Only just found this thread and have thought long and hard about sharing my own experiences, but following some of the other posts here why not, and if it helps someone out then great.
Following break up of my marriage, i suffered very very badly from stress, this manifested itself initiallly as Bells Palsy (for those that have not seen this it is where the you lose control of the facial muscles, for me this was the right side of my face which dropped completely, leaving me unadble to drink except through a straw, and eat pretty much anything but soup, this also means you cannot close one eye which sits wide open all the time) so must admit didnt feel good about myself, this as you can image lead to a stint of depression aswell just to top things off.
I went off even the thought of sex totally during this period, but when i did finally start to recover from the bells palsy, and get back up from my depression, upon meeting a lovely local girl i found that i was unable to rise to the occaison, or if i could then it wouldnt last long enough to do alot with it), my initial reaction to this was not good, basically avoiding the situation and not knowing how to deal with it, wound up quiet depressed again aswell, unfortunatley this lead to a break down of that relationship (mostly due to my inability to talk)
It is thanks to a very very understanding and lovely lady on this site that i have regained both my confidence and prowess (although in the mean time i have leart alot of new and interesting ways of giving pleasure, and of receiving it lol), i dont know if presciption methods actually do work or if they are a mere placebo giving the confidence and mentally helping you to relax rather than being nervous as to if you will or wont, which undoubtably means you cant.
But the main thing here is that i got through it by talking about it (eventually), was very hard to admit to it at first and it took alot of promoting (and several bottles of red wine) but when i finally did open up and talk about it that was the day i moved forward.
Like has already been said, i have only every talked to one person about this, and the second person to know is the 666,215 members of this site, but i dont regret sharing my experience, especially if it helps someone else.
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Men that can no longer "Get it up"
Sex God
Thank you for sharing PJ. A cathartic exercise for you no doubt and such a help for people in the same situtation that are not yet ready to tell others.
pink x
pink x
Sex God
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/main/aup.html
People considering posting on here might be advised to look at the AUP before they mention any drugs, prescription or otherwise. Dawnie's already deleted someone's comments, which were not in line with the AUP.
People considering posting on here might be advised to look at the AUP before they mention any drugs, prescription or otherwise. Dawnie's already deleted someone's comments, which were not in line with the AUP.
Quote by pjbroughton
LOL, just looked and seen over 1000 views of this thread, i have now changed my mind and regret posting LOL
Oh well at least it is out in the open
I think it's a good thing that you shared. :thumbup:
II had a male friend that suffered from Bells Palsy so I saw first hand how it affected him. I'm not at all surprised it effected your sex life.
Quote by Kiss
LOL, just looked and seen over 1000 views of this thread, i have now changed my mind and regret posting LOL
Oh well at least it is out in the open
I think it's a good thing that you shared. :thumbup:
II had a male friend that suffered from Bells Palsy so I saw first hand how it affected him. I'm not at all surprised it effected your sex life.
Nope walking round looking like quazimodo doesnt exactly fill you with confidence, although the upside is that docs reckon i will make total recovery within 6 months (so a year overall) is still get spasms in my face, especially if i am very tired or stressed
dont regret it pj.
ive known a very nice guy for over 4 years now, i met of here and he told me straight away he couldent get an arrection and on the few times he did he couldent maintain it.
and for all of the time ive none him we never had penetrive sex.
until the last couple of months.
yes he takes a tablet but not the one that starts with V.
but i think he doesent need to take it anymore.
when he gets a hard on with out the tab he always seems surprised and says hes surprised he has, then it goes soft, so i think when he stats thinking about it he starts worring it will go soft and it does.
i keep telling him it doesent matter to me hes a very good lover in other ways.
not sure this has answered your question lol
ive known a very nice guy for over 4 years now, i met of here and he told me straight away he couldent get an arrection and on the few times he did he couldent maintain it.
and for all of the time ive none him we never had penetrive sex.
until the last couple of months.
yes he takes a tablet but not the one that starts with V.
but i think he doesent need to take it anymore.
when he gets a hard on with out the tab he always seems surprised and says hes surprised he has, then it goes soft, so i think when he stats thinking about it he starts worring it will go soft and it does.
i keep telling him it doesent matter to me hes a very good lover in other ways.
not sure this has answered your question lol
Quote by cuddly-catlin
dont regret it pj.
ive known a very nice guy for over 4 years now, i met of here and he told me straight away he couldent get an arrection and on the few times he did he couldent maintain it.
and for all of the time ive none him we never had penetrive sex.
until the last couple of months.
yes he takes a tablet but not the one that starts with V.
but i think he doesent need to take it anymore.
when he gets a hard on with out the tab he always seems surprised and says hes surprised he has, then it goes soft, so i think when he stats thinking about it he starts worring it will go soft and it does.
i keep telling him it doesent matter to me hes a very good lover in other ways.
not sure this has answered your question lol
Very much as i was trying to say in my post, if you are worried or thinking about it then you will fail i reckon the key to alot of this is to relax and enjoy what happens, whatever that may be.
P.S. i dont regret posting, being open and honest is the key to any relationship.
Sex God
I had a 4 year fling with a guy that couldn't get an erection. It never bothered me once.
So long as there is a working tongue, flexible fingers and toys i'm a happy bunny
So long as there is a working tongue, flexible fingers and toys i'm a happy bunny
Quote by Freckledbird
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/main/aup.html
People considering posting on here might be advised to look at the AUP before they mention any drugs, prescription or otherwise. Dawnie's already deleted someone's comments, which were not in line with the AUP.
ops: :oops: :oops: 
:whistling: :whistling: I`m sowee!
Casanova
This seems like a good time and place to share a little of my own problems and experiences - maybe it might ring a bell with others or be helpful in some way.
Though I have on occasion had my own erectile problems (mainly when I first started having sex) I soon managed to overcome those with a lot of support and understanding from my girlfriend at the time. I think the key to it was believing her when she said it was ok, and relaxing about the whole situation - stressing about it was definitely most of the cause in my opinion.
However, that is not really what I want to talk about. I have another problem which is kind of related. My trouble is that I very rarely come from sex with another person. I blame a lifelong addiction to porn and masturbation done in a particular way, and coming to actual sex late (at the age of 29.) Not being able to come can be very very frustrating, and makes me worry that I can't display to my partner exactly how much I am enjoying what we are doing together. After all, coming is the most definitive way of showing that your partner is giving you much pleasure! Also, traditionally sex often (mostly?) tends to come to a conclusion by the man coming, so if you don't come then how do you know when to stop? LOL.
When swinging I usually try and tell who I am swinging with about my problem so as to warn them in advance. But every time I have done so, they have said that it is no problem, and in fact it does have its advantages!
Also, Nicky has been very understanding and despite her own initial worries and frustrations, we are both starting to relax with the situation. And it is certainly making things less frustrating - we are coming to accept that we can both still have amazing sex and that me coming isn't the be-all and end-all!
Russell
Though I have on occasion had my own erectile problems (mainly when I first started having sex) I soon managed to overcome those with a lot of support and understanding from my girlfriend at the time. I think the key to it was believing her when she said it was ok, and relaxing about the whole situation - stressing about it was definitely most of the cause in my opinion.
However, that is not really what I want to talk about. I have another problem which is kind of related. My trouble is that I very rarely come from sex with another person. I blame a lifelong addiction to porn and masturbation done in a particular way, and coming to actual sex late (at the age of 29.) Not being able to come can be very very frustrating, and makes me worry that I can't display to my partner exactly how much I am enjoying what we are doing together. After all, coming is the most definitive way of showing that your partner is giving you much pleasure! Also, traditionally sex often (mostly?) tends to come to a conclusion by the man coming, so if you don't come then how do you know when to stop? LOL.
When swinging I usually try and tell who I am swinging with about my problem so as to warn them in advance. But every time I have done so, they have said that it is no problem, and in fact it does have its advantages!
Also, Nicky has been very understanding and despite her own initial worries and frustrations, we are both starting to relax with the situation. And it is certainly making things less frustrating - we are coming to accept that we can both still have amazing sex and that me coming isn't the be-all and end-all!Russell
Sex God
I think I've got the jist of it and somewhere up there a bit earlier dammie asked would someone who couldn't get it up, still employ all the other tools in the box to satisfy others. He then asked is the cock the B all and end all? which I've taken to be a clearer reinforcement of the first question, but as far as I am concerned, would sooner treat it as an additional second question (if it aint how I've read it then it makes no never mind really).
Firstly I suffer with this problem on two counts, one, on a physcological level in that I can perform with mrs davej without the bat of an eye, (provided that I don't fuck my physical ability which I will come onto) but can't with anyone else (I think), hence we have found our niche and tick along happily with that, I get pleasure, she gets pleasure and the risk of messin a good night up, or embarrasing someone else ( I don't get embarrassed by it at all ) ain't there.
Secondly I can mess my physical ability, even if the right conditions as above exist. The loss of physical ability through choice, is one we are both aware of and both make a decision on. All in all, for various reasons, it happens to me a lot.
So to answer the question ,yes I employ every other tool in the box to satisfy a partner because I get pleasure from doing that and despite the old chap not rising, there is still the excitement, lust, ambition etc in the old brain, the knob might shut down for a physical reason, but the desire is still there and its that which drives the need to rip into some sex, not necessarily some blood pumping up the todge.
To answer the other part about the knob being the B all and end all, then clearly it isnt by my answer above, I can still carry on and give satisfaction physically and get back satisfaction mentally, but in a way it is, cos when I am on a roll, my brain is pushing me on , but there is a huge frustration that despite the oven being hot enough and the mix being right, the dough ain't rising, so in that sense yes the knob is hugely important, in my case. I might not necessarily use it when it works perfect, but not having the ability even if that was a choice earlier, is a right bugger.
The points raised by some of the ladies on the effect it has on them, was in the early days, an issue raised her,e so I can see that despite most folk being sensible enough to know these things happen, there is still summint missing if there isnt a physical sign that arousal has taken place and no matter how much the point is made that arousal has taken place in the head but the plumbing aint having it, there is still that element of a visual appreciation missing.
It's a bit waffly but I'm sure that most folk will kinda get what I've tried to explain as a personnel experiance.
Firstly I suffer with this problem on two counts, one, on a physcological level in that I can perform with mrs davej without the bat of an eye, (provided that I don't fuck my physical ability which I will come onto) but can't with anyone else (I think), hence we have found our niche and tick along happily with that, I get pleasure, she gets pleasure and the risk of messin a good night up, or embarrasing someone else ( I don't get embarrassed by it at all ) ain't there.
Secondly I can mess my physical ability, even if the right conditions as above exist. The loss of physical ability through choice, is one we are both aware of and both make a decision on. All in all, for various reasons, it happens to me a lot.
So to answer the question ,yes I employ every other tool in the box to satisfy a partner because I get pleasure from doing that and despite the old chap not rising, there is still the excitement, lust, ambition etc in the old brain, the knob might shut down for a physical reason, but the desire is still there and its that which drives the need to rip into some sex, not necessarily some blood pumping up the todge.
To answer the other part about the knob being the B all and end all, then clearly it isnt by my answer above, I can still carry on and give satisfaction physically and get back satisfaction mentally, but in a way it is, cos when I am on a roll, my brain is pushing me on , but there is a huge frustration that despite the oven being hot enough and the mix being right, the dough ain't rising, so in that sense yes the knob is hugely important, in my case. I might not necessarily use it when it works perfect, but not having the ability even if that was a choice earlier, is a right bugger.
The points raised by some of the ladies on the effect it has on them, was in the early days, an issue raised her,e so I can see that despite most folk being sensible enough to know these things happen, there is still summint missing if there isnt a physical sign that arousal has taken place and no matter how much the point is made that arousal has taken place in the head but the plumbing aint having it, there is still that element of a visual appreciation missing.
It's a bit waffly but I'm sure that most folk will kinda get what I've tried to explain as a personnel experiance.
Quote by swing_fun_cpl
This seems like a good time and place to share a little of my own problems and experiences - maybe it might ring a bell with others or be helpful in some way.
Though I have on occasion had my own erectile problems (mainly when I first started having sex) I soon managed to overcome those with a lot of support and understanding from my girlfriend at the time. I think the key to it was believing her when she said it was ok, and relaxing about the whole situation - stressing about it was definitely most of the cause in my opinion.
However, that is not really what I want to talk about. I have another problem which is kind of related. My trouble is that I very rarely come from sex with another person. I blame a lifelong addiction to porn and masturbation done in a particular way, and coming to actual sex late (at the age of 29.) Not being able to come can be very very frustrating, and makes me worry that I can't display to my partner exactly how much I am enjoying what we are doing together. After all, coming is the most definitive way of showing that your partner is giving you much pleasure! Also, traditionally sex often (mostly?) tends to come to a conclusion by the man coming, so if you don't come then how do you know when to stop? LOL.
When swinging I usually try and tell who I am swinging with about my problem so as to warn them in advance. But every time I have done so, they have said that it is no problem, and in fact it does have its advantages!
Russell
Russell, I think you are very brave to post this as are all the other men. I really respect all you men who've had the honesty to talk about this as I don't know in all honesty if Mr Jay would be so open if it were to happen to him.
Ps. I've just had a perve at your pics.. they're gr8! :grin: (I also recognise the bedding from a certain wee hotel in Blackpool??)
Casanova
Quote by jaymar
Russell, I think you are very brave to post this as are all the other men. I really respect all you men who've had the honesty to talk about this as I don't know in all honesty if Mr Jay would be so open if it were to happen to him.
Ps. I've just had a perve at your pics.. they're gr8! :grin: (I also recognise the bedding from a certain wee hotel in Blackpool??)
LOL - I have to admit I didn't find it all that hard to post this - not quite sure why but maybe because a) I have generally found swingers to be a very caring and supportive group of people and b) I'm a pretty open kind of guy anyway. But thanks!
And thanks for perving the pics and the nice comment.
Yes you are correct, most of the pics were taken in that certain hotel in Blackpool - we had a lovely stay there last year. Quote by swing_fun_cpl
Russell, I think you are very brave to post this as are all the other men. I really respect all you men who've had the honesty to talk about this as I don't know in all honesty if Mr Jay would be so open if it were to happen to him.
Ps. I've just had a perve at your pics.. they're gr8! :grin: (I also recognise the bedding from a certain wee hotel in Blackpool??)
LOL - I have to admit I didn't find it all that hard to post this - not quite sure why but maybe because a) I have generally found swingers to be a very caring and supportive group of people and b) I'm a pretty open kind of guy anyway. But thanks!
And thanks for perving the pics and the nice comment.
Yes you are correct, most of the pics were taken in that certain hotel in Blackpool - we had a lovely stay there last year.I think and I prob. speak for others, you have hit the nail on the head there!.. many of us if we are feeling down, have a problem or need a chat can come here and be given good advice or a few virtual kisses and cuddles.. makes all the difference!
Quote by davej
I think I've got the jist of it and somewhere up there a bit earlier dammie asked would someone who couldn't get it up, still employ all the other tools in the box to satisfy others. He then asked is the cock the B all and end all? which I've taken to be a clearer reinforcement of the first question, but as far as I am concerned, would sooner treat it as an additional second question (if it aint how I've read it then it makes no never mind really).
:thumbup:
:thumbup:
We (men) often use "all the tools in the box" - but from choice.
Would/could/do - we carry forward that attitude when it's no longer a matter of choice ?
In edt.
Not that I'm wanting to detract form the open, honest and heartfelt answers that have been given by some :thumbup:
Quote by pjbroughton
Following break up of my marriage, i suffered very very badly from stress,
Same thing here, but didn't suffer any other physical side effects like you apart from depression, stress related stomach problems, lack of appetite and a complete loss of sex drive.
Once self esteem returned, I could once again "rise to the occasion"...
Maybe in some instances, it is a mental barrier rather than a physical one
, was with me. Quote by Shireen
I would have thought that most men would feel guilty and embarrassed about the fact that they are unable to get/maintain an erection. Dont men see their cock as "proof" (wrong word but I cant think of another one at the minute) of their masculinity??
I have encountered men in the past who has suffered on the odd occassion but it never bothered me at all... They managed to satifsy me in other ways so I was a happy bunny :giggle:
I would have thought it would affect men in a phsycological way more than anything
Am I making sense?? :dunno:
Edit : Yes you made sense to me Splendid
A great positive attitude Shireen.
I can't answer for other guys but for me it wasn't a question of my masculiniity being undermined, but simple human self-confidence. The first time I had sex was in my 20s and I was so nervous nothing happened. My gf of the time made a huge scene about it and made all sorts of intimidating comments, including saying that she would tell my friends if I couldn't get it up! Well, that sort of kills any chance of it ever happening! All very confusing, confrontational, emotional and ultiumately destructive, and not surprisingly it didn't last very long.It did leave me very dejected and scarred though, so inevitably with my next gf I was focusing so much on it that the same problem arose (or didn't!
). And she was even worse, actually telling all her friends about it (I heard back through a mutual acquaintance)!It took several years before I dared venture into the arena again but then I met a great woman who was intelligent, sensitive and incredibly sexy. She was so understanding that it put my mind at ease and whereas the first few times it was a little uncertain, we ended up having the the best sex both of us had ever had. But even on those occasions where it didn't arise she taught me not to be embarrassed and just forget about it; and also to defocus and to understand that there is more than one way to skin a pussy
! In fact, it was with her that I discovered the joy of locating a woman's G-spot for the first time. :love: Well, that's my confession done for a Sunday morning! Will 3 Hail Mary's suffice :?:
