So I've been browsing the site, as I usually do and I've noticed that some members have toned down or completely altered their avatars.
I'm guessing this is because of the increse in unwanted PMs and emails from people who want to be potention playmates.
If this is getting to bean issue maybe something should be done to try and limit it. I've seen what this kind of situation can do to a website. The idiots move in and take over and the genuine people or couples leave. I'd hate to see this happen to this site. I really enjoy this site, the atmosphere is fantastic, but I've noticed that there are more and more people comlpaining about harrsment and I don't think it's fair.
Therfore I have a couple of suggestions, maybe just for the SH side of the site and not the Ads at first. Just as a test run:
!) we open and sticky a name and shame thread so anyone who spams, is abusive or just doesn't play within the rules has his or her username (at least) posted in a public area.
2) we set a rule that single men CANNOT approach anyone, the single female or the couple must contact them first. Anyone breaching this rule could be gagged or have a ban of a certain period, after an inital warning first.
Does anyone else agree with this, or am I being too draconian?
Well........ I think some sort of name and shame thing would be a good idea but ONLY for known "offenders" as it were. you know, people who constantly make a nuisance of themselves DESPITE being repeatedly asked not to.
Oh, for the recored, i altered our avatar cos i thought people should see who daz is, lol!!
Well, I guess the question is - are unwanted PMs from regular forum posters a problem for people? Because if you're talking about sanctions against someone's user-account, the only people for whom that account has value are regular posters - people who aren't regular posters can just sign up for another account as soon as one gets banned.
I don't think it'd be practical to prevent single guys from sending PMs even if someone wanted to - after all, a single man could claim to be a couple or even a single woman at sign-up time. Short of having a mod conduct a webcam "interview" with every new person who wants to join, I don't know how that could ever be policed.
(As a single guy, even one who isn't approaching people, I do find measures that single me out as a trouble-maker, even by group, to be offensive.)
Your points are interesting and we would be the first to agree that rude, abusive people are a pain however its our view that the site has rules and people that are able to deal with these individuals already.
The distinctions between who is a single and a couple may be difficult to determine for setting rules about who can contact whom. On face value, davej appears to be a single guy but we are in fact a couple, a few other members know this but we suspect the majority do not simply because of the male name and the fact that the wording of posts are clearly male in intent. In hindsight a mistake on our part but easilty sorted if we wish. We sit together and read threads and post as a couple. We also send out . We would't want to lose this privilage(and yes we do view it as a privalage) simply because the perception is that we are a single person.
Its obvious that we abhore ill manners, as do the majority of folk and would love it if these people were prevented from getting through, but the truth of the matter is that for the site to remain broadly as it is, the best methods are those that are currently employed.
We have only had the one very small problem(ironically because we probably appear to be a single guy) , which was picked up by a moderator who offered us help if we needed it and communicated with us swiftly and effectively. So our view is if folk are having troubles with the twats, then give the moderators all the relevant information that will allow them to do their bit.
It is very unfortunate that the couples and single ladies have this problem and we are indeed lucky that we dont so we will be interested to see other peoples views on this subject as the fence can sometimes be too high for us to see the obvious on the other side.
dave and Karen
I don't think there is an easy answer to this problem. Maybe there isn't an answer at all that would allow the site to continue in it's peresent, free flowing format.
For my tuppenth I would say that I agree with the name and shame idea as a precursor to banning/blocking etc. The decent would take it as a gypsy's warning to behave, the tw*ts would ignore it best or compete for inclusion.
I find one particular signature and a related post about single guys slightly offensive (all tarred with the same brush). But I realise and accept that as being my problem. Not the problem or fault of the people who found it necessary to make the post.
We are all individuals with our own quirks. I view it as strength of character to be able to wade through the dross of life whilst being able take out and cherish the things we want to.
Just my thoughts and ramblings
Obviously we have had some problems recently due to unwanted pm's etc but as for naming and shaming i agree with Lou that it should be done to reoffenders who repeatedly insist upon it.
As for tarring everyone with the same brush,well that was never intended we do chat to some single guys via pm on here that we really get on well with that is why we did the post saying that we love the regulars.
(By the way we changed the avatar because we felt like it,for that reason only,but will look for something else a bit newer!!)
Clare AND Steve,xx
I whole heartedly disagree with this suggestion. This sticky will be the down fall of the site. There will be lots of arguing stemming from this. Lots of false accusations and worse, lots of ideas for the 'newbies' to pickup and use to do their spamming.
As it appears most people seem to be considering the thought of punishment for a perfectly acceptable behaviour. A private message is just that. PRIVATE. If somebody feels they are being bombarded with PMs then maybe a different approach could be needed.
I am thinking along the lines of a profile setup here. I know Mark will hate me for saying this because it would only increase the already large workload he has. Anyway my idea is this.
We all have a little profile. Something that can be changed to describe roughly who and what we are and what we are looking for. On here we could have a PM status. A little drop down box that could state things like:
"We do not like to recieve advertising PMs"
"We are open to 'talk' about anything"
"Feel free to PM us with anything"
So on posting a PM to somebody you will notice this statement from the user. If the user does not want to recieve adverts from other members then they will be aware of it before they post. Obviously it is still available to post a reply but that particular user has already seen the warning. This comes up to my other idea.
3 strikes and your warned: 3 Warns and your banned:
Upon reciveing this unwanted advert from another member you can tick a box saying 'inappropiate PM, Strike user'. This will delete the PM sent, send an automatic reply to the user stating that this conduct is not right. If that user is a spammer then it will be fairly soon that the 3 strikes and 3 warns are reached because they will all add up. Then this users name can be logged to a MOD page who then discuss the any action to take.
Obviously you can just delete the pm and not strike the user because they may of been some miss understanding.
What do you peeps think of this idea. Unfortunately it will need some database modifications. User name logging for the strikes and loggs. Auto reply function for the warnings and patience from the people recieving the unwanted replies.
At least it will keep everything behind closed dorrs. No hard feelings can be made becuase it is all automated and the rules are pushed towards the spammer time and time again.
MattMoleman
Good post Matt. You put it much better than I could.
An alternative - it's even more work but you never know, maybe there'll be a pre-existing phpbb mod somewhere that does the same thing - would be to allow users to set a "black" list of people from whom they don't want to receive PMs. Or the inverse, a "white" list of people who are allowed to send PMs - and nobody not on this list would be allowed to PM them. That way, everyone would be in control of their own inboxes, and the rules would be the same for everyone. And it also wouldn't need any day-to-day involvement from the moderators at all.
But what happens if someone new to the site wants to pm you, and they cant cos theyre not on your white list???
I meant to say: the whitelist thingy would have to be optional, so that people have the power to decide for themselves how much contact they want with other people. Of course, we all know what would be the result of this: lots of threads with messages like "Daz'n'lou please add me to your whitelist"....
We think that maybe we need a mod or two to give their views on how possible it is to put these ideas in place.
The friend list idea is a good idea but it does have lots of draw backs. Like the main one with 'Can you add me to your friends list?'
Instead of blocking the pm altogether why not do a filter.
Friends emails and bulk emails. All of the friends emails will go straight into your inbox which you can regulary check without any complaints.
The black listed emails will go straight into the bin until you cancel the action.
All of the unsorted mails can go in the bulk inbox where you can decide who you want to read/delete/reply/block/ or add to friend list.
This would still get very, very full of all the mail that people are complaing about so it will be even harder to find a newbies 'add me please' plea from the 'I want you now' mails.
At least it would be easier to delete all of the mails in one go without risking deleting something you actually want to read.
PS.
Sorry Roger, I didn't get a chance to read your previous post before I had finished mine.
Understand what you mean Marya. Everybody was a newbie once. I suppose that reading threads for a long time (lurker) and actually posting and getting known is very hard but well worth the wait and effort.
I don't mean to jump on you (well not in that sense) but try and imagine being in a pub and a few people come up t you saying that they want you. You can do three things here. Say yes to everybody and try and have an orgy. Ignore them all and hope they go away. Or reply to them saying that you are not interested.
That is all fine and good in a pub because you know you won't get more than three (use your own numbers here) people comming up to you. Now just think of the PM side. This is one hell of a huge pub. You will get several thousand of people within a week comming up to you asking the same question. Within these several thousand you may have a friend wanting to talk to you. Now it would be very hard to just delete the emails you don't want to read and keep the ones you do. That is why we are trying to brainstorm some ideas together and think of ways to make this site even more protective, informative and fun for the people who like to be here.
All ideas are needed because even just a small one could change the whole situation around. May of been overlooked or just makes complete sense and needs to be considered. Only then can the feasability studies come out and try and sort things out to see if they could work and how.
Don't worry about offending people with your own beliefs. They are what makes you you. Why change? Only say sorry if you truely believe you are in the wrong and you feel there maybe some bad water between you and somebody else. Everybody is here to learn and have fun. I believe this would be a learning thread.
Very well put Mal609(without the mod cap)
But still there obviously is a problem that everyone has,there has to be some way,surely??
Possibly this problem has been blown up too much.
We can see that as mods theres nothing else you can do.
In future any persistent pm'ers we get we will notify a mod and leave it their capable hands!!!
Clare and Steve,xx
(BTW we love Steveg_nw's new avatar)
I have to support Mal's view. I'm single and I WANT to be PM'd by single men. I get very few PM's and have never had an unwelcome or abusive one.
Before any major changes are made I think there has to be some investigation to see if there really is a problem.
Oh - yeah! here's a point. If Mal hadn't PM'd me in response to a down-in-the-dumps posting I once made I would never have gone to the NW Munch. And that would have been a disaster!
Bloody brilliant idea,more positive,less negatives,bloody good,
Clare AND Steve,xx
It isn't completely perfect, but if it happens often enough the idiots will try somewhere else.
What I mean was something that would tell newbies that coming on the site and just PMing everything in sight would not be tollerated. I didn't mean you'd have to show a wedding certificate at the door. 
ops: 
) but most of all "problem" people could just login with a different name!
