Well you let yourself be savaged here lol....... Its true though, it will only end in tears buddy.... Talk to the wife and pay her a whole heap of attention and be prepared for some surprising results!!! Depressed she may be but depression can't be blamed on one specific event like you suggest... maybe she feels unloved or unattractive, maybe she is pissed off at feeling trapped in a relationship and wants to find a fella to play with! Not judging but its easy to 'blame'...... Pamper her and make her feel special now..... you know you will if you get busted lol!!!!
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Quote by mdr2000
Depressed she may be but depression can't be blamed on one specific event like you suggest...
Post-natal depression can last many years and the trigger is the birth of a child. A side effect of anti-depressants is often a marked lowering of the libido and, while making her feel special will help with lowered self esteem, it will not affect the libido while she is still on the medication. Possibly a trip to the doctor to discuss a change in medication might help.
Quote by northwest-cpl
Depressed she may be but depression can't be blamed on one specific event like you suggest...
Post-natal depression can last many years and the trigger is the birth of a child. A side effect of anti-depressants is often a marked lowering of the libido and, while making her feel special will help with lowered self esteem, it will not affect the libido while she is still on the medication. Possibly a trip to the doctor to discuss a change in medication might help.
I will bow to superior knowledge on this one....... but I know it will end in tears all the same.. not hers as she's already depressed eh!! Can't see the fact he is gonna do it behind her back helping anything... if he is busted she is going to feel a whole lot better and he does say he doesn't want to leave her so working on the problems seems to be best to me.......
Sex God
well i am only going to mention one words........"honesty"
it is going to always be a contentous subject.....
As long as people are honest with all parties (and for me that also includes their own partner)... then the people they are playing with are at least in the position to make up there minds given all the facts... some will.... some won't...
sean xxxxxx
it is going to always be a contentous subject.....
As long as people are honest with all parties (and for me that also includes their own partner)... then the people they are playing with are at least in the position to make up there minds given all the facts... some will.... some won't...
sean xxxxxx
Sex God
How many times have there been threads like this on here?
Normally these threads tend to degenerate into a slanging match, and it's nice to see that this one hasn't yet
At the end of the day, it will always be each to their own. We have played with married men, we actually prefer it, but we cannot say 100% hand on heart that those men have been honest to us or their partners. We prefer them to be honest, but we have no real way of knowing if they are.
M
Normally these threads tend to degenerate into a slanging match, and it's nice to see that this one hasn't yet
At the end of the day, it will always be each to their own. We have played with married men, we actually prefer it, but we cannot say 100% hand on heart that those men have been honest to us or their partners. We prefer them to be honest, but we have no real way of knowing if they are.
M
Quote by starmanxxSo you only want to be honest with us, the people you don't know and yet you're not going to be honest with your wife
thanks for all your views I guest that the lesson here is not to tell people your story as they are not going to care!!!! I only want fun and I feel that been honest is important. My wife does not know that I swing, however, we talk about it alot together and I feel that she must know that I do. I just will not rub her nose in it !!!!
Can anyone say that they have not lied before.
Why doesn't that seem right to me
Sex God
Quote by Dawn_MidsSo you only want to be honest with us, the people you don't know and yet you're not going to be honest with your wife
thanks for all your views I guest that the lesson here is not to tell people your story as they are not going to care!!!! I only want fun and I feel that been honest is important. My wife does not know that I swing, however, we talk about it alot together and I feel that she must know that I do. I just will not rub her nose in it !!!!
Can anyone say that they have not lied before.
Why doesn't that seem right to me
Me too. Why do the statements 'I feel that being honest is important' and 'My wife doesn't know that I swing' seem incongruous to me.
You've got a lot of thinking to do matey!
.
Well as a well known married swinger with a non play partner and no consent to play (although I can watch) I have had a good few offers... Equally I have a few friends keeping an eye on me for my own good 
SH is a wonderful place where you can follow your own judgements and let your own heart guide you.
Equally there is a massive element of trust in swinging, and when you break the trust with anyone there is a backlash. Some of which you have seen here, however as was noted it is good to see it remaining on the pratical advice level, rather than anything personal or insulting.
I would not dream of offering advice for you on your life and partner situation, I know from my own experience how confusing it is to love someone but feel drawn to others. For the swingers of this world who can go as a couple into this, maybe finding closure to the feelings and carrying on together life is rosy. For the rest of us, male or female, it is a minefield of choices that can affect the rest of our, and our partners lives.
So remain truthful and people will still swing with you. As to if you want to swing or maybe see what other options are open at the fringes without going all the way I leave you to explore this in your own heart.
SH is a wonderful place where you can follow your own judgements and let your own heart guide you. Equally there is a massive element of trust in swinging, and when you break the trust with anyone there is a backlash. Some of which you have seen here, however as was noted it is good to see it remaining on the pratical advice level, rather than anything personal or insulting.
I would not dream of offering advice for you on your life and partner situation, I know from my own experience how confusing it is to love someone but feel drawn to others. For the swingers of this world who can go as a couple into this, maybe finding closure to the feelings and carrying on together life is rosy. For the rest of us, male or female, it is a minefield of choices that can affect the rest of our, and our partners lives.
So remain truthful and people will still swing with you. As to if you want to swing or maybe see what other options are open at the fringes without going all the way I leave you to explore this in your own heart.
? Does he have to carry a signed letter of consent from his wife whenever he goes to meet someone?
Yes, it's called the swinging consent card and all male solo swingers are issued one.
so where does the wife get her card from, so much for equal rights 
there are many ladies out there who play away from home unbeknown to thier partner, why someone swings is thier own business really
and if your not happy playing with a person for any reason then just dont
Yes, it's called the swinging consent card and all male solo swingers are issued one.
so where does the wife get her card from, so much for equal rights there are many ladies out there who play away from home unbeknown to thier partner, why someone swings is thier own business really
and if your not happy playing with a person for any reason then just dont
from the comment of mdr2000 I would like to say that I hope his or her partner never suffers an illness and I would like to see his or her staying power in a marrage for a person that they love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have had a bit to drink but I find that coment VERY upsetting. I enjoy sex and if the person I love does not then what is a man meant to do. I also enjoy sex with others watching. I know what this would do to the person I love as I have discuss it. I hope that couples never suffer the long term illness of a love one. I am not looking for people to feel sorry for me or people like me but the comment from mdr2000 is CRAP !!!!!!!!
Sex God
As everyone has said Pololadys post great but .. isnt there always a but Mr Tweeky you akward fecker, there is one point I am not 100% certain about
Quote Pololady
There are some (not all - I said ‘some‘) activities I involve myself in (under the broad banner of swinging) where I have no interest in who this person really is, their status, their liberty to swing - because the moment is then and the situation is right. I am hardly going to ask the proceedings to halt whilst I interview the participants.
END QUOTE
To me that just sounds like " I went to a club and joined in an orgy, I was too randy to care who anyone was or what there situation might be "
Its a dream realy but I would like that one day Swinging might border on acceptable within society in general. Now I know there are a few of my friends that I could explain to what I do now and they would more than likely be ok with it but put it in the context of
"I went to a club and joined in an orgy, I was too randy to care who anyone was or what there situation might be "
Then it just makes the whole scene seem unwholesome and I doubt I would get much acceptance from anyone. When it comes down to it it is thier problem but I would rather not become a part of there problem if it can be at all avoided. For us at the moment this is why the slow process of forum use and munchs is good, a clearer picture of who you are meeting. Anyone could be telling lies
but I just like to do as much as I can to filter that out.
Cheers
Mr Tweeky
but .. isnt there always a but Mr Tweeky you akward fecker, there is one point I am not 100% certain aboutQuote Pololady
There are some (not all - I said ‘some‘) activities I involve myself in (under the broad banner of swinging) where I have no interest in who this person really is, their status, their liberty to swing - because the moment is then and the situation is right. I am hardly going to ask the proceedings to halt whilst I interview the participants.
END QUOTE
To me that just sounds like " I went to a club and joined in an orgy, I was too randy to care who anyone was or what there situation might be "
Its a dream realy but I would like that one day Swinging might border on acceptable within society in general. Now I know there are a few of my friends that I could explain to what I do now and they would more than likely be ok with it but put it in the context of
"I went to a club and joined in an orgy, I was too randy to care who anyone was or what there situation might be "
Then it just makes the whole scene seem unwholesome and I doubt I would get much acceptance from anyone. When it comes down to it it is thier problem but I would rather not become a part of there problem if it can be at all avoided. For us at the moment this is why the slow process of forum use and munchs is good, a clearer picture of who you are meeting. Anyone could be telling lies
but I just like to do as much as I can to filter that out.Cheers
Mr Tweeky
Sex God
Quote by tweeky
"I went to a club and joined in an orgy, I was too randy to care who anyone was or what there situation might be "
Then it just makes the whole scene seem unwholesome and I doubt I would get much acceptance from anyone. When it comes down to it it is thier problem but I would rather not become a part of there problem if it can be at all avoided. For us at the moment this is why the slow process of forum use and munchs is good, a clearer picture of who you are meeting. Anyone could be telling lies
Cheers
Mr Tweeky
Your dead right - it's their problem. If it is a problem for you as well then don't do it. Simple as.
You can't expect other people not to do things because your friends might find it offensive. What Pololady said could equally apply to Dogging.
.
Quote by westerross
"I went to a club and joined in an orgy, I was too randy to care who anyone was or what there situation might be "
Then it just makes the whole scene seem unwholesome and I doubt I would get much acceptance from anyone. When it comes down to it it is thier problem but I would rather not become a part of there problem if it can be at all avoided. For us at the moment this is why the slow process of forum use and munchs is good, a clearer picture of who you are meeting. Anyone could be telling lies
Cheers
Mr Tweeky
Your dead right - it's their problem. If it is a problem for you as well then don't do it. Simple as.
You can't expect other people not to do things because your friends might find it offensive. What Pololady said could equally apply to Dogging.
.
How right you are TE....
People that go dogging and permit others to be involved...
People who actually do have sex with other people (sorry if that shocks you Mr Tweak) who they meet at clubs...
Couples who invite guys around for a once only visit because the wifey wants to try a MMF 3some...
It COULD include lots of things.
However, to put it in a different context to "an orgy"....
You are chatting away to a friendly, pleasant couple in the jacuzzi and getting on great. There is a bit of sensual touching, the mood is right and one thing leads to another - who knows if they are a real couple or not? Who knows if they are not two seperately married people meeting behind their partner's backs?
Or
You in the couples only room enjoying your partner (mine in this situation would be a play-mate). A couple you had been talking to in the bar earlier are enjoying giving eachother a massage near to you in the play area - they really seem to know what they are doing
A comment or two is made about how good their massage technique looks and they offer to give you both a more personal demonstration......Is this the point we should stand up and demand they prove beyond all reasonable doubt that they are in fact a genuine couple and neither are married to other people?
If you choose to take your time to do your best to ensure you are not having sex with a "cheater" then that is your way of doing things. However you go about it, the end result is the same....
You are having sex with people outside of your own relationship - do you think those opposed to swinging really care how long you spent talking to them on an internet forum?
Sex God
Quote by starmanxx
from the comment of mdr2000 I would like to say that I hope his or her partner never suffers an illness and I would like to see his or her staying power in a marrage for a person that they love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have had a bit to drink but I find that coment VERY upsetting. I enjoy sex and if the person I love does not then what is a man meant to do. I also enjoy sex with others watching. I know what this would do to the person I love as I have discuss it.i I hope that couples never suffer the long term illness of a love one. I am not lookng for people to feel sorry for me or people like me but the comment from mdr2000 is CRAP !!!!!!!!
You said this in an earlier post, which you then edited, but someone else had already quoted it - I took this from their post
Quote by starmanxx
I agree with you have man feel that they have to lie. I am happy if my wife wishes to play around and we have discussed this at lenght, she however, does not. I have not ask her if it is ok for me to swing as I do not wnat to hurt her or add to her problems. I love sex and I do not feel that I am doing any thing wrong.
I think you need to speak to your wife. From how these two posts read, you've said it's ok for her to play around, yet you say she doesn't like sex (you said she has suffered lack of libido due to depression) You said you haven't asked if it's OK for you to do it because you think she'll be hurt. Don't you think she'd be even more hurt to find out that you've done it behind her back?
You said you're not looking for sympathy yet you're still doing the sob story thing, saying you're doing this behind her back so she doesn't get hurt.
Bottom line is, you're looking for sex behind her back. Some people will still meet you, even when you tell them that - as has been said, some see it as an advantage.
The others who don't want to meet you, won't give a rat's arse about why you're doing it. So save the sob stories and justification for why you're doing it.
Quote by starmanxx
I agree with you have man feel that they have to lie. I am happy if my wife wishes to play around and we have discussed this at lenght, she however, does not. I have not ask her if it is ok for me to swing as I do not wnat to hurt her or add to her problems. I love sex and I do not feel that I am doing any thing wrong.
As already stated the main problems with these types of posts is the sob story/sympathy shag bit.
It does intrigue me how each one seems to have a different form of self justification - are they trying to convince us or themselves?
To answer the original question without getting into the moral argument, to me their are a few practical reasons why people might not want to meet a married person playing away.
a) Arranging meets can be more difficult. If their other half doesn't know, chances are you can only contact/meet them at awkward times.
b) They might be more liable to pull out at the last minute if the spouse wants to know where they are
c) They may be limited to time and therefore want to shag and run
d) If they're selfish enough to cheat on someone they claim they love and justify it in some way to themself that they think this is perfectly all right they may well be a selfish lover.
e) If you're texting/phoning/emailing the person to make arrangements and the spouse finds the messages, you could end up with someone screaming at you down the phone or worse turning up at your house :shock:
On the upside at least you know they're going to be discreet :dunno:
Sex God
Quote by northwest-cpl
Then it just makes the whole scene seem unwholesome and I doubt I would get much acceptance from anyone.
Are you sure that swinging is for you?
Bit late been there done it got the t-shirt.
You have taken one line from a from a post and displayed it totaly out of context to the rest of that post
Quote Pololady
If you choose to take your time to do your best to ensure you are not having sex with a "cheater" then that is your way of doing things. However you go about it, the end result is the same....
You are having sex with people outside of your own relationship - do you think those opposed to swinging really care how long you spent talking to them on an internet forum?
End quote
Two answers
Do I think people opposed to swinging would care if I took the time to check people via the internet? Short answer no but then thats obvious.
second answer. In the what I think is my fairly liberal generation would most of the people except our swinging with mutual concent? I would say yes. Would they except "sometimes we get randy and swing with anyone going at the time in a club regardless of staus "? Maybe they would but it adds that extra item to the agenda that I care to avoid.
Mr Tweeky
Quote by Ian_Mids
To us swinging is all about consent.
If your wife isnt consenting to your activities, then sorry, it aint swinging.
Ian
Snap.
We love swinging but have a rule or two of our own.
We always swing together never apart
never knowingly meet married guys (does not matter to us if wife knows)
We always share.
Always tell each other whats happening
But thats us, we all people.
would not be fun if we were all the same. So lets all swing our own way but be honest with every one.
J n B
Sex God
I'm a single fem. I am concerned that if I meet a married man without his wife's knowledge and she later finds out then it would cause me problems - bad phone calls etc. But my main concern would be whether he would find being with me relaxed and enjoyable or somehow nasty and sordid - because of his own feelings of guilt.
I would hate, HATE, him to look at me afterwards with that "I'm ashamed of what we just did" expression. Swinging should be guilt-free and if it isn't with one person then I wouldn't do it.
This can only be my own point of view and I don't presume to speak for others - this site is huge and everyone has a total right to their own feelings, opinions and limits.
I would hate, HATE, him to look at me afterwards with that "I'm ashamed of what we just did" expression. Swinging should be guilt-free and if it isn't with one person then I wouldn't do it.
This can only be my own point of view and I don't presume to speak for others - this site is huge and everyone has a total right to their own feelings, opinions and limits.
totally agree with you there foxylady........i also hate the thought that im alright to have sordid sex with but im not wife material.....which is another idea i get from married men alot.
so,
(apart from the dishonesty and the guilt and the why-dont-you-just-talk-to-your-wife-if-your-unhappy-with-your-sex-life).....
the main reason why i dont meet married men, is that im ultimately open to a relationship developing somewhere at some point with someone special who i will continue to swing with in the future.
.....so i prefer to meet men where theres at least potential for that to happen i.e. single. thats not to say im looking at every bloke i meet with hungry vanilla eyes..... :twisted:
makes sense to me anyhow lol
so,
(apart from the dishonesty and the guilt and the why-dont-you-just-talk-to-your-wife-if-your-unhappy-with-your-sex-life).....
the main reason why i dont meet married men, is that im ultimately open to a relationship developing somewhere at some point with someone special who i will continue to swing with in the future.
.....so i prefer to meet men where theres at least potential for that to happen i.e. single. thats not to say im looking at every bloke i meet with hungry vanilla eyes..... :twisted:
makes sense to me anyhow lol
Quote by tweeky
Then it just makes the whole scene seem unwholesome and I doubt I would get much acceptance from anyone.
Are you sure that swinging is for you?
Bit late been there done it got the t-shirt.
You have taken one line from a from a post and displayed it totaly out of context to the rest of that post
Mr Tweeky
I chose the part of your post that I wanted to highlight. It didn't seem particularly out of context with the tone of your post which seemed to be making a value judgement.
Quote by tweeky
I went to a club and joined in an orgy, I was too randy to care who anyone was or what there situation might be
I found that remark offensive because we go to clubs and we join in orgies. We also do not care what people's situation is, not because we are too randy to bother, but because we genuinely feel that it is not our business. We deliberately use clubs for the anonymity. There is more than one way of swinging, and each to their own, a sentiment that is sadly lacking in this thread.
Quote by tweeky
In the what I think is my fairly liberal generation
Unfortunately liberalism doesn't often seem to extend as far as these forums. :dunno:
Quote by northwest-cpl
We also do not care what people's situation is, not because we are too randy to bother, but because we genuinely feel that it is not our business. We deliberately use clubs for the anonymity. There is more than one way of swinging, and each to their own, a sentiment that is sadly lacking in this thread..
I quite agree NWC - the whole dogging world is another good example of 'anonymity'... and another dimension to the swinging lifestyle. How may doggers have a checklist for everyone they meet at dogging sites
Can you imagine it.... "er, before we start watching you, can we just check... are you married? is this really your wife? if not, who is this? if so, does your wife know?" :rascal: Sex God
Is there basically 2 kinds of swing? The kind where you chat, cam, meet for a drink/munch and then meet to play and become friends in the process (fantastic process!!!) and the kind where you meet (club, party, dogging spot) and just enjoy each other's skills and attention. They are both valid surely, but the first means that you need a deeper level of honesty ( ie about your personal situations) than the second - where you just need to honest enough to shag safely.
I have to say I totally love the fact that I am finding friends on here, and sometimes I get to shag them - the best of both worlds. :bounce:
I have to say I totally love the fact that I am finding friends on here, and sometimes I get to shag them - the best of both worlds. :bounce:
Quote by Bloke2005
We also do not care what people's situation is, not because we are too randy to bother, but because we genuinely feel that it is not our business. We deliberately use clubs for the anonymity. There is more than one way of swinging, and each to their own, a sentiment that is sadly lacking in this thread..
I quite agree NWC - the whole dogging world is another good example of 'anonymity'... and another dimension to the swinging lifestyle. How may doggers have a checklist for everyone they meet at dogging sites
Can you imagine it.... "er, before we start watching you, can we just check... are you married? is this really your wife? if not, who is this? if so, does your wife know?" :rascal:Whilst that does seem silly there are some of us who do mind who we swing with and will ask these questions. And yes we've been lied to in the process. Personally whilst I'm not happy with someone trying to justify their extra-martial sex, I would rather know. I don't care why they are here, just that they are honest and allow people to make that choice.
Others here are happy to swing with married "singles" and that's fine by me but I'd rather have people admit it then be hounded into shame and hiding it.
Cx
Quote by foxylady2209
Is there basically 2 kinds of swing? The kind where you chat, cam, meet for a drink/munch and then meet to play and become friends in the process (fantastic process!!!) and the kind where you meet (club, party, dogging spot) and just enjoy each other's skills and attention. They are both valid surely, but the first means that you need a deeper level of honesty ( ie about your personal situations) than the second - where you just need to honest enough to shag safely.
I have to say I totally love the fact that I am finding friends on here, and sometimes I get to shag them - the best of both worlds. :bounce:
:thumbup: A good post.
There are probably as many kinds of swinging as there are swingers. To suggest, as some have been doing, that certain types of people, or types of practice, are somehow 'not swinging' or 'second class swinging' is presumptious. Swinging is what we as individuals make of it and 'holier than thou' attitudes should have no part in it.
We have never gone down the 'chat, cam, munch route', because it seems a long drawn out way of going about it. However, our social lives now revolve almost completely around swingers that we have met on the club scene. Almost all of our good friends, that we have social, non-playing nights out with, we played with before we knew anything about them. Just another example of different routes to the same destination.
Sex God
Quote by northwest-cpl
Then it just makes the whole scene seem unwholesome and I doubt I would get much acceptance from anyone.
Are you sure that swinging is for you?
Bit late been there done it got the t-shirt.
You have taken one line from a from a post and displayed it totaly out of context to the rest of that post
Mr Tweeky
I chose the part of your post that I wanted to highlight. It didn't seem particularly out of context with the tone of your post which seemed to be making a value judgement.
Quote by tweeky
I went to a club and joined in an orgy, I was too randy to care who anyone was or what there situation might be
I found that remark offensive because we go to clubs and we join in orgies. We also do not care what people's situation is, not because we are too randy to bother, but because we genuinely feel that it is not our business. We deliberately use clubs for the anonymity. There is more than one way of swinging, and each to their own, a sentiment that is sadly lacking in this thread.
Quote by tweeky
In the what I think is my fairly liberal generation
Unfortunately liberalism doesn't often seem to extend as far as these forums. :dunno:
This is just an area on where we will have to agree to disagree. You may find my comments offensive but then I find some of your swinging paractice not offensive but different to how I/we try to behave. NOne of us can ever 100% guarantee the exact staus of our swinging partners but I/we at least like to try and ensure we are not in the sack with someone who has an unsuspecting partner at home.
Mr Tweeky
