How To Handle A Man

9 Dec 2006

Make sure spare batteries are bought over Christmas. Not for kids toys ( or yours ) but the remote control will be doing overtime
Sex, when, where and how he wants it
The wet patch should ALWAYS be on your side of the bed and it is your duty to sleep in it
The fridge is not there for food and should always be stocked with beers/lagers. Priority on the shopping list should be goven to these items together with Pringles of all flavours, pot noodles and ready meals for those times when he has to wait until you get in from work to cook his tea
Toothpaste is designed to be squeezed from the middle of the tube as that's where all the fluride is
It's bad feng shui to put the toilet seat down
Farting and scratching balls are primative mating signs and should be responded to with love
Anniversaries/birthdays are not as important as his boys night in/out and after all this time together you really should know this
All of the above just goes to show why there are so many single people in the world
rolleyes

That thing you can see poking out of my cheek is my tongue and not a cock :giggle:

9 Dec 2006

:smackbottom: :smackbottom: :smackbottom: :smackbottom: :smackbottom: us men aren't that bad................. are we dunno

9 Dec 2006

Them's fightin' words Sassy.....:sparring:
Fancy a round?
lol

9 Dec 2006

Do you REALLY have to ask? rolleyes

9 Dec 2006

Sounds like our house Sassy rolleyes

9 Dec 2006

Quote by Dlep

Them's fightin' words Sassy.....:sparring:
Fancy a round?

anytime but I warn you I fight dirrrrrty :twisted:

9 Dec 2006

Don't forget that gruntingis a way of communicating wink

Burps and farts really are funny rolleyes

Any film with a sexy bloke in is a chick flick and therefore can not be watched with your bloke.
Yes, actually the clothes do find their own way from the bathroom/bedroom/passage floor to the laundry basket.
And us birds have whinged sooo long for equal rights then why can't we fix the garage door ??
;)
I am man hear me roar! :giggle:

9 Dec 2006

Quote by Sassy-Seren

Them's fightin' words Sassy.....:sparring:
Fancy a round?

anytime but I warn you I fight dirrrrrty :twisted:
So do I......:rascal:

9 Dec 2006

Quote by BiWelshMinx
I am MINXY hear me roar! :giggle:

:inlove:

9 Dec 2006

Quote by BiWelshMinx
And us birds have whinged sooo long for equal rights then why can't we fix the garage door ??
;)
I am man hear me roar! :giggle:

:thumbup:
Dont forget putting the bin out
Digging the garden
Paving and all other heavy manual jobs around the house/garden

9 Dec 2006

Quote by BiWelshMinx
Burps and farts really are funny You forgot to say they have to be done really loudly as well :lol2:
Any film with a sexy bloke in is a chick flick and therefore can not be watched with your bloke. Oh and the sexy bloke is always gay :roll:
And us birds have whinged sooo long for equal rights then why can't we fix the garage door ?? and the decorating and the gardening :roll:

9 Dec 2006

Quote by Mallock2006
Digging the garden
Paving and all other heavy manual jobs around the house/garden

*Checks her list of jobs she is responsible for*
Aaahhh yes I see these 2 are on my list....
*Gazes out at the patio that she laid 10 years ago*
So tell me again why I have a man about the house?? dunno

:lol2:

9 Dec 2006

Quote by Shireen

Digging the garden
Paving and all other heavy manual jobs around the house/garden

*Checks her list of jobs she is responsible for*
Aaahhh yes I see these 2 are on my list....
*Gazes out at the patio that she laid 10 years ago*
So tell me again why I have a man about the house?? dunno

:lol2:
Decoration dear
Decoration lol

9 Dec 2006

Quote by Mallock2006
Decoration dear
Decoration

In that case I better find a younger better looking model then :giggle:

9 Dec 2006

I have seen it here recently but I have to post it again!!
Snipped from: The Good Wife's Guide
Housekeeping Monthly - May 13, 1955
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.-Tough shit!!
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. _Yeah right!
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.:shock:
Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
Your goal: To try and make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. rotflmao

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
A good wife always knows her place. :bs:
:rotflmao: You couldn't make it up! :giggle:

9 Dec 2006

Quote by Shireen

Decoration dear
Decoration

In that case I better find a younger better looking model then :giggle:
Thats gonna be one hell of a task to undertake...... ;-)

9 Dec 2006

Quote by BiWelshMinx
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.:shock:

Steve have you been reading Housekeeping Monthly?? rolleyes

9 Dec 2006

Let him think he is always right, but you know he isn't
lol

9 Dec 2006

A day in the life of a real woman :
Sleep late.
Get up and run around like a headless chicken trying to get kids and husband organised.
Drop kids & husband off and get stuck in traffic on way to work.
Arrive to find a shit load of someones elses' work that you end up doing and get no credit for.
Endure leery comments from the office lothario whilst smiling and grinding teeth simultaneously.
Provide a shoulder to cry on for umpteem hormonal workmates.
Forget to have lunch because you're just too busy.
Have it pointed out to you that you're jumper/t-shirt/blouse is on inside out.
Leave work shattered and emotionally drained.
Get stuck in traffic on the way home.
Pick up kids from after-school/childminder/anyone dull enough to mind them.
Arrive home to find dog/cat has chewed the curtains because you forgot to put them out this morning.
Rummage in the freezer for something that will cook itself in the oven.
Sit down and have tea, eat it too quickly and get indigestion.
Do homework with kids, bath them and put them to bed.
Feed hubby lagers while he watches the football.
Try and catch up with mountain of ironing/washing that some indigenous tribe relish in creating every day while you're out at work.
Collapse into the bath circa 11pm.
Refuse the blowjob that will help hubbys aching balls.
Pass out...until the next day ;)

9 Dec 2006

Quote by Shireen
So tell me again why I have a man about the house?? :lol2:

For when the batteries run out wink

9 Dec 2006

Quote by Sassy-Seren

So tell me again why I have a man about the house?? :lol2:

For when the batteries run out wink

Too lazy to go out and get some then? :dunno:
lol

9 Dec 2006

Quote by Dlep

So tell me again why I have a man about the house?? :lol2:

For when the batteries run out wink

Too lazy to go out and get some then? :dunno:
lol

Why keep a dog and bark yourself hun? :dunno:

9 Dec 2006

Quote by Sassy-Seren

So tell me again why I have a man about the house?? :lol2:

For when the batteries run out wink

Too lazy to go out and get some then? :dunno:
lol

Why keep a dog and bark yourself hun? :dunno:
rotflmao

I suppose so.....( I give up and surrender - what are the terms? ....:lol: )

9 Dec 2006

Quote by Dlep

So tell me again why I have a man about the house?? :lol2:

For when the batteries run out wink

Too lazy to go out and get some then? :dunno:
lol

Why keep a dog and bark yourself hun? :dunno:
rotflmao

I suppose so.....( I give up and surrender - what are the terms? ....:lol: )
Strrrrrrike One ! :hunk: :sparring:
Terms and conditions of your surrender are printed on the back of my bedroom door :rascal:

9 Dec 2006

Quote by Sassy-Seren
Strrrrrrike One ! :hunk: :sparring:
Terms and conditions of your surrender are printed on the back of my bedroom door :rascal:

I don't suppose you'd help me with the small print.....? :rascal:
wink

9 Dec 2006

Quote by Dlep
Strrrrrrike One ! :hunk: :sparring:
Terms and conditions of your surrender are printed on the back of my bedroom door :rascal:

I don't suppose you'd help me with the small print.....? :rascal:
wink

well you being a mere male I guess I'd have to :wink:
That was far too easy :shock: I'll just sit tight until I get the onslaught from Meaty later :twisted:

9 Dec 2006

Quote by Sassy-Seren
Make sure spare batteries are bought over Christmas. Not for kids toys ( or yours ) but the remote control will be doing overtime
Sex, when, where and how he wants it
The wet patch should ALWAYS be on your side of the bed and it is your duty to sleep in it
The fridge is not there for food and should always be stocked with beers/lagers. Priority on the shopping list should be goven to these items together with Pringles of all flavours, pot noodles and ready meals for those times when he has to wait until you get in from work to cook his tea
Toothpaste is designed to be squeezed from the middle of the tube as that's where all the fluride is
It's bad feng shui to put the toilet seat down
Farting and scratching balls are primative mating signs and should be responded to with love
Anniversaries/birthdays are not as important as his boys night in/out and after all this time together you really should know this
All of the above just goes to show why there are so many single people in the world

That thing you can see poking out of my cheek is my tongue and not a cock :giggle:

SOME MORE ADDED POINTS - LOL
And dont forget to drain every drop of petrol in the car - for when he wants to use it !!! makes the old bugger go and fill it up with his own C/Card not yours !!!!!!!!!
Empty his bank account, so he has to walk home from a night out with the lads, you never know he might get a lift home in a ambulance, after A&E have defrosted him
Tell him something nice and that will also shock him at the same time like - "you have a bigger penis than your brother" --- LOL
HAPPY CHRISTMAS - The Grinch

9 Dec 2006

Make sure you iron his shirts with creases in the slevees,
After that he will always want to iron his own shirts lol

9 Dec 2006

How to handle a man -
Never cry, give them icy stares and ignore them!! The most they last before crawling is a day. You have a day of total piece and quiet. After that keep it up for at least another day and all the little jobs they have been putting off get done, they give you their credit card and some even try the romance thing they forgot long ago.
How to look after a man -
Treat him mean, keep him keen lol

9 Dec 2006

Quote by kazswallows
How to handle a man -
Never cry, give them icy stares and ignore them!! The most they last before crawling is a day. You have a day of total piece and quiet. After that keep it up for at least another day and all the little jobs they have been putting off get done, they give you their credit card and some even try the romance thing they forgot long ago.
How to look after a man -
Treat him mean, keep him keen

well hun that explains everything rolleyes