Is it OK for people to play away from home without their partners consent?
We try, as far as it's easily possible, to not play with those who have unknowing partners. Mainly through our own morals and the knowledge that if either of us, though we're swingers, should play away then it would hurt the other so much its not worth contemplating.
There are a myriad of reasons people would play like this but none that I can think of are good enough to warrant not telling or not having the partners consent.
That, surely, is cheating - plain and simple. On your partner, your relationship and any agreement you had, whether stated or implied, not to betray one another's trust. Isn't it?
If a couple have an agreement of free-play, no asking, no telling - then the 'behind your partner's back' thing doesn't apply. For the other % of the population it does.
It's not only if the betrayed partner finds out and feels all the hurt and insult that the other has inflicted. For me, it is at least as bad, if not worse, that that the offending partner thinks so little of their loved one's value to do it.
I'm assuming we don't mean, play on the spur of the moment and discuss it later - permission for that already given. We're talking about playing in secret and keeping it secret.
I try to work on the principle, that I treat others as I would like to be treated myself. I didn't like it..when I was cheated on. So therefore would not knowingly do it to someone else.
I choose not to play with those who do it.
But then as a fine man once pointed out when u walk into a club u dont know do ya. So in that situation we worry about our selves not the choices of others.
I can understand there are many reasons why folk would choose to cheat on their partners and Im not gonna berate anybody for it.
It does seem that way I agree Brucie.
Are you gonna be the second person to say they are happy to play with the unfaithful ( I believe I had already posted saying that we probably do)? Or do we have to guess?
Cos responding to the OP would seem to be more constructive than not bothering to post yourself then having a pop at the contributors.
Your first point I kind of agree with. The difficulty arises for me when I know enough about playmates to know they are potentially hurting others. I spose if I took it to extremes I wouldn't swing at all but then I do think balance is a key to happiness so I adopt double standards I spose.
I can see where you are coming from on the second point too. So often threads about any kind of sexual behaviour become a happy happy joy club of mutual back slapping and agreement when any active swinger knows the real world just isn't like that. I still think a better reaction is to contribute positively in response to the OP rather than pointing out the general trend. Its easy to take a pop tho and I do it myself now and then.
Ok, disgustingly smug post coming up, but Will and I have a very open relationship. If one of us gets the opportunity then doubtless we'll go for it individually, (and we do) but probably text the other out of politeness and consideration. It helps that we met on SH that we don't have pre-swinging barriers and conventions in our relationship to overcome. At the same time, we would prefer not to play with people who are actively cheating: that fact demeans and mars the quality of an encounter, making it shoddy and cheap. Swinging has to be a secret activity, but it doesn't have to be sleazy (unless, of course, that's the bag you're in to...). We can both understand how and why people can cheat on their partners, it's not always a cut and dried issue, but playing with permission is infinitely preferable.
Very garbled way of saying, rather not play with cheaters, but sometimes it happens.
Sappho x
No. That's how I voted. I can only speak for myself. I've never cheated.
Of course it's never that simple and I don't think anyone can judge. To make a judgement I dare say you have to be in a situation. I'd just like it if people were honest with me, then I could make my own choice. I don't like lies.
Reading this thread has slightly changed how I am going to post. To be honest it was tweeky's posts that have changed my mind - and I actually have a lot of time for them both.
Before joining this site I was in a sexless marriage. Now, I know that tweeky says it is weak not to make a firm decision and leave - but it's not always that easy. I believed very much in the sanctity of marriage so I tried very hard to be celibate. Now, let's face it, one doesn't get married in order to be celibate. However, my then wife made it clear that, apart from ensuring that I didn't get sex at home, she would also do everything in her power to make sure that I didn't get it elsewhere and that, if I ever dared to leave her, I would never see my son again.
Faced with that I endured 12 and a half years of celibacy with just TWO transgressions. I don't mean two long-lasting affairs, I mean two one-off instances in 12 and a half years. Was I being a shit by being unfaithful? Of course I was, and I carry the guilt of that to this day. No doubt it is my own fault for lacking the moral fibre to be celibate - but, as I've said, I didn't marry in order to become celibate and I was never allowed to express an opinion on the matter.
Eventually, I could take it no longer and I left. My ex was as good as her word and I have never seen my son since. No doubt some of you will think that is a trivial thing. Believe me it is not. Not a day goes by without me thinking of him. The divorce was, of course, hugely expensive - but that pales into insignificance in comparison to the pain of losing my son. I paid maintenance and school fees for years afterwards but the court was powerless to force my ex-wife to allow me to see my son. That's the way it is.
As you all know, Sappho and I have a totally open relationship. However, there was an extended period when sex wasn't happening for us. I had Sappho's blessing to get some satisfaction elsewhere. However, I didn't. I have always seen swinging as an exciting enhancement to our sex life and not a substitution for the lack of it.
We prefer to play as a couple and with other couples - that way there is no danger of being involved in dishonesty. However, we DO play individually (and, yes, we are totally honest with each other about that) and it is possible that the people we play with are cheating. We would rather that is not the case, but we cannot guarantee that it isn't.
Brucie - it IS possible to have morals in swinging, but you cannot impose those morals on others.
Will
I don't mind him meeting others at all, so long as it isn't the same person twice! I wouldn't want him to form a relationship of any kind with a partner I don't know. 
Of course not asking you to give any details on that as I expect there are complicated reasons.
