how much sex in marriage?

17 Jan 2006

Babe,
Have you ever thought that could be a fantasy of hers ??? But you will never know if you dont talk to her ........ will you.
I dont have a problem with a married guy being on here ........ If his partner knows .... without agreement it is just plain and simply cheating .......... and I think you will find that most genuine swingers are definately not cheaters coz they have no reason to be .... do they ?
Like I said before .......... Good luck .......... go chat
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You have to know my wife to know that, even deep deep down in her mind, that would NEVER be a fantasy of hers! But I get what you are saying regarding it basically being cheating. But a comment I made earlier regarding giving anf receiving BJs with a guy I know - without that I would have left my wife by now - and that would be said because I love her to bits!

17 Jan 2006

If only that were the case.
edit - sorry - this comment was for the one above, the one above,

17 Jan 2006

Which bascially underlines my point.

Even though I said that AFTER your first posting byron? How about the first comments I made?
OK byron. If it is true that it is UNUSUAL for lovemaking to take place during a ROMANTIC weekend away between a MARRIED couple, and that sex would usually spoilt things, then I will accept everything you say about me. confused

17 Jan 2006

Why are you saying all this here, why not go to a counsellor and ask them to help?
Your wife could have some pyschological problem that she needs help with - she oculd feel insecure about things. How would you feel if that were the case and she then has you trying to have sex with her when she has self-esteem problems?

17 Jan 2006

Quote by byron
Why are you saying all this here

The honest answer to that is probably - because of the things we are saying rolleyes

I really don't think It was his intention to let us this far in but we appear to have forced the issue.

17 Jan 2006

Quote by byron
Why are you saying all this here, why not go to a counsellor and ask them to help?
Your wife could have some pyschological problem that she needs help with - she oculd feel insecure about things. How would you feel if that were the case and she then has you trying to have sex with her when she has self-esteem problems?

Hi byron
Are you married? dunno

17 Jan 2006

Byron, I appreciate your advice there about counselling - but what you are missing is that throughout the thread I have stated it has all gotten deeper than I wanted - just refer to the original question and respond - if not, don't worry about it!
I know I have problems - I was just wondering what other married couples experience.
However, it has been a good discussion and I hope it may continue as people see the thread - if not, then furry muff! But please don't read me as the villain in all of my problems byron, as you seemdd to have done.
Now... I wonder if I offer to wash up tonight she may do anal - what you reckon? lol

:lol: :lol:

17 Jan 2006

Quote by Bloke2005
Why are you saying all this here, why not go to a counsellor and ask them to help?
Your wife could have some pyschological problem that she needs help with - she oculd feel insecure about things. How would you feel if that were the case and she then has you trying to have sex with her when she has self-esteem problems?

Hi byron
Are you married? dunno

No, I used to co-habit.

17 Jan 2006

Quote by byron
No, I used to co-habit.

Ok, then maybe like me you're not the best person to give advice here dunno

17 Jan 2006

Hi Macman, Have you ever thought about going to relate? This would be helpful to help open up communication between your good self & your wife. Take care & good luck

17 Jan 2006

Quote by Bloke2005
No, I used to co-habit.

Ok, then maybe like me you're not the best person to give advice here dunno

True, although I was also once a counsellor.

17 Jan 2006

Quote by byron
No, I used to co-habit.

Ok, then maybe like me you're not the best person to give advice here dunno

True, although I was also once a counsellor.
counsellors are not meant to express personal opinions are they - non-judgmental confused

I could never be a counsellor lol

17 Jan 2006

So am I Byron! Hiya wave

17 Jan 2006

Quote by PoloLady
No, I used to co-habit.

Ok, then maybe like me you're not the best person to give advice here dunno

True, although I was also once a counsellor.
counsellors are not meant to express personal opinions are they - non-judgmental confused

Yes and no. I was a counsellor (until a right-wing member of the local council stopped our funding) for an LGB project and you do have to sometimes give personal opinions. Sometimes people have to hear unpleasant truths.

So am I Byron! Hiya

Hello - what field do you work in?

17 Jan 2006

Quote by byron
Sometimes people have to hear unpleasant truths

:shock:

17 Jan 2006

Hi Macman, Have you ever thought about going to relate? This would be helpful to help open up communication between your good self & your wife. Take care & good luck

Hi hisandhers. Thank you for that. It is a real option for the future I am sure - but wife needs to feel there is a big enough problem I suppose, and she will only find that out from me.

17 Jan 2006

True, although I was also once a counsellor.

I don't mean this in a rude or provoking way byron, but for somebody who used to be a counsellor you didn't half jump to conclusions a bit quick. :shock:

17 Jan 2006

Quote by PoloLady
Sometimes people have to hear unpleasant truths

:shock:
Um, I'll give you an example that we got on the course:
What if someone is practicing unsafe sex? Sometimes the only way to get through to people is to find a way to drive the message home. You can be nice about it and explain the risks, or you can give them a shock and try to bring them to see what the problem is that way.
Either way was acceptable to us, although we had a preference for trying to be nice about it.

17 Jan 2006

Quote by byron
Sometimes people have to hear unpleasant truths

OK..

17 Jan 2006

Quote by macman_uk
True, although I was also once a counsellor.

I don't mean this in a rude or provoking way byron, but for somebody who used to be a counsellor you didn't half jump to conclusions a bit quick. :shock:
Well I'm sorry, but your posts were all the same - how you would do this, that and the next and expect sex in return. A romantic weekend away does not have to involve sex. Sometimes some people just want the companionship rather than anything else. Sorry, but that's how you're coming across to me.

17 Jan 2006

Quote by byron
Sometimes people have to hear unpleasant truths

:shock:
Um, I'll give you an example that we got on the course:
What if someone is practicing unsafe sex? Sometimes the only way to get through to people is to find a way to drive the message home. You can be nice about it and explain the risks, or you can give them a shock and try to bring them to see what the problem is that way.
Either way was acceptable to us, although we had a preference for trying to be nice about it.
Oh.
But, that's not expressing a personal opinion though is it? More like factual information confused

17 Jan 2006

byron, what you are problably not reading is that all this is not taking place every morning, noon and night! I said an average of 6-7 weeks. If it is coming across that I am trying something every day then I am sorry - but having sex only 6.5 times a year is rather frustrating, you must admit?

17 Jan 2006

Quote by macman_uk
byron, what you are problably not reading is that all this is not taking place every morning, noon and night! I said an average of 6-7 weeks. If it is coming across that I am trying something every day then I am sorry - but having sex only 6.5 times a year is rather frustrating, you must admit?

It is and I agree, sorry, was reading you wrong about this.
But I do think you should go to Relate or somewhere like that, it would be better if you got to the bottom of this for both your sakes.

Oh.
But, that's not expressing a personal opinion though is it? More like factual information

But where does factual information become personal opinion?
I'll give you an example:
Person A claims she has depression (this is again from the course and not someone I saw) and needs to take Prozac. The Doctor prescribes the Prozac. Yet Person A is also someone who uses drugs recreationally and drinks alcohol. So at what point do you say that they can't do the latter two if they are on Prozac? The facts are that the drink and drugs are blocking out the effects of the anti-depressants, however, it may also be in this person's interests to lay off the drink/drugs so that they are easier to deal with and they can see their problems more easily. But which of the lst bit is factual information or personal opinion? I'd go for both.

17 Jan 2006

A lot of married couples just give up with sex. Its frustrating and confusing, but they get used to it and then don't miss it. It eventually happens to all of us. Its as much of a habit not to have sex as to have it.

17 Jan 2006

Quote by duncanlondon
A lot of married couples just give up with sex. Its frustrating and confusing, but they get used to it and then don't miss it. It eventually happens to all of us. Its as much of a habit not to have sex as to have it.

Do they ?
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

17 Jan 2006

yep, one day you'll be old and unable. Some just settle without before then.

17 Jan 2006

Quote by byron
But where does factual information become personal opinion?
I'll give you an example:
Person A claims she has depression (this is again from the course and not someone I saw) and needs to take Prozac. The Doctor prescribes the Prozac. Yet Person A is also someone who uses drugs recreationally and drinks alcohol. So at what point do you say that they can't do the latter two if they are on Prozac? The facts are that the drink and drugs are blocking out the effects of the anti-depressants, however, it may also be in this person's interests to lay off the drink/drugs so that they are easier to deal with and they can see their problems more easily. But which of the lst bit is factual information or personal opinion? I'd go for both.

It depends on how you approach it surely.
Example A
Why do you continue to use the other substances?
Has your GP explained that your medication will be less effective if you are drinking or taking drugs?
Your GP prescribes this medication to help you - do you want the medication to work? Do you know what you can do to help yourself get through this?
Will you do it?
Example B
If you are going to get tanked up and shoot-up it is no wonder your pills don't work!

17 Jan 2006

Quote by byron
How many ladies do you know who go to the bother and expense of booking a surprise weekend away for an anniversary and then after spending the night in the hotel bar and returning to our room actually decline sex - even though it was approached in a sensitive and loving manner. The response I got was "Don't spoil a lovely evening...."

And what were you doing at the time macman? Did you spend the evening in the bar with her? Or did you spend it making sure that she understood that the weeked away was just so you could get laid?

Why would wife want a lover when she knows there is nothing she can't get from me - apart from the obvious one about just being a different person!

And maybe another person is giving her what she wants and that may not be just sex. Your attitude seems to be one of "If I do this, this and this, will we shag?" Have you ever considered that your wife would just be happy with you doing all the romantic stuff but without a shag at the end?
I have to say I have read all of this thread but I still agree with what byron is saying.... It sounds to me like you always expect something in return for doing something for your wife...
Steve and I have on several occasions gone away for the weekend, stayed in a lovely hotel and had a really nice evening.... However, when we went to bed we didn't have sex.... It wasn't expected by either person and neither of us felt any pressure to have to perform at the end of the evening.... We were content with each others company....
Perhaps she is just fed up with being expected to perform all the time... dunno

And I am sorry but despite your assurances that you know where the buttons are etc, have you asked her if she enjoys sex?? And dont come back with the she wouldn't want to talk about it etc, if you haven't asked her then you dont know the answer....
Oh and for a final comment..... What on earth possessed you to ask such a question on a forum such as this?? :dunno: Are you likely to get any responses from couples on here?? rolleyes

Shireen

17 Jan 2006

Quote by macman_uk
Hi all,
This is probably the wrong website to post this question given the nature of the place but how often do you married couples have sex during the week? (WITH EACH OTHER :lol
Just interested to know what I am missing :cry: :cry:

How about mind your own business - just because we're swingers, doesn't mean that we have to tell everyone that asks, about our sex lives.
Oh, and I'm inclined to agree with Byron.

17 Jan 2006

Book Review - Intimate Relations : Living and Loving in Later Life
This was in the Age Concern web site. Over 50 % of couples are still sexually active, which leaves a lot who are not.