if you knew a friends partner was cheating,
would you take the view that it was none of your buisness and not tell them? or would you feel that you had a moral obligation to telll them?
do you think that by allowing your friend to be dicieved that you have betrayed them?
or do you believe that by telling them it would put your friendship in jeapordy?
likewise if you found out that you were the last to know, would you resent your "friends" for not telling you? or would you accept that they had not felt comfortable in bringing it up?
could you continue a friendship with someone who you know had the chance to help you to see the truth, but had decided not to?
or would you be thankful that they had allowed you blissfull ignorance?
I told a friend once her partner was going astry. She was greatfull i was the only one who told her..I debated for weeks first then i did the right thing at the time might not do it again though the friendship wasent quite the same after so who knows
i can understand how people may think its hard to say " sorry to tell you this but,,,,,,,,"
but it cant possibly be as hard as hearing "i knew about it the whole time".
i feel that to put your comfort zone before a friends whole happiness says a lot about the friendship to be honest.
I had a friend once whos partner was cheating on her and i told her and when she asked him about it he told her i had come one2 him and he had rejected me and this was my way of getting my own back on him and she believed him, a few months later she cought him with another woman and came to me about it, i have 2 admit i could never 4give her for believeing i had made a move on her fella and for thinking so little of me that she believed i would be so spiteful as to lie about such a thing to her, so our friendsship did suffer cause of it, but i would always tell someone if i knew they was being cheated on and i would hope my friends would tell me, i would be very hurt if someone i considered to be a m8 knew my partner was cheating on me and was allowing him to carry on by not telling me.
i could not live with myself,
seeing my friend in their false happiness, knowing it is all going to come crashing round their ears and they are going to be seriously hurt.
i could not allow that to happen knowing i had the ability to lesson it for them in some tiny way.
If they were really a good friend and just a casual mate / acquiantance then yes I'd definately tell them, as would want them to do the same and tell me!
From previous experience I find you can't win.
But if you do tell your friend, make sure you can prove it as the partner will try to claim you made it up etc
nope .....wouldn't tell em, got fuck all to do with me freind or not. I am aware that it sounds very cut and dried and sounds disloyal to the freind, but I've never been burdened with an overwhelming need to do the 'right thing' what ever that may be. I've seen people jump through all sorts of emotional hoops with these types of dilema when I wouldn't, but I also doubt that I've ever got that close to someone outside of my immediate family, where the freindship is on the higher level that some of you experiance which might explain my attitude and emphatic answer. My / our freinds are people that enjoy our company and whose company we enjoy in a social way, but when it comes to getting involved with any part of their personnal lives then the answer is a no.
I would take a different tack and confront the cheating partner. Tell him you know about it and with a bit of luck it'd unnerve him enough to call it off. If he won't be fazed by someone his partner knows knowing he's playing away then I would tell her as she deserves to know the truth, although have some facts like times, dates and locations to back you up in case she starts believing his lies.
I would deffinatley tell, as i would expect the same from any of my friends if they knew my partners was cheating, maybe they wouldnt thank you at first, but i think in the long run they would.
Lindaxxx
it just seems to be the case that most people in theory would want to help, but in practise they dont want the bother.
they are all to eager though, after you have found out the hard way, to tell you that they knew what was going on all along.
as if the betrayal alone is not bad enough.
If it was happening to me I would definately want to know.....therefore I would definately also tell my friend about her partner, but would also make sure I had my facts straight.
If it was just a suspicion I would tell her this rather than jumping in feet first and saying he was definately having an affair!
You have to be careful, some bonds between couples are stronger than friendships and vice versa! Isn't it better not to have lied though!
I'd tell a friend if they were being cheated on.
I wouldn't be able to look my friend in the face if I knew I was condoning that kind hurt.
I would expect to be disbelieved, or argued with as the bearer of crap news, but if you are genuinely friends it will work out.
Jas
XXX
Erm erm ..... not sure. I once told my very bestest friend that I'd seen her fella out cheating on her and she confronted him who turned it on it's head, blamed me for being jealous of them and said I was trying to split them up and she hasn't spoken to me since :cry: And yes he's still out cheating on her.
So whilst in theory I would, having been bitten before then probably no, but I would make damn sure the cheating parties life was made hell on earth!
C x
I suppose you could always take the easy route and be a chicken.........
"That bitch Jane is spreading rumours that your fella is having an affair!!!"
Then it takes the onus off you! lol
Well guys and girls,
this self same situation happened to me.
My ex had been cheating on me for years, with many many girls, some of them my
friends, who i thought were good friends.
did anyone tell me, no I'm too nice nobody wanted to hurt me. after we finally ended
it over other issues. it all came pouring out.
people would keep telling me, he did this he did that, it was crazy.
He was a bit of a risk taker and got caught in the act in work a couple of times
they were going to sack him but they let him off because of myself and the kids.
The trouble is that if someone had told me, he probably could have convinced me
that they are lying. Your are geniunly in love with someone you tend to want to believe them.
It took a lot of evidence for me to see the truth. but when i did i wanted to kill him
quite literally. but my kids stopped me.
The girls and women that he cheated with i never really trusted again. except
the one who told me the truth.
He had pestered her for years and she had kept telling him where to go.
If it is a good friend that is being talked about here. I would definitly speak up
too much damage can be done to children in a relationship that isnt working.
Its better to end it and start again.
It hurts like mad at first, but then you get over it.
But some people say they would and others no. well I would now after what
I went through.
Lisamarie
i would want my friend to tell if i knew i would tell them wether they wanted me to or not, a friend will tell u what u need to know wether it hurts u or not!!!!!!!!!
I think i am like most of the others... if it was happening to me than i would certianly want to know...but only if they have are sure, i am not going to work on a "hunch"
me personality, i would only tell them if i was 110% sure they were cheating... after that i don't bring it up the subject again... i have done my bit, given them what information i know and my conscience is clear...
what they then decided to do with the information i give is their concern... not mine, and i am there to support them regardless of what happens...
sean xxxxxxxxxxx
:? :? :?
Tandem flounces going on!)
