Hi everyone a few of you will know me and even fewer have met me. So my question is this and yes I know its not always about looks but here it is.
I will never pretend to gods gift but do some of the couples and single ladies here have a preconception about how someone looks that is then totaly blown out of the water when they see a pic or meet up at one of the munches............ and then change how they feel about that man. What I am asking is have you changed your mind about them in some way?
The reason I am asking is I have met only one couple from the site and met a few people when I have gone to the munches. I am shy and maybe that is a problem of mine in that I dont actually start a conversation, which then seems to some people I am stand of ish for want of a better discription. I guess in hindsight this is my problem and that is how I see myself but I would like the question answered and see where it takes us.
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Looks, do they matter?
Orgasminator
I think most people will want to go to bed with someone who has a bit of a personality, sense of humour, warmth of character, is non pushy and makes them feel good about themselves, both physically as well as psychologically.
But it is always good to show one's face in advance to avoid disappointment later on.
I am shy like you and I never enjoyed munches much because I never knew how to strike up a conversation and stayed glued to my partner throughout the night. The few times that I would venture out of my comfort zone, my partner would turn sour afterwards and say nasty things like 'you've got that man's smell on you, don't come near me until you wash yourself!' and that was just from talking to people, imagine what he would have said if I had actually kissed or hugged someone!!
So here is what I propose: next time you attend a munch, look out for a shy person (male or female) and go start a conversation with them - then you will both feel enpowered and have a good time and who knows what may come out of it
But it is always good to show one's face in advance to avoid disappointment later on.
I am shy like you and I never enjoyed munches much because I never knew how to strike up a conversation and stayed glued to my partner throughout the night. The few times that I would venture out of my comfort zone, my partner would turn sour afterwards and say nasty things like 'you've got that man's smell on you, don't come near me until you wash yourself!' and that was just from talking to people, imagine what he would have said if I had actually kissed or hugged someone!!
So here is what I propose: next time you attend a munch, look out for a shy person (male or female) and go start a conversation with them - then you will both feel enpowered and have a good time and who knows what may come out of it
Sex God
Quote by OneoftheDamned4ever
Hi everyone a few of you will know me and even fewer have met me. So my question is this and yes I know its not always about looks but here it is.
I will never pretend to gods gift but do some of the couples and single ladies here have a preconception about how someone looks that is then totaly blown out of the water when they see a pic or meet up at one of the munches............ and then change how they feel about that man. What I am asking is have you changed your mind about them in some way?
In short.... yes.
People constantly telling me I look different to how they imagined me to be (about 10years younger I suspect) and I have been very surprised at the real life attitude, appearance, conversation, general overall impression someone will give me at a munch or social event. It's not always in a bad way either. The first time I met Miserable Cat Basard (aka happy cats) for example, I was shocked and surprised cos on the boards at the time he went for the cheap laughs and it didn't always fit into my "agreeable zone". After meeting him face to face I understood his sense of humour more and thought in real life he was an absolute sweetheart. My preconception was completely wrong and I learned a lot from that meeting. :kiss for MCB and
for those who are now going to rip the piss outta me! See if I care :PQuote by ootd
The reason I am asking is I have met only one couple from the site and met a few people when I have gone to the munches. I am shy and maybe that is a problem of mine in that I dont actually start a conversation, which then seems to some people I am stand of ish for want of a better discription. I guess in hindsight this is my problem and that is how I see myself but I would like the question answered and see where it takes us.
I always bear in mind at a munch, social, meet or party that people are going to be a little nervous. When Neil and I go to a social eventit seems eveyone knows either him or me but we don't know them. This sometimes makes me feel like I have something to live up to and can make me shy, introverted and quiet, when really I am chatty and bubbly.
If he is getting all the conversations thrown his way then I end up looking like the 'bit tagging along' and people don't sometimes take us seriously. I can sometimes become quiet and possibly come over as a bit young, naive, stupid or judgemental and aloof.
Not qualities I would have said I am in a normal everyday encounter with friends or people I know.I wouldn't worry too much about clamming up. The age old trick to get out of it is to tell the other person you are a bit quiet cos you're feeling nervous. They'll understand and be glad it's not them or their conversation making you look a bit green and nauseas!
Gem. x
Quote by Tania
I am shy like you and I never enjoyed munches much because I never knew how to struck up a conversation and stayed glued to my partner throughout the night. The few times that I would venture out of my comfort zone, my partner would turn sour afterwards and say nasty things like 'you've got that man's smell on you, don't come near me until you wash yourself!' and that was just from talking to people, imagine what he would have said if I had actually kissed or hugged someone!!
Did anyone else mistake the name Tania for Tanina and then get all confused at the above passage??? ( I did
) Good advice though Tania, maybe we should have a "shy corner" at munches
Looks are short lived, i'ts the person that counts.Well some very valid points from Tania and Little Gem.
I understand how you feel Oneofthedamned, when you get to a meet or munchies the comfort zone of the monitor and keyboard are gone.............a bit of insecurity does set in, it's natural and not just confined to the ladies. Some people will change their attitude towards you after meeting, but as Little Gem says sometimes it can be in a positive way.......so just don't let any negatives get to you, it's the only way.
H_ippy
I understand how you feel Oneofthedamned, when you get to a meet or munchies the comfort zone of the monitor and keyboard are gone.............a bit of insecurity does set in, it's natural and not just confined to the ladies. Some people will change their attitude towards you after meeting, but as Little Gem says sometimes it can be in a positive way.......so just don't let any negatives get to you, it's the only way.
H_ippy
Sex God
Quote by little gem
[
In short.... yes.
People constantly telling me I look different to how they imagined me to be (about 10years younger I suspect) Gem. x
yep, which was kinda stupid cos I had a rough idea of yer age anyways
Shyness can be an endearing feature at times, but it does kinda hold you back and it will always be difficult unless you can force yourself to strike up that conversation. I'm a bit of a gobby git so don't experiance that sitting in the corner thing, but I've seen it and will admit to reading it wrong sometimes and coming away witrh a view that the person is a bit sullen when in fact the opposite is true and all they need is someone to come up and say hi, trouble is that doesn't always work that way.
Mod
Just one problem, Constance. You have already been banned from here once, please don't keep re-inventing yourself. It's very boring.
Banned again.
Mal
Banned again.
Mal
I think many of us build up a mental picture in our heads of what we think someone is going to look like, if i meet someone and they are not what i expected then it would not change the way i though of them as a m8 and i would still be more than happy to carry on chatting, but it works both ways i'm sure i'm not what a lot of people expect me to be when meeting either
Quote by naughtynymphos1
I think many of us build up a mental picture in our heads of what we think someone is going to look like, if i meet someone and they are not what i expected then it would not change the way i though of them as a m8 and i would still be more than happy to carry on chatting, but it works both ways i'm sure i'm not what a lot of people expect me to be when meeting either
:gagged: :giggle: :giggle:
Minx x x
Quote by BiWelshMinx
I think many of us build up a mental picture in our heads of what we think someone is going to look like, if i meet someone and they are not what i expected then it would not change the way i though of them as a m8 and i would still be more than happy to carry on chatting, but it works both ways i'm sure i'm not what a lot of people expect me to be when meeting either
:gagged: :giggle: :giggle:
Minx x x
oi
that was one of my more serious posts
Sex God
OOTD, i think the short answer would be most definitely. i try not have preconceptions any more cos they've generally been dead wrong, with few exceptions. that way i'm usually pleasantly surprised. turns out davej ain't some cardigan wearing grandad after all, and as Gem says if we can actually come to quite like MCB, anythings possible! ((( sorry Happy Cats! :P ;) )))
it might surprise some people to know that i am in fact painfully shy at the best of times myself ((( i kid you not! ))) and had to stoke up on silly amounts of beer at the first few events i went to just to get over the nerves, but i've found munches a great way to come out of my shell. i make a point of trying to say hi to as many people as poss, even if it is only a hi, and if the shyness hits and i run out of things to say, i can always excuse myself and go say hi to someone else. everyone pretty much does the same, and after a few munches, the shyness goes cos i know there's gonna be a good handful of people i am comfy with, and keep a conversation going with.
there's no getting away from the fact that there has to be some kind of attraction, but again, once i got to know people better, i found myself attracted to the person more than some narrow preconceived idea of what i used to find physically attractive.
neil x x x ;)
((( sorry Happy Cats! :P ;) ))) it might surprise some people to know that i am in fact painfully shy at the best of times myself ((( i kid you not! ))) and had to stoke up on silly amounts of beer at the first few events i went to just to get over the nerves, but i've found munches a great way to come out of my shell. i make a point of trying to say hi to as many people as poss, even if it is only a hi, and if the shyness hits and i run out of things to say, i can always excuse myself and go say hi to someone else. everyone pretty much does the same, and after a few munches, the shyness goes cos i know there's gonna be a good handful of people i am comfy with, and keep a conversation going with.
there's no getting away from the fact that there has to be some kind of attraction, but again, once i got to know people better, i found myself attracted to the person more than some narrow preconceived idea of what i used to find physically attractive.
neil x x x ;)
Quote by neilinleeds
OOTD, i think the short answer would be most definitely. i try not have preconceptions any more cos they've generally been dead wrong, with few exceptions. that way i'm usually pleasantly surprised. turns out davej ain't some cardigan wearing grandad after all, and as Gem says if we can actually come to quite like MCB, anythings possible!
Thats really nice!
But I think youre a git!
Sex God
Quote by Happy Cats
OOTD, i think the short answer would be most definitely. i try not have preconceptions any more cos they've generally been dead wrong, with few exceptions. that way i'm usually pleasantly surprised. turns out davej ain't some cardigan wearing grandad after all, and as Gem says if we can actually come to quite like MCB, anythings possible!
Thats really nice!
But I think youre a git!
oh! right! well . . . er . . . . that's surely an improvement on the complete and utter twat you previously thought of me, which merely serves to prove my point!
:? :?neil x x x ;)
Sex God
I have never been disappointed yet.
I used to think about what peeps would look like etc and when i did finally meet them i was always pleasantly surprised. Unfortunately i had a habit of saying to the person that they don't look like anything i imagined, quickly followed by they looked so much nicer. I never meant it so sound like i was disappointed but there was an occasion where i could see that i must have offended. It was never my intention and have felt bad ever since.
Now, i just keep quiet, :gagged:
G x
I used to think about what peeps would look like etc and when i did finally meet them i was always pleasantly surprised. Unfortunately i had a habit of saying to the person that they don't look like anything i imagined, quickly followed by they looked so much nicer. I never meant it so sound like i was disappointed but there was an occasion where i could see that i must have offended. It was never my intention and have felt bad ever since.
Now, i just keep quiet, :gagged:
G x
Quote by postie
I am shy like you and I never enjoyed munches much because I never knew how to struck up a conversation and stayed glued to my partner throughout the night. The few times that I would venture out of my comfort zone, my partner would turn sour afterwards and say nasty things like 'you've got that man's smell on you, don't come near me until you wash yourself!' and that was just from talking to people, imagine what he would have said if I had actually kissed or hugged someone!!
Did anyone else mistake the name Tania for Tanina and then get all confused at the above passage??? ( I did
) Good advice though Tania, maybe we should have a "shy corner" at munches
At the school I used to work at, I set something up for the shy children at playtimes. It was a "friends' bus stop". Anyone who was too shy to join in or who didn't have any friends would stand at the bus stop. The other children were told that it was a really kind thing to do to invite any children they saw there alone to join in their game. It worked really well, because the chidlren who picked up the shy ones and included them were rewarded for being kind. :rose:
No child was ever left without anyone to play with for more than a few minutes.
Having a similar system at munches may be slightly patronising though I think! :D
Sex God
I haven't been shy since I discovered Tennents Super :eeek:
:uhoh:
:eeek: :uhoh:
I decided long ago if i was going to come on this site and get to know peple and turn things around in my life to the stage I was going to meet people in a differant way, try ne things and have new experiances i had to get over the shyness.
So i jumped in at the deep end, Done a few things that would shock me in the past and now look on life in a differant way.
I now think to myself, 'Rob if you did that you can do anything' it gets me through 99% of the time.
As for meeting people for the first time and them not being what i had expected, this only nearly happened once. viewing a persons avatar it appeared they were not female. two days before the meet i found out in converstaion they were, and then on the meet found others had thought the same thing as i had originally.
As for face to face meets, its whats behind the face i like to find out, looks are skin deep, good looking people can be just as bad behind the face and ugly people can be your best friend.
So i jumped in at the deep end, Done a few things that would shock me in the past and now look on life in a differant way.
I now think to myself, 'Rob if you did that you can do anything' it gets me through 99% of the time.
As for meeting people for the first time and them not being what i had expected, this only nearly happened once. viewing a persons avatar it appeared they were not female. two days before the meet i found out in converstaion they were, and then on the meet found others had thought the same thing as i had originally.
As for face to face meets, its whats behind the face i like to find out, looks are skin deep, good looking people can be just as bad behind the face and ugly people can be your best friend.
