Always respect the male brain has a time-delay preset and will begin to function sometime after the last word has been spoken: this can be a delay ranging from several minutes to several days.
Men are impressed by simple things which have been made to look more complicated than they actually are. Example: Battery operated hole-punchers. It is still just a hole-puncher but the fact it has wires, a motor and makes a whirring noise will make it special and keep him entertained for hours. However, do not try to keep a man entertained with any electrical items you may wish to use again in the future – eventually the fascination wears off and they will have to take it to bits to see how it works…. and it will never work again.
Men who feel inadequate like to show off things they ‘think’ are impressive; the more inadequate they feel the more they will brag about what they now own; car engines/models, designer ranges, gadgets and novelty items. Just nod and try to look impressed.
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How To Handle A Man
How to handle a man the TLF way tell him he is going out wheather he likes it 
the send him for a shower :( then promptley knock him out with the bathroom door as we have a very small bathroom
How to handle a man part two
TLF "i'm puting something in the oven would you like something" :twisted:
Felixx "yes please could i have some fish finger"
TLF " well get off your arse and put some in then"
Felixx :shock:
the send him for a shower :( then promptley knock him out with the bathroom door as we have a very small bathroomHow to handle a man part two
TLF "i'm puting something in the oven would you like something" :twisted:
Felixx "yes please could i have some fish finger"
TLF " well get off your arse and put some in then"
Felixx :shock:
Quote by Sassy-Seren
WOMAN'S DIARY:
Saturday 29th April 2006.
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went
shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it might be that.
The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere
quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed, and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong.
He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in, he hesitated, but followed. I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.
After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh, and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up, but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me, and that he had found someone else...
I cried myself to sleep.
MAN'S DIARY:
Saturday 29th April 2006.
Rooney's probably out of the World Cup, there go our chances then,
gutted!
Got a shag though.
ok, coat's on
How could you? Read his diary?
PS I do not do football.
Quote by PoloLady
Always respect the male brain has a time-delay preset and will begin to function sometime after the last word has been spoken: this can be a delay ranging from several minutes to several days.
Men are impressed by simple things which have been made to look more complicated than they actually are. Example: Battery operated hole-punchers. It is still just a hole-puncher but the fact it has wires, a motor and makes a whirring noise will make it special and keep him entertained for hours. However, do not try to keep a man entertained with any electrical items you may wish to use again in the future – eventually the fascination wears off and they will have to take it to bits to see how it works…. and it will never work again.
Men who feel inadequate like to show off things they ‘think’ are impressive; the more inadequate they feel the more they will brag about what they now own; car engines/models, designer ranges, gadgets and novelty items. Just nod and try to look impressed.
I have a cheap car. I do not know what make, but it is blue.
....like me.
I can't believe such a simple thing could provide so many pages of advice/comment.
how to handle a man indeed!!!
it isnt complicated
1. feed him (or u can over do it and try and teach him to feed himself but often the effort isn't worth the reward)
2. wash his clothes (or u can try and teach him to do this himself but the effort isnt worth the reward)
3. praise him (or u can try and teach him to do this himself but often u'll find his mother has beaten u to it)
4 lots of sex (u can't teach him to do this for himself - its instinct - as soon as they can form little fists they can sex themselves!!)
how to handle a man indeed!!!
it isnt complicated
1. feed him (or u can over do it and try and teach him to feed himself but often the effort isn't worth the reward)
2. wash his clothes (or u can try and teach him to do this himself but the effort isnt worth the reward)
3. praise him (or u can try and teach him to do this himself but often u'll find his mother has beaten u to it)
4 lots of sex (u can't teach him to do this for himself - its instinct - as soon as they can form little fists they can sex themselves!!)
Ok lets sort this then...
1. feed him (or u can over do it and try and teach him to feed himself but often the effort isn't worth the reward)
I feed myself and others! In fact being Xmas reminds me that a year ago I said a really stupid thing. "Yes I will cook Xmas Dinner" I knew the words were about to be spoken, I just couldn't stop them coming out! However, a Xmas dinner I cooked and it was fine. So one down then!
2. wash his clothes (or u can try and teach him to do this himself but the effort isnt worth the reward)
I wash my clothes too. How hard can it be? White stuff goes together on 60 and everything else on 40. One washing tablet, not two as the manufacturer says, so saving money!
Urrrm maths was never my key subject but some beans and some beans equals two I think!.... Moving on...
3. praise him (or u can try and teach him to do this himself but often u'll find his mother has beaten u to it)
I no longer need praise. I know I am good at what I do in every department ;)
Three... Ooooo what next I wonder?
4 lots of sex (u can't teach him to do this for himself - its instinct - as soon as they can form little fists they can sex themselves!!)
Resisting the urge to claim I do this one for myself, is the little fist comment suggesting that fisting goes on round here? All I can think of is my fall back phrase when something takes me by surprise, I go very English and say simply "Good Lord!" ;)
1. feed him (or u can over do it and try and teach him to feed himself but often the effort isn't worth the reward)
I feed myself and others! In fact being Xmas reminds me that a year ago I said a really stupid thing. "Yes I will cook Xmas Dinner" I knew the words were about to be spoken, I just couldn't stop them coming out! However, a Xmas dinner I cooked and it was fine. So one down then!
2. wash his clothes (or u can try and teach him to do this himself but the effort isnt worth the reward)
I wash my clothes too. How hard can it be? White stuff goes together on 60 and everything else on 40. One washing tablet, not two as the manufacturer says, so saving money!
Urrrm maths was never my key subject but some beans and some beans equals two I think!.... Moving on...
3. praise him (or u can try and teach him to do this himself but often u'll find his mother has beaten u to it)
I no longer need praise. I know I am good at what I do in every department ;)
Three... Ooooo what next I wonder?
4 lots of sex (u can't teach him to do this for himself - its instinct - as soon as they can form little fists they can sex themselves!!)
Resisting the urge to claim I do this one for myself, is the little fist comment suggesting that fisting goes on round here? All I can think of is my fall back phrase when something takes me by surprise, I go very English and say simply "Good Lord!" ;)
Quote by Sassy-Seren
Make sure spare batteries are bought over Christmas. Not for kids toys ( or yours ) but the remote control will be doing overtime
Sex, when, where and how he wants it
The wet patch should ALWAYS be on your side of the bed and it is your duty to sleep in it
The fridge is not there for food and should always be stocked with beers/lagers. Priority on the shopping list should be goven to these items together with Pringles of all flavours, pot noodles and ready meals for those times when he has to wait until you get in from work to cook his tea
Toothpaste is designed to be squeezed from the middle of the tube as that's where all the fluride is
It's bad feng shui to put the toilet seat down
Farting and scratching balls are primative mating signs and should be responded to with love
Anniversaries/birthdays are not as important as his boys night in/out and after all this time together you really should know this
All of the above just goes to show why there are so many single people in the world
That thing you can see poking out of my cheek is my tongue and not a cock :giggle:
OMG thats dek to a T
WIFES PRAYER
when i lay me down to sleep,
i pray for a man whos not a creep,
one whos handsome, smart and strong
one whos willy is thick and long,
one who'll screw me til my bodies twitchin
in the hall, garden or kitchen
i pray that this man will love me no end
and never attempt to shag my best friend
Then as i kneel and pray by my bed
i look at the wanker you send me instead
sorry men but its funny
when i lay me down to sleep,
i pray for a man whos not a creep,
one whos handsome, smart and strong
one whos willy is thick and long,
one who'll screw me til my bodies twitchin
in the hall, garden or kitchen
i pray that this man will love me no end
and never attempt to shag my best friend
Then as i kneel and pray by my bed
i look at the wanker you send me instead
sorry men but its funny
Quote by dekntan
WIFES PRAYER
when i lay me down to sleep,
i pray for a man whos not a creep,
one whos handsome, smart and strong
one whos willy is thick and long,
one who'll screw me til my bodies twitchin
in the hall, garden or kitchen
i pray that this man will love me no end
and never attempt to shag my best friend
Then as i kneel and pray by my bed
i look at the wanker you send me instead
sorry men but its funny
:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:
Hubby is watching the footy on the telly when wifey comes in and says “The kitchen window is sticking again – can you fix it?”
Hubby upset his footy match is begin disturbed replies “I am not a bloody carpenter so what do you think, now let me watch the match!”
Ten to fifteen minutes pass and wifey comes back in the living room “The light in the fridge is not working – can you fix it?”
Hubby getting really annoyed his footy match has been disturbed again replies “I am not a bloody electrician so what do you think – now let me watch the match!”
Just before half time wifey comes back yet again “The washing machine is leaking – can you fix it?”
Furious at the constant interruptions hubby replies “ I am not a fucking plumber so what do you think and what’s more I am going down the pub to get pissed and watch the rest of the game without your constant interruptions!”
Some hours later hubby returns and feeling a little guilty he heads to the kitchen to apologise to wifey, only to find her loading the washing machine which is no longer leaking and the kitchen widow open. Curious he goes to the fridge and sure enough the light is working… “How did you manage to fix everything?”
“Oh I didn’t” replied wifey. “But after you slammed the door I was so upset that I went to call after you but just burst into tears on the doorstep. Then a lovely young man came along and asked me what was wrong. I told him what had happened and he said he would happily fix the window, the fridge and the washing machine if I baked him a cake as it was his birthday. As he started to fix the washing machine he joked about me having a choice to either bake the cake or have sex with him and we laughed and…”
Hubby worriedly chimes in “You chose to make him a cake though didn’t you?”
Wifey “ I am not fucking Delia Smith – so what do you think?”
Hubby upset his footy match is begin disturbed replies “I am not a bloody carpenter so what do you think, now let me watch the match!”
Ten to fifteen minutes pass and wifey comes back in the living room “The light in the fridge is not working – can you fix it?”
Hubby getting really annoyed his footy match has been disturbed again replies “I am not a bloody electrician so what do you think – now let me watch the match!”
Just before half time wifey comes back yet again “The washing machine is leaking – can you fix it?”
Furious at the constant interruptions hubby replies “ I am not a fucking plumber so what do you think and what’s more I am going down the pub to get pissed and watch the rest of the game without your constant interruptions!”
Some hours later hubby returns and feeling a little guilty he heads to the kitchen to apologise to wifey, only to find her loading the washing machine which is no longer leaking and the kitchen widow open. Curious he goes to the fridge and sure enough the light is working… “How did you manage to fix everything?”
“Oh I didn’t” replied wifey. “But after you slammed the door I was so upset that I went to call after you but just burst into tears on the doorstep. Then a lovely young man came along and asked me what was wrong. I told him what had happened and he said he would happily fix the window, the fridge and the washing machine if I baked him a cake as it was his birthday. As he started to fix the washing machine he joked about me having a choice to either bake the cake or have sex with him and we laughed and…”
Hubby worriedly chimes in “You chose to make him a cake though didn’t you?”
Wifey “ I am not fucking Delia Smith – so what do you think?”
