Ok, getting right down to the point, I have trouble just talking to strange women. I've always had a problem talking to people (guys and girls) that I don't know, and this makes it hard for me to strike up conversations with anyone I find attractive. Couple that with a confidence knock after being dumped after a year and a half long relationship....
Any advice you lot can give me would be appreciated!
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Need help and advice guys
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Sex God
Quote by n64play
Ok, getting right down to the point, I have trouble just talking to strange women. I've always had a problem talking to people (guys and girls) that I don't know, and this makes it hard for me to strike up conversations with anyone I find attractive. Couple that with a confidence knock after being dumped after a year and a half long relationship....
Any advice you lot can give me would be appreciated!
Hey come on guys, give him a chance. If he keeps meeting strange women, then he has to try talking to them.
I look at it this way, no women are strange, they are just special. That seems to work.
John
Sex God
I hate to put a dampener on your hopes, but if you have trouble talking to strange women, how on earth do you think you'll feel about having sex with them?
Quote by manofmuchfun
ok sorry wrong advice,
just be yourself....dont let a confidence knock set you back, get out and about ....you must talk with strange assistants ? so why be any different ?
Yep I agree... whatever you do, be yourself...no point trying to be someting you are not. I was talking to a girl about this sort of thing the other day.. she is the sort of person that can pull within about 5 mins of being in a room.... she does have a great body and her looks are not bad..but her real appeal is her personality... I have watched her in action many times.... she never tries to pull anyone...she just says hi or asks someone to pass her drink and looks for a little eye contact..if she gets it and there is a little attraction... then some non intrusive chat, perhaps being a little cheeky but not offensive.... I asked her what she looked for in a bloke (as she has had bluddy loads of them...) and she said..if a bloke can make her laugh without trying too hard, he has a good chance!
Might be the same for other girls too....?
Sexlightened
Quote by luv2lick
ok sorry wrong advice,
just be yourself....dont let a confidence knock set you back, get out and about ....you must talk with strange assistants ? so why be any different ?
Yep I agree... whatever you do, be yourself...no point trying to be someting you are not. I was talking to a girl about this sort of thing the other day.. she is the sort of person that can pull within about 5 mins of being in a room.... she does have a great body and her looks are not bad..but her real appeal is her personality... I have watched her in action many times.... she never tries to pull anyone...she just says hi or asks someone to pass her drink and looks for a little eye contact..if she gets it and there is a little attraction... then some non intrusive chat, perhaps being a little cheeky but not offensive.... I asked her what she looked for in a bloke (as she has had bluddy loads of them...) and she said..if a bloke can make her laugh without trying too hard, he has a good chance!
Might be the same for other girls too....?
Agreed. I like a guy who will talk to me, with no silly chat up lines, and who can make me laugh. I've been chatted up in the past just by looks and eye contact, no words involved!
Quote by n64play
Ok, getting right down to the point, I have trouble just talking to strange women. I've always had a problem talking to people (guys and girls) that I don't know, and this makes it hard for me to strike up conversations with anyone I find attractive. Couple that with a confidence knock after being dumped after a year and a half long relationship....
Any advice you lot can give me would be appreciated!
I got over this same prob years ago when I managed a night club (shortly after I came out of a short marriage at age 19). I started looking out for customers and thinking how I could make sure everyone was enjoying themselves. When I speak to a woman (or a guy for that matter) I don't know, I try to think how I can make the moment better for her - where's she coming from? / what's she looking for at that moment? Maybe she needs to be put at her ease, reassured, maybe she's looking for a seat / ashtray / space at the bar. How can you help? Think of yourself as someone who's job it is to make that person a bit happier, without any thought for yourself. It's maybe like looking at things from their point of view before you give them yours. Remember people frequently find themselves the most interesting person in the world. Practice making people feel good - look for the spontaneous smile as an indication that you're going in the right direction.
If you *do* have some thought for yourself (eg I fancy her like there's no tomorrow), try to put that out of your head before you go and speak to her. If she's interested, she'll probably let you know - she doesn't need a tattoo on your forehead. This means it's often *harder* if you really like someone (cos you're thinking about what *you* would like rather than listening and looking to see what *that person* would like). So practice with folk where you have no agenda.
I don't think it's ever necessary to 'chat a woman up' except for having mutual fun in an exaggerated way. All you have to do is be nice to her - if she likes you she'll chat you up - if she doesn't, you trying harder often isn't going to make much difference - your emergency is not her priority.
You can read up lots of stuff on body language or dating tips, but mostly it comes down to making someone feel good, feel special, and doing it an honest way.
Good luck - feel free to PM me if you want to kick it over a bit - I'm not the most eloquent person in the world but I generally never have a problem speaking to strangers.
Sexlightened
You should try after a nineteen year relastionship :violin:
Sex God
Quote by n64playmmm so if you are in a shop how do you get served
Ok, getting right down to the point, I have trouble just talking to strange women. I've always had a problem talking to people (guys and girls) that I don't know, and this makes it hard for me to strike up conversations with anyone.
!
Sex God
Just a thought (yes it's quiet) but if you're that shy when it comes to chatting to women (strange or otherwise), how do you expect to be able to use their periods/horniness to your advantage?
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/39098.html
Do you plan on being very blunt and asking if they're 'on' as your preamble?
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/39098.html
Do you plan on being very blunt and asking if they're 'on' as your preamble?
Quote by uhuru
ok sorry wrong advice,
just be yourself....dont let a confidence knock set you back, get out and about ....you must talk with strange assistants ? so why be any different ?
Yep I agree... whatever you do, be yourself...no point trying to be someting you are not. I was talking to a girl about this sort of thing the other day.. she is the sort of person that can pull within about 5 mins of being in a room.... she does have a great body and her looks are not bad..but her real appeal is her personality... I have watched her in action many times.... she never tries to pull anyone...she just says hi or asks someone to pass her drink and looks for a little eye contact..if she gets it and there is a little attraction... then some non intrusive chat, perhaps being a little cheeky but not offensive.... I asked her what she looked for in a bloke (as she has had bluddy loads of them...) and she said..if a bloke can make her laugh without trying too hard, he has a good chance!
Might be the same for other girls too....?
Agreed. I like a guy who will talk to me, with no silly chat up lines, and who can make me laugh. I've been chatted up in the past just by looks and eye contact, no words involved!
Really? :shock:
Look into my eyes, look into my my eyes.....dont look around the eyes...you're under. when you come round you will think i am the funniest guy around...and handsome too.....oh and a bluddy good shag....3,2,1 your back in the room!
Sexlightened
Quote by luv2lick
ok sorry wrong advice,
just be yourself....dont let a confidence knock set you back, get out and about ....you must talk with strange assistants ? so why be any different ?
Yep I agree... whatever you do, be yourself...no point trying to be someting you are not. I was talking to a girl about this sort of thing the other day.. she is the sort of person that can pull within about 5 mins of being in a room.... she does have a great body and her looks are not bad..but her real appeal is her personality... I have watched her in action many times.... she never tries to pull anyone...she just says hi or asks someone to pass her drink and looks for a little eye contact..if she gets it and there is a little attraction... then some non intrusive chat, perhaps being a little cheeky but not offensive.... I asked her what she looked for in a bloke (as she has had bluddy loads of them...) and she said..if a bloke can make her laugh without trying too hard, he has a good chance!
Might be the same for other girls too....?
Agreed. I like a guy who will talk to me, with no silly chat up lines, and who can make me laugh. I've been chatted up in the past just by looks and eye contact, no words involved!
Really? :shock:
Look into my eyes, look into my my eyes.....dont look around the eyes...you're under. when you come round you will think i am the funniest guy around...and handsome too.....oh and a bluddy good shag....3,2,1 your back in the room!
Wasn't quite like that. More of a case that the music was so loud we couldn't communicate any other way! Quote by uhuru
ok sorry wrong advice,
just be yourself....dont let a confidence knock set you back, get out and about ....you must talk with strange assistants ? so why be any different ?
Yep I agree... whatever you do, be yourself...no point trying to be someting you are not. I was talking to a girl about this sort of thing the other day.. she is the sort of person that can pull within about 5 mins of being in a room.... she does have a great body and her looks are not bad..but her real appeal is her personality... I have watched her in action many times.... she never tries to pull anyone...she just says hi or asks someone to pass her drink and looks for a little eye contact..if she gets it and there is a little attraction... then some non intrusive chat, perhaps being a little cheeky but not offensive.... I asked her what she looked for in a bloke (as she has had bluddy loads of them...) and she said..if a bloke can make her laugh without trying too hard, he has a good chance!
Might be the same for other girls too....?
Agreed. I like a guy who will talk to me, with no silly chat up lines, and who can make me laugh. I've been chatted up in the past just by looks and eye contact, no words involved!
Really? :shock:
Look into my eyes, look into my my eyes.....dont look around the eyes...you're under. when you come round you will think i am the funniest guy around...and handsome too.....oh and a bluddy good shag....3,2,1 your back in the room!
Wasn't quite like that. More of a case that the music was so loud we couldn't communicate any other way!Dont you just love that.....the look that you give each other...the nod to the quiet place...the passion of just giving yourselves to each other...not giving a damn that you dont even know their name...or that you have not spoken ......then the lust...Can be very naughty...so right yet so wrong
Sexlightened
Quote by luv2lick
ok sorry wrong advice,
just be yourself....dont let a confidence knock set you back, get out and about ....you must talk with strange assistants ? so why be any different ?
Yep I agree... whatever you do, be yourself...no point trying to be someting you are not. I was talking to a girl about this sort of thing the other day.. she is the sort of person that can pull within about 5 mins of being in a room.... she does have a great body and her looks are not bad..but her real appeal is her personality... I have watched her in action many times.... she never tries to pull anyone...she just says hi or asks someone to pass her drink and looks for a little eye contact..if she gets it and there is a little attraction... then some non intrusive chat, perhaps being a little cheeky but not offensive.... I asked her what she looked for in a bloke (as she has had bluddy loads of them...) and she said..if a bloke can make her laugh without trying too hard, he has a good chance!
Might be the same for other girls too....?
Agreed. I like a guy who will talk to me, with no silly chat up lines, and who can make me laugh. I've been chatted up in the past just by looks and eye contact, no words involved!
Really? :shock:
Look into my eyes, look into my my eyes.....dont look around the eyes...you're under. when you come round you will think i am the funniest guy around...and handsome too.....oh and a bluddy good shag....3,2,1 your back in the room!
Wasn't quite like that. More of a case that the music was so loud we couldn't communicate any other way!Dont you just love that.....the look that you give each other...the nod to the quiet place...the passion of just giving yourselves to each other...not giving a damn that you dont even know their name...or that you have not spoken ......then the lust...Can be very naughty...so right yet so wrong
Oh yes. Stop bringing back the memories or I'll have to go to bed with my rabbit!
Quote by uhuru
ok sorry wrong advice,
just be yourself....dont let a confidence knock set you back, get out and about ....you must talk with strange assistants ? so why be any different ?
Yep I agree... whatever you do, be yourself...no point trying to be someting you are not. I was talking to a girl about this sort of thing the other day.. she is the sort of person that can pull within about 5 mins of being in a room.... she does have a great body and her looks are not bad..but her real appeal is her personality... I have watched her in action many times.... she never tries to pull anyone...she just says hi or asks someone to pass her drink and looks for a little eye contact..if she gets it and there is a little attraction... then some non intrusive chat, perhaps being a little cheeky but not offensive.... I asked her what she looked for in a bloke (as she has had bluddy loads of them...) and she said..if a bloke can make her laugh without trying too hard, he has a good chance!
Might be the same for other girls too....?
Agreed. I like a guy who will talk to me, with no silly chat up lines, and who can make me laugh. I've been chatted up in the past just by looks and eye contact, no words involved!
Really? :shock:
Look into my eyes, look into my my eyes.....dont look around the eyes...you're under. when you come round you will think i am the funniest guy around...and handsome too.....oh and a bluddy good shag....3,2,1 your back in the room!
Wasn't quite like that. More of a case that the music was so loud we couldn't communicate any other way!Dont you just love that.....the look that you give each other...the nod to the quiet place...the passion of just giving yourselves to each other...not giving a damn that you dont even know their name...or that you have not spoken ......then the lust...Can be very naughty...so right yet so wrong
Oh yes. Stop bringing back the memories or I'll have to go to bed with my rabbit!
Blimey! It hadnt even occured to me to use a vibrator at the time....But i did love the adventure of exploring their body without a word...it was so horny......damn.....gonna be a tent in bed tonight!!!!
Quote by northeastcoupleuk
mmm so if you are in a shop how do you get served
Not a bad point that actually. Try talking to staff in shops that you go into, nothing serious just look for things you could make a comment about as this might help you get talking to people you would not ordinarily talk to, shop staff are used to people talking to them all day so try something other than usual shop talk. When all said and done you wont be trying to make a lasting impression so try not to feel to uncomfortable about it. Try and afford people a smile at every opportunity a smile is so hard not to return and does make you feel good. edinbughchris had a good point aswell there are some good self help books available regarding confidence issues etc.
Best of luck mate
Good thread.
I agree with everything edinburgchris posted.
One thing I'd like to add is that in my experience the *crucial* factor is confidence and self-assurance. You cannot be worried or nervous. It *will* show. As Chris said above..you should preferably not be thinking of how much you like her..that makes things harder.
As for the talking to strange women bit...it *is* hard. Fear of rejection is big for guys..but practice is the only solution. Just force yourself to talk to strange women (and as suggested above it's probably a good idea to stay away from the jungle that is a club initially)..in a shop or whatever..the more you do it, the easier it becomes till you just don't care much about being rejected. You'd be amazed how well practice makes perfect (it certainly worked for me, although I wouldn't say I'm *quite* perfect...:-))
And there are loads of "how to meet women" kind of guides online. I've read some and basically I think most of them are bullshit for two reasons. Either they give you the basic, crucial lesson about confidence - but dress it up in all sorts of useless ways, or they descend to instructions on how to (basically) manipulate and mindfuck women into sleeping with you..which doesn't quite appeal to me.
C
I agree with everything edinburgchris posted.
One thing I'd like to add is that in my experience the *crucial* factor is confidence and self-assurance. You cannot be worried or nervous. It *will* show. As Chris said above..you should preferably not be thinking of how much you like her..that makes things harder.
As for the talking to strange women bit...it *is* hard. Fear of rejection is big for guys..but practice is the only solution. Just force yourself to talk to strange women (and as suggested above it's probably a good idea to stay away from the jungle that is a club initially)..in a shop or whatever..the more you do it, the easier it becomes till you just don't care much about being rejected. You'd be amazed how well practice makes perfect (it certainly worked for me, although I wouldn't say I'm *quite* perfect...:-))
And there are loads of "how to meet women" kind of guides online. I've read some and basically I think most of them are bullshit for two reasons. Either they give you the basic, crucial lesson about confidence - but dress it up in all sorts of useless ways, or they descend to instructions on how to (basically) manipulate and mindfuck women into sleeping with you..which doesn't quite appeal to me.
C
Quote by Culum Struan
As for the talking to strange women bit...it *is* hard. Fear of rejection is big for guys..but practice is the only solution. Just force yourself to talk to strange women (and as suggested above it's probably a good idea to stay away from the jungle that is a club initially).C
Hey, you can always talk to me .. I'm a woman and enough people have said that I am strange..
Plus since I am new here, I don't bite as I haven't received my shots yet. As for fear of rejection goes, I think it is not just reserved to blokes.. I am certain my fear of rejection i sbig enough to completely blinker me to any signal that a person might fancy me.. they would need a rather big sign for me to realise it..
Plus maybe the thought of having to perform? Could that be a hindrance?
Traditionally, fear of *rejection* when you approach someone is mostly a male thing, simply because men are usually expected to do the approach and asking. (Fortunately, that's changing). Women's fear is more that nobody will even *try* to chat them up..
Fear of performance has not been an issue with any man I've known. But then again, that's not something they'd talk about, is it?
A lot of signals have to do with context...difficult to figure out in many situations..one good thing about going to a nightclub or something..it's brutal, but you know where you stand. For men: If you approach her and she talks to you for more than 1 minute (and smiles!), then she is atleast potentially interested, as long as you don't screw it up. For women, as long as a guy comes up and talks to you..ditto.
C
Fear of performance has not been an issue with any man I've known. But then again, that's not something they'd talk about, is it?
A lot of signals have to do with context...difficult to figure out in many situations..one good thing about going to a nightclub or something..it's brutal, but you know where you stand. For men: If you approach her and she talks to you for more than 1 minute (and smiles!), then she is atleast potentially interested, as long as you don't screw it up. For women, as long as a guy comes up and talks to you..ditto.
C
Quote by Culum Struan
. For men: If you approach her and she talks to you for more than 1 minute (and smiles!), then she is atleast potentially interested, as long as you don't screw it up.
Ahhh
that is where I go wrong then. I stand there and smile like a sad muppet when really I'd rather be at home tweezing what's left of my pubes... :P
Again, quite a few useful tips. One of the problems I've had when I'm out is interpretting the signals. I can never tell if a woman is flirting with me or chatting me up (I've been told it has happened, and I've never noticed), and noticing someone from afar, I've not been able to pick up that she might be interested. Any ideas there?
If you struggle to hold your end up in a conversation, the easiest way round it is to try and get the other person to do all the talking.
I was once given the advice that there two things to consider, a conversation started by someone else, and starting your own conversation.
For a conversation started by someone else, ask 3 questions before you start sticking in your own comments.
For a conversation you start, talk as little as possible then ask them 3 questions.
In both cases, the important thing is to think about the questions you could ask beforehand. Nice open general questions that can be applied to almost any situation. Asking questions shows the person you are talking to that you are intersted in listening to them and not just talking to try and impress them.
lhk
Kat
I was once given the advice that there two things to consider, a conversation started by someone else, and starting your own conversation.
For a conversation started by someone else, ask 3 questions before you start sticking in your own comments.
For a conversation you start, talk as little as possible then ask them 3 questions.
In both cases, the important thing is to think about the questions you could ask beforehand. Nice open general questions that can be applied to almost any situation. Asking questions shows the person you are talking to that you are intersted in listening to them and not just talking to try and impress them.
lhk
Kat
Actually, starting the conversations is where I have the problem. Once I'm in a conversation I can usually keep it going pretty well with lots of questions etc.
And for those of you keeping an eye on this - I took some of the advice and started talking to a shop assistant today. I was only looking for a card for an anniversery, but had a conversation for a minute or so
And for those of you keeping an eye on this - I took some of the advice and started talking to a shop assistant today. I was only looking for a card for an anniversery, but had a conversation for a minute or so
