The first thing that you must do is get your name down as soon as the munch details become available. No……..we wait a millennium then decide three weeks before and ask for an invite. Unfortunately all the places are taken……..so we end up on the reserve list. It is then a waiting game to see if anybody pulls out. Then through the grace of God* (*please enter deity of your choice here) a place becomes available………..so we are on the munch list wooooooohoooooooooooooooooooo.
We then decide that we shall drive there and back in one night so no need for booking hotels etc. A quick fight ensues on who is going to drive………and after one submission and a crafty knockout (her right hook is a killer)………I become the designated driver for the night.
So we have the invite and how we are going to get there. Sorted! Well…………..perhaps not. Alex decides that she now wants a hotel for the night. Three weeks before the munch? Two weeks before the munch? Nope………….a few days left to go and another of her whims comes out. We need to find a hotel. We get the list off the birthday girl we start at the top and each and everyone of them is booked. Alex decides on a SH “SOS†on the forum to see if anybody is cancelling a room. Could you believe it! Somebody didn’t cancel, but they only had the room to get changed in and wanted to know if we wanted the room afterwards. Like the speed of a striking Great White upon a seal, Alex said YES to the person who offered the room. (To you you and thank were stars mwahhhhhhh). So we have now got a room.
On the day of the munch we decide to get ready early. Well we are always late so this time we will be on time. To make gets the AA roadmap on and writes the directions down from the hotel to Marcusso’s. She asks me, do I need the directions to the hotel. After quickly looking at the AA road map I see that it is junction blah blah off the M1 and take the second turn off and Bob’s your uncle you are at the hotel. So nahhhhh I don’t need directions for that. We decided to set off at 5:30 to give us plenty of time to get there. Unfortunately, 5:30 turned into 6:30. We were an hour behind schedule and starting to rush. When we reached the turns to me and asks “Did you pick up the present?†I said “No hun…….I thought you Smack!!!! Why didn’t I see that one coming.
We leave the M1 at the said junction and found the second turning on the right………this is so simple. One straight road and we’ll be there. Three miles later the road ends in a cul-de-sac………and guess what? No fecking hotel!!! You could cut the tension in the car with a knife as I performed a hasty three point turn. I knew it was there was no way to avoid it…….I was like a little bunny caught in the headlights of a car……the right arm straigtened and Smack!!!! That was number two and we hadn’t even reached the hotel. We phoned the people that we got the room off they tried there best to guide us in…...but they didn’t have any luck we found a nice fellah at the side of the road who pointed us in the right direction.
We are now at the hotel. We drop our over night bag off and set off for Marcusso’s………but this time we are armed with a set of directions from the AA roadmap. This is a 15 minute drive from hotel to door. The first half of the drive went brilliant. Then we reached a part of the journey that was in the middle of nowhere. We reached a T-junction and the directions said
1. bear we did
2. then bear left………..so we did
3. then bear left……..we did that as well
4. and again bear left………and we ended up at the same place we started off from as point 1 above
I looked at Alex……..my my did she manage to change to that shade of red………and the sun wasn’t out either????
I made an executive decision and drove off down a country lane. I used my manly instincts to find the destination. After half an hour of seeing the countryside of Derbyshire this noise emanated from Alex………a bit of a cross between a mad axeman and the howling screams of a group of banshee’s.
“STOP THE FECKING CARâ€.
So I did……..very quickly. She politely asked me to “PHONE MARCUSSO AND HE WILL BE ABLE TO FIND USâ€. So I phoned Marcusso and he asked me to describe what is around us……..he said to hang on and he will be there soon. Two and half minutes appeared. He told us to follow him. After 50 yards was a sign saying “Welcome to *******â€.
How close can you be from not being lost? Alex didn’t see the funny side though……..and one glare made me think that perhaps I should not point out the funny side to this.
So we arrived at Marcusso’s at last. We went to the munch and had a fab time with loads of lovely people……if you can’t remember me…….I was the one wearing………bruises. After that the afters party!!!! Woooohooooooo. We left in the early hours in a pre booked taxi…………..and what a lovely taxi-man we had. As we zoomed down the country lanes at mach 10………he thought I would be interested in road-kill. He proceeded to tell me that he picks up at least 5 rabbits a night and puts them in the bucket at the rear of the taxi van we were in. least I knew where the smell was coming from I just thought it was the taxi-man himself. He told me at least 3 recipes for rabbit………and for the life of me……I can’t remember one……..mind you, I really couldn’t see myself scouring the country lanes looking for squashed rabbits, to tell you the truth. So I am glad I forgot.
We got back to the hotel……..and in dire need of sleep. So we jumped into bed and settled down for the night. I was soon in the land of nod.
SLAM!!!!!! What the feck was that? It was the front door. We were in room located next to the entrance. Started to slumber again and …………..SLAM!!!! Oh that fecking door. The barstewards must have been doing a conga through the fecking thing. It was slam slam slam fecking slam all night.
At four in the morning I awoke to a piercing scream. I looked over to see a pair of legs in the air. Alex had fallen out of bed. Oh tears were rolling down my face with turned into tears of pain after a right hook flew across the bed.
At 9 AM I woke up after a very fitful night………..with the bed feeling like the boiler room of the Titanic. Where the feck had all this water come from? I felt like I needed an aqua lung to survive on that bed. What was it? The bloody hotel had only left the plastic covering on the mattress……and I had melted with sweat in the night. Bloody hotel!!!!
Just to you are planning to go to a prepared:
1. Get your name down early
2. Book a hotel
3. Get reliable directions or get a sat-nav
4. Check your hotel room is not next to the entrance
5. Check they have not left the plastic sheet on the bed at the hotel
And enjoy the munch
Dave_Notts
PS Alex has said I am to have a sat-nav for Crimbo
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How to get to a munch part 2 (Darkfires birthday)
Sex God
Quote by Darkfire:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
priceless! you two crack me upI knew this was coming when you came in and said 'we got lost'
I didnt realise Sercher was moonlighting last night :giggle:
i do not put bloody rabbits in me taxi u bugger!
sounds like a cuntry bumpkin taxi driver to me
Quote by sercher01
priceless! you two crack me up
I didnt realise Sercher was moonlighting last night :giggle:
i do not put bloody rabbits in me taxi u bugger!
sounds like a cuntry bumpkin taxi driver to me
oh ffs dont start again with taxi drivers and tariffs n such like i cant take it :shock:
Earthy xx
Sexlightened
Quote by earthchild
priceless! you two crack me up
I didnt realise Sercher was moonlighting last night :giggle:
i do not put bloody rabbits in me taxi u bugger!
sounds like a cuntry bumpkin taxi driver to me
oh ffs dont start again with taxi drivers and tariffs n such like i cant take it :shock:
Earthy xx
Is it tARIFF 1 OR 2? iS IT AFTER
Total mayhem in the Taxi
You MUST have had the same driver we had. The guy that picked us up at Marcusos afterparty was on some kind of land speed record attempt. I landed in Tonys lap so many times that I considered asking him to put a condom on!!! Then our sweet (?) driver turned the radio up so loud my breasts were bouncing indepentantly to the music.
I am NOT even going to discuss my trip there. Suffice to say I will NEVER print directions from multimap ever again. I now know every fekking street in Leicester and Chesterfield!!
I am NOT even going to discuss my trip there. Suffice to say I will NEVER print directions from multimap ever again. I now know every fekking street in Leicester and Chesterfield!!
Quote by mdr2000
I thought it was war and peace.......
Fuuny as fluck though. Jeeze we feel good now, straight to the door.
Ok no hotel....... but as we were checking we found some were further away than we live anyway....
Great night though... not on usual form but we still had a ball.
Mike x
yes you were unusually quiet, to the point i didnt even know you were there ffs, very unusual
Earthy xx
Quote by Abilene
You MUST have had the same driver we had. The guy that picked us up at Marcusos afterparty was on some kind of land speed record attempt. I landed in Tonys lap so many times that I considered asking him to put a condom on!!! Then our sweet (?) driver turned the radio up so loud my breasts were bouncing indepentantly to the music.
I am NOT even going to discuss my trip there. Suffice to say I will NEVER print directions from multimap ever again. I now know every fekking street in Leicester and Chesterfield!!
Well i didn't mind, i was actually going to ask if we could swap positions :twisted:
But yes our taxi driver was an asshole and i made sure he got his taxi fair to the penny!
Tony
Quote by Huxley Pig
Alex has said I am to have a sat-nav for Crimbo
Dont bother matey we had, could we find the same Hotel Nope but it did get stuck in a loop telling us to make a u turn . round the b and q carpark
Tell you what though Im complaining about the terrible nights sleep we didnt have after all they guarantee a perfect nights rest or your money back dont they PMSL.
I would complain Huxley. It is the first time I have had a chance to complain.......but I didn't pay for it so I couldn't :cry: I can't even complain without cocking it up
Dave_Notts
