Thats how we explain to our 11 yaer old who thinks it's okay to go out on his own after school
If they have a real life situation to relate to they can understand where you are coming from
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Kids and their Safety
Blimey Varca, are we in each other's heads today? :shock:
I almost posted something very similar the other day because right now, my daughter is hell spawn and I cant get through to her at all - and she' s 7 :shock:
She's never been allowed to play out (i live on an estate where kids are out til 9 - 10pm even on school nights and parents dont give a flying fuck where they are or what they're up to) and so far, although I feel guilty, I also know its for her own good, so she's not allowed to play out & i've let her little friends come play in the house. Having just gone up to Juniors though, she's now found a new set of friends, who happen to be the one's who do play out, and naturally she wants to join in.
I eventually gave in after one of her mammoth tantrums, with a set of rules .... dont cross the road, do not go out of sight of the house, do not go around any corners and I need to be able to see you if I hang out of the bedroom window...... and off she goes.
day one, i let her play out for an hour.
day two and she broke every rule - disappearing into thin air, cue her dad ringing me frantic at work, phone turns into a hotline as all local friends are called and they get on the blower to thier friends etc, me driving home breaking every road rule going, bellowing up the street and gone into major panic mode.... and it turns out she's gone to a friends house - within 10 minutes of being out the front door :taz:
Call me the mother from hell, but she's now grounded for life
Expaining why has gone in one ear and out the other, so mum has now come down like a ton of bricks. I dont know what else to do, but she'll thank me for it one day.
I almost posted something very similar the other day because right now, my daughter is hell spawn and I cant get through to her at all - and she' s 7 :shock:
She's never been allowed to play out (i live on an estate where kids are out til 9 - 10pm even on school nights and parents dont give a flying fuck where they are or what they're up to) and so far, although I feel guilty, I also know its for her own good, so she's not allowed to play out & i've let her little friends come play in the house. Having just gone up to Juniors though, she's now found a new set of friends, who happen to be the one's who do play out, and naturally she wants to join in.
I eventually gave in after one of her mammoth tantrums, with a set of rules .... dont cross the road, do not go out of sight of the house, do not go around any corners and I need to be able to see you if I hang out of the bedroom window...... and off she goes.
day one, i let her play out for an hour.
day two and she broke every rule - disappearing into thin air, cue her dad ringing me frantic at work, phone turns into a hotline as all local friends are called and they get on the blower to thier friends etc, me driving home breaking every road rule going, bellowing up the street and gone into major panic mode.... and it turns out she's gone to a friends house - within 10 minutes of being out the front door :taz:
Call me the mother from hell, but she's now grounded for life
Expaining why has gone in one ear and out the other, so mum has now come down like a ton of bricks. I dont know what else to do, but she'll thank me for it one day. Thank goodness I'm not the only one going through all this!!
Our youngest whose 8 keeps trying to get us to relent and let him go "up the lane" which leads into the next street. We are saying no, he says we're soooo unfair and even 5 year olds go up there 
Our eldest is 10 but doesn't push so much for the independence that our youngest does 
I can't help but remember the Holly and Jessica tragedy and other similar ones and would rather my kids fell out with me cause I make them stay in our street than let them out my sight.
I'm finding it a bit difficult not to be too over protective and I try and let them think they have a little bit more freedom now and again but always when there really is no extra risk to their safety.
Oh to have a world where kids can play safely and parents never had to worry :?
Fee
XX
Our youngest whose 8 keeps trying to get us to relent and let him go "up the lane" which leads into the next street. We are saying no, he says we're soooo unfair
and even 5 year olds go up there Our eldest is 10 but doesn't push so much for the independence that our youngest does I can't help but remember the Holly and Jessica tragedy and other similar ones and would rather my kids fell out with me cause I make them stay in our street than let them out my sight.
I'm finding it a bit difficult not to be too over protective and I try and let them think they have a little bit more freedom now and again but always when there really is no extra risk to their safety.
Oh to have a world where kids can play safely and parents never had to worry :?
Fee
XX
You cant Varca!!!
After all i've said to my daughter, a year last summer when she was 15, her and her friend had a scare!!
Thankfully it was just a numpty being a prick and he didnt touch them. Just made a lot of sexual comments. Scared her and her friend shitless at the time. Police involved after i tracked the guy down but nothing was done cos he hadnt physically assaulted them!
Anyway, bottom line is, she has forgotton all about it and comes home to my ex at all hours!!
After all i've said to my daughter, a year last summer when she was 15, her and her friend had a scare!!
Thankfully it was just a numpty being a prick and he didnt touch them. Just made a lot of sexual comments. Scared her and her friend shitless at the time. Police involved after i tracked the guy down but nothing was done cos he hadnt physically assaulted them!
Anyway, bottom line is, she has forgotton all about it and comes home to my ex at all hours!!
Quote by Darkfire
Blimey Varca, are we in each other's heads today? :shock:
I almost posted something very similar the other day because right now, my daughter is hell spawn and I cant get through to her at all - and she' s 7 :shock:
Wait till she is 16 Dark! They get worse but we still love them
Sex God
Quote by Shireen_Mids
Use real life situations varca.... Try the Holly and Jessica incident or Daniel Demelola (sp?)
Damilola Taylor........was his name.......
ummmm I maybe going out on a limb here and risk getting my head bitten off.....
my son has a set of behaviours that he has to display.....
eg. He has to be polite and respectful to me and my turn I will be to all his friends.
He will dress as I want him to when he is with me
he gets to chose what I wear to school and when his friends come round the house he can tell me if he wants me to wear something different.
he makes me food/drinks when I am working on the house at the weekend.
when he has been at school I will make the dinner.
He will hoover the house and tidy up at weekends.. I will do it during the week.
He tells me what time he will be home when he goes out with his mates. If he is late AT ALL then he will not be allowed out for 7 days at all.
I tell him who I am with when I go out and he can contact me on my mobile phone.
he does not have a mobile phone (he knows that he must earn one.. and as he can't be bothered he doesn't have one)
he is in bed for mid week and pm at the weekend.
he is up at mid week and at the weekend. (these times were decided by us both)
etc etc
he is 13.
I am incredibly strict with him but I am with myself and he knows how I feel on a lot of subjects. He understands the dangers... but he is immortal (don't you all remember how you were when you were that age?)
child abuse etc has not increased over the years. what has increased is the awareness in the media. You can check this but my work is in this area so I am know that I am not just spouting crap.
I am not entirely comfortable with him being out after dark... but my job is to be his mum not his jailer.
He knows that I will worry and we joke about that being my job and his job is to be on time. He, actually, is now always early.
His father and I are not together... and he is not happy with the independence that I give our son..... but I know that my son talks to me about his life in a way that he doesn't tell his dad. His dad also refers to him as a child and our son thinks of himself as a young man. as such he has the respect of one from me. He also has the jobs of one:- I expect him to help me when I am working on the house (it needs complete renovation)..
When he wants more pivelages (changes in bedtimes/money/new rugby things) I give him more work to do as well.........he learns that there are payoffs.
I may not have all the answers.... but I know that it works for me.
and I also know that if anything negative ever happened to my son.... be he 13 or 63 I would always feel that there was something I could have done differently. So why should I restrict his life with my worries ?
my son has a set of behaviours that he has to display.....
eg. He has to be polite and respectful to me and my turn I will be to all his friends.
He will dress as I want him to when he is with me
he gets to chose what I wear to school and when his friends come round the house he can tell me if he wants me to wear something different.
he makes me food/drinks when I am working on the house at the weekend.
when he has been at school I will make the dinner.
He will hoover the house and tidy up at weekends.. I will do it during the week.
He tells me what time he will be home when he goes out with his mates. If he is late AT ALL then he will not be allowed out for 7 days at all.
I tell him who I am with when I go out and he can contact me on my mobile phone.
he does not have a mobile phone (he knows that he must earn one.. and as he can't be bothered he doesn't have one)
he is in bed for mid week and pm at the weekend.
he is up at mid week and at the weekend. (these times were decided by us both)
etc etc
he is 13.
I am incredibly strict with him but I am with myself and he knows how I feel on a lot of subjects. He understands the dangers... but he is immortal
(don't you all remember how you were when you were that age?)child abuse etc has not increased over the years. what has increased is the awareness in the media. You can check this but my work is in this area so I am know that I am not just spouting crap.
I am not entirely comfortable with him being out after dark... but my job is to be his mum not his jailer.
He knows that I will worry and we joke about that being my job and his job is to be on time. He, actually, is now always early.
His father and I are not together... and he is not happy with the independence that I give our son..... but I know that my son talks to me about his life in a way that he doesn't tell his dad. His dad also refers to him as a child and our son thinks of himself as a young man. as such he has the respect of one from me. He also has the jobs of one:- I expect him to help me when I am working on the house (it needs complete renovation)..
When he wants more pivelages (changes in bedtimes/money/new rugby things) I give him more work to do as well.........he learns that there are payoffs.
I may not have all the answers.... but I know that it works for me.
and I also know that if anything negative ever happened to my son.... be he 13 or 63 I would always feel that there was something I could have done differently. So why should I restrict his life with my worries ?
Quote by varca
I did say to him that I would rather not have to tell him the reality of the danger he is putting himself in, I just said that there are some not so very nice people out there who could hurt him or worse but you are right I am going to have to.
'something happening to her' scares me to death, it's my worst fear, as it is all parents and I have been less than 'softly softly' with her about stranger danger and the rest once it was apparent that wrapping her in cotton wool wasnt going to work. She thinks she's invincible, that doing a bit of kickboxing and having a temper will save her & that her dad's 'ard so nothing will happen to his little princess
She knows the dangers, but the 'pull' of her little wayward friends is a bit strong at the mo, I just have to be a stronger influence than they are. Or move Seeing her dad reduced to tears in absolute panic the other night has hit home though....but for how long?
this time last year on a saturday night i had a call form my ex to say my 15 yr old (at the time) Was in casualty with a 2" split in her head! Arguement with other girls from the school in a park (all had been drinking!!!) Someone threw a stone! Never sobered up so quick in my life. But felt so useless as i'm 200 miles away.
Anyway, she was ok and now has an L shaped scar on her forehead. The vertical one she had when her body outran her legs and she collided with a wall when she was 5
Kids, I love them, but i could never eat a whole one
Anyway, she was ok and now has an L shaped scar on her forehead. The vertical one she had when her body outran her legs and she collided with a wall when she was 5
Kids, I love them, but i could never eat a whole one
i think it all boils down to the fact when we are young we think we are invincible. Nothing is going to happen to us.
There are things i did when i was younger i wouldnt think of doing now How i never got hurt i dont know! Well i did but nothing serious!
e.g. I dont do ladders now did them, never fell off, survived, wont do them now :lol:
There are things i did when i was younger i wouldnt think of doing now
How i never got hurt i dont know! Well i did but nothing serious!e.g. I dont do ladders now
did them, never fell off, survived, wont do them now :lol: Quote by poshkate
Use real life situations varca.... Try the Holly and Jessica incident or Daniel Demelola (sp?)
Damilola Taylor........was his name.......
Damilola Taylor was a child from the school that my children go to. So as you can imagine with the area that we live in we just cannot let our children out to play even though the eldest is 11. We try and take them to the park and on days out as much as we can but it really isnt good enough. They do need to learn to be independent even at 11 to some degree as its nearly time for secondary school. I feel like they are missing out on their youth which really guts me as i had a great time around here when i was young. We have had 3 shootings in the last week and all the secondary schools closed down eraly one day last week because of rival gangs threatining to come down to shoot/stab the local children. it really does break my heart to see how the kids behave these days. The worst thing we did as kids was probably bunking off school for the day. The only thing we can do now is protect our own children by keeping them in, but what happens when they are old enough to go out. I dont think i will be able to rest for one minute.
Louise xx
My son who is 9 has been going out since he was 8, just like I did. Its hard to let them go out but you cant deprive children of their childhood. He is back in the house as the strret lights come on. Otherwise he stays inside his friends house. I know there are dodgy people out there but there was dodgy people out there 20 years ago, common sense really, if there are gangs of kids with trouble causers then my son wouldnt be allowed out, all the kids in my area seem to be OK, its better for them to outside play rather than being stuck indoors all the time geting unhealthy and not socialising. You need to evaluate each situation and act in a reasonable manner, circumstances.
Quote by mezagog
having two of the little darlings under 8 with just a year between them . I can totally empathise with everything that has been said ,,,x2 ..
Likewise i can so relate to this topic and although my two boys are both under 6 I still get shudders down my spine when thinking of a time when shopping in Tesco I turned my back for something like three seconds while reaching for something from the top shelf and turning around my youngest has dissapeared :shock: :shock:
Panic stations as I run up and down the isle's looking for him thinking the worst possible thoughts only to see him sitting on the floor one isle away happily pulling all the childrens books off the rack un-aware of the panic he has caused.
Things like that really really scare me... :scared:
My son is 13 and what I have found is that the more he asks for stuff, like when e wanted to walk to school on his own or with his mates, he pestered me for weeks(he was 9 at this time) eventualy I let him do it and after 2 days he was soon asking me for a lift as it wasnt what he was expecting,
also recently all the kids in our street have started camping out on the field next to our street, they range from 5 years old to 17 years, anyway we decided to let him sleep out after weeks of sulking and crying and guess what!!! he came in at saying it was boring and cold!!!
there has been other things too that he has perstered for and when we have let him do it he realises that its no all its cracked up to be, also I usually find the first few times I let him do something I am nervous and over protective but it does get easier in my opinion
also recently all the kids in our street have started camping out on the field next to our street, they range from 5 years old to 17 years, anyway we decided to let him sleep out after weeks of sulking and crying and guess what!!! he came in at saying it was boring and cold!!!
there has been other things too that he has perstered for and when we have let him do it he realises that its no all its cracked up to be, also I usually find the first few times I let him do something I am nervous and over protective but it does get easier in my opinion
Although I don't have children, and don't want them.
When I was younger I was a child from hell!!! I sent my Dad grey at 30!!!
My parents were really strict regards coming in times, friends I was allowed to see etc. I responded by breaking every curfew. Playing merry hell everytime I wasn't allowed to do something my friends were.
My arguement was give me a chance, trust me, let me stay out later, and I'll come in on time, and this is probably what approach I'd take with my children, should I have them!!! But I appreciate I screwed up this arguement when I started coming in 2 hours past my curfew. Trust should be earnt!!!! I know there is a lot more danger then there was when I was younger, but trust is still an issue with young people!!!
Not to scare you mothers further - but when I was given a curfew, eventually I kept to them!!! But what I was doing while I was out doesnt bare thinking about!!! I lost my virginity at 13, but I was still in at !!!!
When I was younger I was a child from hell!!! I sent my Dad grey at 30!!!
My parents were really strict regards coming in times, friends I was allowed to see etc. I responded by breaking every curfew. Playing merry hell everytime I wasn't allowed to do something my friends were.
My arguement was give me a chance, trust me, let me stay out later, and I'll come in on time, and this is probably what approach I'd take with my children, should I have them!!! But I appreciate I screwed up this arguement when I started coming in 2 hours past my curfew. Trust should be earnt!!!! I know there is a lot more danger then there was when I was younger, but trust is still an issue with young people!!!
Not to scare you mothers further - but when I was given a curfew, eventually I kept to them!!! But what I was doing while I was out doesnt bare thinking about!!! I lost my virginity at 13, but I was still in at !!!!
Reading this im glad im not the only over protected mother out there, unfortunatly my son learnt the hard way. Even though he is banned from going on a field by my mothers one day he went and had an accident which resulted in him losing his right eye. Now im worse than before hes only allowed in the back garden and hes not allowed to friends they have to come to ours. Those seven hours waiting for him to come out of theatre were the worst hours of my life.
Lou x
Lou x
Quote by wxmcpl
Reading this im glad im not the only over protected mother out there, unfortunatly my son learnt the hard way. Even though he is banned from going on a field by my mothers one day he went and had an accident which resulted in him losing his right eye. Now im worse than before hes only allowed in the back garden and hes not allowed to friends they have to come to ours. Those seven hours waiting for him to come out of theatre were the worst hours of my life.
Lou x
Hi wxmcpl, im very sorry to hear about your sons accident and hope he is doing well now. The problem is that you cannot be there 24 hours a day and accidents will happen, whether it be at home or at school. I have 3 girls myself and im over protective but i do feel so guilty that they dont have the small amount of freedom that a child should have. As im sure you do, you have to make it up to them in other ways. It is a big bad world out there sometimes and as they grow older they will realise that we were only protecting them. I constantly find myself saying things that my mum used to say to me when i was a child. So maybe she was right at the time even though i didnt see it that way.
Louise xx
