is this.
40 yr old guy, happily married for 20 years, with attractive wife and a good and regular sex life with, i can have no complaints with my wife in sex dept, except...
Unfortunately my wife believes in a totally monogomous relationship and would have and has freaked at idea of swinging etc.
Well i am highly sexed, and no pervert, i just enjoy sex, just like all you guys and girls on here and am really tempted to indulge in swinging etc, but obviously its very difficult as married single, and you couples who have found each other sharing each others fantasies are pretty fortunate to have got each other.
So should i bury my need for sexual variety or just be honest to any swingers like above and indulge in what you lucky people are allowed to do with full freedom.
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
My Dilemma
Sex God
This subject has been covered many times before and has become quite heated! You'll probably be asked questions like : Does your wife know you're considering this? If you have a good sex life, why are you looking? There are people on SH who will play with married singles and there are people who won't. You might want to try doing a search to find threads where the topic has already been debated. 
I am sure most on here have good sex lives with their partners, yet still want greater variety swinging brings, they are just lucky their partner shares their ideals.
i will search the forum like you said, though if did decide to go ahead i would be totally honest to anyone i swing with.
i will search the forum like you said, though if did decide to go ahead i would be totally honest to anyone i swing with.
Sex God
Quote by TT40
freedom.
... is a myth :shock:
What have we got?
A guy who loves his wife, says everything is cool with there relationship, and there physical relationship is also okay.
Firstly, the fact that you are querying a part of your relationship suggests to me that there is something, somewhere wrong with your relationship.
So what do you want out of swinging?
The actual sex ? The physical reality of swinging ? or, are you looking for a touch of excitement? Is there an excitement in just BEING here? When you understand what it is you want from swinging, then you should also be able to see what is missing from the relationship you have with your wife.
If you DO ACTUALLY love your wife. Then ask yourself why it is that you don't feel able to confide in her. If you loved her, wouldn't/shouldn't you trust her enough to know that she will at least LISTEN to what you are saying. I'm not saying that she will agree, she might at least hear what you have to say.
The other alternative of not talking with her is that she will never know where you are at right now. You are ploughing your way into something and purposefully leaving her behind. Even if she were to accept that you might swing, and she won't swing, you will never again be in a position where you can reach her and communicate without having drama and life's shit to worry about first. Give the marriage that you have worked at for all that time, a chance to work, if not for yourself, then at least out of respect for the human being known as your wife.
Whats the worst that will happen ????? Whats the worst that could happen from either perspective ????? What HAVE you got to lose ??????
Where do i get all this from. From realising perhaps too late, that i did have the option of being HONEST. But never saw it. Its what real relationships are based on.
Lots of love, hugs and kisses
Little
XXX
PS I couldn't give a shit which way you decide. I don't have an issue with married guys, but, the wives will always know.
A guy who loves his wife, says everything is cool with there relationship, and there physical relationship is also okay.
Firstly, the fact that you are querying a part of your relationship suggests to me that there is something, somewhere wrong with your relationship.
So what do you want out of swinging?
The actual sex ? The physical reality of swinging ? or, are you looking for a touch of excitement? Is there an excitement in just BEING here? When you understand what it is you want from swinging, then you should also be able to see what is missing from the relationship you have with your wife.
If you DO ACTUALLY love your wife. Then ask yourself why it is that you don't feel able to confide in her. If you loved her, wouldn't/shouldn't you trust her enough to know that she will at least LISTEN to what you are saying. I'm not saying that she will agree, she might at least hear what you have to say.
The other alternative of not talking with her is that she will never know where you are at right now. You are ploughing your way into something and purposefully leaving her behind. Even if she were to accept that you might swing, and she won't swing, you will never again be in a position where you can reach her and communicate without having drama and life's shit to worry about first. Give the marriage that you have worked at for all that time, a chance to work, if not for yourself, then at least out of respect for the human being known as your wife.
Whats the worst that will happen ????? Whats the worst that could happen from either perspective ????? What HAVE you got to lose ??????
Where do i get all this from. From realising perhaps too late, that i did have the option of being HONEST. But never saw it. Its what real relationships are based on.
Lots of love, hugs and kisses
Little
XXX
PS I couldn't give a shit which way you decide. I don't have an issue with married guys, but, the wives will always know.
Sex God
Quote by little
Where do i get all this from. From realising perhaps too late, that i did have the option of being HONEST. But never saw it. Its what real relationships are based on.
Lots of love, hugs and kisses
Little
XXX
Very well put Little.
John
Sex God
Quote by Happy Cats
I reckon a lot of these married guys looking to swing dont actually try to persuade their wifes to partake, in case they say yes!
Perhaps they couldnt handle it
:shock: You might have a point there
Sex God
Does it have to be full swinging to get the 'exitment', why not try something a bit more adventeous together. We regularly go dogging but dont expect or event want others to join in, its just us having fun together in the car with someone watching. Maybe she would be interested in something like this?
Personally (for what it is worth) I dont knowingly play with married guys unless I was totally confident that their wife knew about it, because I always think how I would feel if my hubby did this behind my back. But that is only my opinion and what works for us/me would not necessarily work for others!
Whatever you decide, just be prepared to live with the possible consequences of your decision.
Good luck and sorry I wasn't really much help!
Personally (for what it is worth) I dont knowingly play with married guys unless I was totally confident that their wife knew about it, because I always think how I would feel if my hubby did this behind my back. But that is only my opinion and what works for us/me would not necessarily work for others!
Whatever you decide, just be prepared to live with the possible consequences of your decision.
Good luck and sorry I wasn't really much help!
Sexpert
hmm im not sure where i stand on this one - i wouldnt swing with someone if i knew the other half didnt know - married or unmarried - i still attach the emotional side of partner sex to it! it does seem however that something must not be right if they are wanting to stray - i personally find swinging a way of exploring and me my bfs fantasties, as well as making friends and half the fun is seeing him with someone esle. if u swung without your wife could u honestly say u could relax and have a good time without the thought of her at the back of ur mind?
i dunno really wot to say - just a couple of random thoughts, im good at them lol
i dunno really wot to say - just a couple of random thoughts, im good at them lol
you are exactly same person as you are now but with a different partner who does not approve of swinging, yet your sex life is good as it is now with your swinging partner of now.
would you still not have urge to swing?
you are only allowed to indulge as your sexual partner is of same ilk, but say if she/he was not?
If my wife was cool to it, so would i be, it really would not be a problem, its pretty exciting, but over 20 yrs ago i never got together with her knowing her full sexual scope, which is less liberal than mine.
I am no different to you guys/girls really, i just am more open to sexual experiences than my partner of many years, plin and simple.
would you still not have urge to swing?
you are only allowed to indulge as your sexual partner is of same ilk, but say if she/he was not?
If my wife was cool to it, so would i be, it really would not be a problem, its pretty exciting, but over 20 yrs ago i never got together with her knowing her full sexual scope, which is less liberal than mine.
I am no different to you guys/girls really, i just am more open to sexual experiences than my partner of many years, plin and simple.
Quote by TT40
you are exactly same person as you are now but with a different partner who does not approve of swinging, yet your sex life is good as it is now with your swinging partner of now.
would you still not have urge to swing?
you are only allowed to indulge as your sexual partner is of same ilk, but say if she/he was not?
If my wife was cool to it, so would i be, it really would not be a problem, its pretty exciting, but over 20 yrs ago i never got together with her knowing her full sexual scope, which is less liberal than mine.
I am no different to you guys/girls really, i just am more open to sexual experiences than my partner of many years, plin and simple.
I've thought it tthrough and considered all the options for you -
You're stuffed!
surely the difference is that most women have an emotional connection with the person they are having sex with, but most men don't. You cant change a million years of evolution in the space of a few dozen generations.
By the way, I feel let down cos my missus tried threesomes before we got together, and refuse to entertain the idea no, whereas I havent and want to try. any advice for me?
Orph
By the way, I feel let down cos my missus tried threesomes before we got together, and refuse to entertain the idea no, whereas I havent and want to try. any advice for me?
Orph
Sex God
if you are looking for some excitement without putting your marriage at risk - might i suggest a bungee jump would be the safer option!
Sex God
Hi and welcome to Swinging Heaven. We have a rule that we always abide by , "everyone has free will to do as they please but never knowingly harm anyone with your actions". If you think it may harm someone , then dont do it . I do hope you and your partner can find a happy compromise that would suit you both . Good luck . xx
Sex God
Quote by orpheous1
surely the difference is that most women have an emotional connection with the person they are having sex with, but most men don't. You cant change a million years of evolution in the space of a few dozen generations.
By the way, I feel let down cos my missus tried threesomes before we got together, and refuse to entertain the idea no, whereas I havent and want to try. any advice for me?
Orph
I have an emotional connection with my husband on a different level. My husband has an emotional connection to me on a different level. But we BOTH have emotional connections to people we swing with, or we wouldn't/couldn't do it. Not saying that's true for all swingers but neither is your generalisation about women and emotional connections.
Maybe the threeesome things your wife had before she was with you, were enough to put her off? Either way, if she doesn't want to do it and you do, you have two options:
1) cheat
2) don't do it.
We can't help you on here, because ultimately it's you and/or your wife who may get hurt.
However much you debate it, that's what it will always come down to. Doesn't matter how many arguments/points you raise with us, it's you that has to live with what you do, or decide not to do.
Very well put Freckle et al.
TT n Orph I can sympathise as am in pretty much the same situation: very happy, contented, comfortable relationship with somone I love very much and would never willingly hurt and yet find myself having to deal with a very powerful sex drive. An adequate sexlife has largely tailed off as we grind down into a rut yet she is very content just to tick along and not willing to try anything to improve the situation.
I still have not yet taken the next step (yes, even resisting a friend's wife who was being extremely enthusiastic re attending a club last year!) and don't honestly know if I will although I certainly have the desire to do so having repressed it for many years - however the important thing is to figure out what you want from your relationships. Of course any transgression holds an inherent risk of discovery - are u willing to take that risk? Can you be honest enough with any prospective partner so that she is fully aware of the situation and doesn't expect a commitment.
It is a helluva situation and I really feel for you, I havent figured out the answer yet (apart from slipping viagra into her cocoa (i'm joking!!) - those of you with a like minded partner really have no idea how rare and precious that is!
Just my penny worth!
TT n Orph I can sympathise as am in pretty much the same situation: very happy, contented, comfortable relationship with somone I love very much and would never willingly hurt and yet find myself having to deal with a very powerful sex drive. An adequate sexlife has largely tailed off as we grind down into a rut yet she is very content just to tick along and not willing to try anything to improve the situation.
I still have not yet taken the next step (yes, even resisting a friend's wife who was being extremely enthusiastic re attending a club last year!) and don't honestly know if I will although I certainly have the desire to do so having repressed it for many years - however the important thing is to figure out what you want from your relationships. Of course any transgression holds an inherent risk of discovery - are u willing to take that risk? Can you be honest enough with any prospective partner so that she is fully aware of the situation and doesn't expect a commitment.
It is a helluva situation and I really feel for you, I havent figured out the answer yet (apart from slipping viagra into her cocoa (i'm joking!!) - those of you with a like minded partner really have no idea how rare and precious that is!
Just my penny worth!
