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in defence of single straight(sometimes desperate) men

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I think you've raised a valid point Andrew in the defence of single men, you are not all the same and you do contribute a role to swinging; but it should be said that when single men have been criticised it has been for often equally valid points such as lack of respect, rudeness, not taking 'no' for an answer, or seeing their gender as an immediate passport for sexual encounters.
It has been proven that there are several single (or single-acting) men on this site who have shown respect, wit, humour, kindness and decency in their posts, and have become valued members of the cafe. There are, however, a group of single men who have shown none of those characteristics - they are the ones who tend to get short shrift and mickey-taking.
Sappho xxx
Andy
I'm a single male in the same boat as you. We should stick together, yes. But I feel as though I have to say this:
FOR GOD'S SAKE MAN, USE PUNCTUATION!
I think being a single male can be ultimately the same as a lot of the Psychology modules I took at A Level (and which I fully expect Blue to correct me on). It's fight or flight - you either go with the preconceptions and try to change people's minds or you don't and you ultimately fail.
It's natural selection - single men are the dog mess on the bottom of the shoe of life. That's just our place in life. As it is, there's a minority of those further up the food chain who take pity on us so we try our hardest to make an impression. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Forgive me - afternoon drinking is never a good thing.
I knew I could rely on Sappho to put it better than I ever could.
andymorecambe - you touch on a fraught area of swinging.
Whether it's the web, clubs, swinging magazines or whatever - there is a majority of single men who come across as desperate Neanderthals with all the finesse of a stone-age club to the head.
Just read the Ads in Couples Seeking Men. Look at the number of couples forced to say: "No one line e-mails", "just cock pics only will be deleted immediately", "please - no crudeness - we want something more imaginative from you" etc.
Most people want to build some rapport by e-mail, 'phone or even an initial meeting on neutral ground, and many foaming at the mouth single males are busy cramming Inboxes with 'communication' that's crass and tactless.
If you read the review of the Rio's club on this site you'll see that single men are considered a plague!
Quote by Sappho
It has been proven that there are several single (or single-acting) men on this site who have shown respect, wit, humour, kindness and decency in their posts, and have become valued members of the cafe.

... and then there's me wink
Seriously: For the purposes of negative comments, I think we can define "single men" as "that (sadly large) subset of single men who deserve negative comments". The good ones come under another category. It should be fairly clear from context.
hi 30yo male in east london just wonderd whe
this isnt even a one liner!!!!!
its a pm we got today!!!!!!!!!
just wondering how far this is meant to get a single guy.....
It got him as far as being ridiculed in the Cafe. That's probably a lot further than he was expecting!
sorry im new to all this what would u like 2 know?
sorry he just replied again -
and we mentioned no names so we`re not ridiculing him
just trying to show what single guys expect an answer to!
biggrin
Andy...
We are not who we say we are, we are what we do.
Yes, single guys do get an awful lot of stick.... unfairly so. As ever, the knack is to get yourself to stand out from the crowd for the RIGHT reasons.
Not having known one single thing about you, from you post I'd say I was dealing with a semi literate drop out - not really the kind of person I'd personally want to dedicate an evening too...
Now you say you work in a library - you spend all day typing.... but hell fire, Andy! So do I! So do a lot of us for that matter. I've just closed the file on a 3,500 word document that I started this morning and I'm shattered. I consider my spelling to be crap, my humour to be tested, and my mind on an imaginery shag with George Clooney... but I can still convey my thoughts in a way people are likely to read.
I know we crossed swords over the previous post you mentioned.... But do as James (Mr Writer ) says and put a little thought into this or... well, people will whizz past you.
Best of luck
Hxx
Quote by andymorecambe
im not going to be popular for saying this but ive been a member of this great site for a few months now and have posted a few times. ive placed some ads too and have had some great phone sex and talked to some brilliant people and await my first meet from here with eager anticipation i consider myself a friendly easy going fella and have always conducted myself in a courtious and inoffensive manner apart from having my bum spanked once(9not literarly lol)for posting about paying for sex ive noticed recently there seems to be an arogence and inpoliteness directed at single men i know that theres millions of us on this site and that any single lady or couple must have the pick of a fair few who reply to there ads but please remember that without single men alot of you couples and ladys would not have the fun both you and we are looking for i know theres some stupid men about who either dont read an ad or are just downright rude but please tar us all with the same brush and try to remember there are some decent single men out here there got that off my chest thanks for reading this hope ive not offended anybody
andrew

In fairness to the regs, who are IMO quite right to be intially wary of single blokes, they don't appear to me to tar everyone with the same brush. Yes, people are cautious, especially now, but most people here seem willing to extend a welcome without prejudice, and if a lot of single guys end up getting stick, it's because they invited it, usually with their very first posting. I think most people here are experienced and intelligent enough to spot who's genuine and who's a time-waster/quick-thrill-seeker, and the single guys who stick around, speak sensibly, and get themselves known are treated with no less respect than anyone else.
Ice
From what I've seen, no single male on this site has recieved any negativity, abuse (for want of a better word), ridicule or mockery that they didn't deserve.
It's the minority of people such as pacman and the fellow with the young hard cack (god that still makes me wet myself with laughter) that threaten to give the decent single blokes such as etc (and moi, i'd like to think you guys consider me to be a decent bloke! :P) a bad name.
As a single bloke (although I am in a relationship I am looking as a single bloke at moment) I have been welcomed here, but I know where people are coming from moaning about single guys. I must say I agree with DJohn, there are single guys suffering from 'Fancy a shag syndrome' who we mean when we discuss the bad points of single blokes. Then there are the single men who have wit, humour, and have grown up a bit (Not too much of course).
I must say though that I to have given up on the adds, I didn't get a single reply even though I followed the advice, read the adds, and crafted the response. Still this is a better forum for me and is gently introducing the other half to this, so I may one day be looking as a couple.
So up with single men. Note to self - Sort equal rights for men march, burn jock straps, etc... wink
Surely this is just down to supply and demand. The demand for ladies far exceeds the supply, so of course they can be more selective. I don't necessarily feel there is, as a rule, any arrogance or impoliteness aimed particularly at single guys. There are however a number of single guys that receive the response to their Ads or Posts that they deserve. They make less than the minimum effort and expect to be overwhelmed with responses.
Seeing as you brought the subject up Andy, let’s use you as an example. You have started 11 threads requesting phone sex. Those threads have had 843 views and have had a grand total of 3 replies. Of those 3 replies, one was to enquire if the phone number was correct and the other two were from someone asking why you expected other people to pay for the calls. The punctuation was of the same low standard as your initial post in this thread and you made the absolute minimum effort, though I do concede that you are polite. (I accept that you will probably have received many more responses via PM than you did in the Forum).
Quote by andymorecambe
firstly to mr writer im afraid my lack of punctuation is due tol azyness i work in a university library office and spend alot of time typing various documents soo when at home i kick off my shoes and relax and part of that is no punctuation i simply cant be arsed

I find it hard to believe that anyone that types as part of their job can do it as badly as you do. I am a vehicle mechanic and struggle to type, but my own personal pride would not allow me post anything as badly written as that. The whole point of the Forum here, or on any other internet site, is that it deals with the written word. The words you write and the way you write them are the only things that people CANjudge you on.
This is not intended as a personal attack on you Andy and I sincerely hope you don’t take it that way, but it is a criticism of anyone, male or female, that whinges that they do not receive favourable responses to their Ads or Posts when, to use your words, they simply can’t be arsed.
Just for the record Andy, I am (for the purposes of this site) a single straight guy, but I am confident that if I posted an Ad or a Thread arranging a meet I would post it in such a way that it would stand out from the others. I would put so much effort into it that Post that people would have to sit up and take notice.
Some single guys do nothing to enhance their reputations or those of other single guys.
Well said Sarge!!!
From another perspective we are a couple who spent a long term wording, rewording, editing and updating our ad on here. It has changed a number of times over the months we have been SH members. At a glance many of the changes won't be immediately obvious, yet the ad has changed significantly. The pics we posted thereon were carefully chosen, resized and offer a very clear indication of what Fran looks like.
We also have a website on here, again this took time, effort, thought and imagination, and on top of this it also took someone elses time, effort, thought and imagination to turn our idea into a fun website (thank you Fred ). We added a number of pics to the site, spending time taking them, choosing them etc.
We added the link to our ad so that it is clickable from any of our Forum postings, we registered our nick for the chat room with our ad number clearly on it.
So, phew, finally my point, we as a couple have spent much time, energy and effort in being clear about who we are, what we are looking for and to a certain extent what we look like. When those famous one liner "wanna shag, I have a moster cock" e mails/pm's come through, we spend as much effort on them as did the respondee, ie right click and delete. When someone takes the time to compose a message to us, tell us a little about them and even send a face pic (as requested in the ad) then we take a hell of a lot more notice.
Our response may still be a polite "thanks but no thanks", but those who make the effort are gonna get taken far more seriously and considered than those who don't. I have to add that single guys aren't the only ones guilty of the approaches discussed above, we have had our fair share of couples too! So come on folks, read the ads carefully, see what the people really have to say for themselves (don't just look at the pics and think yeah I could shag that...one liner on its way) and compose a response like a civilised adult.
Bloody hell, a lot to say there, I know it won't stop the usual suspects (Sun readers I'm told ) but just a thought from the "other" side lol.
Cheers
Stu of the "Fran and..." variety.
Hi all,
I'm always fascinated when this subject comes up. I'm a single bloke & have been swinging since the early 80s when we used to have to use letters (remember them?) to make contact. I have always had a good response because I make a point of answering the ad point by point, & making sure I fit their requirements as close as possible. BUT let me say that a considerable amount of couples are just as guilty of rudeness, timewasting & not reading their own ads. Typically lot's of them say no one liners & no cock shots then proceed to write a three line ad & put a legs open shot on the ad, just look around to see i'm right. This double standard seems to be ok if your a couple but makes you some sort of social pyria if your a single bloke. Don't get me wrong i know there are an awful lot of males that really should buck their ideas up if they want to get anywhere, but it's a two way street. How many of us single males have spent time wating in car parks or pubs for couples who don't show up. I think one of the problems is it's now to easy on the internet to get involved in swinging, so naturlally attracts a lot of losers with nothing better to do. When you had to go & buy a contact mag then write letters there was a lot more commitment needed so far fewer timewasters got through, now with free sites it's just a mouse click away. Sorry for the rant but it is a subject that does stir things up & needs several points of view airing. One small ray of light in the gloom of single blokedom though. for anyone that needs encouragement. My local swingers club has greedy girls nights where single blokes are not only encoraged but positivly welcomed biggrin .
I really enjoy this site think it is great that there is a place for ADULTS to discuss things without resorting to the usual childish abuse you get on some sites. More power to your elbow, keep on trucking, don't let the bastards grind you down, & make love not war.
An interesting topic and a typically diverse spectrum of views and viewpoints.
I can only talk from experience and say that, as a single guy for the purposes of the site, I have been treated with respect and courtesy at all times by those I have had contact with. I have been especially delighted by the responses to me by the site seniors(as in time served, regular posting, universally known) who must get so much chaff pass their eyes that patience is a miracle let alone a virtue. They have withhout exception responded to me courteously and warmly for which I thank them.
In summary I think whichever status we bring to the site, single, couple .TV etc . we will only get out of this site what we are prepared to put in.
What goes around comes around.....unless its mumps ....I dont think you can have mumps again can you ?
Quote by andymorecambe
.....i simply cant be arsed

It boils down to one thing andy .... if you "can't be arsed" to make an effort, how can you expect others to ?
You get back what you put in !!
Lucy xxx
Quote by prags
<...> BUT let me say that a considerable amount of couples are just as guilty of rudeness, time wasting & not reading their own ads. Typically lots of them say ‘no one liners’ & ‘no cock shots’ then proceed to write a three line ad & put a legs open shot on the ad, just look around to see I'm right. This double standard seems to be ok if you're a couple but makes you some sort of social pariah if you’re a single bloke <...>

Fair points throughout your Post – you are right on many points.
Quote by prags
BUT let me say that a considerable amount of couples are just as guilty of rudeness, timewasting & not reading their own ads.

Quote by Stu
I have to add that single guys aren't the only ones guilty of the approaches discussed above, we have had our fair share of couples too! So come on folks, read the ads carefully,

....and previous forum postings....lol... biggrin lol :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Stu of the "Fran and..." variety.
Well done andy. It's nice to see the odd full stop creeping in there. It certainly makes it alot easier to read!
And stick at it - i'm sure you will find what you are looking for, and have a lot of fun in the process. biggrin
Well done Andy, that last post has improved beyond recognition. It certainly makes a big difference.
Even i can make sense of what you are saying now, and it looks so much nicer biggrin
Im sure you'll have no troublefinding wat you're after now 69position