Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login

Kissing - but nothing else

last reply
41 replies
1.9k views
0 watchers
0 likes
Can anyone help me understand? Last night I went out with a female friend of mine of many years and we ended up drinking way too much. We had a great chat about everything (including swinging, which she's curious about, but just getting her head around) and ended up having a nice long snog, but then she said that she could never sleep with me because "I was too nice".
Now this is the third time that this has happened to me in my life and I'm still a bit baffled, especially as I don't consider myself to be unusually "nice".
What exactly does it mean? Is it a gentle way of saying "I like you as a friend but there is no way I fancy you enough to drag you to bed", or is it a way of saying "I don't want to damage a valued friendship"? Or is it simply that we drank too much and ended up kissing without realising what was happening? But, on the other occasions drink wasn't a factor.
Has this happened to any other guys? I think this definitely needs the women's perspective to give an insight.
How honest do you want the answer to be? :giggle:
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Quote by blonde
How honest do you want the answer to be? :giggle:
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I wanna know the real answer, so just spill!
Maybe you should start wearing trackie bottoms, fake bling and football socks! That'll stop women thinking your nice :P
Quote by delsutton
Is it a gentle way of saying "I like you as a friend but there is no way I fancy you enough to drag you to bed", or is it a way of saying "I don't want to damage a valued friendship"?

I would have said a bit of both... Without asking her though you wont know for sure smile
Quote by Drewxcore
Maybe you should start wearing trackie bottoms, fake bling and football socks! That'll stop women thinking your nice :P

Love it, I hadn't thought of that! Time to visit the High Street... where's best to start? JD Sports or TJ Hughes or what about Argos for jewellery?
Quote by delsutton
What exactly does it mean? Is it a gentle way of saying "I like you as a friend but there is no way I fancy you enough to drag you to bed", or is it a way of saying ? "I don't want to damage a valued friendship"Or is it simply that we drank too much and ended up kissing without realising what was happening? But, on the other occasions drink wasn't a factor.

Without actually ASKING her, I reckon it could be any one of those 3 though the favourite would be "I don't want to damage a valued friendship". Maybe she just doesn't see you as relationship material and to sleep with you could damage your friendship beyond repair.
For you to shag a close friend and still stay friends afterwards is not impossible ( been there, done that, currently knitting the t shirt rolleyes ) but you have to know it could very well lose you a special person.
OK here goes ........
1. She likes you too much to lose you as a friend
2. She wants you to chase her
3. She just doesn't fancy you! lol
There's only one way to find out :rascal: ask her and then try to read between the lines, coz you know what us girls are like!:giggle:
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Quote by delsutton
Maybe you should start wearing trackie bottoms, fake bling and football socks! That'll stop women thinking your nice :P

Love it, I hadn't thought of that! Time to visit the High Street... where's best to start? JD Sports or TJ Hughes or what about Argos for jewellery?
Nah bruv, u gotta gets your shizzle down da market, gold chains two fa a pound rolleyes
Quote by Sassy-Seren
Without actually ASKING her, I reckon it could be any one of those 3 though the favourite would be "I don't want to damage a valued friendship". Maybe she just doesn't see you as relationship material and to sleep with you could damage your friendship beyond repair.
For you to shag a close friend and still stay friends afterwards is not impossible ( been there, done that, currently knitting the t shirt rolleyes ) but you have to know it could very well lose you a special person.

I'd quite happily have sex with a friend and still be capable of continuing the friendship, even if it were a one-off shag. It's even more confusing for me in this case becasue she's quite a sexual woman and has told me that she has shagged almost all of her male friends at one time or another. So to say that she wouldn't ever shag me is the baffling point. I should point out here that it's really a point of confusion rather than feeling rejected, as I don't. In point of fact I do seem to remember that I did ask her what she meant, but the mist of drunkeness precludes me from remembering clearly what her answer was at this stage!!
Sex with a friend works pretty well, although getting texts at 3am because they are drunk and horny can be a tad inconveniant since i dont drive :P i'd get in a taxie straight away but i live in the town centre and it would cost me a fortune :cry:
Quote by blonde
OK here goes ........
1. She likes you too much to lose you as a friend
2. She wants you to chase her
3. She just doesn't fancy you! lol
There's only one way to find out :rascal: ask her and then try to read between the lines, coz you know what us girls are like!:giggle:
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Actually, now I think about this more in depth, it's probably number 3. Thanks for helping me see things more clearly, Blonde sad
Quote by Drewxcore
Sex with a friend works pretty well, although getting texts at 3am because they are drunk and horny can be a tad inconveniant since i dont drive :P i'd get in a taxie straight away but i live in the town centre and it would cost me a fortune :cry:

I think at this stage I'd be happy with texts at any hour!
Oh if ever a thread title caught my eye it’s that one!!!!
Quote by delsutton
…and ended up having a nice long snog, but then she said that she could never sleep with me because "I was too nice".

No one can answer those questions really but her. The list of “Maybe it’s because….” Is an endless one and anything said here is pure speculation. Best advice I can think of is pluck up the courage to ask her directly.
I know, I said than done but if you like her that much then whats to lose, it’s only a question after all.
Quote by delsutton
What exactly does it mean? Is it a gentle way of saying "I like you as a friend but there is no way I fancy you enough to drag you to bed”

This next bit isn’t perhaps pertinent to your original question but it does fit in with your thread title…
Swinging is without a doubt many different things to many different people, you just need to look at some of the threads currently running in the Café where people are trying to define sexuality and, harder still, what actually defines sex.
I can think of nothing more sensual and erotic than lying close to someone you really, REALLY fancy the pants off of, snogging them for all you are worth, your breathing laboured, the heat between you building and the sexual tension almost visible as you hold them tight and run your hands over their body knowing you haven’t the bottle to ask to go further but tentatively, albeit briefly, running a hand where it shouldn’t be and hoping that she’ll respond accordingly…… redface
*pauses to take breath as shiver runs down spine thinking of adolescent thoughts, feelings and experiences that shape the way we grow
Don’t rule out kissing as a lesser sport, with the right person it’s far more important than that……
wink
Quote by the_Laird
Oh if ever a thread title caught my eye it’s that one!!!!
Best advice I can think of is pluck up the courage to ask her directly.
Don’t rule out kissing as a lesser sport, with the right person it’s far more important than that……
wink

The thing is, is that it's not really an issue of asking her. We're pretty open with each other so it won't be a problem asking her what she meant the next time we meet, whenever that may be. In some ways I fully understand, without fully understanding, if you see what I mean!
As for kissing, I couldn't agree more. I'm a great fan of a good long snog. And it doesn't need to lead anywhere else either.
What is probably leaving me feel in need of a full answer right now is that she made a point of saying sex wasn't on the cards. I never at any stage made any sexual moves on her, it was she who started snogging me... I just responded!
Quote by the_Laird
I can think of nothing more sensual and erotic than lying close to someone you really, REALLY fancy the pants off of, snogging them for all you are worth, your breathing laboured, the heat between you building and the sexual tension almost visible as you hold them tight and run your hands over their body knowing you haven’t the bottle to ask to go further but tentatively, albeit briefly, running a hand where it shouldn’t be and hoping that she’ll respond accordingly…… redface
Don’t rule out kissing as a lesser sport, with the right person it’s far more important than that……
wink

Absolutely agree with the bold bit. The other bit.... :twisted: :quiver:
We really need a 'quiver' emoticon
Quote by Freckledbird

I can think of nothing more sensual and erotic than lying close to someone you really, REALLY fancy the pants off of, snogging them for all you are worth, your breathing laboured, the heat between you building and the sexual tension almost visible as you hold them tight and run your hands over their body knowing you haven’t the bottle to ask to go further but tentatively, albeit briefly, running a hand where it shouldn’t be and hoping that she’ll respond accordingly…… redface
Don’t rule out kissing as a lesser sport, with the right person it’s far more important than that……
wink

Absolutely agree with the bold bit. The other bit.... :twisted: :quiver:
We really need a 'quiver' emoticon
I know exactly where your coming from with that one frecklebird :twisted: Made me very hot under the collar surprisedops:
As for the why "wont she have sex with me" bit ..perhaps because she has had sex with all her male friends and maybe seen a difference in how they treat her now is stopping her dunno :dunno:
Quote by Freckledbird

I can think of nothing more sensual and erotic than lying close to someone you really, REALLY fancy the pants off of, snogging them for all you are worth, your breathing laboured, the heat between you building and the sexual tension almost visible as you hold them tight and run your hands over their body knowing you haven’t the bottle to ask to go further but tentatively, albeit briefly, running a hand where it shouldn’t be and hoping that she’ll respond accordingly…… redface
Don’t rule out kissing as a lesser sport, with the right person it’s far more important than that……
wink

Absolutely agree with the bold bit. The other bit.... :twisted: :quiver:
We really need a 'quiver' emoticon
oh yeeeeeeeeaaah !! - not wishing to rob the thread of its original intent but we must agree with these sentiments - kissing is absolutely ACE!!
it is for us the start and end of all that is best about the sensuality of any encounter. - and quite a lot about what is in the middle too!
passionkiss sillyassionkiss: :passionkiss:
Quote by Countess
..perhaps because she has had sex with all her male friends and maybe seen a difference in how they treat her now is stopping her dunno :dunno:

That's a really interesting point of view. I admit I hadn't seen it like that before and it makes a lot of sense. Thnx Countess smile
Quote by Countess
As for the why "wont she have sex with me" bit ..perhaps because she has had sex with all her male friends and maybe seen a difference in how they treat her now is stopping her dunno :dunno:

Possible, but then the only flip side to that is for her to understand that if that was the case then those male "friends" really weren't / aren't the people she thought they were nor their frinedship one of any real substance.
I can understand the dilemma though.
Or perhaps the kiss was a test to see if there was chemistry?
The "Tingle Test".......and it just wasn't there sad
hmmmmmmmmmmmm
this is intresting...
i snog a few people here and there redface
but i know its just snoging and will not lead to other things. Some people i snog i wished it would but to scared to ask.
I have been on the end of i will snog u but not shag in both vanilla and swinging scene, it happens its life. I have been also i am to nice. When i was younger at uni, if you wernt the scum of the earth you didnt pull. I know realise that you can be nice and still pull from time to time.... wink
and laird mate this made me hot in me collar as well, best go and turn the heating down ;)
Mike
Quote by winchwench
Or perhaps the kiss was a test to see if there was chemistry?
The "Tingle Test".......and it just wasn't there sad

Oooooooooooo I like that :twisted:
Although a kiss isn't always necessary to ascertain whether the chemistry is there or not - it could be something as innocuous as a brushing of arms together when in conversation. Sparks fly sometimes when you least expect it.
I think blokes are pretty simple beings (or maybe its just me) women are a lot more complicated....so my head is starting to hurt trying to work this one out so I'll go back to my quantum physics where I've more chance of finding answers
Quote by delsutton
Has this happened to any other guys? I think this definitely needs the women's perspective to give an insight.

Yep somthing similar happened to me recently with a friend (She was then and still is now)
I have just accepteed what she told me and moved on (sort off). Don't try and work it out lol
Quote by Freckledbird
Or perhaps the kiss was a test to see if there was chemistry?
The "Tingle Test".......and it just wasn't there sad

Oooooooooooo I like that :twisted:
Although a kiss isn't always necessary to ascertain whether the chemistry is there or not - it could be something as innocuous as a brushing of arms together when in conversation. Sparks fly sometimes when you least expect it.
Aint that the truth
That would be like sitting right up close to someone and it feels electric then?
Yeah, thought so.
Quote by MikeC
and laird mate this made me hot in me collar as well, best go and turn the heating down ;)
Mike

Nice try Mike but you aren't getting a snog off me
wink
Threads with kissing in always make me want to fan myself redface
Quote by Warmer
Threads with kissing in always make me want to fan myself redface

Calm down girl...what you like when it comes to the real thing
I think it was the drink.
"I don't want to lose you as a friend", the biggest load of sh*t going, is she saying that if she becomes your partner she won't be your friend?, your partner should be your best friend.
What she should say is " I don't fancy you and it was the drink", that's the mature thing to say, but she probably does not want to hurt your feelings.
Quote by the_Laird
That would be like sitting right up close to someone and it feels electric then?
Yeah, thought so.

Oh most definitely :twisted: