There seems to be ever increasing interest in Swinging clubs at the moment, each seem to be slightly different. But if a franchise took over what would you like to see as standard.
What would be in your perfect swinging club ?
For me musts haves are
Jacuzzi / Hot tub
Good changing area
It would be within an hours drive and have:
Large proper jacuzzi not a crappy hot tub.
Large comfy airy public play rooms.
No cheesey porn loops on TV. (Dont mind a cinema room)
Subtle music not a frustrated ibiza DJ.
No alcohol license.
Well equipped dungeon rooms.
Private lockable rooms.
Friendly hosts who take the trouble to introduce the new faces.
Opening hours all day from afternoon to early morning.
Decent simple cheap food.
Tea served in great big mugs.
Strict rules rigidly enforced about drunkeness and drug taking.
first thing would be cleanliness.......so many seem to lack this, very basic requirement.
Nice decor....may seemy petty, but so many seem dark, dank, shabby and uninviting.
Large social area....great many people like to socialise, before play !!!!
Plenty of locked rooms as well as open ones....some clubs don't seem to have any locked rooms and not everyone wants to be an exhibionist !!
Nice sun terrace area...so if you go along in the day, you can enjoy the fresh air.
Dance pole......its so much fun haveing a pole to dance round..or watching someone else dance round.
Lastly and I think most importantly..a FAIR entrance cost for all....regardless of your sex or single/couple status.
The rules should be on display and if not adhered to then the manager should deal with the situation accordingly. Its about people, not just money!!
a constant supply of drop dead gawjus fellas, a dance floor with great music, good showers, clean play rooms, free condoms, large mugs of coffee, good warm smoking area, swimming pool indoors and out doors,hot tubs, free chocolate, and serves b'fast from 3am!!
oh and accommodation with ensuite !
not much to ask for !
i like to see a old chip shop turned into one
Think Carlsberg already did.........It's called Fun4two, but the stupid Danes built it in Holland instead of the N.E. of England.
John & Shel
If Carlsberg made swing clubs...
I would invite you in and say welcome to your new club, we all own this one,
Our rules are simple, 1 Enjoy 2 Respect , 3 Adhere to the rules,
Let me show you round, This is our lounge meeting area, you can see all our lovely owners, dressed beautifully, the ladies look so sexy and inviting, this is our play area, please sit here on this clean soft smooth bed lay back and enjoy the sensuous feeling as it vibrates, shall we go to the wet room? it's just beyond the showers and refreshment room, please help yourself to the perfums aftershaves and deoderants, the lovely assistant will apply anything you want,
Look at our wetroom the 20 seat heated jacuzzi is so clear and clean and the lovely cooler plunge pool is just right, theres a very steamy steam room over there for you to have a hot steamy session before you go down to the dungeon to play on the swing, stocks and bed, do you prefer the smell of rubber pvc or leather? care for a glory hole? we also have an internet cam room for you exhibishionists and a movie room, please have fun here being filmed you take the movie home with you!
Now, let me show you the outdoor area, its private, clean and has some picnic tables oh some to eat off too, but they're by the barbeque care for some sausage?
In the summer we have outside days and nights here and of course if you like dogging ...it's just down the road
If Carlsberg made Swing clubs you would become an owner of this one.....
pmsl?
to re-cap and add some more
1) multiple 'wet' area with
- mixed 10-12 seat tub
- bi males tub
- bi fem tub
2) Steam room
3) Sauna
4) Walk in shower area
5) bar area
6) seating area
7) food and tea/coffee area
8) dance area, inc pole (s)
9) quiet area, just to chill
10) couple only 'play' room
11) swing room, but not with one of those cheap swings that once sit in tries to crush your hips
12) open / 'public' play rooms, yes even a web cam room as well
13) multiple 'private' play rooms, with working locks and door indicator (red/green when in use or not)
14) Dungeon
15) Glory hole (s)
16) cinema
17) open terrace area, adjoined by semi covered 'smoking' area
18) space heaters available, yes this is the UK and it goes get cold, wet, etc.
19) access to smoking area from bar area
20) segregated changing rooms, M / F / Couples, accessible from reception rather than walking through the club
21) showers off each, even linking changing rooms to communal shower would help
22) more toilets, no matter which club always a queue
23) more parking, patrolled or CCTV monitored might be nice
24) bigger 'reception' areas, usually always a queue and usually get wet and/or cold waiting outside
25) Bigger towels, yes people are all shapes and sizes but whilst a normal towel will envelop a size 8 it's not much use to a size 28
26) cleaner rooms and the provision of wipes, etc. to clean after they been used, plus bins to dispose of things
27) Condoms provided
28) 'dimmer' light switches, hate walking around in permanent gloom, espcially when going in/leaving a private room
29) if over several floors, then wider stair cases, or even a one-way system i.e. up this one and down that one
30) Simple 'club rules' in reception, each changing room and other suitable/prominent places - not 'over-kill' mind
Oh and finally, if Carlsberg did clubs you'd probably get a complementary pint on arrival
Should be free as well 
