Monday morning, in a fit of giggles. My first job of the week was to take the empty 40ft box I had on my trailer to Selby, swap it for a loaded 20ft and tip that in Worksop before 10 am. Mmm tip Worksop. My immediate thoughts were of at least a ‘drive by’ past the house in Chesterfield after I’d tipped and possibly a sneaky night with CA. Start at 5, plenty of time to put my gear in the truck, make my bed up, put clean clothes away, have a brew, chew the cud with a couple of mates – you know the sort of thing. The office staff start around 7:30. At about 7:45 and 500 yards from where I need to be, the cab phone rings and I answer it. (Hands free, of course) I exchange the normal pleasantries of post weekend greetings with my Traffic Controller and then she says to me “You know that box you’re going for – well it missed the train, so it’s not in Selby. Park up and I’ll find you a reload for your 40ftâ€
Well that just creased me up. I don’t know if it was because I was still on a very happy high from the fabulous weekend I had just shared with C and the visit to Liberation with a very nice couple (you know who you are) I was actually laughing and giggling like a girl with tears quite literally running down my cheeks. I couldn’t shake the image of a 20ft shipping container sat sulking on a railway platform ‘cos it had missed the train.
TC rang back an hour or so later and told me to go to Stockton on Tees to load waste cardboard for export to the Far East. That will come back in a few months as Cornflake packets !
Mmmm. Now there are at least two ladies of the NE that I would very much like to meet. Unfortunately (for me, but I’m v happy for her) one I think is all loved up again and I’m so far outside the other’s addy criteria that it will have to remain in my head and the thought of her brought out now and again as one of my ‘sleeping pills’ Stockton is only about 30 miles from Stanley, my sacs are freshly shaven and I’m sure I could have hidden the mileage. But such is life.
So I load at Stockton and set off for the port wondering how far I’ll get before running out of time; or should I stop short and take up a coffee invite close to the A1 in Lincolnshire??? I have an uneventful trip down the A19 and A1 waving as I pass to Shelley (not heard from her for a while) then further down, wave to Steve n Clare eventually running out of time at Peterbro’ I wonder about the Lady who sometimes has an addy looking for men in the Peterbro’ area, but consign the thought to just that. At least I can get a decent shower at the new services. 15 hour day but only 450kms. Still tired from the weekend I shower, make a short phone call and go straight to bed.
I have 9 hours off, get up Tuesday morning and finish my journey to the port, where I pick up a box loaded with fridges and set off for Greenford, West London (ish). Oh goody – I get to play with them on the North Circular. It’s a “VIP†customer so we’re not supposed to be late. (Yeah right) Time’s a bit tight so I push on down the A12, M25, A10, N Circ. A couple of nice sights on the A12 and all goes well until I get close to Hanger Lane (N. Circ/A40) when it all stops. And stop it does. An hour and a half from Park Royal to Greenford. A trip of normally 10 to 15 minutes.
Now; I’ve had a fabulous weekend followed by a day and a half virtually without incident. No-one cutting in front of me at the last minute, obviously thinking I can pull 43 ½ tonne up an a tanner so they can get off the road we’re on. Practically every time I’ve indicated to pull out to overtake, I’ve been allowed to. Things are good so far.
Anyway, I arrive at Greenford just over an hour past my booking time. “You’re late ! ! !†You know sort of thing; talking to me like I’m a naughty schoolboy that’s been playing out too long and back late for lessons. There are very few things that set me off as quickly as that does. I keep my cool and tell the jobs-worth arse that he can either have the 40 ft of wine or not and I’ll be asleep in my cab when he’s ready to play grown-ups. I go back to the motor ready for the phone to ring with a bollocking from my boss about customer relations and how big a customer this is blah blah, bullshit. My kettle hadn’t even boiled when there’s a dude at my door. “Put it on ramp 5, Drive. We’ll get you done as quick as we can†I look out my window to see if the sky is falling in or is full of pigs, decide not to play with him and get myself tipped. There is a god. I’m hoping to be tipped and out asap so I can clear the M25 and at get on the A12 before the evening rush. The A12 can be a real pain in the arse up to Chelmsford if you hit it at the wrong time. I get tipped and set off back to the port. Have to deal with a couple of ‘last minute chancers’ and ‘he’ll stop’ merchants on the M25 but I’m soon off, onto the A12 and on my way back to the port to pick up another one with South African fridges and freezers for Wiltshire for midday Wednesday. Quick shower on the dock, then I need to get as for as I can today, so I can do Westbury in one hit tomorrow, in order to be on time. I get as for as Colchester before the timer bleeps 15 hours again, so I pull into a lay-by and call it a day. 556kms Nine hours off, then it’s up and at ‘em back down the A12 for the M3. Autoroute tells me to go round the top of the M25, but it doesn’t know about the T5 works at Heathrow, so I decide to go via the ski jump at Dartford. Mmm. Dartford Crossing at 8:30 am ! ! ! Could be fun. Would you believe it, Dartford, A2, M20, M26 splits, even Clacket Lane – straight through, never missed a beat ! ! ! The Traffic Gods are smiling on me once more.
All goes well until I leave the M3 for the A303. I’m being overtaken by, of all things a horse box. Downhill 55ish and there’s this horse box weaving about at the side of me, two lanes and no hard shoulder. Discretion being the better part of valour, I turn on the engine break and cover the footbrake. (Can you imagine me having to tell C that I’ve been involved in a smash with a horsebox????) I re-check my offside mirror, can’t see anything close behind, pushing him, look forward, there’s no off slip in sight, relax, let the guy get on with it. As he draws level I see a girl asleep in the passenger seat, the old boy driving with a glazed look on his face. I can’t decide if it’s stark fear on his face or he’s very tired. . My sixth (maybe sixteenth) sense tells me all is not well so I apply a little more pressure to the brake pedal and drop a full gear to give the engine break more effect. I dare not look into the horse’s section as it passes my cab as I normally would. I glance down to check my revs to see about dropping another half gear for more engine break. The back of the horse box is now level with me, my body, so there’s another 3 or foot before he’s clear of me. From the corner of my eye, I see his front left indicator repeater flash in the same nanosecond as he starts coming over. I grip the steering wheel as though my life depends on it and push my foot straight through the brake pedal. All the bells and whistles go off in the cab as I force myself to relax the death grip I have on the wheel, feel the ABS pulse and pump under my foot and start to beg forgiveness if there are any horses on board. He’s come in so close that I can only see about half way down his ramp, and I feel the beads of sweat forming on my forehead. Do I ditch off the road or do I have faith in the technology of 12 discs and ABS?? I decide the latter and pop out into the outside lane until the gap between us increases so that I can see a few yards of tarmac before I go back into my own space and ponder the ifs and buts of what had just happened. Had I been a few tonne heavier, I am convinced there would have been a very different outcome.
I say to my friends here, and those who are not; no matter your opinion of trucks and their drivers, if you believe or consider nothing else; please bear this one thing in mind when deciding to jump in front of a wagon. 44 tonne does not stop on a tanner.
I’m actually in Westbury on the loading ramp as I type this at 4 pm. My next job is up to the M4 and over the bridge to S. Wales. In fact, I’ve just got a green light on the bay so I’m away now to see if I can have a more pleasant journey to Pontypridd.
I leave Westbury and pick up the A350 to the M4 near Chippenham. As the trailer is empty, it’s easy to relax on the smaller ‘A’ roads and take in the beauty of this green and pleasant land. I pass herds of Friesians, some with calves at foot; a few sheep and as I round a bend I’m both surprised and pleased to see a small herd of Highland Longhorns. One of the plus points of driving a modern ‘high-line’ truck is that I can see over most hedges and walls. Eventually I hit the slab that is the M4 and turn for Wales. As I can’t get my reload until Thursday morning, I decide to have a decent break today and pull into Leigh Delamare services for an early shower and a bite to eat. It’s early enough for there not to be a queue so I take my time showering and give myself a ‘full service’ then settle down to some motorway food. I’m only glad I don’t actually pay for it. for summat and chips, pot of tea and a piece of cakey bun. Relaxed and refreshed I push on towards Pontypridd. I decide to have a short day and stop for the night at Cardiff Services. Wave to Tune Essence and wonder what ever happened to daffodilbbw? 13 hours and 431kms.
I take 10 hours off, then head for Pontypridd. I load with more waste. This time it’s going to China, where it will be recycled into tissue. I pull off the weighbridge at 43 ¾ tonne. It’s going to take some pulling up the hills between Cardiff and Newport, even with 410 horses. Or even 409 horses and 1 donkey !! I get back onto the M4 and immediately fell the ‘nodding dog’ tapping me on the back of my head, so I brew a cup of tea and have a smoke. An hour or so further on, the nodding dog is back; this time he’s accompanied by the ‘Z monster’ I’ve reached a point in my life now that when I feel my concentration failing, I pull over and have a kip before the hallucinations start. If my employers won’t stand for that, I’ll find another job. I nod off in the chair, but can’t settle; so I break one of my own rules and jump on the bunk. I wake three hours later. Angry with myself for taking so long out on a Thursday, I wonder how the lost time will affect the rest of the day, but more importantly, tomorrow and will it force me out of time and mean I don’t get home on Friday. I forget any ideas of fuel bonus and set the cruise control to maximum and hope I’ve done enough so far so as not to need to show a 45 minute break before I get back to the dock!! All I have in mind now is getting as much out of today, so I can get back in front tomorrow and the last thing I need is to sit for 45 with my thumb up my arse. Believe me, it’s enough at this stage to make the difference between getting back tomorrow and spending another Friday night in a layby.
Things then take a turn for the better. As I do a mirror check, I see a very pretty young lady overtaking. The car is about level with my trailer wheels and I notice she’s not blowing by me at 80. I come back to my mirror and I can tell that she’s looking up into my mirror and I’m sure I can see a little smile forming on her face I check my nearside mirror, dash and forward view. Traffic is very light, it’s a clear, bright day and I have a good view ahead. As I come back into my offside mirror, I look down and she’s positioned herself more or less in a perfect position to give me a very nice view of her thighs beneath a short skirt. I check forward, ignore my inside mirror (I am in lane one) quick speedo/rev check and look back to she if she’s still there. She is, and her skirt has ridden a little higher and I’m sure her knees are further apart than before. She stays there a few seconds more then increases her speed so that she’s in front of me now. I flash my headlights in appreciation and in return she wave through her back window and is gone. Suddenly all the shite of the job is a distant memory and life is good. So if any of you lovely ladies drive a mid blue Renault Megane and were flashing to a lorry driver on the M4 just east of Swindon on Thursday – It might have been me! “I see you, Baby – Shakin that assâ€
The pleasant thoughts of the lady in the Megane carry me all the way up the M4 round the 25 and up the A12. Thank you; whoever you were.
I do manage to get back to the port in one hit and things are running slowly enough for me to show an hour’s break while waiting for my next box that’s loaded with xmas decorations for delivery to Castleford in Yorkshire. Mm – mid morning tip 25 miles from the yard on a Friday. Does that mean I’m going to get an early bath?? We’ll have to see. I’m at the place now being tipped. It’s a 40 foot box handball so I don’t expect to be out of here much before 2. Surely she’ll not give me a reload.
I get rid of my load and ring in. I’m told to sit tight as I may have to either go to swap my box at Selby for a 20 foot or go to Oldham to take over from a driver that’s close to running out of time. OLDHAM ffs. It’s 3:30 on a Friday afternoon ! ! ! ! ! !
I sit for an hour and a half, she rings me and tells me to go home. WHOOOOHOO
So that was my week. 2266km, 71 ¼ hours and only one ‘sleeping pill’
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My Week
Sex God
dambuster? WTF?
you're rambling mate!
<<< scatches head >>>
sorry i'd read it again but took long enough first time? are you drunk? hhhhhhhhmmmmmm? are you?
we do not ramble in a pointless way here ta very much!
has your boss ever thought of a tracking system BTW dambuster? don't mind if i cut and paste this into me little email to him eh? got a number for him as well? hhhhhhhmmmmmm?
((( will any knickerless lady drivers of a blue renault megane please pm me with the details of the trucker you flashed to on the M4 just east of swindon on thursday please? i could make a good few bob here yer know! )))
s'ok dambuster. i'm only joshing. you know! yanking yer chain a bit! as yer do! or am i?
neil x x x ;)
you're rambling mate!
<<< scatches head >>>
sorry i'd read it again but took long enough first time? are you drunk? hhhhhhhhmmmmmm? are you?
we do not ramble in a pointless way here ta very much!
has your boss ever thought of a tracking system BTW dambuster? don't mind if i cut and paste this into me little email to him eh? got a number for him as well? hhhhhhhmmmmmm?
((( will any knickerless lady drivers of a blue renault megane please pm me with the details of the trucker you flashed to on the M4 just east of swindon on thursday please? i could make a good few bob here yer know! )))
s'ok dambuster. i'm only joshing. you know! yanking yer chain a bit! as yer do! or am i?
neil x x x ;)
Quote by dambuster
I say to my friends here, and those who are not; no matter your opinion of trucks and their drivers, if you believe or consider nothing else; please bear this one thing in mind when deciding to jump in front of a wagon. 44 tonne does not stop on a tanner.
Can I just add the same goes for a car pulling a caravan!!.... The amount of idiots that think they can pull infront of us just as we are coming up to an island it unbelievable.... As Dambuster will concur....
Anyway back on topic.....
You had me
:rotflmao: sweetie..... brilliant post 
Shireen
xxx
Orgasminator
Quote by dambuster
So that was my week. 2266km, 71 ¼ hours and only one ‘sleeping pill’
Only 2266km, your slacking mate, i was doing 3000+, and dont give me the 'you drive a tinker toy 7.5 tonne and can do 70mph' rubbish........
hmmmmmmmm
Sex God
Brilliant read. :thumbup:
It makes a change to read more than one line.
xx
Del and Gill
It makes a change to read more than one line.
xx
Del and Gill
Quote by dambuster
Mmmm. Now there are at least two ladies of the NE that I would very much like to meet. Unfortunately (for me, but I’m v happy for her) one I think is all loved up again and I’m so far outside the other’s addy criteria that it will have to remain in my head
TUT! You could've come to see me instead!
Great to hear about your adventures, Db. "Confessions of a Trucker"
What a brilliant insight into a week in the life of a a good job you never deliver to our depot coz we'd be sure to put you in a bad mood,it takes an age to get tipped where i work.
Yet another top quality post mate :thumbup: ,can't wait to see you again at the munch (nothing to do with Carrieann of course
).
Keep up the good work
Yet another top quality post mate :thumbup: ,can't wait to see you again at the munch (nothing to do with Carrieann of course
).Keep up the good work
Quote by Marya
Mmmm. Now there are at least two ladies of the NE that I would very much like to meet. Unfortunately (for me, but I’m v happy for her) one I think is all loved up again . . . .
TUT! You could've come to see me instead!
I could have sworn your 'Location' tag said NE, Marya
ops:You are one of the at least twoThank you, all for your comments - even Big Nose. I wrote it more or less as it happened through the week. When I looked at it last night, I decided it was too long to post. Thanx to the mods for the advice where to put it (put it/stick it ??? mmm) If no-one objects to it, what I might do is pick the best (or worst) day of a week and just tell you about that !!
Neil - The last truck I had did have tracker fitted. Working in dodgy nights out at home was a real pain in the arse !
Sarge - CarrieAnn had the best insight. She came out with me for a couple of days and ended up being out with me for 12 weeks ! ! !
Morbius - I had a short week ffs
dodgydaz - That's easy. Just get a job where you have 9 hours a day off
Steve - Ask your boss if I can drop my trailer in your yard, then Clare can make me a fresh coffee :twisted: Or - learn to drive ffs then you could pick me up from the services near you ! ! !
And finally, Esther - Funnily enough Horseboxes are usually something that I don't have to worry about. That's why it was so significant - but please - don't start me on caravans ! ! !
Quote by Alexandra
DB - That was brilliant!
Long....... but well worth the read!
(and I still use the phrase 'stop on a sixpence' too)
Thank you Alex.
Like I said; I was unsure about posting it in full, here in the cafe but most seem to have enjoyed.
ccr, I am often found schlepping my way up or down the A1. TOO often in fact.
<dambuster wonders if he can nurture another coffee stop>
You would probably be home before the kettle finished boiling, lolQuote by Clare_Lincs
Oi before you get another you need to visit your first one
Sorry Sweetie. Just me tarting. And; I refer the honourable lady to the answer I gave a short time ago :
Quote by dambuster
Steve - Ask your boss if I can drop my trailer in your yard, then Clare can make me a fresh coffee Or - learn to drive ffs then you could pick me up from the services near you ! ! !
Warming the Bed
great story D.B i reakon the guy who wrote war and peace must have been a truckie on his night off
Orgasminator
Quote by shane2
great story D.B i reakon the guy who wrote war and peace must have been a truckie on his night off
Now you know what I have to put up with - every fecking day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
CA xxx
Orgasminator
Brilliant post Dambuster
Orgasminator
Quote by CarrieAnn
great story D.B i reakon the guy who wrote war and peace must have been a truckie on his night off
Now you know what I have to put up with - every fecking day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CA xxx
Only joking - Db's just written the first part of a great story which had me glued to it and wanting sooooooo much more ! ! ! ! !
CA xxx
Sex God
Neil - The last truck I had did have tracker fitted. Working in dodgy nights out at home was a real pain in the arse !
i know mate. fucks with the b&b expenses claim like hell too don't it? funnily enough i never had much luck with yer ex-trucker turned transport manager. but yer ex-trucker turned MD of yer haulage company were quite keen on the idea!
and that's just me bumping the thread back up BTW! quality! and rather than edited highlights, stick to rambling mode. tends to work ok i've found! ;)
neil x x x ;)
Quote by neilinleeds
Neil - The last truck I had did have tracker fitted. Working in dodgy nights out at home was a real pain in the arse !
i know mate. fucks with the b&b expenses claim like hell too don't it? funnily enough i never had much luck with yer ex-trucker turned transport manager. but yer ex-trucker turned MD of yer haulage company were quite keen on the idea!
and that's just me bumping the thread back up BTW! quality! and rather than edited highlights, stick to rambling mode. tends to work ok i've found! ;)
neil x x x ;)
Fucking b&b. Your avin a laarf. Whwne me n her were splitting I told her I could only get as far as the local Motorway Services and not the house to keep my card clean but I would stand the cost of travelodge or summat (Yorkshire) similar so we could talk and she gave me a slap saying I just wanted a jump. If I'd just wanted a jump; I would have gone over my time and driven to the house.
And because I'm so long in the touth, I won't drive wagons that ar'nt big enough to "entertain" in.
