Come all post your jokes to lightne up the ffffffffffffffffreezing day.
What do you call a man with 14 rabbits up his arse?
A: Warren
A man goes to buy some rat shopkeeper gives him a bottle of powder and tells him to sprinkle it round his ,the man replies,"If I could get that close I'd step on him!"
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3 men discussing what to buy their wives for christmas."I'm going to buy my wife some sexy underwear and a pair of Italian shoes,then if she doesn't like one,then hopefully she will like the other."That's a good idea,"says the second man.
"I'll get my wife two presents as well and maybe one of them will be 's see-I think I'll get her a gold necklace and an evening dress."
"What about you Jack?"they say,turning to the third man who has remained morosely quiet. "Oh,I know what I'm getting Doreen,a mink coat and a she doesn't like the coat she can go fuck herself."
"I'll get my wife two presents as well and maybe one of them will be 's see-I think I'll get her a gold necklace and an evening dress."
"What about you Jack?"they say,turning to the third man who has remained morosely quiet. "Oh,I know what I'm getting Doreen,a mink coat and a she doesn't like the coat she can go fuck herself."
Young Lad: Dad can i borrow a fiver?
Dad: Well, i'll tell you what son, if you can get your willy to touch your bum , then i'll give you the fiver.
The young lad goes away for days pulling his knob round, stretching it the best he can. After a few day he runs back to his dad
Young Lad: DAD DAD, look i can do it - my willy's touching my bum!!!!!
Dad: well son you can now go fuck yourself cause your still not getting the fiver.!!!
Dad: Well, i'll tell you what son, if you can get your willy to touch your bum , then i'll give you the fiver.
The young lad goes away for days pulling his knob round, stretching it the best he can. After a few day he runs back to his dad
Young Lad: DAD DAD, look i can do it - my willy's touching my bum!!!!!
Dad: well son you can now go fuck yourself cause your still not getting the fiver.!!!
"Why are you taking so long?" complained his wife.
"I'm trying really hard," but I can't think of anyone."
What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A whore sleeps with everyone; a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.
OVERHEARD on top of a bus:
"I'm knackered,Bill; it's been a hell of a day at work,You know,compared to us women have it ,they even sit down to take a piss.
HOW can you tell a short sighted man at a nudist colony?
It isn't hard.
"I'm trying really hard," but I can't think of anyone."
What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A whore sleeps with everyone; a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.
OVERHEARD on top of a bus:
"I'm knackered,Bill; it's been a hell of a day at work,You know,compared to us women have it ,they even sit down to take a piss.
HOW can you tell a short sighted man at a nudist colony?
It isn't hard.
A young punk rocker get son the tube abd sits opposite ab old man who stares at him punk has spiky red,blue and orange hair,rings in his nose,his eyebrows,lips and ears,and long dangling feather 10 minutes,the punk can't take anymore of the staring and shouts at the old man "What are you looking at,you old fart,didn't you do anything crazy when you were young?"
"Yes, replied the old man. "When I was young and in the navy,I shagged a parrot whne I was on shore leave.I thought maybe you were my son."
"Yes, replied the old man. "When I was young and in the navy,I shagged a parrot whne I was on shore leave.I thought maybe you were my son."
First night in Garden of Eden and Adam warns Eve, "you'd better stand back a bit,I don't know how big this thing gets."
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The best people to have sex with are make you do it time and time again until you get it right.
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Did you hear about the young lady who failed her driving test?
When the car stopped, she automatically got into the back seat.
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God only gave women two sets of lips so they could piss and moan at the same time.
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The best people to have sex with are make you do it time and time again until you get it right.
________________________________________________________________________
Did you hear about the young lady who failed her driving test?
When the car stopped, she automatically got into the back seat.
________________________________________________________________________
God only gave women two sets of lips so they could piss and moan at the same time.
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will spend an hour searching for a golf ball.
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will spend an hour searching for a golf ball.
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch
