Intuition

16 Jun 2006

After a msn chat with yet another complete fruitcake this morning (not someone from here may I add) , I'm wondering what other people's experiences are of those who are not always as they seem?
I know we've had our fair share of characters here who have been firmly placed in the 'dont touch with a bargepole' box, and there's always the couple who's female half is always 'unavailable' if you call.... the single bloke masquerading as a female, and the 'genuine' single bloke who's not really single his wife just doesnt know, etc......
But I also mean the real headcases, the predators, the ones who are manipulative & psychologicllay dangerous.... you know, when you get that niggling gut feeling that tells you that something's not right but you cant put your finger on it.... when the pieces of the jigsaw just dont fit...... and things they say just dont fit to the person or character who's saying them..... the snippet of conversation that leaves you wandering off thinking 'wtf?'.....the way they sometimes get so deep inside your head and start playing about with the bits in there...... and that little voice in your head or the little ache deep in your belly that screams at you to get out now while you can?
Now me, I must either attract these people like a magnet, or i've finely tuned my internal warning system (intuition) to 24/7 red alert and can spot them a mile off. Other times it takes a while. dunno

16 Jun 2006

I think the main reason we're still on the planet is intuition/instinct/gut feeling etc.
i used to be very trusting with people from the start but now it's more a case of trusting people maybe 25% until i get to know them better (on and off the site).
trust and respect are two things you have to earn

16 Jun 2006

Now me, I must either attract these people like a magnet, or i've finely tuned my internal warning system (intuition) to 24/7 red alert and can spot them a mile off. Other times it takes a while. dunno

and I sit there wondering how the hell I didnt spot it sooner.:doh:... but does anyone else pay much attention to intuition, or do you kinda ignore it and see how things go or rely on sounding it out with friends ? :dunno:
Me, I'm gone, the minute the alarm bell starts ringing. I see it as my innate self defence system.
Me..... well as part of my profession I get to meet the card carrying certificate waving "nut cases" I like to think that I can spot them a mile off. But then the clinical/professional side can kick in and I want to help them. ! :shock:
but mainly outside of work as soon as I sense that something is not quite right then I am outta there. - ignore PMs. block on MSN. etc etc. I cut 'em off without a 2nd thought... and just for the record my stalkers tend to be over amorous housewives whose partner does not have a clue about their intentions with me rolleyes

:roll: .So it aint just the blokes. wink

:wink:

16 Jun 2006

We seem to have had to deal with more than our share of the headcases/cheats/nutters/psychos in the past, but only one managed to slip right past the nutter-detector. Red ended up close to being stalked by that one. Not a lot of fun, but we did get rid of him in the end.
I reckon we tend to be rather more cautious these days. Hence the decsion to try the munches.
CB
31 hours to munchtime.....

16 Jun 2006

Quote by Darkfire
but does anyone else pay much attention to intuition, or do you kinda ignore it and see how things go or rely on sounding it out with friends ?

I trust my instincts 100% and always act upon them-the minute that a situation/conversation/correspondence etc doesn't feel 'right' I am outta there! I might discuss things with friends later but wouldn't rely on them to make decisions for me.
We all know about womens' intuition but I think a mothers' (and fathers' maybe?) intuition is more highly tuned. Certainly in my case I have become more 'aware' of situations and people I meet in them more in the last 10 years than I was before. Is this because that's when I became a mother? (I am sure those in the know could give me some scientific explanation regarding hormones etc ;) ) Or is it just a case of getting wiser as you get older ?
Minx x x

16 Jun 2006

i had a guy claming he new me off the forums and i had no idea who he was or how he got my msn addy, he was dead cert on finding out ever thing about very strange guy, wen i asked his name on here he just stopped talking. some ppl need there head checked

16 Jun 2006

Quote by Darkfire
the snippet of conversation that leaves you wandering off thinking 'wtf?'.....the way they sometimes get so deep inside your head and start playing about with the bits in there...... and that little voice in your head or the little ache deep in your belly that screams at you to get out now while you can?

It seems you have figured me out!! wink

Seriously though, after chatting to a few people who have turned out to be complete nutters I too have learnt how to survive! I just feel I can spot them a mile off and it's always better to be safe than sorry.
I can tell from peoples profiles, their pictures and the way they interact with me if they are false or a guy etc. Of course this is only 90% accurate if I'm lucky, so I always say to people who want to chat one-on-one do you have a cam so we can see each other and 99% they don't.
I even saw a TV/CD briefly on cam who was desperately trying to convince me he was a woman ffs!
Anyway Darkfire... I'm sure you don't attract 'them' - you're just a nice person that's talkative and non-judgemental, where as I'm a very suspicious young thing at times.
xxx

16 Jun 2006

I must admit i have never come across any total nut jobs as yet, all have been very genuine, but i do tend to talk to people for quite a while on msn before agreeing to meet them on a one to one, and then always in a public place. If they start to get on my nerves on msn with the ususal idiot questions they get blocked.
I agree that respect and trust has to be earned
Earthy xx

16 Jun 2006

Quote by splendid33
Me..... well as part of my profession I get to meet the card carrying certificate waving "nut cases" I like to think that I can spot them a mile off. But then the clinical/professional side can kick in and I want to help them. ! :shock:
but mainly outside of work as soon as I sense that something is not quite right then I am outta there. - ignore PMs. block on MSN. etc etc. I cut 'em off without a 2nd thought...

Yes i know exactly what you mean Kiss_Me - professionally I tend to cross paths with the card carrying type, but outside of work, personally, having these people in or attempting to get into your own personal life is different, imo anyway wink

I wonder if this is the sort of thing that gets many of us branded timewasters? maybe its sometimes a breakdown in communication, or crossed wires, or simply just not on the same wavelength that sometimes is reason enough to think 'sod this' and disappear off msn etc without explanation that sometimes gets misinterprted as timewasting? In the same breath of course is that crossed wires can sometimes lead to us cutting people out our lives altogether.
Then on the flip side of that of course there's those who you kinda get to know for a while before you actually meet, and the alarm bells kick in once you're face to face. (I have a little story about one of those lol

)
Then there's the one's who you actually let into your life - and that's where the danger zone is. I am very 'guarded' like that - and like Earthy says, people need to earn respect and trust before I let them in....... the real problem, wether you trust your insticts or not, is that the fruitcakes/ liars/ dodgy-to-the-point-of-dangerous ones are usually very clever, and very manipulative and you reach a point where you even question yourself and your gut feelings, and possibly even ignore them, and before you know it, Miss or Mr screw-with-your-head has their feet right under the table :scared:
I've made snap decisions based on gut instinct alone in almost every area of my life - people, jobs, money... but my instinct with people has never failed me yet, hence I'm not one to leave it to chance or 'ooo maybe its just a crossed wires thing, i'll give em the benefit of the doubt' .

16 Jun 2006

Quote by Kiss_Me
Anyway Darkfire... I'm sure you don't attract 'them' - you're just a nice person that's talkative and non-judgemental, where as I'm a very suspicious young thing at times.
xxx

:laughabove: ooooo hunny, u have noooo idea! wink

Quote by earthchild
If they start to get on my nerves on msn with the ususal idiot questions they get blocked.
Earthy xx

I'm not the only one with a 'screening process' then ? lol

:wink:

16 Jun 2006

I'm a very trusting person (perhaps I shouldn't say that here), I tend to take people at face value, I treat people honestly so I assume, rightly or wrongly, that I'm going to be treated in the same way.
That said, it takes a lot for me to let someone in to my 'inner cirle' of friends, having had a bad experience where a lot of my so called friends turned thier backs on me when I needed them, I'm a little jaded as to who I trust completely now.
I'm lucky in that, so far, I've not come across a complete nutter on here. But I would like to say that there is a big difference between legitimate mental illness and pure maliciousness.
H.x

16 Jun 2006

Quote by H-x
But I would like to say that there is a big difference between legitimate mental illness and pure maliciousness.
H.x

Very true :thumbup:

16 Jun 2006

Interesting thread, Dark.
I know it's one of my weaknesses that I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt - I'm very friendly and bouncy with everyone, and very open, and I don't put up walls with people like a lot of people do. I used to think that was the best way to be.
A couple of experiences recently have rather changed my mind about that, and I'm trying to learn to keep a bit more of myself back until people prove they can be trusted with it. I suppose I'm already at a bit less at risk because I don't tend to chat to people online unless I've met them in person, or at least been 'introduced' online by a friend I trust. But I'm making more of an effort these days to be a bit careful even with the people I meet in person, and most of all, to trust my instincts. The couple of unpleasant experiences I've had, could have been avoided if I'd been a bit more assertive - because I knew something didn't feel right, from the start, and I should have said something then and there rather than letting it develop to a point where I really had to make a scene. I've never got into any real trouble - I know better than to be alone with someone I find in any way uncomfortable, and whenever things have gone a bit wrong I've known I had friends there to keep me safe - but I've still let things develop to the point where I was really uncomfortable, and I'm responsible for having let it go that far.
I like being friendly and open with everyone I meet - but I think it's important to reserve trust and respect for the people who prove they deserve it. And when you feel that something isn't quite right, to get the fuck out of there. biggrin

Cocoa x

16 Jun 2006

And there was me wondering last night if it was National Twat Week or if it was just the warm weather bringing them out - so glad it is not just me that gets the bollox-talking-liar-headcases trying to blag their way in.
It is a sad case of affairs - but I tend to be suspicious of most people on the net - until proven otherwise. 9/10 the guy feeling proves true.
It may mean I miss a few genuine cases - but better that than risk the alternative.

16 Jun 2006

oops

16 Jun 2006

We've all had the usual single guys posing, but has anyone been accused of not being who they say they are by other people?!I might make that another post
We have several times - it's such a shame, but I think you do have to be on your guard and have a good screening process!
One girl who thought we were a single guy posing was even quite hurtful to me when I mentioned I was a gymnast and she said I couldn't possibly be, I mustn't be who I was saying I was, as I clearly didn't have the 'frame of a gymnast' (ie saying I looked fat in the picture! lol) and I was far too old for a gymnast as she gave up when she was 17, and at my age of 23 i'm past it! humph!
So although we are extremely wary, we usually just say to those people that we don;t think are quite right, that they aren't what we're looking for just now.
That means if they really are who they say they are, then we haven't offended too much, and if they weren't, then they aren't going to stalk us!!
As for stalkers we have that problem at the moment, but that is completely our fault for not being totally honest with couples and what we want and don't want,(too chicken to just say we're not interested)
If we had just said no in the first place then they wouldn't be stalking us!So we;ve learnt our lesson to be upfront with everyone!
No complete nutters so far, but we have a few meets planned for the summer so you never know what kind of nutters they might turn into.........
Or maybe its really us who are the nutters.......
:shock: :shock: :shock: evil

:twisted:
m n d xx

16 Jun 2006

I have to admit I am over cautious - I was worse when I was on here as a single fem.
Having been stalked in the past, I know the dangers & bloody hastle on letting the wrong person into your life. So if there's even the slightest doubt in my mind then it's a no go.
I do admit that I find it difficult to judge people on line and I've often said that I prefer meeting people at socials as opposed to on here, because of this.
I think that's also why I find people who come across as desperate a complete turn off - my intuition tells me there's probably something more sinister lurking beneath the desperation :shock:

16 Jun 2006

as one of the people who sends messages, i find this post offensive...
just kidding
despite me putting various walls up, everybody is allowed to get close to those walls, very few get past the next set, and fewer still get past the walls after that.
i dont get anything like the problems that has been mentioned in the previous posts here, i will admit to having sent messages to a few people here, only a couple of those people have replied to the point its got to the conversation stage, others have just delivered a curt "thank you" to my messages, but i have yet to see anything like the idiots that are being spoken about, maybe because im a single male, and i have to wonder, is it mainly a male thing?

16 Jun 2006

do you know what, I dont think it is just a male thing......... maybe we fems have more experience of those-who-are-to-be-avoided simply cos there's more blokes here? dunno

..... I've yet to meet a fem here who rings the alarm bells the way a few blokes have though, although I'm sure I will at some point :scared:

16 Jun 2006

so more men "on the hunt" means more chance of a woman being targetted?

16 Jun 2006

Maybe not, no. It only takes one who's looking for a target.

16 Jun 2006

just kidding
despite me putting various walls up, everybody is allowed to get close to those walls, very few get past the next set, and fewer still get past the walls after that.

People put up walls to stop people getting too close and "in" ?????????
:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
redface

16 Jun 2006

Quote by dambuster

just kidding
despite me putting various walls up, everybody is allowed to get close to those walls, very few get past the next set, and fewer still get past the walls after that.

People put up walls to stop people getting too close and "in" ?????????
:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
redface

its like a castle with a moat, once you are past the moat, you have the entrance gate, then the courtyard, then other dorrs, before you get to the inner sanctum lol

16 Jun 2006

inner sanctum?? pah! utopia more like lol

16 Jun 2006

Quote by Darkfire
inner sanctum?? pah! utopia more like

only ever been to chams

16 Jun 2006

nutters using SH, surely you are kidding right lol

?
Well we have been reading some of the replies to this one thinking, ahh that rings a bell (or two) and oooow that happened to us as well!!
To be honest i think on the type of site that SHeaven is, some weirdos, sexual deviants and people claiming to be people they are not are inevitable (us being the sexual deviants obviously :lol: )!!
The problem with this is that some of the less experienced and newer people using SH can be fooled or duped and this may affect their opinion of the site or put them off using it completely!!
The more experienced and regular users arent more intuitive neccesarily, i think its just that they have learnt from their mistakes and can spot potential fraudsters more easily by their sometimes blatantly obvious mistakes!!
We ourselves sent pictures off to all and sundry who claimed to be a single bi fem when we first appeared on the hallowed SH towers and God knows where or what they have been used for since!! :shock:
It amazes us the amount of people we chat to who are new and either immidiatly want or will send pictures of themselves in all kinds of contorted positions, as we did back in the day.
When people are new to the site we try to give them a bit of advice and guidance which, on most occasions, has been well recieved, although you do get the occassional person who says we should mind our own business and not try and think we know it all!! Fair enough pal, crack on!!
As for the nutters yes we've had a few, one even tried to talk like a woman saying they had a sore throat which made us piss ourselves laughing, funny, but in a weird way, very,very frightening that people will go to such lengths!!

16 Jun 2006

Quote by steanrachy
nutters using SH, surely you are kidding right ?
As for the nutters yes we've had a few, one even tried to talk like a woman saying they had a sore throat which made us piss ourselves laughing, funny, but in a weird way, very,very frightening that people will go to such lengths!!

I had tonsilitis, alright?! give me a break!

16 Jun 2006

Quote by essex34m

just kidding
despite me putting various walls up, everybody is allowed to get close to those walls, very few get past the next set, and fewer still get past the walls after that.

People put up walls to stop people getting too close and "in" ?????????
:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
redface

its like a castle with a moat, once you are past the moat, you have the entrance gate, then the courtyard, then other dorrs, before you get to the inner sanctum lol
Hmmmm, when you say castle you really mean secure unit don't you?
the moat is really the security desk, the entrance the main security doors, the courtyard is the big fence in the middle, the other doors are your padded cell and the inner sanctum is a straight jacket. Honestly rolleyes

you'll be trying to convince us you're really an essex wideboy, now get off the doctors computer before you're off the the shock therepy room again loon

16 Jun 2006

Quote by mazandden
nutters using SH, surely you are kidding right ?
As for the nutters yes we've had a few, one even tried to talk like a woman saying they had a sore throat which made us piss ourselves laughing, funny, but in a weird way, very,very frightening that people will go to such lengths!!

I had tonsilitis, alright?! give me a break!
Dont lie maz, or ill tell all the folks here at SH ur really called Trevor, and have a moustache!! Although the fact that you fell for the bait and thought you were really talking to "rach" made me feel much more confident about my chances of future dupes!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

16 Jun 2006

Quote by steanrachy
Dont lie maz, or ill tell all the folks here at SH ur really called Trevor, and have a moustache!! Although the fact that you fell for the bait and thought you were really talking to "rach" made me feel much more confident about my chances of future dupes!! :lol: :lol:

Ha! well, you fell for inflatable den! It's amazing what you can do on cam with a few bits of string and some clever lighting....