Listening to the Tiger's roar

24 Jul 2010

For reasons I won't go into, we had a Motivational Speaker at work this last week. Not bad actually, although I generally find such talks utterly demotivating - but that's just cos I'm awkward.
Anyway, he described a concept of why people don't do things. A Tiger's Roar that starts up when we think about doing something out of our comfort zone. There are many ways of describing the same thing - but Tigers are nice.
He described a man who spots a gorgeous woman across the bar. The drink has dulled the Tiger's roar enough for him to determine to head over there and say Hi. He sets off, he can do it (Tiger rumbles), he's allowed to talk to gorgeous women (Tiger growls), she won't laugh at him or ignore him (Tiger gives a little roar), she's made eye contact, knows he's heading for her, this normal, slightly overweight guy is attempting to make contact. (Tiger Roars). DIVERSION - he heads to the gents and spends the rest of the evening justifying his own Tiger by telling his mates Gorgeous women are sooo shallow, they'd never talk to anyone like him. Tiger is happy - he isn't.
It struck a chord. Not that I've ever tried to talk to a gorgeous woman in a bar.
So the question is, how do you shut the bloody thing up? Is it a matter of just do it? Or is that as helpful as telling a spider-phobic person to just pick up a spider? Have you faced-down your Tiger?

24 Jul 2010

Quote by foxylady2209
For reasons I won't go into, we had a Motivational Speaker at work this last week. Not bad actually, although I generally find such talks utterly demotivating - but that's just cos I'm awkward.
Anyway, he described a concept of why people don't do things. A Tiger's Roar that starts up when we think about doing something out of our comfort zone. There are many ways of describing the same thing - but Tigers are nice.
He described a man who spots a gorgeous woman across the bar. The drink has dulled the Tiger's roar enough for him to determine to head over there and say Hi. He sets off, he can do it (Tiger rumbles), he's allowed to talk to gorgeous women (Tiger growls), she won't laugh at him or ignore him (Tiger gives a little roar), she's made eye contact, knows he's heading for her, this normal, slightly overweight guy is attempting to make contact. (Tiger Roars). DIVERSION - he heads to the gents and spends the rest of the evening justifying his own Tiger by telling his mates Gorgeous women are sooo shallow, they'd never talk to anyone like him. Tiger is happy - he isn't.
It struck a chord. Not that I've ever tried to talk to a gorgeous woman in a bar.
So the question is, how do you shut the bloody thing up? Is it a matter of just do it? Or is that as helpful as telling a spider-phobic person to just pick up a spider? Have you faced-down your Tiger?

I've heard of the tiger roar before. I don't think it works because it anthropomorphizes the cognitive process that makes individuals more afraid of rejection than they are entranced by success. Calling that cognitive process a tiger makes it almost alien to the individual, when it's their thoughts, their beliefs, their reading of their life story that makes them believe rejection would be such a bad thing.
In the vignette as you've told it, I'd be looking at the individual's self image, because the Tiger roars just after the phrase about 'this normal, slightly overweight guy...' It's fascinating as a vignette, because he's getting the input from her eye contact that doesn't say 'go away', but the tiger is stirred by his self image, not the external input.
So I'd tell my tiger to fuck off and believe the evidence of my eyes.

24 Jul 2010

Quote by foxylady2209
So the question is, how do you shut the bloody thing up?

I have absolutely no idea.....I so wish I did......

24 Jul 2010

The first thing to do, is shoot the bloody tiger and then take control of your own life, feelings and reactions to things.
It is easy to 'blame' something that is posed as an outside influence in your decision making, but you and you alone can take hold of these things, Tiger or no bloody Tiger. confused

As soon as you give this decision making process away, you give the responsibility and ultimately your control. This can further the feeling of helplessness and doesn't really lead to empowerment. Once you recognise the situations that make you feel less than empowered, these are the things that need looking at and unpicking. It can be a painful and long process.
Working on the reasons why you walk past the woman in the bar and realising that it's not the tiger at play; it is a lack of self confidence? it is being tongue tied and not knowing what to say? it is being rejected because of the one time you tried to talk to that brunette in Flannagan's bar she wasn't interested? etc
Unless you actively talk to yourself in a postive way, your brain will fill in the gaps, usually with something negative. So, the fact the brunette in Flannagan's bar was married already (and not a swinger! ;) ) didn't register, it was your 'fault', so to speak. There are many reasons behind what someone might punish themselves for and it's all about expectation/attitude. You behave like the person you know yourself to be.
So... if you think you don't deserve the new car, new job, new relationship; you will subconsciously do the things to make sure you don't get the new car, new job or new relationship. That will either be active things through the choices made; like going to the loo instead of approaching the pretty girl. Then your brain takes over and tells you what you're worth... 'she'd have said no anyway, I could never get a girl like her' etc. Which then feeds into future experiences and no risks are taken.
Or, a subconscious thing where you make the descision by making no descision at all; the job advert you could do standing on your head blindfolded but then don't apply 'because they wouldn't want me anyway, I wouldn't even get an interview'. And so the negative cycle breeds on in ourselves.
It's like a circle
---->>> Negative attitude ---->>> Negative self talk --->>>
<<<------ "told you so" <<<---- Negative behaviours <<<----
We are the only limit on ourselves. If we raise the level at which we talk to ourselves and pat the good stuff, learn from the bad stuff without beating ourselves over the head in every new or similar experience, then, the sky is the limit.
kiss

LG. x

24 Jul 2010

Fart with such deafening resonance that you can't hear the Tiger Roar.
Then you can blame not copping on as the result of the beautiful woman being snooty with no sense of humour! :undecided:

24 Jul 2010

Quote by little gem
The first thing to do, is shoot the bloody tiger and then take control of your own life, feelings and reactions to things.
It is easy to 'blame' something that is posed as an outside influence in your decision making, but you and you alone can take hold of these things, Tiger or no bloody Tiger.
As soon as you give this decision making process away, you give the responsibility and ultimately your control. This can further the feeling of helplessness and doesn't really lead to empowerment. Once you recognise the situations that make you feel less than empowered, these are the things that need looking at and unpicking. It can be a painful and long process.
Working on the reasons why you walk past the woman in the bar and realising that it's not the tiger at play; it is a lack of self confidence? it is being tongue tied and not knowing what to say? it is being rejected because of the one time you tried to talk to that brunette in Flannagan's bar she wasn't interested? etc
Unless you actively talk to yourself in a postive way, your brain will fill in the gaps, usually with something negative. So, the fact the brunette in Flannagan's bar was married already (and not a swinger! ;) ) didn't register, it was your 'fault', so to speak. There are many reasons behind what someone might punish themselves for and it's all about expectation/attitude. You behave like the person you know yourself to be.
So... if you think you don't deserve the new car, new job, new relationship; you will subconsciously do the things to make sure you don't get the new car, new job or new relationship. That will either be active things through the choices made; like going to the loo instead of approaching the pretty girl. Then your brain takes over and tells you what you're worth... 'she'd have said no anyway, I could never get a girl like her' etc. Which then feeds into future experiences and no risks are taken.
Or, a subconscious thing where you make the descision by making no descision at all; the job advert you could do standing on your head blindfolded but then don't apply 'because they wouldn't want me anyway, I wouldn't even get an interview'. And so the negative cycle breeds on in ourselves.
It's like a circle
---->>> Negative attitude ---->>> Negative self talk --->>>
<<<------ "told you so" <<<---- Negative behaviours <<<----
We are the only limit on ourselves. If we raise the level at which we talk to ourselves and pat the good stuff, learn from the bad stuff without beating ourselves over the head in every new or similar experience, then, the sky is the limit.
LG. x

Nicely put.

24 Jul 2010

I am trying to shut the f***ing tiger up with the mantra that failure is never a negative experience. We should all learn to embrace perceived failure as nothing but a learning experience from which we can move forwards.
I've almost convinced myself too wink

24 Jul 2010

I've heard no end of "think positive, act positive and you will get what you want". But it simply isn't true. You can do all that, and still not get what you want. I know I've done it. Especially if it depends on someone else buying in to what you want.
Not saying you never get what you want - but saying being positive gets you what you want is too simple.
But are there any actual things that have made a difference? - just 'believing in yourself' isn't a very helpful suggestion, sorry, but it isn't.

24 Jul 2010

Dunno about a tiger's roar, but whenever anyone mentions motivational speakers I always catch a whiff of the bull's shit.

25 Jul 2010

I know its easier said than done but not allowing the risk of failure or rejection to stop you from trying something 'To try is to succeed'
yes you can think positive about yourself but you cannot control another persons response to you so dont try, accept that they are intitled to fancy you, or not, that is their choice and it is personal to them rather than being something to do with you, therefore it is not rejection per se just someone making a choice, we are all different and cant expect to be liked by everyone, dont you make such choices regarding others too????
so the gist of my ramblings is not to internalise or personalise other peoples choices and not to fear rejection, dont avoid making conversation with that gorgeous woman/man, take the risk coz you will always wonder if you didnt, and if they dont return the same interest think 'oh well, good for me for trying, wish them well and wasnt meant to be......now whose next!!!!!!

25 Jul 2010

Quote by Jewlnmart
Dunno about a tiger's roar, but whenever anyone mentions motivational speakers I always catch a whiff of the bull's shit.

Some motivational speakers are undoubtedly snake oil sales people. Some of them do nothing more than trumpet 'triumph of the will' nonsense that doesn't relate to the outside world. Some, however, have an intriguing narrative that enables them to make powerful interventions. Kriss Akabusi, for instance.
Of course, one thing any motivational speaker enables you to do is to listen to your self as you react to their schtick. Even that should be a learning experience.

25 Jul 2010

I suppose there's just as many who ignore the tiger but don't get successful either. like the thousands of actors in Hollywood who will never be on screen.
So its a cunning idea that works on those for whom it works, but no more or less.

26 Jul 2010

Quote by duncanlondon
I suppose there's just as many who ignore the tiger but don't get successful either. like the thousands of actors in Hollywood who will never be on screen.
So its a cunning idea that works on those for whom it works, but no more or less.

Understanding your cognitive processes can't change your external environment. That's where the snake oil salesmen are in the business of lying to people. If you aren't the best actor in Hollywood you aren't going to be a success unless you can work out what you are good at, and what that means in terms of your values and needs, and the environment in which you want to work. Addressing self limiting behaviours though can enable people to be the best they can be with the hand they've been dealt. We all make our own history, even if we don't choose the circumstances in which we do it.

26 Jul 2010

But its also monitors bad behaviours too. So that you don't do illegal or antisocial things.
So its very useful when you recognise that it will produce a result.
But successful people are usually aware of this ability in themselves quite early in life. It's the headstart they get to become successful.
Also a lot of 'success' is actually already in place by a background support network and good financing and investment. It just needs the most likely person to fufill the role and create a 'story' to go with it.
So I see the motivational thing as an inspiration for some people to keep them striving and producing, which is all to the benefit of those who already know who the winners will be.