm looking for but hope you find what you're looking for" type of thing. HTH.

13 Mar 2007

You may all think my idea daft, but when a door to door salesmen calls trying to rip me off with this or that I have found just like horny, that when you say NO NO NO, they still come up with a reason why you should say YES.
The tatcic I use now is to say I am very happy as I am.
For example a very attractive young woman from a health insurance firm called yesterday evening calling door to door and I found out what she was offering since she was a looker wink

They always go away happy when you say you are happy with what you have, works every time.
I wonder if this aproach could be used in swinging to turn someone down?

13 Mar 2007

Quote by Liaisons
You may all think my idea daft, but when a door to door salesmen calls trying to rip me off with this or that I have found just like horny, that when you say NO NO NO, they still come up with a reason why you should say YES.
The tatcic I use now is to say I am very happy as I am.
For example a very attractive young woman from a health insurance firm called yesterday evening calling door to door and I found out what she was offering since she was a looker
They always go away happy when you say you are happy with what you have, works every time.
I wonder if this aproach could be used in swinging to turn someone down?

In my experiance (as i found out last night in the chatroom) if you say *i'm happy with what i have* the smart arses usually reply by saying *why are you on a swinging site then?*

13 Mar 2007

Quote by Liaisons
The tatcic I use now is to say I am very happy as I am.
I wonder if this aproach could be used in swinging to turn someone down?

I'm happy as I am...but could always do with more :rascal:
Did that work well?! lol

13 Mar 2007

Works for me wink

14 Mar 2007

Hmmm this is a good one!
From the off, if I'm not happy, I'll just say thanks but no thanks, whether it's a PM, chatroom conversation or in person. I generally don't give out my msn to people I don't "know".
If a conversation has got into full swing (no pun) then it gets a bit harder and I have to say something along the lines of "not really my type/preference". If they persue me, I can always then say "you're pushy" lol

Worst case scenario - and I've had to do this a few times - is when it's someone I've already played with but don;t want to again then I find it really difficult but eventually pop out with "I'm glad we did that but I don't want to do it again. It's just not for me".
Sometimes, I've had genuinely good reason to say no that has nothing to do with the person(s) and it's just me and my personal situation. I find honesty is the best policy. My most recent sort-of-no was that I'm just not in the right "place" at the moment. My head's a bit mashed with other stuff going on in my life. It was the truth and I hope they believed and appreciated that and didn't take it personally.

14 Mar 2007

I agree with North... honestly is the best policy, it's far better to say "I'm sorry but on this occasion you are not what we are looking for" rather than "Thanks for your interest.. we'll be in touch at a later date", the latter is a bit unfair, we've had it before and it makes you look stupid when you get back in touch "at a later date" and get ignored!. lol

14 Mar 2007

To some 'no' is the hardest word, is caused such pain.
... but no now is better than latter.

14 Mar 2007

Quote by Drewxcore
You may all think my idea daft, but when a door to door salesmen calls trying to rip me off with this or that I have found just like horny, that when you say NO NO NO, they still come up with a reason why you should say YES.
The tatcic I use now is to say I am very happy as I am.
For example a very attractive young woman from a health insurance firm called yesterday evening calling door to door and I found out what she was offering since she was a looker
They always go away happy when you say you are happy with what you have, works every time.
I wonder if this aproach could be used in swinging to turn someone down?

In my experiance (as i found out last night in the chatroom) if you say *i'm happy with what i have* the smart arses usually reply by saying *why are you on a swinging site then?*
Well, if after the polite 'no' people start arguing, you then, IMO, have every right to be snarky back at them.
I would never be sarcastic or nasty in a 'sorry not interested' reply, but if the person then came back at me with a line like 'so why are you on a swingers site?' I would just have to send them a snotty comment back, like, 'to meet everyone else but you.' - only once they have crossed that line, mind you. A no is a no.

14 Mar 2007

I agree with being straight forward, polite and honest BUT I still find it really hard to do particularly when it comes to saying No to a second play.
Having had a strange fob off once which left it open, we were left feeling where they scared by our face pics or where they really just not looking to meet just then. We would have preferred a simple "Thanks but No"
pink x

14 Mar 2007

As somebody that doesn't swing :shock: ...I have had to learn to say NO many times.
Don't be afraid to say it,as it can get you into a very uncomfortably situation if you don't...
Would you be afraid to say something to a bloke/girl who was coming on to you in a "vanilla" club that you didn't like? ...If you answered no to that then you should have no problem saying NO on here.
People/couples have got to have something that turns you on or floats your boat to swing or it just wont work ...for either party...(but what do I know) redface

15 Mar 2007

Quote by Laff_n_Chilli
Dont be afraid to say NO.
Always be polite about saying NO
Whilst NO means NO, it doesnt always mean - and never talk to us again - many of the friends we have developed from SH have been NO's who despite the fact that we dont swing together are still our friends and are people we really do like chatting to and enjoy socialising with.
Genuine swingers will not be offended at a refusal. It's only the dickheads and no-hopers that get really offended and we're sure you wouldn't wanna be mixing with them anyway.
Remember two important facts -
you two are here to enjoy yourselves so never settle for second best or feel under pressure to say yes when you're not sure.
and
sometimes to find a prince you have to kiss a lotta frogs

Think the above just about sums it up newbs - hey you one welcome cpl in chat love your stuff and enjoy your company hope to keep chatting for ages and ages and ages too

15 Mar 2007

Quote by Lost
Dont be afraid to say NO.
Always be polite about saying NO
Whilst NO means NO, it doesnt always mean - and never talk to us again - many of the friends we have developed from SH have been NO's who despite the fact that we dont swing together are still our friends and are people we really do like chatting to and enjoy socialising with.
Genuine swingers will not be offended at a refusal. It's only the dickheads and no-hopers that get really offended and we're sure you wouldn't wanna be mixing with them anyway.
Remember two important facts -
you two are here to enjoy yourselves so never settle for second best or feel under pressure to say yes when you're not sure.
and
sometimes to find a prince you have to kiss a lotta frogs

Think the above just about sums it up newbs - hey you one welcome cpl in chat love your stuff and enjoy your company hope to keep chatting for ages and ages and ages too
aww ty lost we love you too!
i suppose what i diddnt really say in the first post was i was looking for tips from people on how to say no - we know we have to be polite and we would never swing with a couple we werent attracted to (shudder), but its how to find the right words, phrase that says it best without offending, hurting someone or preventing the good chatting/conversation we have been previously enjoying!
sal xx