judgemental

29 Jun 2010

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
This is going to sound really odd, but I would love to be one of those people who could just have sex with anyone I wanted to, be totally open about it and just get on and do it, but I cant and I dont think I ever could. Also, I try not judge anyone who does this and say good luck to them if that is what they want and they are comfortable with themselves doing it.
However, I do find that I do judge myself, and probably more harshly than others would necesarily judge me (well, I hope so). It is only this last 12 months that I have started to be more open about what I want and what I get up to. I dont mean graphic details or telling others the details of people who I have met but I mean being less embarrassed about myself, my meets and my fantasies. Even as a swinger, I do not want others to think of me as 'easy' and that is total madness as it has nothing what so ever to do with anyone else, but I still even now, do worry to some extent what others think.
I think we are naturally judgemental and although we try not to be, we instinctively do it even if we dont want to. Also, I do think it is human nature to be concerned about what others think of us and I do think that those who say they dont give a dam often only say it to try and show some bravado. However, I think if someone does take the time to publicly state they dont give a dam what others think, they are only doing to it try and hide what they are really feeling, and they do infact, give a dam.
My own view is that at the end of the day, only you have to live with what you are doing, or what you are not doing, and if you are comfortable then it should not matter what others think. I just wish I could convince myself that this is the case

NCW, a reminder of why I love your posts and appreciate you on the forum.
You say most of the things that are going on in my head kiss

29 Jun 2010

Quote by bouncy332
ok example a couple contacted us recently that when i read their profile it said they only play bareback now my initial judgement was eewwww but yet i did not say as much in my reply as it is their choice and obviously they find enough peeps that wish to join in with them so good luck to um i say
you'll most likely say i'm wrong and i should of told um that they are disgusting for doing such things but how is that my right to do so is it not their right do make their own decissions of how they wish to swing just as it is my right to say thankyou for showing an interest in us but no thankyou its just not our bag
there is no need to be rude about such things we all make our own choices

Exactly! theres a low level pipe in work spans across a basement corridor. I intend to run full pace into it every week day for the year. I dont expect anyone will tell me thats a bad idea as its my own personal choice to do so.
Sorry but if people generally think something is a bad idea they normally let you know. We would probably reply along the lines of, sorry no thanks we value our health.

29 Jun 2010

Great thread bouncy. Of course i agree with ya. I think if you are gonna have a lot of fun swinging it helps if you can accept that one wo/mans meat is another wo/mans poison.

29 Jun 2010

Quote by bouncy332
Watching my wife behave as a total slut is one of the things that really turns me on

Ya dirty git. wink

can we watch too silly

hwoar::rascal:
Yes lol

29 Jun 2010

Quote by Bluefish2009
Watching my wife behave as a total slut is one of the things that really turns me on

Ya dirty git. wink

can we watch too silly

hwoar::rascal:
Yes lol

Can I help your wife be a total slut, please?

29 Jun 2010

Quote by fluff_n_stuff
Watching my wife behave as a total slut is one of the things that really turns me on

Ya dirty git. wink

can we watch too silly

hwoar::rascal:
Yes lol

Can I help your wife be a total slut, please?
:twisted: :wink: as long as I get to watch :thumbup:

29 Jun 2010

WOH! am a newby but like to keep an eye on forums, ya seem a bit hard on yourselves here (spesh girlies). Have had loads of emails to answer (as you do as a newby single, now dropped to 5 a day), have been offered money and a free indian meal for life! No judgements, all looking for want and heads up to them for not trying to con (okay, maybe as a single girl it is apparent from the 1st/2nd text contact that a 'pretend' genuine may not be) - is that what I want yes/no? Having said that a message/chat comes through and I play 'swingers or swankers' and maybe I am wrong but from the interaction they are in the box - thats my judgement, not on what you do/want but personality.

29 Jun 2010

As in normal vanilla life, the swinging world has a wide ranging cross section of the population and therefore a wide range of different preferences or attitudes towards sex and sexual behaiviour.
For me personally I wouldn't just sleep with anyone just for the sake of having sex. I need to fancy them or find them sexy as this is something important to me and I'm just not the type of person to just "meet and fuck". However i'm not the type of guy to slag of those that do, each to their own, just because some people do the "meet and fuck" thing doesn't make them bad people.
Similarly in the vanilla world I personally wouldn't call a man or woman who has one night stands on a regular basis a slut, it's up to them to decide what's right for them and just becasue I don't agree with doing it in my life doesn't mean it isn't right for someone else's.
I think the idea of tolerance and the reality of it are a gulf apart, even here in the more liberal communbity of swinging!

29 Jun 2010

Quote by janemellissa
WOH! am a newby but like to keep an eye on forums, ya seem a bit hard on yourselves here (spesh girlies). Have had loads of emails to answer (as you do as a newby single, now dropped to 5 a day), have been offered money and a free indian meal for life! No judgements, all looking for want and heads up to them for not trying to con (okay, maybe as a single girl it is apparent from the 1st/2nd text contact that a 'pretend' genuine may not be) - is that what I want yes/no? Having said that a message/chat comes through and I play 'swingers or swankers' and maybe I am wrong but from the interaction they are in the box - thats my judgement, not on what you do/want but personality.

:welcome: to the forums!

30 Jun 2010

Quote by janemellissa
WOH! am a newby but like to keep an eye on forums, ya seem a bit hard on yourselves here (spesh girlies). Have had loads of emails to answer (as you do as a newby single, now dropped to 5 a day), have been offered money and a free indian meal for life! No judgements, all looking for want and heads up to them for not trying to con (okay, maybe as a single girl it is apparent from the 1st/2nd text contact that a 'pretend' genuine may not be) - is that what I want yes/no? Having said that a message/chat comes through and I play 'swingers or swankers' and maybe I am wrong but from the interaction they are in the box - thats my judgement, not on what you do/want but personality.

You would think that maybe all that these people are after are using you for sex ... lol

30 Jun 2010

Quote by Lost
>>>Said lots of stuff<<<

Think id agree with that for myself too. And though i understand why DG said "the phrase you're looking for here is being more confident in myself" I don't think thats always the case. I am confident for the most part in life and the choices I make but can be quite embarrassed about myself too. Two different things but i do understand the sentiment DG.
If its OK to be slutish, for example, then surely thats already being judgemental or else it wouldn't have a derogatory word/meaning. Otherwise people would just do what they do and there would be no such behaviour as sluttish.
Oh and for the record, I am always questioning myself why i love watching my wife fu*k other people ans conversely she wonders why she enjoys it and why i as her partner accept what she does. I guess its an eternal debate between us though we don't question our enjoyment of it and accept how each other feels.
Just like to add though. sometimes a really good hug and a kind word from or to a partner can work wonders in the occasional moment of insecurity.
Spot on Lost, and please remind me to come back and add to this later when Im not rusing out the door wink

30 Jun 2010

Quote by Kaznkev
So many times the judgement arguement seems to be,is this sluttish,rather than is it ok to be sluttish .
This piece of writing is not mine,but i put it on my profile on a bdsm site because i think it is so describes why i think being a slut is a good thing and why judging others and making assumptions about their motivations is ,i think ,such a pointless thing to do.
In Praise Of Sluts...
Sluts give of themselves freely, to those who truly appreciate them...
Sluts never ask for money, but they wouldn't refuse it if offered...
Sluts care more about the pleasure of others than their own pleasure...
Sluts get MORE pleasure by pleasing others than if they were pleasing themselves...
Sluts are generous with their sexual favors, because that's the most valuable gift they have to share with the world...
Sluts are not shy, but they can pretend to be if that brings pleasure to their partner...
Sluts are happiest when they know that they are desired, desirable and appreciated...
Sluts gladly spread their thighs because it gives pleasure to others...
Sluts enjoy playing with themselves, either to entertain others, or to entertain themselves...
Sluts love oral pleasures, but they love giving as much (and usually MORE) than 'receiving'...
Sluts love to fuck, and they express their love and compassion for others by sharing their sweet flesh, and fucking at every opportunity...
Sluts may love to cum, but they love making their partners cum even more...
Sluts love to scream 'FUCK MEEEEEEEE.....!'
Sluts love to make their partners lose all control, because sex should never be 'controlled', it should be unrestrained, unchained and uninhibited...
Sluts keep the world from destroying itself...
Which Is Why: We Praise Sluts!
As a personal sexual mannifesto it works

oh i love it kaz :thumbup:
especially
Sluts love to make their partners lose all control, because sex should never be 'controlled', it should be unrestrained, unchained and uninhibited...
that is perfect in fact had i seen that elsewhere i would of used it as my signiture and hope no one knew it was plagiarized :rascal:

30 Jun 2010

Quote by Kaznkev
So many times the judgement arguement seems to be,is this sluttish,rather than is it ok to be sluttish .
This piece of writing is not mine,but i put it on my profile on a bdsm site because i think it is so describes why i think being a slut is a good thing and why judging others and making assumptions about their motivations is ,i think ,such a pointless thing to do.
In Praise Of Sluts...
Sluts give of themselves freely, to those who truly appreciate them...
Sluts never ask for money, but they wouldn't refuse it if offered...
Sluts care more about the pleasure of others than their own pleasure...
Sluts get MORE pleasure by pleasing others than if they were pleasing themselves...
Sluts are generous with their sexual favors, because that's the most valuable gift they have to share with the world...
Sluts are not shy, but they can pretend to be if that brings pleasure to their partner...
Sluts are happiest when they know that they are desired, desirable and appreciated...
Sluts gladly spread their thighs because it gives pleasure to others...
Sluts enjoy playing with themselves, either to entertain others, or to entertain themselves...
Sluts love oral pleasures, but they love giving as much (and usually MORE) than 'receiving'...
Sluts love to fuck, and they express their love and compassion for others by sharing their sweet flesh, and fucking at every opportunity...
Sluts may love to cum, but they love making their partners cum even more...
Sluts love to scream 'FUCK MEEEEEEEE.....!'
Sluts love to make their partners lose all control, because sex should never be 'controlled', it should be unrestrained, unchained and uninhibited...
Sluts keep the world from destroying itself...
Which Is Why: We Praise Sluts!
As a personal sexual mannifesto it works

oh i love it kaz :thumbup:
especially
Sluts love to make their partners lose all control, because sex should never be 'controlled', it should be unrestrained, unchained and uninhibited...
that is perfect in fact had i seen that elsewhere i would of used it as my signiture and hope no one knew it was plagiarized :rascal:
consider it a gift,i wont tell anyone wink

shhhhhhh but ty :rose:

30 Jun 2010

Quote by Kaznkev
So many times the judgement arguement seems to be,is this sluttish,rather than is it ok to be sluttish .
This piece of writing is not mine,but i put it on my profile on a bdsm site because i think it is so describes why i think being a slut is a good thing and why judging others and making assumptions about their motivations is ,i think ,such a pointless thing to do.
In Praise Of Sluts...
Sluts give of themselves freely, to those who truly appreciate them...
Sluts never ask for money, but they wouldn't refuse it if offered...
Sluts care more about the pleasure of others than their own pleasure...
Sluts get MORE pleasure by pleasing others than if they were pleasing themselves...
Sluts are generous with their sexual favors, because that's the most valuable gift they have to share with the world...
Sluts are not shy, but they can pretend to be if that brings pleasure to their partner...
Sluts are happiest when they know that they are desired, desirable and appreciated...
Sluts gladly spread their thighs because it gives pleasure to others...
Sluts enjoy playing with themselves, either to entertain others, or to entertain themselves...
Sluts love oral pleasures, but they love giving as much (and usually MORE) than 'receiving'...
Sluts love to fuck, and they express their love and compassion for others by sharing their sweet flesh, and fucking at every opportunity...
Sluts may love to cum, but they love making their partners cum even more...
Sluts love to scream 'FUCK MEEEEEEEE.....!'
Sluts love to make their partners lose all control, because sex should never be 'controlled', it should be unrestrained, unchained and uninhibited...
Sluts keep the world from destroying itself...
Which Is Why: We Praise Sluts!
As a personal sexual mannifesto it works

Loving that Kaz

30 Jun 2010

Quote by Lost
>>>Said lots of stuff<<<

Think id agree with that for myself too. And though i understand why DG said "the phrase you're looking for here is being more confident in myself" I don't think thats always the case. I am confident for the most part in life and the choices I make but can be quite embarrassed about myself too. Two different things but i do understand the sentiment DG.
If its OK to be slutish, for example, then surely thats already being judgemental or else it wouldn't have a derogatory word/meaning. Otherwise people would just do what they do and there would be no such behaviour as sluttish.
Oh and for the record, I am always questioning myself why i love watching my wife fu*k other people ans conversely she wonders why she enjoys it and why i as her partner accept what she does. I guess its an eternal debate between us though we don't question our enjoyment of it and accept how each other feels.
Just like to add though. sometimes a really good hug and a kind word from or to a partner can work wonders in the occasional moment of insecurity.
Ok, I did say I would come back to this and here goes.
You are right when you say about the difference between confidence and being embarrassed/not embarassed. I am generally a fairly confident person, I have a job which requires me to be confident, both in the decisions I make but also into the information and advice I am giving. I am not embarassed to stand up infront a room full of people and deliver long, complicated presentations. I am not embarrassed to ask for help if I do not understand the technicalities of someting, and I am not embarassed to state exactly what I want from my team, how it should be done and when. However swinging confidence and any related embarassment is a completely different thing.
I am 100% confident in knowing what I want to do swinging wise, but I am also too embarrassed to go ahead and do it. I am confident that I want to be a swinger, but I am also too embarassed to tell people that I do it. I am confident that I want to be a bit of a slut (after reading Kaz's description) but I am too embarassed to do it.
So yes, confidence and embarassment are completely different things, but in a lot of things swinging related, where I do have some kind of embarassment, it all falls down to me being concerned about being judged by others and being embarassed about being me and that is one thing I do not understand wink