Injured in the line of duty

15 May 2005

Injured in the line of duty
Last night I suffered an injury in the line of duty. Whilst deep in the midst of foreplay, under heavy finger fire, a stray live finger ricocheted along the vulva and I suffered a nail induced flesh-wound. Not being one to abandon my post, I continued valiantly in the thick of things.
Later, upon reaching the make-shift M.A.S.H. tent in my bathroom, a small, thin sliver of skin was removed without the need for anaesthetic or pain relief. Thinking the wound was minor and that I would be fit to return to duty today, I awoke ready to get back to the action. I was horrified to feel the sting of a thousand bees, the burning of a hundred blow-touches and the throbbing of something very, very, very throbby when I went for a pee this morning. :shock: I guess I will be out of action for a couple of days confused

.
Whilst I do not believe this particular injury deserves a medal â€“ I am sure there are some brave swinging-soldiers out there who have been seriously injured in the line of duty. Maybe there should be a virtual SH medal for those who have suffered in the name of sex?
If you have a tale of bravery and suffering â€“ tell it here!
After I have finished laughing at your suffering, the most tragic/horrifying tales of injury will be entered into a poll to determine who deserves the 'Swinging Heaven Medal of Honour' for injury suffered in the course of duty.
biggrin

15 May 2005

PTV (post traumatic vulva) is not uncommon in cases like this.
Treatment and prevention is simple :-
PEOPLE make sure you cut your fingernails first.
(that was a SH Health message from the Treatment Room of SH Towers)

15 May 2005

May I be first to offer my numming services
num-num-num-num

15 May 2005

Oh Ouch, cringe and ouch again. :cry:
Fortunatly I have never suffered anything that traumatic :shock:
The worst one that I've ever done is let some total git, yes you steve mad

, try the peppermint thingy on my tuppence trick. Now I know a lot of people get great enjoyment from this, I am not one of them. confused

Oh how they laughed at me sprinting to the bathroom and putting the shower up me, trying to remove the burning, whilst screaming "me tuppence" at the top of my voice.
Tim and Steve were both very supportive at this point and stood there laughing their heads off. The utter bastards. :P
Jas
XXX

15 May 2005

We should award you the P.M.T - Pussy Medal for Trauma lol

15 May 2005

I know as a community we promote 'safe sex' - but surely it can't have all been that safe - there must be some more casualties somewhere......
or are they still missing in action? lol

15 May 2005

Threre was always Jas'
Come ear incident.

15 May 2005

Aaah bitchface - I was hoping to forget about that example of my stupidity lol

:lol: :lol:
Anyway that didn't count as it turned out to be a non sex related injury :P
Jas
XXX

15 May 2005

Quote by Jas-Tim
Aaah bitchface - I was hoping to forget about that example of my stupidity :lol: :lol:
Anyway that didn't count as it turned out to be a non sex related injury :P
Jas
XXX

Was it not live ammo?
confused

Was it only a training exercise?
:?

15 May 2005

Will you be inspecting the troops' fingernails before going into action in future PL ? confused

15 May 2005

I was wracking my brains about this and then I remembered. :doh:
About 18 months ago I was................er.................being given a good seeing to somewhere in Belgium where I was parked up for the night. redface

ops: :oops: :oops:
I was on my back with my knees somewhere around my ears as a result of the guy getting somewhat carried away and pushing down on me with all his weight (which was not inconsiderable as he was very muscular). :censored:
Later that night my back began to ache and next day I could only straighten up with difficulty. :shock: :shock: :shock:
I managed to stay at work and not take time off sick, but I told my boss that a rolled up carpet I was crawling under to get at something had fallen on me and bent me double in rather a hurry! :grin: :grin:
Took about two months before the back muscles recovered and I was back to normal. :P
I'm a bit more cautious now and prefer the doggy position for obvious reasons. wink

:twisted:

15 May 2005

ops:Some years ago I was almost caught by an early return of the husband of a woman I was seeing. In my rush to get dressed and out of the back door, I managed to catch my Frenum in my zip. After detangling it I drove off
I was later stopped by the Police, and had the usual have you been drinking Malarky, they askedme to step out from the Car.
Horror of Horrors,the front of my light blue Jeans, was no longer blue, but was instead blood red.
After falling about laughing, said Police Officers let me go on my way. The bleeding did stop the next day.
:oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
John
:oops:

15 May 2005

Quote by Horous
ops:Some years ago I was almost caught by an early return of the husband of a woman I was seeing. In my rush to get dressed and out of the back door, I managed to catch my Frenum in my zip. After detangling it I drove off
I was later stopped by the Police, and had the usual have you been drinking Malarky, they askedme to step out from the Car.
Horror of Horrors,the front of my light blue Jeans, was no longer blue, but was instead blood red.
After falling about laughing, said Police Officers let me go on my way. The bleeding did stop the next day.
:oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
John
:oops:

am sure there is a moral to that story!
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

15 May 2005

I know WBB, poetic justice and all that.
John
redface

15 May 2005

Had to comment on this as I have also been injured in the Line of Duty...
After A few beers and a some slow smooches with some lovely Lady. Being the gentleman that I am I offered to walk the said lady to her home. AAWWWWW I hear you say...
Anyway we stopped for a few snogs on the way home and the last snog led to my trousers round my ankles with said Lady now slurping on my Penis down some alley.. Some things just can't wait hehe. Just at the moment of ejaculation we were disturbed by a security light going off and the noise of barking. In my rush to pull up my trousers my left foot slipped away and I headbutted the wall banghead

and almost knocked myself out....
Roni B xx

15 May 2005

It's normally a compliment to me to be called 'hot' in bed but the night my lover got going on the foreplay shortly after preparing a very hot chilli with very hot fresh chilli peppers is one I won't forget!
Jezzay
PS Can anybody read this thread without their eyes watering?

15 May 2005

Well the eyes are weeping indeed... Just the thought that it could of happened to me...

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
I hope you thanked him for his kind contribution
Roni B xx

15 May 2005

Horous wrote:
Some years ago I was almost caught by an early return of the husband of a woman I was seeing. In my rush to get dressed and out of the back door, I managed to catch my Frenum in my zip. After detangling it I drove off
I was later stopped by the Police, and had the usual have you been drinking Malarky, they askedme to step out from the Car.
Horror of Horrors,the front of my light blue Jeans, was no longer blue, but was instead blood red.
After falling about laughing, said Police Officers let me go on my way. The bleeding did stop the next day.
John
am sure there is a moral to that story!

Must agree with WBB - the moral should be to always wear fly buttons when in that situation :twisted:

16 May 2005

After not enough foreplay me and a past girlfriend got down to the dirty deed!. One push in and it felt like someone had run a razor down my cock!! :shock: . I pulled out and flopped downward, with blood dripping from a rip in my skin just below the head of my cock, on the underside redface

.
Moral of this story : guys, make sure the way's a slippery one! spend LOTS of time on the foreplay or else you too could be visiting the hospital for an embarrassing 3 stitches!!.............and be out of action for weeks!!!!!!!!!!! :cry: .
Surely THAT'S worthy of an award for 'injury in the line of duty'????!! rolleyes

16 May 2005

Quote by Ride_n_Grind

After not enough foreplay me and a past girlfriend got down to the dirty deed!. One push in and it felt like someone had run a razor down my cock!! :shock: . I pulled out and flopped downward, with blood dripping from a rip in my skin just below the head of my cock, on the underside .
Moral of this story : guys, make sure the way's a slippery one! spend LOTS of time on the foreplay or else you too could be visiting the hospital for an embarrassing 3 stitches!!.............and be out of action for weeks!!!!!!!!!!! :cry: .
Surely THAT'S worthy of an award for 'injury in the line of duty'????!!

Still got it, ain't ya? :roll: wuss :roll:

16 May 2005

It's not really in 'the line of duty' when I was injured as such, but I was at work when I damaged the wee soldier so it does kinda count!
Was about a year ago and it was getting late on in the club. I was busting for a piddle so I ran up to the toilets and unleashed the fury against the porcelain. Things were going well, I was draining the main vain and trying desperately to avoid the splashback then as I gave it a wee shake to loosen off any hangers on, (Lets face it lads, "No matter how much you shake your peg, at least one drop goes down your leg rolleyes

) I stood back and ripped up the zipper on my work trousers.
However, in my haste to get out of there I had forgotten one important thing. To return my little soldier to his barracks before pulling up my zipper. :shock:
I felt an almighty pain, and I looked down to see my poor wee friend intertwined with the metal teeth of the zipper. Now, any sensible man would see this travesty and make haste to the nearest A&E. No, not commando Chunky Love. Gritting my teeth like Rambo preparing to stitch a wound, I ripped the zipper downwards to free my dirty water gun.
Now, can I recommend to any other men out there that should you ever get entangled in your Wranglers that you do NOT pull down on the zipper. For the love of god, seek out a man of medicine who knows what the hell they are doing and leave it in their hands..
I looked down to see a very bloody stump wink at me, so at that point I thought it best to make haste to the nearest hospital.
Anywho, ran out to the car and raced like a mad fool to A&E. Slammed the car into a parking space and scarpered inside. Was impressed how well the receptionist managed to stifle her giggles whilst entering my details into the computer, and took a seat in the waiting room.
Shortly guided to a wee treatment room, where several nurses and doctors came through to 'inspect' the wee patient. (Remembering of course folks that it was cold, early in the morning, erm... have I said cold? Ach ok, no excuses.. It wasn't at it's most glorious of length)
Finally after lying there for about an hour bleeding, a middle aged indian doctor arrived who had obviously had just been dragged oota his bed. I think someone said he was a specialist, (Do you get willy mangling specialists?).
Anyway, made it my first priority to make this guy my new best friend, as he quite literally held my future in his hands..
After a quick inspection he said that he would stitch it back up, but should it get any worse over time the old '1-2-3-4 skin' will be getting the chop. So, laid back while I received two local anesthetic injections into the base of the penis, (Good god, I nearly backflipped back into the waiting room. Which undoubtably would have impressed the old lady sitting waiting for her husband) then the stitches.. :shock:
"So, worked here long?" said I in a vain attempt to break the embarrassed silence that was hanging in the air whilst the good doctor, looking very unimpressed, manhandled the meat and two veg... You know, it's amazing the patterns you see in roofing tiles when you do your damndest not to look at what's happening below..
Anyway, to cut a long story even longer, the doctor finished off his sewing with a mean looking cross-stitch, and snipped the thread off. (Can I just add that the snipping noise was not enjoyed either.) 8 stitches in total. And that's not some kinda idle boast to try and make out I'm some trouser gargantuan! No, those stitches were arranged 'inside to out' around my winky's polo neck.
At this point I dared a wee look at the downstairs car crash, and thank the big man I was lying down.. Jesus, it looked for all the world like one of those chest bursters from 'Aliens'.
Anyway, after a few cautionary words of advice and some pills, a handshake with the doctor signalled my departure from the hospital and my swift journey home in the motor.
Now, the worst part was that for about a month afterwards whenever I went for a piss it felt like I was passing hot magma, and the wee soldier swelled up to near three times it's size! (Which would have been impressive had it not turned a kinda black colour..) It healed up eventually though, and now I've been left with some natural ribbing where the teeth caught me!

16 May 2005

Oh, and can I also add that it had the added appeal of spraying piddle in different directions for the first couple of weeks.. lol

17 Oct 2006

OK - I have the longest fingernails of anyone I know and I have yet to inflict serious pain on anyone with them (I say yet as I am quietly hopeful for Saturday night :rascal: )
So my point... why is it people with the most minuscule sliver of finger nail manage to do a Freddie Kruger job on me?
Am I the only one this happens to?

17 Oct 2006

Quote by PoloLady
under heavy finger fire,

i think this explains it...............was the offending hand pounding away like an out of control pneumatic drill? im getting the impression it was .
the only painful sexual injuy ive had...... apart from a quick snapping of the dick during the cowboy manoevre.......... is bruising on my lower groin and abdomen from the force of a bony arse repeatadly banging against it after a particular legnthy and hard doggystyle encounter ......
now seeing as this was an injury received through sheer hard work and in the name of mutual satisfaction. i think its a contender...................... wink

17 Oct 2006

I will admit to a similar incident redface

About 8 years ago after some very unsatisfactory drunk sex I sent the bloke off home and settled down to DIY it.
Unfortunately I managed to catch myself with my nails (they are really short so I still cant see how I did it). It hurt loads but I was brave and tried to forget all about it after a generous coating of savalon!
Unfortunately (yes it gets worse) the daily application of savlon I gave it did not stop me getting an infection in the cut and I ended up having to go to the doctor for antibiotics and cream for it.
It ets even worse surprised

ops: It turns out I was allergic to the antibiotics and was throwing up all the time when taking tem, I had to have time off work and had to come up with an excuse to tell my boss for my return from sick leave interview.
Katy

17 Oct 2006

Stop being such a bloody drama queen rolleyes

not a sex related injury's but i did once stumble out of bed in my usual 3/4 coma and made my way on auto pilot to the bathroom. kicked off my slippers and went to hang my dressing gown on the door and missed the hook completely. It was only when i bent down to pick it up that i realised just how hot the radiator was, as the molten chrome towel rail came in contact perfectly in line with my arse crack. The screams of pain were only cut short by the rather loud thud as, in the obvious pain induced high speed with i stood up with, my head connected with the overhang of the bathroom cupboard.
So the rest of the day was spent with a throbbing headache and a lump the size of a golfball on my head and a walking style similar to John Wayne, nice.

17 Oct 2006

I'll kiss yours better if you kiss mine :rascal:

17 Oct 2006

Quote by PoloLady
I'll kiss yours better if you kiss mine :rascal:

:lickface: :rascal:

17 Oct 2006

I can't remember any serious injuries whilst in action besides the usual headboard concussion, shaving vuts to rather sensitive areas :shock: and the inability to straighten my back after a particularly lengthy session ( not THAT type of lengthy rolleyes

)
I have to say I did wince reading your account PL confused

**off topic** am I the only one who finds wildwilly's avatar scary? :shock: :scared:

17 Oct 2006

Quote by meat2pleaseu
... kicked off my slippers and went to hang my dressing gown on the door

Sorry Meaty
You have just lost all sorts of sexual credibility with that line right there.....
wink