Sadly ive had the worst 2 weeks of my life. K has been going out a lot with friends and off to sudden work dos. I will start by sayng i am 100 % certain there is no foul play in progress however after a heated exchange about her activities and her willingness to leave the children with myself or her parents at a moments notice she dropped a huge Bombshell. She is unhappy and is thinking about splitting up. we have been married for 5 years and together for over 10 and although you may be thinking ohh what has he done my only vice has been cyber , the occasional post on this board.
We have a one yr old so im hoping its a post natal thing but she is a very independant woman and misses Skiing travelling as much due to the fact weve had our family since we wed.
Has any one ever felt soo empty and desolate as i do now and jsut to look at my kids i well up. I came from a broken home K has a strong family so i have tried to implore to her the value of working through this but the immortal words were spoken on saturday " I dont love you anymore"
She will get custody and as they are young she can manipulate them to her thinking
Im sorry to be soo pessimistic as it is possible she will see sense but its a lil hard to be optomistic with the two weeks ive had.
BTW i am not a lazy or a man who lacks giving attention. I have worshipped her for 10 years, cook shop and as i work for myself have been able to pick up kids etc and look after them. Financially we are secure yet This
I am sooo sorry to post this but needed to put it down in print
I wont be able to read replies tonite as she is due
again sorry to be a damp squid
:cry:
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K really Divorce or hopefully mid life crisis
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I'm so sorry that you're going through this. At the end of the day it's going to be her decision what she does......but you don't stay with someone for 10 years and then decide to split up overnight, I'm sure she'll think it through.....
Perhaps you could suggest some counselling together?
Stick with it......I hope it all works out for you in the end.....and I know it's no comfort but try to remember that everything happens for a reason....and there is no reason that you won't be able to still see your kids on a regular basis, you'll always be their Dad.....
Take care......
Perhaps you could suggest some counselling together?
Stick with it......I hope it all works out for you in the end.....and I know it's no comfort but try to remember that everything happens for a reason....and there is no reason that you won't be able to still see your kids on a regular basis, you'll always be their Dad.....
Take care......
Sexpert
my advice is simply take a break from this and put all the effort into the other. this scene is always here, but the other may not be worth losing. I come to the uk several times a year and it is always fun to enjoy the scene but if i had it constantly it would lose its appeal.
Hiya Moorhopper
I am really sorry to hear what you're going through. You've been dead honest with us about your situation from the start, you were so optimistic about things just a few weeks ago. I wonder now if you looked at swinging as maybe a means to bring back a bit of zing between you. It is only the very closest of couples that manage this, close before they even introduced it.
Right, swinging aside from everything, because if I remember correctly, you didn't even get to that point anyway, you have a rather rough time coming up. If she is willing to try and make a go of things then counselling would be ideal for you. Failing that, you can even go alone and maybe sort out some of your own mixed up feelings into something that is a bit clearer to you. Remember, you can give it your best shot but at the end of the day you cannot make someone love you and want to stay.
I am not really the best suited to give advice on this subject as I went through a dreadful time a couple of years ago ...... Whatever the outcome tho you will get through it. I don't want to suggest things on dealing with a split just yet, as hopefully it won't come to that.
Don't worry about your child - a lot of contact, love and support from you and you will always be 'daddy'. It is not in her, or your childs best interest to talk you down. The one thing guaranteed you both still want, and that is a happy, stable and settled child. Not one that's mixed up etc.
Some of this post sounds a bit brutal, I don't mean it to be, sorry - some things seem to come out hurtful, no matter how gentle you try and say them.
I really do hope you can both work things out.
I am only a PM away if you need it ok ..... not very good at advice, but not for the want of trying lol
Take care
I am really sorry to hear what you're going through. You've been dead honest with us about your situation from the start, you were so optimistic about things just a few weeks ago. I wonder now if you looked at swinging as maybe a means to bring back a bit of zing between you. It is only the very closest of couples that manage this, close before they even introduced it.
Right, swinging aside from everything, because if I remember correctly, you didn't even get to that point anyway, you have a rather rough time coming up. If she is willing to try and make a go of things then counselling would be ideal for you. Failing that, you can even go alone and maybe sort out some of your own mixed up feelings into something that is a bit clearer to you. Remember, you can give it your best shot but at the end of the day you cannot make someone love you and want to stay.
I am not really the best suited to give advice on this subject as I went through a dreadful time a couple of years ago ...... Whatever the outcome tho you will get through it. I don't want to suggest things on dealing with a split just yet, as hopefully it won't come to that.
Don't worry about your child - a lot of contact, love and support from you and you will always be 'daddy'. It is not in her, or your childs best interest to talk you down. The one thing guaranteed you both still want, and that is a happy, stable and settled child. Not one that's mixed up etc.
Some of this post sounds a bit brutal, I don't mean it to be, sorry - some things seem to come out hurtful, no matter how gentle you try and say them.
I really do hope you can both work things out.
I am only a PM away if you need it ok ..... not very good at advice, but not for the want of trying lol
Take care
Sex God
Quote by MISSCHIEF
Hiya Moorhopper
I am really sorry to hear what you're going through. You've been dead honest with us about your situation from the start, you were so optimistic about things just a few weeks ago. I wonder now if you looked at swinging as maybe a means to bring back a bit of zing between you. It is only the very closest of couples that manage this, close before they even introduced it.
Right, swinging aside from everything, because if I remember correctly, you didn't even get to that point anyway, you have a rather rough time coming up. If she is willing to try and make a go of things then counselling would be ideal for you. Failing that, you can even go alone and maybe sort out some of your own mixed up feelings into something that is a bit clearer to you. Remember, you can give it your best shot but at the end of the day you cannot make someone love you and want to stay.
I am not really the best suited to give advice on this subject as I went through a dreadful time a couple of years ago ...... Whatever the outcome tho you will get through it. I don't want to suggest things on dealing with a split just yet, as hopefully it won't come to that.
Don't worry about your child - a lot of contact, love and support from you and you will always be 'daddy'. It is not in her, or your childs best interest to talk you down. The one thing guaranteed you both still want, and that is a happy, stable and settled child. Not one that's mixed up etc.
Some of this post sounds a bit brutal, I don't mean it to be, sorry - some things seem to come out hurtful, no matter how gentle you try and say them.
I really do hope you can both work things out.
I am only a PM away if you need it ok ..... not very good at advice, but not for the want of trying lol
Take care
I was going to post something very similar to mischiefs comments.
Counseling may work, but you'll both have to want to do it and you'll both have to be prepared to work at it. It's not a quick fix and can get very painfull, but it could help you out in the long run.
Onlyother bit of advice I can offer is if the divorce proceedings do start, try to think before you speak or act, try to not let your emotions lead your actions and try to be reasonable. It will save a lot of hassle and help your kids in the long run.
And think about what you want from life and who you want to be with. It does sound hard, but some people do realise that they're with the person out of habit or because of a sense of loyalty.
Take care of yourself and as mischief said there are happier times ahead so stay posative.
Moorhopper,im so very sorry to hear about everything,
All i can suggest is that you both sit down together and be completely open and honest with each other,and as already been said counsilling may also help.
As for your 1yr old,young kids have unconditional love and that will never change no matter what happens, Sincerely hope everything works out for you,
Clare,xx
All i can suggest is that you both sit down together and be completely open and honest with each other,and as already been said counsilling may also help.
As for your 1yr old,young kids have unconditional love and that will never change no matter what happens, Sincerely hope everything works out for you,
Clare,xx
What can I say...? 
But you won't find the answer here, mate... however..
Have you considered the possibility that you've been TOO nice? Doing the shopping and the cooking... what kind of a role does that leave for Mrs. M..? And before all the feminists leap at me, domestic chores are a symbol of something much more important.
What is it that Mrs. M has in her life and in your relationship that makes her feel indispensible and valued? You say you've worshiped her... maybe she just wants you to be firm now and again?
Or... why not just take her down the woods, give her a damn good seeing to and show her what she'll miss..?
Hxx
But you won't find the answer here, mate... however..
Have you considered the possibility that you've been TOO nice? Doing the shopping and the cooking... what kind of a role does that leave for Mrs. M..? And before all the feminists leap at me, domestic chores are a symbol of something much more important.
What is it that Mrs. M has in her life and in your relationship that makes her feel indispensible and valued? You say you've worshiped her... maybe she just wants you to be firm now and again?
Or... why not just take her down the woods, give her a damn good seeing to and show her what she'll miss..?
Hxx
I dont know whether this will help or hinder. my wife left me for another man several years ago . We had been together for 16 years and married for 14 with two boys.
Whilst it was awfull to start with we are now good friends and the boys are well adjusted. To be honest she initially had custody but when our youngest developed cancer(he is now all clear but he lost the ability to walk for two years due to the cancer damaging a nerve) she couldnt cope and they have lived with me since.
We are both now happy and the boys are perfectly adjusted. If it does happen you must remember no matter how hard it is to always put your child first.
I hope you can work things out and im sorry but I have to disagree with some posts here you cant be Too nice .
Best of luck
Whilst it was awfull to start with we are now good friends and the boys are well adjusted. To be honest she initially had custody but when our youngest developed cancer(he is now all clear but he lost the ability to walk for two years due to the cancer damaging a nerve) she couldnt cope and they have lived with me since.
We are both now happy and the boys are perfectly adjusted. If it does happen you must remember no matter how hard it is to always put your child first.
I hope you can work things out and im sorry but I have to disagree with some posts here you cant be Too nice .
Best of luck
Quote by warwick
I hope you can work things out and im sorry but I have to disagree with some posts here you cant be Too nice .
I would have to agree here and i'm sure that my other half Clare would too.I love being nice to her and she loves the attention i give her,so i don't think that your being nice to your wife has any bearing on it.
I really am sorry for you,hope you can work it out.
Steve
This is the exact reason why I find it hard to trust people in the world today. Its like we are all sold this perfect dream by the Media about having the 2.4 children, fancy car, fancy Semi, great hoildays etc.
Am 27yrs & am so hard about life, why ? High divorce rates being caused by issue over money. I always go back to the flims "Fight Club" & "American Beauty" & before you say about me advocating violence am not :!: :!:
Its just that these two films talk about the fact that everything is plastic & nothing is real in todays modern high - tec society. People should just realise that as long as they have health & people that will stand up for them, well that's all that matters.
Am very sorry MOORHOPPER for your bad news, my only advice would be to just realise that we are alive & only have at best on average around 80 years, & just go for it. Enjoy life as if you can look at your Marriage with no regrets, then what more can / could of done
: :?:
I hope my advice is in some way of use to you as giving advice to an person called MOORHOPPER from an person known as Dragon dé Ecstacy on such an serious issue could be seen as very surreal.
:? 
Dragon dé Ecstacy.
Am 27yrs & am so hard about life, why ? High divorce rates being caused by issue over money. I always go back to the flims "Fight Club" & "American Beauty" & before you say about me advocating violence am not :!: :!:
Its just that these two films talk about the fact that everything is plastic & nothing is real in todays modern high - tec society. People should just realise that as long as they have health & people that will stand up for them, well that's all that matters.
Am very sorry MOORHOPPER for your bad news, my only advice would be to just realise that we are alive & only have at best on average around 80 years, & just go for it. Enjoy life as if you can look at your Marriage with no regrets, then what more can / could of done
: :?: I hope my advice is in some way of use to you as giving advice to an person called MOORHOPPER from an person known as Dragon dé Ecstacy on such an serious issue could be seen as very surreal.
:? Dragon dé Ecstacy.
I'm really sorry to hear your news Moorhopper, and I hope that things end up well for you.
I'm not married and never have been so I don't know how pertinent this advice is.
If it was me I would try doing my own thing for a while, give her her space but don't sit around watching or moping. Organise things that you like to do, make arrangements to go out and tell her she needs to babysit for a change. It may be that a break in habit will make her revaluate what she has and what she would be giving up.
I'm not suggesting going out and being naughty by the way, just remove the rock that she is used to relying on, it may make her think.
Jas
I'm not married and never have been so I don't know how pertinent this advice is.
If it was me I would try doing my own thing for a while, give her her space but don't sit around watching or moping. Organise things that you like to do, make arrangements to go out and tell her she needs to babysit for a change. It may be that a break in habit will make her revaluate what she has and what she would be giving up.
I'm not suggesting going out and being naughty by the way, just remove the rock that she is used to relying on, it may make her think.
Jas
Sex God
Quote by tim-jas
....If it was me I would try doing my own thing for a while, give her her space but don't sit around watching or moping. Organise things that you like to do, make arrangements to go out and tell her she needs to babysit for a change. It may be that a break in habit will make her revaluate what she has and what she would be giving up.
I'm not suggesting going out and being naughty by the way, just remove the rock that she is used to relying on, it may make her think.
Jas
Not a bad idea, but don't use it as a weapon, make sure you let her know in advance.
Don't just suddenly decide you're going out on the same night as her and have an argument over who's having the kids as the only thing this will do is make the kids think it's their fault, even if they're too young to understand fully they will still feel like Mum and Dad are arguing over them.
Firstly id like to thank you all for replying and your kind words.
I took some advice from a wise old bird namely my mother well into her 60s (shell kill me ifshe knew i was telling u that)
What you were not aware after my post last nite in a very distraught moment was that K had offered a glimmer of hope by not refusing counselling! At last a start!
IWe were due this evening to go shopping for a holiday we have booked in two weeks and then to follow up with a meal together. Last nite though she told me she was booking the childminder only til 8 . i suggested it was early for us to shop and eat in 2 hours. she informedd me there would mbe no eating as she was going to a friends (whom i blame for her actions) for a girlie champagne nite Ohh and Bollinger only How quaint.
So should i get angry on the shopping trip. Nope My mum although ancient
told me to accept and congratulate as she will soon see the error of her ways
Guess what I did just that and wished hera great nite. she is stopping at her friends but i swear i gota great feeling as she kissed me goodbye but lingered on the lips a bit longer for the first time in months
I saw he r away with a wave as i came back in to see to the kids.
So once agaian thankyou all and lets hope this is a start.
I took some advice from a wise old bird namely my mother well into her 60s (shell kill me ifshe knew i was telling u that)
What you were not aware after my post last nite in a very distraught moment was that K had offered a glimmer of hope by not refusing counselling! At last a start!
IWe were due this evening to go shopping for a holiday we have booked in two weeks and then to follow up with a meal together. Last nite though she told me she was booking the childminder only til 8 . i suggested it was early for us to shop and eat in 2 hours. she informedd me there would mbe no eating as she was going to a friends (whom i blame for her actions) for a girlie champagne nite Ohh and Bollinger only How quaint.
So should i get angry on the shopping trip. Nope My mum although ancient
told me to accept and congratulate as she will soon see the error of her ways
Guess what I did just that and wished hera great nite. she is stopping at her friends but i swear i gota great feeling as she kissed me goodbye but lingered on the lips a bit longer for the first time in months
I saw he r away with a wave as i came back in to see to the kids.
So once agaian thankyou all and lets hope this is a start.
Sex God
Oh dear!
