I think you've raised a valid point Andrew in the defence of single men, you are not all the same and you do contribute a role to swinging; but it should be said that when single men have been criticised it has been for often equally valid points such as lack of respect, rudeness, not taking 'no' for an answer, or seeing their gender as an immediate passport for sexual encounters.
It has been proven that there are several single (or single-acting) men on this site who have shown respect, wit, humour, kindness and decency in their posts, and have become valued members of the cafe. There are, however, a group of single men who have shown none of those characteristics - they are the ones who tend to get short shrift and mickey-taking.
Sappho xxx
Andy
I'm a single male in the same boat as you. We should stick together, yes. But I feel as though I have to say this:
FOR GOD'S SAKE MAN, USE PUNCTUATION!
I think being a single male can be ultimately the same as a lot of the Psychology modules I took at A Level (and which I fully expect Blue to correct me on). It's fight or flight - you either go with the preconceptions and try to change people's minds or you don't and you ultimately fail.
It's natural selection - single men are the dog mess on the bottom of the shoe of life. That's just our place in life. As it is, there's a minority of those further up the food chain who take pity on us so we try our hardest to make an impression. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Forgive me - afternoon drinking is never a good thing.
I knew I could rely on Sappho to put it better than I ever could.
andymorecambe - you touch on a fraught area of swinging.
Whether it's the web, clubs, swinging magazines or whatever - there is a majority of single men who come across as desperate Neanderthals with all the finesse of a stone-age club to the head.
Just read the Ads in Couples Seeking Men. Look at the number of couples forced to say: "No one line e-mails", "just cock pics only will be deleted immediately", "please - no crudeness - we want something more imaginative from you" etc.
Most people want to build some rapport by e-mail, 'phone or even an initial meeting on neutral ground, and many foaming at the mouth single males are busy cramming Inboxes with 'communication' that's crass and tactless.
If you read the review of the Rio's club on this site you'll see that single men are considered a plague!
hi 30yo male in east london just wonderd whe
this isnt even a one liner!!!!!
its a pm we got today!!!!!!!!!
just wondering how far this is meant to get a single guy.....
It got him as far as being ridiculed in the Cafe. That's probably a lot further than he was expecting!
Andy...
We are not who we say we are, we are what we do.
Yes, single guys do get an awful lot of stick.... unfairly so. As ever, the knack is to get yourself to stand out from the crowd for the RIGHT reasons.
Not having known one single thing about you, from you post I'd say I was dealing with a semi literate drop out - not really the kind of person I'd personally want to dedicate an evening too...
Now you say you work in a library - you spend all day typing.... but hell fire, Andy! So do I! So do a lot of us for that matter. I've just closed the file on a 3,500 word document that I started this morning and I'm shattered. I consider my spelling to be crap, my humour to be tested, and my mind on an imaginery shag with George Clooney... but I can still convey my thoughts in a way people are likely to read.
I know we crossed swords over the previous post you mentioned.... But do as James (Mr Writer ) says and put a little thought into this or... well, people will whizz past you.
Best of luck
Hxx
From what I've seen, no single male on this site has recieved any negativity, abuse (for want of a better word), ridicule or mockery that they didn't deserve.
It's the minority of people such as pacman and the fellow with the young hard cack (god that still makes me wet myself with laughter) that threaten to give the decent single blokes such as etc (and moi, i'd like to think you guys consider me to be a decent bloke! :P) a bad name.
Well said Sarge!!!
From another perspective we are a couple who spent a long term wording, rewording, editing and updating our ad on here. It has changed a number of times over the months we have been SH members. At a glance many of the changes won't be immediately obvious, yet the ad has changed significantly. The pics we posted thereon were carefully chosen, resized and offer a very clear indication of what Fran looks like.
We also have a website on here, again this took time, effort, thought and imagination, and on top of this it also took someone elses time, effort, thought and imagination to turn our idea into a fun website (thank you Fred ). We added a number of pics to the site, spending time taking them, choosing them etc.
We added the link to our ad so that it is clickable from any of our Forum postings, we registered our nick for the chat room with our ad number clearly on it.
So, phew, finally my point, we as a couple have spent much time, energy and effort in being clear about who we are, what we are looking for and to a certain extent what we look like. When those famous one liner "wanna shag, I have a moster cock" e mails/pm's come through, we spend as much effort on them as did the respondee, ie right click and delete. When someone takes the time to compose a message to us, tell us a little about them and even send a face pic (as requested in the ad) then we take a hell of a lot more notice.
Our response may still be a polite "thanks but no thanks", but those who make the effort are gonna get taken far more seriously and considered than those who don't. I have to add that single guys aren't the only ones guilty of the approaches discussed above, we have had our fair share of couples too! So come on folks, read the ads carefully, see what the people really have to say for themselves (don't just look at the pics and think yeah I could shag that...one liner on its way) and compose a response like a civilised adult.
Bloody hell, a lot to say there, I know it won't stop the usual suspects (Sun readers I'm told ) but just a thought from the "other" side lol.
Cheers
Stu of the "Fran and..." variety.
An interesting topic and a typically diverse spectrum of views and viewpoints.
I can only talk from experience and say that, as a single guy for the purposes of the site, I have been treated with respect and courtesy at all times by those I have had contact with. I have been especially delighted by the responses to me by the site seniors(as in time served, regular posting, universally known) who must get so much chaff pass their eyes that patience is a miracle let alone a virtue. They have withhout exception responded to me courteously and warmly for which I thank them.
In summary I think whichever status we bring to the site, single, couple .TV etc . we will only get out of this site what we are prepared to put in.
What goes around comes around.....unless its mumps ....I dont think you can have mumps again can you ?