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Man advice needed

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Freckledbird
Sex God
Quote by Manolishi
Just my two penneth as normal, but
Each to their own of course, but what does irritate me is that if this thread had been submitted by a married man, the replies would have been, just lets say, slightly more direct.
We know this because we have all read them over the years. However, as this was written by a married lady, the responses have been, in general, the opposite. rolleyes

Quite possibly true Manolishi.
niceandgentle
Sex God
I think the whole point here is that if married its either with the other partner swinging together or with their blessing if done 's not clear if Petal's husband agrees with her having other men or not - this point applies were it a man with a wife too.
4playinc
Sexpert
Quote by petal24
We work together. He's not on here.
And he was slightly bothered about me being married - he knew about that from the start. But that didn't stop him kissing me.
I was very very drunk - he said he was sober. So i'm thinking maybe its just the marriage thing, because his email said he was concerned about 'the situation I'm in'.
Btw, we didn't have sex - just kissed. But now I want more & am trying to figure out if he likes me or not. The married thing I can overcome if he fancies me.

sorry petal24 but i think you are playing too close to homelife on this bloke working together is one thing but to go further and things turn sour will leave you (or him) in a difficult situation if it just a play toy your looking for stick to sites like this where you and the partner knows its nsa but thats my view only good luck with what ever you decide
BallouBear
Orgasminator
Quote by niceandgentle
I think the whole point here is that if married its either with the other partner swinging together or with their blessing if done 's not clear if Petal's husband agrees with her having other men or not - this point applies were it a man with a wife too.

Whilst I agree with what you have written, that was not the point I was trying to make. Indeed, would I have actually read a similar sentiment if the thread had been written by a married guy. confused:
Unknown User
Quote by da69ve
If you work together, i'm assuming he is aware that you are married. Maybe that is what is bothering him...

blimey i was abit slow on that one! :shock:
Sometimes slow can be good......
niceandgentle
Sex God
Quote by Manolishi
I think the whole point here is that if married its either with the other partner swinging together or with their blessing if done 's not clear if Petal's husband agrees with her having other men or not - this point applies were it a man with a wife too.

Whilst I agree with what you have written, that was not the point I was trying to make. Indeed, would I have actually read a similar sentiment if the thread had been written by a married guy. confused:
You would from me a male had written the same situation as Petal's I'd say the same thing,unless you have your partners blessing its a no go area,hurt and deception all their true blessing or with them joining in then that's a fair and open relationship.
_Darth_
Sex God
Quote by petal24
We work together. He's not on here.
And he was slightly bothered about me being married - he knew about that from the start. But that didn't stop him kissing me.
I was very very drunk - he said he was sober. So i'm thinking maybe its just the marriage thing, because his email said he was concerned about 'the situation I'm in'.
Btw, we didn't have sex - just kissed. But now I want more & am trying to figure out if he likes me or not. The married thing I can overcome if he fancies me.

He sounds kinda odd to me - but I think he'll overcome his concerns about the 'situation' you're in ... he's already partway there as he initiated the kiss.
But I'm with Manolishi actually about this whole question - it's not entirely clear from your profile whether you're swinging or planning to, with your husbands knowledge and agreement or simply doing it on your own as a decision of your own.
Unknown User
No use asking me. I've realised I'm the shitest of the shite when it comes to relationships and men. :doh:
Unknown User
Quote by Manolishi
Just my two penneth as normal, but
Each to their own of course, but what does irritate me is that if this thread had been submitted by a married man, the replies would have been, just lets say, slightly more direct.
We know this because we have all read them over the years. However, as this was written by a married lady, the responses have been, in general, the opposite. rolleyes

I made the mistake of not reading the profile and assumed a single fem
I dont as a rule reply to these if they are married be thay male or female as i'm not married and it is up to them what they want. I just assumed though i would have said the same if id replyed to a male in this instance.
That makes sense to me it is my bed time lol
Unknown User
Silence is an answer.
cool
BallouBear
Orgasminator
Quote by Kiss
So am I to ascertain from reading this thread that because I'm a ‘cheating swinger’, I am not worthy of any advice or support should I need it? dunno
Also I thought bringing this thread up again would be useful as it touches on some of the issues raised.
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/87080.html?highlight=

Sorry Kiss, but your thread certainly does not touch on any point I was trying to make.
It does not bother me one iota what married people post. What is irratating is the responses that they receive in further posts.
If anyone believes that my post was a direct dig at the originator of this thread, then sorry, maybe I worded it incorrectly. I am purely pointing out the differences in replies if the same thread had been started by a male.
H__x
Sex God
Quote by Kiss
So am I to ascertain from reading this thread that because I'm a ‘cheating swinger’, I am not worthy of any advice or support should I need it? dunno
Also I thought bringing this thread up again would be useful as it touches on some of the issues raised.
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/87080.html?highlight=

I missed that thread sweetpea, I've read a bit of it though. I think you're the only one who can really answer your question, are you a cheating swinger. I don't think you are if you're being honest with your partner - not in the respect that they need to know all the details, but that they know you're singing. As you know, I'm in a similar possition but on the other end of it, but I wouldn't be able to do it if I didn't think he were being honest with his partner. And this is only in part a moral stand-point, how would I know he were being honest with me if he couldn't be honest with his partner. The practicalities also come into not wanting to see a married man who was being deceitful, 'well, I can meet you for half an hour at lunch time but that's your lot'.
As for there being double standards for women and men, yes I think there are, which is completely unfair. In my view it doesn't matter what sex you are, if you're lying to your long term partner I'd have problems meeting.
H.x
Unknown User
Quote by Manolishi
So am I to ascertain from reading this thread that because I'm a ‘cheating swinger’, I am not worthy of any advice or support should I need it? dunno
Also I thought bringing this thread up again would be useful as it touches on some of the issues raised.
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/87080.html?highlight=

Sorry Kiss, but your thread certainly does not touch on any point I was trying to make.
It does not bother me one iota what married people post. What is irratating is the responses that they receive in further posts.
If anyone believes that my post was a direct dig at the originator of this thread, then sorry, maybe I worded it incorrectly. I am purely pointing out the differences in replies if the same thread had been started by a male.
Sorry if I didnt make myself clear - I highlighted the thread to show that I too have seen the treatment people get depending on things like if the are a cheating male or a cheating female. And even though I'm the latter I don't really see it as fair.
I'm not looking for people to condone this type of behaviour, it just irks me a great deal when what people say on the forum and what they would do are very different all together.
Unknown User
Quote by petal24
We work together. He's not on here.
And he was slightly bothered about me being married - he knew about that from the start. But that didn't stop him kissing me.
I was very very drunk - he said he was sober. So i'm thinking maybe its just the marriage thing, because his email said he was concerned about 'the situation I'm in'.
Btw, we didn't have sex - just kissed. But now I want more & am trying to figure out if he likes me or not. The married thing I can overcome if he fancies me.

Don't shit on your own door-step!
I shall now sit back and ponder the term 'double-standards' rolleyes
Unknown User
Quote by H-x
So am I to ascertain from reading this thread that because I'm a ‘cheating swinger’, I am not worthy of any advice or support should I need it? dunno
Also I thought bringing this thread up again would be useful as it touches on some of the issues raised.
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/87080.html?highlight=

I missed that thread sweetpea, I've read a bit of it though. I think you're the only one who can really answer your question, are you a cheating swinger. I don't think you are if you're being honest with your partner - not in the respect that they need to know all the details, but that they know you're singing. As you know, I'm in a similar possition but on the other end of it, but I wouldn't be able to do it if I didn't think he were being honest with his partner. And this is only in part a moral stand-point, how would I know he were being honest with me if he couldn't be honest with his partner. The practicalities also come into not wanting to see a married man who was being deceitful, 'well, I can meet you for half an hour at lunch time but that's your lot'.
As for there being double standards for women and men, yes I think there are, which is completely unfair. In my view it doesn't matter what sex you are, if you're lying to your long term partner I'd have problems meeting.
H.x
Like I said, I'm not looking for people to say "I'd meet somebody who was a cheat" what I was trying to find out was why when people discovered the poster was married, why did they feel the need to retract/delete/edit their advice.
If this is how people feel then I can only assume that I too am not worthy of friendship/advice.
H__x
Sex God
I think it was because of the tone of the original post. It seemed more that she wished to start a relationship with the guy than swing with him, which would imply that she would be single and available to do so. My interpretation only.
H.x
Unknown User
I just wanted to clarify.
My gf knows I swing to a certain extent. Due to our very different sex drives and tastes her motto is "I don't really want to know the details, but as long as it doesn't impact our time/relationship."
However, where the 'cheating' part comes in, maybe I should have written lying, is when there is a rare ocassion where I want/need to be away for the night etc and use work etc as an excuse.
Unknown User
Ah fluck it - just forget it.
I've hijacked this thread enough (sorry love4h redface) and need to log off.
Where has that flounce emotcon gone? confused
Unknown User
Quote by Kiss
So am I to ascertain from reading this thread that because I'm a ‘cheating swinger’, I am not worthy of any advice or support should I need it? dunno

An interesting question.
I've long held the belief that any advice should be given freely, but more importantly - without condition or obligation. It should be left to the person receivingthe advice, what they do with it. Notthe person givingit. If that's not to be the case, then it's hardly advice. Is it ?
I've found though that many people (possibly due to just simply human nature) will often only give advice to those that they think are more likely to take it, and act upon it. When the person decides not to do so, it doesn't go down too well with the "adviser" The same applies to advice pertaining to an activity/action/subject that the "adviser" wouldn't condone.
Where would we be if drugs counsellors/help workers (?) had the same ethos ?
I pick drug counsellors from the air. I'm sure there are many other occupations/skills that could also fit the example.
Quote by Kiss
Silence is an answer.
cool

Silence is sometimes a very loud and stark answer rolleyes
But . . . . . . . . don't forget, some members don't/can't get online during the day, or even everyday.
Quote by Kiss
it just irks me a great deal when what people say on the forum and what they would do are very different all together.

Me too.
In fact - it's one of the few things that gets anywhere close to boiling my blood and making spit at the screen and utter the (in this house) immortal word - Arse :roll:
Unknown User
Ah fuck it!
Petal.. if you have your husband’s consent to ‘do your own thing’ – then fair enough - my advice would be as before …. Don’t shit on your own doorstep (and what follows does not apply to you).
If you do not have your husband's consent then here are a few questions and comments:
What makes you think ‘swingers’ would whole-heartedly want to give you advice on how to be unfaithful to the person you made vows to?
Whilst I do not believe married ‘cheats’ (as they are frequently referred as) should be hunted down and burnt at the stake – I do believe they should keep their gob firmly shut on the matter in open forum rather than seeking approval in some guise or another.
To many married couples (and singles for that matter) their involvement in swinging is a choice based on trust, openness and honesty – yet you are asking advice on how to dismiss all of those values to get a shag. Did you consider for one moment that your behaviour (or at least the description of it so far) might just not sit well with some people’s ethos of swinging?
If you did expect a blanket acceptance of your activities – what does that say about your opinion of swingers and swinging? What that implies could be deemed as somewhat offensive to people with different values to your own.
There is a thread somewhere about tolerance – and maybe we should be more tolerant of people regarding their life choices (as we rarely know all of the facts) but it is foolhardy to expect a consensus of approval for something which flies in the face of the values and moral codes of many who have chosen the swinging lifestyle.
I accept (without seeking accepance) that there may be times when I am involved in situations at clubs etc where there may be people who are married and there without their partner’s approval.
I accept (without seeking accepance) there have been situations where people I have met may or may not be in other relationships and I have not cared to find out.
I accept that what you do in your own life is up to you and those who choose to do it with you – but do not make the mistake that because this is a swinging site that everyone will openly approve and welcome your decision to ‘do your own thing’ just because it involves sex.
Or in other words… don’t except to be able to shove it in people's faces and everyone to smile and say “hurray for you!”
I would also like to mention (as has already been suggested) you have had an easy ride in this thread for the pure and simple fact that you have breasts and not a penis. Me, I don't really give a shit what genitals people have - it does not change my opinion.
Unknown User
I'm not quite sure if this is only to petal or not, so I would just like a chance to respond.
Quote by PoloLady
Whilst I do not believe married ‘cheats’ (as they are frequently referred as) should be hunted down and burnt at the stake – I do believe they should keep their gob firmly shut on the matter in open forum rather than seeking approval in some guise or another.

So no discussion allowed? You can come into the Cafe but you can't talk about your circumstances because you're not really one of us?
As I stated in my earliers posts in the thread, I wasn't seeking approval about what I'm doing as I'm already doing it. However what I was asking was, because I'm not a proper swinger in every sense of the word, am I somehow a second class human undeserving of any advice?
I'm not being sarcastic or pedantic in the slightest - I am genuinely asking.
H__x
Sex God
Why aren't you a proper swinger?
H.x
Unknown User
Quote by H-x
Why aren't you a proper swinger?
H.x

Because although my gf knows I get up to things from time to time - I have told lies about where I was, who with and why I was away to make life easier. Therefore not in a totally open, honest swinging relationship.
H__x
Sex God
I think you may be being a little hard on yourself here sweetpea, and I'm not saying this because you're female or because I know you (well the online you biggrin ) For me it's the people who haven't discussed it with their partners, haven't given them the option to say, yes I'll join you or no, if you want to you can, or even, no I'd prefer if you didn't. The general 'what they don't know can't hurt them' attitude of people who don't give their partners, the person they have chosen to spend their lives with, the benifit of choice.
H.x
Dawnie
Sex God
Quote by PoloLady
Ah fuck it!
Petal.. if you have your husband’s consent to ‘do your own thing’ – then fair enough - my advice would be as before …. Don’t shit on your own doorstep (and what follows does not apply to you).
If you do not have your husband's consent then here are a few questions and comments:
What makes you think ‘swingers’ would whole-heartedly want to give you advice on how to be unfaithful to the person you made vows to?
Whilst I do not believe married ‘cheats’ (as they are frequently referred as) should be hunted down and burnt at the stake – I do believe they should keep their gob firmly shut on the matter in open forum rather than seeking approval in some guise or another.
To many married couples (and singles for that matter) their involvement in swinging is a choice based on trust, openness and honesty – yet you are asking advice on how to dismiss all of those values to get a shag. Did you consider for one moment that your behaviour (or at least the description of it so far) might just not sit well with some people’s ethos of swinging?
If you did expect a blanket acceptance of your activities – what does that say about your opinion of swingers and swinging? What that implies could be deemed as somewhat offensive to people with different values to your own.
There is a thread somewhere about tolerance – and maybe we should be more tolerant of people regarding their life choices (as we rarely know all of the facts) but it is foolhardy to expect a consensus of approval for something which flies in the face of the values and moral codes of many who have chosen the swinging lifestyle.
I accept (without seeking accepance) that there may be times when I am involved in situations at clubs etc where there may be people who are married and there without their partner’s approval.
I accept (without seeking accepance) there have been situations where people I have met may or may not be in other relationships and I have not cared to find out.
I accept that what you do in your own life is up to you and those who choose to do it with you – but do not make the mistake that because this is a swinging site that everyone will openly approve and welcome your decision to ‘do your own thing’ just because it involves sex.
Or in other words… don’t except to be able to shove it in people's faces and everyone to smile and say “hurray for you!”
I would also like to mention (as has already been suggested) you have had an easy ride in this thread for the pure and simple fact that you have breasts and not a penis. Me, I don't really give a shit what genitals people have - it does not change my opinion.

Nice post PoloLady :thumbup:
mr__powers1
Sex God
Quote by H-x
I think it was because of the tone of the original post. It seemed more that she wished to start a relationship with the guy than swing with him, which would imply that she would be single and available to do so. My interpretation only.
H.x

Not just you.....that was also the impression i got as well!
Unknown User
I thought that to, sounds more like she wants more than nsa fun, also sounds like she's just hanging on to her hubby till she finds someone else, no offence intended but thats just my interpretation from whats written below :shock:
Quote by petal24
Btw, we didn't have sex - just kissed. But now I want more & am trying to figure out if he likes me or not. The married thing I can overcome if he fancies me.
Unknown User
Quote by Kiss
I'm not quite sure if this is only to petal or not, so I would just like a chance to respond.
Whilst I do not believe married ‘cheats’ (as they are frequently referred as) should be hunted down and burnt at the stake – I do believe they should keep their gob firmly shut on the matter in open forum rather than seeking approval in some guise or another.

So no discussion allowed? You can come into the Cafe but you can't talk about your circumstances because you're not really one of us?
As I stated in my earliers posts in the thread, I wasn't seeking approval about what I'm doing as I'm already doing it. However what I was asking was, because I'm not a proper swinger in every sense of the word, am I somehow a second class human undeserving of any advice?
I'm not being sarcastic or pedantic in the slightest - I am genuinely asking.
I really don’t care if married/attached/whatever people do post ads, use the forum, go in chat or however else they choose to use this site.
I don’t care if some people choose to meet ‘attached’ people or not.
There are some things I do or people I know do which would not be understood by others – but these actions are our choices.
I feel the subject is worthy of discussion – though it is prone to becoming heated to some degree due to the nature of the subject. If people want to discuss their situations, fine (as long as they accept not everyone will agree with their point of view).
I do get pissed off with:
Thinly disguised pees for approval or ‘sympathy shag’ posts.
Shoving personal actions under people’s noses in a manner which indicates they expect everyone will and should think it’s OK (when it pretty obviously will go against the values of quite a few people) or just throwing the fact they are married into the conversation as if it is a trivial side-issue.
Posts which indicate an assumption/attitude that because this is a swinging site the people here don’t give a shit about who they fuck or anyone on a swinging site will have low morals and will be happy with deception, lying, cheating…. like it is all part of the game.
Unknown User
Quote by PoloLady
I'm not quite sure if this is only to petal or not, so I would just like a chance to respond.
Whilst I do not believe married ‘cheats’ (as they are frequently referred as) should be hunted down and burnt at the stake – I do believe they should keep their gob firmly shut on the matter in open forum rather than seeking approval in some guise or another.

So no discussion allowed? You can come into the Cafe but you can't talk about your circumstances because you're not really one of us?
As I stated in my earliers posts in the thread, I wasn't seeking approval about what I'm doing as I'm already doing it. However what I was asking was, because I'm not a proper swinger in every sense of the word, am I somehow a second class human undeserving of any advice?
I'm not being sarcastic or pedantic in the slightest - I am genuinely asking.
I really don’t care if married/attached/whatever people do post ads, use the forum, go in chat or however else they choose to use this site.
I don’t care if some people choose to meet ‘attached’ people or not.
There are some things I do or people I know do which would not be understood by others – but these actions are our choices.
I feel the subject is worthy of discussion – though it is prone to becoming heated to some degree due to the nature of the subject. If people want to discuss their situations, fine (as long as they accept not everyone will agree with their point of view).
I do get pissed off with:
Thinly disguised pees for approval or ‘sympathy shag’ posts.
Shoving personal actions under people’s noses in a manner which indicates they expect everyone will and should think it’s OK (when it pretty obviously will go against the values of quite a few people) or just throwing the fact they are married into the conversation as if it is a trivial side-issue.
Posts which indicate an assumption/attitude that because this is a swinging site the people here don’t give a shit about who they fuck or anyone on a swinging site will have low morals and will be happy with deception, lying, cheating…. like it is all part of the game.
I do appreciate you taking the time to write all that PL. I do personally feel somewhat more at ease as I don't disagree with anything in your post. I would also be so bold as to say I don't fit into any of the above criteria.
Thank you.