I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
What every boyfriend/husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, Let's go to the cashier".
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!"
I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not getting any tonight either
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Laughter is a great Icebreaker
Nice one Kristof! I do like that! 
Rick!
Rick!
:lol: :lol: :lol:Quote by SunBunny
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
I beg to differ.......I think men have a habit of thinking with their cock....
oooo la laa, well with as pretty a ass as yours I understand why, if the rest is a match, my god what a body. just need to hope your pesonality and soh are as good. If you match that, then marry meeeeeeeeeeee
Quote by kristof
oooo la laa, well with as pretty a ass as yours I understand why, if the rest is a match, my god what a body. just need to hope your pesonality and soh are as good. If you match that, then marry meeeeeeeeeeee
I have a shite personality and NO Sense Of Humour....and the rest of my body resembles a dead rhino.
Whens the wedding???
Quote by SunBunny
oooo la laa, well with as pretty a ass as yours I understand why, if the rest is a match, my god what a body. just need to hope your pesonality and soh are as good. If you match that, then marry meeeeeeeeeeee
I have a shite personality and NO Sense Of Humour....and the rest of my body resembles a dead rhino.
Whens the wedding???
a dead rhino, hmmmmmmm
/me thinks hard and long, cant do nothing with a rhino but try this for size.....
A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband,
"It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "O.K.,Get in the car with it."
"Where shall I put it to get it warm?" the wife then asked.
He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there."
"But what about the smell?" shes asked
"Just hold its nose." the husband answered
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.
boom boom boom (poor Basil Brush but who cares :P )
and just waiting for me divorce so wont be long.....hmm, we best meet up first tho, I dont wanna make the wrong joke and see a Rhino killed for my bad jokes :)
Thats was bloody brilliant :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases
_____________________________
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases
_____________________________
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
Giorgio is in this country for about 6 months. He walks to work 20
blocks every day and passes a shoe store. Each day he stops and looks
in the window and admires a certain pair of Bocceli leather shoes. He wants
those shoes so much it's all he can think about. After about 2 months
he saves the $300 for the shoes and purchases them.
Every Friday night the Italian community gets together at a dance in the
church basement, so Giorgio seizes the opportunity to wear his new
Bocceli leather shoes to the dance. He asks Sophia to dance, and as they
dance he asks her, "Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?" Sophia,
startled, says, "Yes, Giorgio, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you
know?"
Giorgio replies,"I see the reflection in my new $300 Bocceli leather
shoes. How do you like them?"
Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he says to her,
"Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?" Rosa answers, "Yes, Giorgio,
I do, but how do you know that?" He answers, "I see the reflection in
my new $300 Bocceli leather shoes. How do you like them?"
Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played,
Giorgio asks Carmella to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns
red. He says, "Carmella, stilla my heart ... pleasa tella me you wear
no panties tonight, please, please, tella me thisa be true!" Carmella
smiles coyly and answers, "Yes Giorgio, I wear no panties tonight."
Giorgio gasps and says "Thanka God ... I thought I had a CRACK in my
new $300 Bocceli leather shoes!"
I think thats the last for now tho, brain is aching now
blocks every day and passes a shoe store. Each day he stops and looks
in the window and admires a certain pair of Bocceli leather shoes. He wants
those shoes so much it's all he can think about. After about 2 months
he saves the $300 for the shoes and purchases them.
Every Friday night the Italian community gets together at a dance in the
church basement, so Giorgio seizes the opportunity to wear his new
Bocceli leather shoes to the dance. He asks Sophia to dance, and as they
dance he asks her, "Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?" Sophia,
startled, says, "Yes, Giorgio, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you
know?"
Giorgio replies,"I see the reflection in my new $300 Bocceli leather
shoes. How do you like them?"
Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he says to her,
"Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?" Rosa answers, "Yes, Giorgio,
I do, but how do you know that?" He answers, "I see the reflection in
my new $300 Bocceli leather shoes. How do you like them?"
Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played,
Giorgio asks Carmella to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns
red. He says, "Carmella, stilla my heart ... pleasa tella me you wear
no panties tonight, please, please, tella me thisa be true!" Carmella
smiles coyly and answers, "Yes Giorgio, I wear no panties tonight."
Giorgio gasps and says "Thanka God ... I thought I had a CRACK in my
new $300 Bocceli leather shoes!"
I think thats the last for now tho, brain is aching now
is all this laughter is contributing to globle warming, breaking the polar ice caps
: makes you wonder
