Ok, this applies to not only swinging but to almost anything at all I do that is at all new or different.
I get nerves.
Nerves make me feel shaky, nauseous, and sleepy. They don't make me suffer from sexual incapability (phew) but they can make me really lack confidence. Does anyone else get this? No matter how many times I do something, meeting someone for the first few times can always make me feel a bit shaky.
Anyone got any tips to get over this? I'd like to actually really enjoy my experiences, and I find that the first few are always great when I get there but such a trial when I am actually en route.
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Nerves!
last reply
18 replies
777 views
2 watchers
0 likes
Quote by VenusnMars
Dive in on here, get to know people via the net, have people get to know you, then try some social `munches`, they are a great confidance booster.
And welcome to the site
Venusxxx
Thanks:D
I'm very active on all sorts of forums all over the net. I've replied to a number of ads and had favourable response. I know from online cam use that males and females alike think I look great dressed or no:D Confidence isn't an issue really. But nevertheless - wham - the butterly tummy hits every time.
As it happens, a munch would be a classic case. I'd be absolutely awful. A total wallflower until I get myself settled. If people offered me food I'd break the landspeed record to the lavs as I'd be so nervous. Which makes no SENSE really, considering how confident I am in lots of other ways. I went to drama school and have never had stage fright that I can recall.
Nice site btw;)
Hi demarchii! 
Welcome to the site!
Yes I have suffered from social anxiety, sounds like you are too. I've sort of grown out of it now, though it has taken a long time. Therapy would most likely help you, but you must choose the right thearpy. You need pratical advice on dealing with these situations. Get used to social situations, talkiing and meeting others, the more you get used to it the fear will subside. They use a similar method of 'familiarisation' with people who have phobias about snakes and spiders. They are given the opportunity to face their phobia and become familiar with the object of fear, thus it loses it's power over them.
In the meantime, grab a drink, pull up a chair and join in the conversation. Read the threads and lets us know about yourself over time. Come along to the munches as they are a great way to meet people in a friendly environment. You couldn't meet a better bunch of friendly people.
Regards
LC
Welcome to the site!Yes I have suffered from social anxiety, sounds like you are too. I've sort of grown out of it now, though it has taken a long time. Therapy would most likely help you, but you must choose the right thearpy. You need pratical advice on dealing with these situations. Get used to social situations, talkiing and meeting others, the more you get used to it the fear will subside. They use a similar method of 'familiarisation' with people who have phobias about snakes and spiders. They are given the opportunity to face their phobia and become familiar with the object of fear, thus it loses it's power over them.
In the meantime, grab a drink, pull up a chair and join in the conversation. Read the threads and lets us know about yourself over time. Come along to the munches as they are a great way to meet people in a friendly environment. You couldn't meet a better bunch of friendly people.
Regards
LC
Thanks LC.
You're right. And that is the oddest thing, because for years I was an extrovert, a social animal, and never without something going on that required me to be life and soul of the party. In the last few years it has totally reversed and I find myself dreading social events. Like I say, once things get going I am much better...
I shall consider what you say muchly And shall eye the forums for munches in the London area that I am able to attend!
Dxxx
You're right. And that is the oddest thing, because for years I was an extrovert, a social animal, and never without something going on that required me to be life and soul of the party. In the last few years it has totally reversed and I find myself dreading social events. Like I say, once things get going I am much better...
I shall consider what you say muchly
And shall eye the forums for munches in the London area that I am able to attend!Dxxx
Warming the Bed
This sounds a lot like what Matt used to suffer with (we couldn't go out for a meal as he'd be physically sick for example) - he had a couple of sessions of hypnotherapy about 6 years ago & hasn't looked back.
Quote by daniNmat
This sounds a lot like what Matt used to suffer with (we couldn't go out for a meal as he'd be physically sick for example) - he had a couple of sessions of hypnotherapy about 6 years ago & hasn't looked back.
I am not quite that bad. I can do that with people I know. but with those I don't then yes, I can get that reaction. Which is the problem - meeting new people through this sort of site is great, but if they want to go out for drinks or a meal before progressing to the sexual side of things, I'm seriously at a disadvantage.
Dxxx
Warming the Bed
Well you could give it a try - if nothing else, it's a relaxing way to spend an hour (not that I couldn't think of others 
) & seems to have good results - Matt's focused on finding a point in his life when he felt wonderful (he said the first time he held our firstborn) & imposing that feeling when he started to feel stressed & nervous. The first few times we went out I noticed that he would cross his arms, sort of like when you are holding a baby, but that stopped pretty soon after & I can take him anywhere now!
(Going to test that to the max soon on an inaugural visit to a club! )
BTW we are :lol2: at your signature!
) & seems to have good results - Matt's focused on finding a point in his life when he felt wonderful (he said the first time he held our firstborn) & imposing that feeling when he started to feel stressed & nervous. The first few times we went out I noticed that he would cross his arms, sort of like when you are holding a baby, but that stopped pretty soon after & I can take him anywhere now!(Going to test that to the max soon on an inaugural visit to a club!
)BTW we are :lol2: at your signature!
Sounds like a superb idea. I can think of just the thing. I'll give it a go. Thanks for the tip:d And good luck with the club.
Heh. Thanks re: the sig. One forum I was on made me cut the length of the sig file down as it started to become longer than my posts...shall try to be more restrained here.
Heh. Thanks re: the sig. One forum I was on made me cut the length of the sig file down as it started to become longer than my posts...shall try to be more restrained here.
I'd just say feel the fear but do it anyway. I think that is the title of a book that is available on this subject. I felt anxious when I was younger as I worried about what people thought of me, but one positive aspect of growing older is that you don't give a hoot what people think!
Sounds like you are worrying about everything that could go wrong. If something goes wrong.....so what???? Just make a joke of it.
I don't want to patronise you marchii but you really do only have ONE life and you can't let this thing beat you. Take it slowly but don't give in!
I really wish you all the best.
KL
hope the job went well TROY STUDLEY
Sounds like you are worrying about everything that could go wrong. If something goes wrong.....so what???? Just make a joke of it.
I don't want to patronise you marchii but you really do only have ONE life and you can't let this thing beat you. Take it slowly but don't give in!
I really wish you all the best.
KL
hope the job went well TROY STUDLEY
I get nerves too. It's usually over the silliest little things, the type of tiny thing that shouldn't even enter my head. For example: phoning people. I get terrified if I have to phone someone other than my closest family & friends. Walking into certain shops too; talking to someone for the first time... reminding someone of something they've promised. I can remember, about seven years ago, I wanted to go to a talk. I arrived late and literally hovered around the foyer for about five minutes, too scared to go in. Someone eventually found me and I asked her for help, and she asked if I was ill and I felt shamed into going in.
I think I'll always be this way, but it's something I have to keep fighting, because if I give in I'll just stay home for the rest of my life.
Thankfully, I'm not too bad at meeting people one-on-one (well, I am bad at it, but I don't get nerves).
I think I'll always be this way, but it's something I have to keep fighting, because if I give in I'll just stay home for the rest of my life.
Thankfully, I'm not too bad at meeting people one-on-one (well, I am bad at it, but I don't get nerves).
Sexpert
I am so relieved that some others on here feel the same way because most people here strike me as extroverts! When I was younger I used to think I was the only person to have these interaction problems and even though my rational side knew it was silly, I still couldn't overcome it. I'm sure that being an only child, with no relatives apart from my parents had something to do with it as I never met anyone socially until my teens, except at school.
It's a lot better now I'm older (phone calls for example, no longer hold the terror they did) but meeting people for the first time socially is still terrible. Once I know someone slightly, it can be ok but opening a conversation is something I still can't do and I'm always grateful when the other person talks first! Without someone else starting off, I would stay there silent for hours - I know I've done it enough times...
Strangely, although I'm still fairly quiet when I go to a swingers club alone, it's nowhere near as bad and I probably feel more comfortable there than in most 'normal' situations. Wish I could figure that one out!
Anyway, if anyone else feels, like me, less alone by reading this thread, then it may have done some good.
Ant.
It's a lot better now I'm older (phone calls for example, no longer hold the terror they did) but meeting people for the first time socially is still terrible. Once I know someone slightly, it can be ok but opening a conversation is something I still can't do and I'm always grateful when the other person talks first! Without someone else starting off, I would stay there silent for hours - I know I've done it enough times...
Strangely, although I'm still fairly quiet when I go to a swingers club alone, it's nowhere near as bad and I probably feel more comfortable there than in most 'normal' situations. Wish I could figure that one out!
Anyway, if anyone else feels, like me, less alone by reading this thread, then it may have done some good.
Ant.
Sex God
Quote by Antwest99
I am so relieved that some others on here feel the same way because most people here strike me as extroverts!
i think you might be quite surprised!
the main point of munches for me, is it helps get rid of that whole swinging anxiety new meet thing, which is bloody tough for all kinds of reasons if you've already met and clicked somewhere unpressured, the next stage is much easier! and if you know people you can chat to, you can just bounce about when your conversation dries up, cos everyones there to meet everyone else.
the nervous anticipation of it though can be part of the turn on, and the (( ahem! )) relief can be pretty huge!
if you catch me meaning. i don't think i'll ever really get rid of that, but the only way to find out is by doing it. neil x x x ;-)
I am generally a confident person.....or at least outwardly i am...inside sometimes i am a bag of neves......but i have to say that nervous feeling can be a little bit of buzz. You said you went to drama.....i used to do that and before i went on stage the nerves were rising and biting away at me.....but then i would walk out onto that stage and all would be forgotten...yea sometimes the lines as well....but that was the buzz. Live with the nerves and learn to enjoy the feeling as they subside and you become comfatable.
Sex God
Quote by demarchii
Ok, this applies to not only swinging but to almost anything at all I do that is at all new or different.
I get nerves.
Nerves make me feel shaky, nauseous, and sleepy. They don't make me suffer from sexual incapability (phew) but they can make me really lack confidence. Does anyone else get this? No matter how many times I do something, meeting someone for the first few times can always make me feel a bit shaky.
Anyone got any tips to get over this? I'd like to actually really enjoy my experiences, and I find that the first few are always great when I get there but such a trial when I am actually en route.
Hi and :welcome:
First of all, let me say I think what you've described is perfectly normal. The unknown is an inherently fearsome thing, and being human, that's part of what makes it exciting for us - that's the way we are.
Personally, when it comes to meeting people, I think there are a couple of ways to avoid the "nervous wreck en route" stage.
1) Don't be in a hurry. Get to know people in the forum, via email, on the phone etc. If you can get to know someone well enough in advance that you're fairly certain you will get along, you'll still be nervous, still be anxious to make a good impression, but you won't be incapacitated by fear.
2) Get yourself to a Munch!!
:D 